What Losing Jan Has Taught Me

What Losing Jan Has Taught Me

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 18 seconds

Jan Lilien, the love of my lifeIf grief is in the rearview window, it is the result of what I have learned from losing the love of my life.

Before Jan’s death, I had convinced myself that I understood more than I did and was empathetic.

Oh, what little did I know?

When I was Jan’s caregiver, I began to learn how much I could do to help her.

Yet, when she died, I was in a pea soup and struggled to find my way.

Almost twenty months later, I genuinely believe my mourning period has ended.

I have learned more about what is meaningful and achievable.

I walk daily, write about Jan, love, and grief, and read more than ever.

Sharing Jan’s Love has become my mantra. When I give her love away, it returns to me stronger!

I have also learned to help others, both widows and non-widows.

As Arthur Schopenhauer said,

Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things.

One day at a time, with Jan’s spirit with me, I will continue to grow and be a better person in the New Year.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Grief in the Rear View Mirror

I miss Jan every moment of the day.

However, I am no longer in grief.

I have wanted to shout that from the mountain or rooftop, but I have no access to either option.

Jan's diagnosis of Lymphoma to her death was twenty months.

I have traveled almost as long since she died as I did being her caregiver.

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What Losing Jan Has Taught Me
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The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny

Read: October 2025

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The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny

by Kiran Desai

The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny” by Kiran Desai is a remarkable and accomplished novel that showcases the talent of one of our greatest contemporary writers. It was shortlisted for the Booker Prize and is a finalist for the Kirkus Prize. The story follows two young individuals as they navigate the various influences that shape their lives, including their country, class, race, history, and the complex relationships that connect different generations.

This novel combines a love story, a family saga, and an exploration of profound themes. When Sonia and Sunny first catch sight of each other on an overnight train, they find themselves captivated yet embarrassed; their grandparents once tried to matchmake them, a well-meaning effort that only drove them apart.

Sonia is an aspiring novelist who has recently completed her studies in the snowy mountains of Vermont and has returned to her family in India. Sonia fears she is cursed by a dark spell cast by an artist who sought intimacy and inspiration from her. Meanwhile, Sunny, a struggling journalist who has relocated to New York City, is trying to escape his domineering mother and the violence of his feuding family.

Uncertain about their futures, Sonia and Sunny embark on a journey to find happiness together as they confront the various forms of alienation present in our modern world.


Kiran Desai is renowned for her novels, “Hullabaloo in the Guava Orchard” and “The Inheritance of Loss,” the latter of which won both the Booker Prize and the National Book Critics Circle Award. Born in India, she moved to the United States at the age of sixteen and currently resides in New York City.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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The Pursuit of Happiness

Read: January 2025

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The Pursuit of Happiness

by Jeffrey Rosen

Today, I started reading Jeffrey Rosen‘s book, “The Pursuit of Happiness: How Classical Writers on Virtue Inspired the Lives of the Founders.” This New York Times bestseller examines what “the pursuit of happiness” meant to our nation’s Founders, how that iconic phrase influenced their lives, and how it provided the foundation for our democracy—a quest for being good rather than merely feeling good.

The Declaration of Independence identifies “the pursuit of happiness” as one of our unalienable rights, alongside life and liberty. Jeffrey Rosen, president of the National Constitution Center, profiles six of the most influential Founding Fathers—Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and Alexander Hamilton—to explore what pursuing happiness meant to them. This work provides “the best and most readable introduction to the ideas of the Founders that we have” (Gordon Wood, author of “Power and Liberty“).

By examining the classical Greek and Roman moral philosophers who inspired the Founders, Rosen illustrates how they understood the pursuit of happiness as a quest for being good rather than simply feeling good. It is about striving for lifelong virtue instead of seeking short-term pleasures. Among these virtues were the habits of industry, temperance, moderation, and sincerity, which the Founders regarded as essential components of personal growth, character development, and self-mastery. They believed that self-governance in politics required self-governance on an individual level. For all six Founders, the pursuit of virtue was fundamentally incompatible with the enslavement of African Americans, although the Virginians failed to uphold their principles in this regard.

