My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
The novel Commitment by Mona Simpson delves into the complexities of family and duty when a parent falls ill. It sheds light on the significant impact of untreated mental health crises and highlights the under-appreciated role of friends in shaping the lives of children left to their own devices.
Jan's Transformative Love Will Never Die!
I woke up at half past five, as I have for the last third of a century.
“Happy Birthday, my love,” I announced while my eyes adjusted to the dim light of the new day.
My eyes turned to Jan’s side of the bed and realized that no one was there.
Looking at the Peace Lllly, I accepted that I was alone. I was tempted to rotate the plant to see the blooms, but I chose not to out of concern that the plant might end up on the floor.
Stumbling into my kitchen, I accepted that this would be the second Birthday since 1974 that I would celebrate without the love of my life.
Two year’s ago, at the end of hospice, I wished her a happy birthday, but I am not sure she heard me.
Last year, more than one hundred friends joined our family and the Hanson Park Conservancy volunteers to celebrate her life as we dedicated and broke ground on Jan’s memorial garden. Although it was the day after Jan’s Birthday, the final planting and mulching of Jan’s Memorial Garden was completed on April 25, 2023. The short video provides an overview of the garden.
What began as a desire to plant a tree to honor Jan has become a living memorial.
My family and I will be forever grateful to all the friends who have helped make this dream a reality.
Although I will always miss Jan, her love, which transformed my life and others, will never die.
Happy Birthday to the love of my life!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Working with the Hanson Park Conservancy, we have taken significant steps in building Jan's Memorial Triangle Garden at Hanson Park including installing the Wind Sculpture.
Jan's Love Never Dies!
This morning, I completed Big Climb NJ 2023, sponsored by The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS).
I climbed to the top of the twenty-six-story Gateway Center in Newark for Jan, the love of my life, and all those diagnosed with blood cancer.
My Apple Watch said I reached the summit of this year’s Big Climb in 8 minutes and 18 seconds. RaceWire, the official timekeeper, indicated I completed the stair climb in 7 minutes and 44 seconds and was 186th of 341 participants.
Each time my knees ached, I remembered how difficult it was for Jan to climb one step when we lived in the duplex apartment.
Any difficulty I felt is minor compared to Jan’s pain or the fear experienced by those diagnosed every nine minutes with blood cancer.
I was surprised by how emotional I felt when I took the train to Newark.
While registering and picking up my T-shirt, I wiped tears off my face.
Every ounce of my body and soul wanted Jan to climb with me as a survivor.
Being Earth Day made the climb more critical. If we are going to cure cancer, we need a healthy environment.
I climbed both for Jan to celebrate her seventy-third birthday and to step up to take down cancer by helping to find a cure for blood diseases.
I could not have climbed to the top without Jan’s love, support, and encouragement!
In addition, my family and overlapping community networks, faith, neighbors, fellow widows, friends, and more helped me during my grief journey. Without their support, I could not have climbed even one step.
It is still possible to donate to help cure cancer. Every dollar will help LLS find a cure for cancer.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
I Will Climb for Jan on April 22nd!
On April 22nd, two days before Jan's birthday, I am joining The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) in the fight to cure blood cancers by participating in Big Climb NJ!
I have accepted the challenge of climbing 26 flights of stairs to the top of One Gateway Center and raising critical funds for blood cancer research and patient support.
I'm stepping up to take cancer down, and you can help me ensure that one day no one will have to die from leukemia and lymphoma!
Jan Is With Me Now and Forever!
“Hi honey, I did not want to wake you. The meeting ran later than I expected,” Jan said, the soft tapping of high-heel shoes on the wooden floor waking my sleepy body.
Still groggy, I tossed back the bed coverings and stood by the side of the bed, trying to shake off the sleep.
It looks like you are happy to see me,” Jan said with a wink, and I blushed, unable to respond with more than a smile.
“Go back to bed, sweetheart. I will join you in a minute,” Jan said, and I shook my head negatively.
Rubbing my sleepy eyes, I responded, “I am so happy to see you…” Suddenly, the bedroom became quieter, darker, and colder.
Realizing I was alone, I slipped back into bed. Pulling the sheets over my head, I accepted that it was not a dream but another example of time’s non-linear nature.
I rarely dream at night as I am a dreamer of the day because I could act on the “dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.”
