Living and Grieving
Estimated reading time: 10 minutes, 14 seconds
God’s Light, the Soul of Humanity,
Illuminates the Darkness
Rituals often become another item on our to-do lists, rushed and stripped of their more profound significance. When we overlook their meaning and purpose, we hinder our ability to heal from loss and navigate the complexities of grief.
Life is a tapestry woven from both grief and joy, sadness and celebration. The morning after my wife’s funeral, I faced an important choice: to let my sorrow consume me or to embrace both grief and life fully. I decided to live intentionally, recognizing that my time is limited. Every moment became a precious gift, a reminder to cherish the present and to say “Amen” more often.
Through rituals, I’ve discovered a profound sense of gratitude for the incredible gift of another day to live fully. Each day is an opportunity to honor both my past and the joys that still await me as I walk into the future.
Jewish rituals do not align with the secular calendar. In the Gregorian calendar, the day my wife passed, May 3rd, stands as a poignant marker in my life. Yet, the story takes on another layer when viewed through the lens of the Hebrew calendar, a beautiful blend of lunar cycles and the solar year. This year, her Yahrzeit—an important day of remembrance—fell on May 19th. In honoring her memory, I lit a memorial candle at sundown the evening before, creating a moment to pause and reflect. I also stood for the Mourner’s Kaddish on Friday evening, May 23rd, immersing myself in a tradition that connects me to something larger than myself.
For many, especially those who have experienced the heartache of losing a loved one, these observances can feel overwhelming. It’s easy to see them as extensions of our sorrow, prolonging our grief. For me, though, it’s quite the opposite. The juxtaposition of public memorials on May 3rd and the Jewish calendar’s quieter, more spiritual observances empower me. Each experience serves its own purpose, enriching my journey of remembrance.
In this post, I’m excited to share an article I wrote previously and a new piece that reflects my ongoing journey of living and grieving beneath the glow of the Yahrzeit candle. This candle symbolizes that “the light of God is the soul of humanity,” a reminder of the flicker of hope that remains even in our darkest times.
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