Ken Burns describes “The Pursuit of Happiness” as “immensely readable and thoughtful. It is more than just an analysis of the famous phrase in the Declaration. It is a revealing journey into the Founders’ minds, offering a deep and fresh understanding of the foundations of our democracy.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!


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The Once and Future Witches

Read: March 2022

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The Once and Future Witches

by Alix E. Harrow

The Once and Future Witches by Alix E. Harrow was on hold at my library for several weeks. It arrived today, and I could not imagine a better book to read for Women’s History Month. An homage to women’s invincible power and persistence, The Once and Future Witches reimagines stories of revolution, motherhood, and women’s suffrage—the lost ways are calling.

Although I found the book at times a slow read, I enjoyed it very much and highly recommend it. My only regret is that it had less to do with the suffrage movement than expected. In the late 1800s, three sisters used witchcraft to change the course of history in this powerful novel of magic, family, and the suffragette movement.

Goodreads summary provides an overview.

In 1893, there was no such thing as witches. There used to be, in the wild, dark days before the burnings began, but now witching is nothing but tidy charms and nursery rhymes. If the modern woman wants any measure of power, she must find it at the ballot box.

But when the Eastwood sisters―James Juniper, Agnes Amaranth, and Beatrice Belladonna―join the suffragists of New Salem, they begin to pursue the forgotten words and ways that might turn the women’s movement into the witch’s movement. Stalked by shadows and sickness, hunted by forces who will not suffer a witch to vote―and perhaps not even to live―the sisters will need to delve into the oldest magics, draw new alliances, and heal the bond between them if they want to survive.

There’s no such thing as witches. But there will be.

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The Antidote

Read: October 2025

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The Antidote: A Novel

by Karen Russell

Karen Russell‘s The Antidote, a finalist in the fiction category for the 2025 National Book Award, serves as a profound reckoning with a nation’s tendency to forget. It addresses the settler amnesia and deliberate omissions that have been passed down through generations, revealing not only horrors but also shimmering possibilities. The Antidote resonates with urgent warnings about our current climate emergency, prompting readers to reflect on what might have been and what is still possible.

The Antidote opens on Black Sunday, as a historic dust storm ravages the fictional town of Uz, Nebraska. But Uz is already collapsing—not just under the weight of the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl drought but beneath its own violent histories.

The Antidote follows a “Prairie Witch,” whose body serves as a bank vault for peoples’ memories and secrets; a Polish wheat farmer who learns how quickly a hoarded blessing can become a curse; his orphan niece, a basketball star and witch’s apprentice in furious flight from her grief; a voluble scarecrow; and a New Deal photographer whose time-traveling camera threatens to reveal both the town’s secrets and its fate.


Karen Russell is the author of six fiction books, including the New York Times bestsellers Swamplandia! and Vampires in the Lemon Grove. She is a MacArthur Fellow, a Guggenheim Fellow, and a Pulitzer Prize finalist.

She has received two National Magazine Awards for Fiction, the Shirley Jackson Award, the 2023 Bottari Lattes Grinzane Prize, and the 2024 Mary McCarthy Prize, and was selected for the National Book Foundation’s 5 Under 35 award and The New Yorker’s 20 Under 40 list (she is now decisively over forty).

She serves on the board of Street Books, a mobile library for people living outdoors. Born and raised in Miami, Florida, she lives in Portland, Oregon, with her husband, son, and daughter.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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Misinterpretation

Read: August 2025

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Misinterpretation: A Novel

by Ledia Xhoga

Ledia Xhoga‘s debut novel, Misinterpretation, is a reflective and engaging work longlisted for the 2025 Booker Prize. The novel delves into the darker legacies of family and country, exploring the tension between compassion and self-preservation. Additionally, it won the 2024 New York City Book Award for a first book, a prestigious recognition in the literary world. It was a finalist for the 2024 Center for Fiction First Novel Prize.

Set in present-day New York City, the story follows an Albanian interpreter who reluctantly agrees to work with Alfred, a Kosovar torture survivor, during his therapy sessions. Despite her husband’s warnings, she becomes increasingly entangled in her clients’ struggles. Alfred’s nightmares unearth her own buried memories, and an impulsive attempt to help a Kurdish poet leads to a risky encounter and a reckless plan. The emotional journey of the protagonist will surely resonate with you.