If I ever dreamed at night, my insomnia eliminated my nighttime imagination. As T.E. Lawrence said, “Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity.”
However, the phantom tapping of the shoes seemed more accurate than my heartbeat. Yes, it was vanity. It also reminds us that our love will never die because Jan is with me now and forever.
Jan’s love transformed my life and will guide me on this last portion of my grief journey.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
As much as it might have appeared that I was in a dark tunnel after Jan died, I was not and am not now. There is indeed no defined end to the grief journey.
We all must learn how to live without our loved ones. The one I have chosen may not work for anyone else.
Because of how time-warped, Nell was confident that "Tig isn't exactly gone."
When I write about how Jan and I met and married, I think the same way Nell feels about Tig. Jan is not exactly gone, and I know she is still with me and always will be with me.
Grief has been an outstanding teacher, and it has taught me to live life fully.
I recently read an incredible novel called Camp Zero by Michelle Min Sterling. The book tells the story of several climate change survivors in a near-future northern settlement and explores the intersection of gender, class, and migration. The novel is a page-turner and a masterful exploration of who and what will survive in a warming world.
No Green Thumb But Flowers Bloom With Jan's Love!
“You are overwatering the plants,” Jan declared.
Her comment baffled me, as I had only watered them once while she was in the hospital for the last two weeks.
I apologized and promised to do better.
“Why are you apologizing?”
Because I did not take care of the plants.
Turning on the faucet, I filled up the watering can.
“Do not worry about the plants; I need your help to get upstairs.”
I have always liked flowering plants and wanted to believe that Jan was not the only one with a green thumb.
Thanks to my friend Deb, I took a giant step toward making Apartment 3B my home last September!
With Deb’s guidance and commitment to care for the plants, an Orchid Jan received twenty-two months ago while in the hospital bloomed for the first time in February.
I was surprised that my Peace Lilly bloomed last week.
Jan and the Peace Lilly are the last things I see at night and the first things I see in the morning. It is on a bookcase by my bed next to a photo of the love of my life.
I have accepted I will never be a master gardener, but Jan is still with me now, and her love will ensure that the plants thrive and bloom forever.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting and Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Flowers Convert 3B Into a Home
Am I Already Jewish, or Can I Become Closer to God?
“Richard, I have a question,” the woman at the table said.
I nodded, waiting for her to continue.
Jan was Jewish, but you are not,” she explained.
I nodded again, acknowledging her statement.
What faith were your parents? Do you plan to convert?” she asked.
My parents were Methodist. I have often thought about converting,” I shared. For almost forty years, I have been attending only Jewish services. Conversion is a more pressing issue as I want to be buried next to Jan, and not converting might prevent that.”
She and the others at the table listened as I explained my thoughts and concerns about converting.
“If you converted, what would be involved?” she asked.
I gave her a detailed answer based on what I had learned from Rabbi Renee.
The conversation continued, with everyone at the table sharing their thoughts and opinions.
Reflecting on the conversation later, I wondered if my faith was enough to bring me closer to God or if I needed to convert.
Quan Barry once wrote, “Sometimes faith is the only medicine available.”
My unwavering faith in God has comforted me in tough times. Since Jan’s passing, it has been vital to my well-being.
Yet, I still pondered if it was sufficient.
My heart was confident that with Jan’s love and my faith, I would eventually make the right choice.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
I have faced many challenges in my lifetime, but losing my beloved was the most difficult one. Thankfully, Rabbi Dr. Renee Edelman offered me guidance and support, which gave me hope and taught me how to live life to the fullest, even after my loss.
Throughout my life, faith has been my guiding force. It has empowered me to persevere through challenges and achieve personal growth. As a result, I have embraced life to the fullest, cherished meaningful relationships, and strived to impact the world around me positively.
by Mona Simpson
The novel Commitment by Mona Simpson delves into the complexities of family and duty when a parent falls ill. It sheds light on the significant impact of untreated mental health crises and highlights the under-appreciated role of friends in shaping the lives of children left to their own devices.
A hardworking single mother, Diane Aziz falls into a deep depression after dropping off her oldest son, Walter, at college. Despite her struggles, her closest friend is vital in keeping the family together and their mother’s dreams alive.