As a series of ill-fated decisions jeopardize the narrator’s marriage and mental health, she takes a spontaneous trip to reunite with her mother in Albania. This trip is a fascinating exploration of the contrast between her life in the United States and her roots back home. Upon returning, she must confront the consequences of her actions and question what is real and what is not.


Ledia Xhoga, the author of Misinterpretation, is an Albanian-American fiction writer and playwright. Her personal experiences and cultural background have deeply influenced her writing. Before earning an MFA in fiction from Texas State University, she worked in publishing in New York City. Her writing, which often explores themes of identity and belonging, has been featured in various journals, including Intrepid Times, Hobart, and KGB Magazine. Originally from Tirana, Albania, she now lives with her family in Brooklyn and the Catskills.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


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10/7: 100 Human Stories

Read: September 2025

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10/7: 100 Human Stories

by Lee Yaron

The speaker at the Selichot Service with VAAD at Congregation Beth Israel on September 13, 2025, will be Lee Yaron, the author of 10/7: 100 Human Stories. Yaron is the recipient of the National Jewish Book Awards’ 2024 Jewish Book of the Year and The Natan Fund’s Winter 2025 Notable Book Award. This book provides a definitive account of the 10/7 attacks, sharing the stories of the victims and the communities they called home.

On October 7, 2023—the Sabbath and the final day of the holiday of Sukkot—the Gaza-based terror group Hamas launched an unprecedented assault on the people of Israel. Crashing through the border, attacking from the sea and air, militants indiscriminately massacred civilians in what became one of the worst terror attacks in modern history, and the most lethal day for the Jewish people since the Holocaust.

A radically passionate work of investigative journalism and political critique by acclaimed Haaretz reporter Lee Yaron, 10/7 chronicles the massacre that ignited a war through the stories of more than 100 civilians. These stories are the result of extensive interviews with survivors, bereaved individuals, and first responders in Israel and around the world. The victims run the gamut from left-wing kibbutzniks and Burning Man-esque partiers to radical right-wingers, from Bedouins and Israeli Arabs to Thai and Nepalese guest workers, peace activists, elderly Holocaust survivors, refugees from Ukraine and Russia, pregnant women, and babies.

At a time when people are seeking a deeper understanding of the history of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and how internal political turmoil in Israel has affected it, they predominantly encounter perspectives from the powerful—from politicians and military officers. 10/7 takes a fresh approach, offering answers through the stories of everyday people, those who lived tenuously on the border with Gaza.

Yaron profiles victims from a wide range of communities—depicting the fullness of their lives, not just their final moments—to honor their memories and reveal the way the attack ripped open Israeli society and put the entire Middle East on the precipice of disaster. Each chapter begins with a portrait of a community, interweaving history with broader political analysis of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to provide context for the narratives that follow. Ultimately, 10/7 shows that the tragedy is much greater than the violence of the attacks, and in fact extends back through the entire Netanyahu era, which propagated a false image of Israel as a technologically advanced, militarily formidable powerhouse so essential to the region that it could continue to ignore and undermine Palestinian statehood indefinitely.


Lee Yaron has been a journalist with Haaretz, Israel’s oldest and most award-winning newspaper, for nearly a decade. Her investigative reporting has led to the establishment of state-level commissions and the revision of substantial bodies of Israeli policy and law. She is an elected member and representative of the Executive Committee of the Union of Israeli Journalists. She has also written and directed acclaimed theater productions notable for their use of found materials, including official governmental texts, to bring attention to marginalized communities both in Israel and throughout the Middle East. Born in Tel Aviv, Yaron splits her time between her native city and New York.

Joshua Cohen is the author of ten books, including the novels Book of Numbers, Moving Kings, and Witz. Called “a major American writer” by the New York Times and “an extraordinary prose stylist, surely one of the most prodigious at work in American fiction today” by the New Yorker, Cohen was awarded Israel’s 2013 Matanel Prize, and in 2017 was named one of Granta’s Best Young American Novelists. His book, The Netanyahus, won the 2021 National Jewish Book Award for Fiction and the 2022 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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