This is a story of one family’s struggle to navigate the crisis of their lives, a struggle that may resonate with many readers. Walter discovers a newfound passion for architecture, but financial struggles threaten his academic pursuits. Meanwhile, Lina fights to attend an Ivy League school, and Donny, the youngest sibling, battles a dangerous drug addiction.
As someone with different personal experiences, I still found Commitment to affirm the importance of biological and chosen families.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
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by Michelle Min Sterling
I recently read an incredible novel called Camp Zero by Michelle Min Sterling. The book tells the story of several climate change survivors in a near-future northern settlement and explores the intersection of gender, class, and migration. The novel is a page-turner and a masterful exploration of who and what will survive in a warming world.
The story follows Rose, a young woman who agrees to spy on the architect of an American building project in exchange for housing. She arrives at the same time as Grant, a college professor who is trying to escape his wealthy family’s dark legacy. As they begin to investigate the mysterious architect, they uncover a disturbing mystery lurking beneath the surface of the camp.
One of the most fascinating aspects of the novel is the inclusion of an elite group of women soldiers living and working at a nearby Cold War-era climate research station. The rumors surrounding their presence add more intrigue to an already compelling story.
If you’re looking for a captivating novel that will keep you on the edge of your seat, I highly recommend Camp Zero. The book is a mesmerizing and transportive read, perfect for fans of Station Eleven and The Power.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Julia Dahl
The Missing Hours by Julia Dahl is a novel I chose to read as I was looking for something different from the recent books I have read, and a fellow reader recommended this one. The Missing Hours is a novel about obsession, privilege, and the explosive consequences of one violent act. Like a bomb exploding, the ripple effects of the novel’s primary event impact the victim and her family, friends, and the larger community.
A trigger warning to all readers, the violent act in the novel is a sexual assault that is filmed and shared. Claudia, the victim, has no memory initially of what happened. She had been drinking and wearing clothes that she liked to wear. None of her choices is an excuse for those who victimized her.
She cannot remember what happened until a friend receives the video.
Being wealthy and social media savvy, she is aware that reporting the assault before or after the video is released would only allow her to be re-victimized. Her choices and how she seeks to secure justice make this a book I enjoyed and highly recommended.
This is the Goodreads overview.
From a distance, Claudia Castro has it all: a famous family, a trust fund, thousands of Instagram followers, and a spot in NYU’s first-year class. But look closer, and things are messier: her parents are separating, she’s just been humiliated by a sleazy documentary, and her sister is about to have a baby with a man she barely knows.
Claudia starts the school year resolved to find a path toward something positive, maybe even meaningful – and then, one drunken night, everything changes. Reeling, her memory hazy, Claudia cuts herself off from her family, seeking solace in a new friendship. But when the rest of school comes back from spring break, Claudia is missing.
Suddenly, the whole city is trying to piece together the hours of that terrible night.
From the critically acclaimed author of Invisible City and Conviction, The Missing Hours is a novel about obsession, privilege, and the explosive consequences of one violent act.
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by Susanna Clarke
Piranesi by Susanna Clarke is about a man known as Piranesi who lives in a big house and explores the labyrinth of rooms and hopes of understanding the meaning. Is it any surprise that I would pick this book as my thirtieth of the year? As a widow, I journal and journey in a life I did not expect to live, and I still believe I will find meaning and purpose.
In addition, a labyrinth is one of the options we have discussed for the next phase of the work in Hanson Park.
Piranesi is a page-turner, but that does not fully describe the beauty of the world that Susanna Clarke created. I highly recommend this book as it is one of my best this year.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview of Piranesi by Susanna Clarke.
Piranesi’s house is no ordinary building: its rooms are infinite, its corridors endless, its walls are lined with thousands upon thousands of statues, each one different from all the others. Within the labyrinth of halls an ocean is imprisoned; waves thunder up staircases, rooms are flooded in an instant. But Piranesi is not afraid; he understands the tides as he understands the pattern of the labyrinth itself. He lives to explore the house.
There is one other person in the house—a man called The Other, who visits Piranesi twice a week and asks for help with research into A Great and Secret Knowledge. But as Piranesi explores, evidence emerges of another person, and a terrible truth begins to unravel, revealing a world beyond the one Piranesi has always known.
For readers of Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane and fans of Madeline Miller’s Circe, Piranesi introduces an astonishing new world, an infinite labyrinth, full of startling images and surreal beauty, haunted by the tides and the clouds.
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by Octavia E. Butler
Today, I started reading Octavia E. Butler‘s acclaimed post-apocalyptic novel, “Parable of the Sower.” The book depicts a world in which global climate change and economic crises have led to social chaos, particularly in California. The state is plagued by dangers such as pervasive water shortages and masses of vagabonds who are willing to do whatever it takes to survive.
The novel provides a message of hope even in a gloomy environment. It tells the story of Lauren Olamina, a fifteen-year-old girl who lives with her preacher father, family, and neighbors in a gated community. They are protected from the chaos happening around them. However, in a society where everyone is at risk, Lauren suffers from hyperempathy, a condition that makes her highly sensitive to the emotions of others.
Lauren is a young girl who is wise beyond her years and acutely aware of the dangers that her community refuses to acknowledge. She must speak up to protect her loved ones from the impending disasters that could otherwise harm them. However, her fight for survival leads to something much bigger—the emergence of a new faith and a profound insight into humanity’s destiny.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Kaveh Akbar
Today, I started reading “Martyr! A Novel” by Kaveh Akbar, one of the five finalists for the 2024 National Book Award for Fiction, I have read. This is also the 79th book I have read this year, surpassing my record from last year. Kaveh Akbar‘s “Martyr!” is a tribute to our pursuit of meaning in faith, art, ourselves, and others. The story follows Cyrus Shams, the newly sober, orphaned son of Iranian immigrants.
He is guided by the voices of artists, poets, and kings as he embarks on a search for a family secret, which leads him to a terminally ill painter living out her final days in the Brooklyn Museum.
Cyrus Shams, our protagonist, grapples with an inheritance of violence and loss. His mother’s tragic death and his father’s limited life in America have left him with scars. He’s a drunk, a person with a substance use disorder, and a poet, but above all, he’s a human being on a journey of self-discovery. His fascination with martyrs leads him to explore the mysteries of his past, including his uncle’s inspiring yet haunting role on Iranian battlefields and a painting that suggests his mother may not have been who or what she seemed.
“Martyr!” is a novel that’s not just electrifying and funny but also wholly original. It’s a testament to Kaveh Akbar‘s unique storytelling and heralds the arrival of an essential new voice in contemporary fiction. Get ready to be captivated by his narrative prowess.
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by Tana French
Today, I started reading Tana French‘s The Searcher: A Novel. Last week, I read The Hunter by the same author. I should have read The Searcher first, as it is the prequel to The Hunter, but reading in reverse order helped my enjoyment. Despite knowing some of the suspenseful twists and turns the story would take, I found it a page-turner.
The story follows Cal Hooper, a retired Chicago police officer who seeks a fresh start in a tranquil Irish village. However, when a local boy approaches him to investigate his missing brother, Cal discovers that the town has its share of dark secrets. The book raises thought-provoking questions about distinguishing right from wrong in a complicated world and what we risk when making that decision.
Tana French is a highly acclaimed crime novelist who skillfully creates a captivating and suspenseful atmosphere throughout the book.
by Hannah Stowe
I recently started reading a book called “Move Like Water: My Story of the Sea” by Hannah Stowe. It’s a captivating book that immerses you in a world of water, whales, storms, and starlight, allowing you to experience what it’s like to sail for weeks and live life to a new rhythm.
Hannah Stowe, a marine biologist and sailor in her mid-twenties, grew up on the Pembrokeshire coast of Wales, where she fell asleep to the sound of the lighthouse beam. Drawing upon her experiences sailing tens of thousands of miles in various seas, including the North Sea, North Atlantic, Mediterranean, Celtic Sea, and the Caribbean, she explores the human connection to the wild waters. Stowe ponders why she and others are drawn to life at sea and what we can learn from the water around us.
Stowe intertwines her narrative and illustrations with stories of six keystone marine creatures: the fire crow, sperm whale, wandering albatross, humpback whale, shearwater, and barnacle. Through these stories, she invites readers to fall in love with the sea and its inhabitants and to discover the majesty, wonder, and fragility of the underwater world.
If you enjoy the works of Rachel Carson and Annie Dillard, then “Move Like Water: My Story of the Sea” is a must-read. It’s an inspiring and heartfelt tribute to the sea, a testimony to pursuing and achieving a dream, and an unforgettable introduction to a talented new nature writer.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
