Richard W. shared a stream on December 21, 2022

What Losing Jan Has Taught Me

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 18 seconds

If grief is in the rearview window, it is the result of what I have learned from losing the love of my life.

Before Jan’s death, I had convinced myself that I understood more than I did and was empathetic.

Oh, what little did I know?

When I was Jan’s caregiver, I began to learn how much I could do to help her.

Yet, when she died, I was in a pea soup and struggled to find my way.

Almost twenty months later, I genuinely believe my mourning period has ended.

I have learned more about what is meaningful and achievable.

I walk daily, write about Jan, love, and grief, and read more than ever.

Sharing Jan’s Love has become my mantra. When I give her love away, it returns to me stronger!

I have also learned to help others, both widows and non-widows.

As Arthur Schopenhauer said,

Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things.

One day at a time, with Jan’s spirit with me, I will continue to grow and be a better person in the New Year.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Grief in the Rear View Mirror

Grief in the Rear View Mirror

I miss Jan every moment of the day.

However, I am no longer in grief.

I have wanted to shout that from the mountain or rooftop, but I have no access to either option.

Jan's diagnosis of Lymphoma to her death was twenty months.

I have traveled almost as long since she died as I did being her caregiver.

Richard W. Brown December 18, 2022

Go back to Stream

1 comment add your comment

Share your thoughts and ideasCancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

My random thoughts on love, grief, life and all things considered.

My Big Climb to Conquer Cancer on April 25, 2026
Please join me in making a difference! No matter the amount, your contribution can have a meaningful impact. As I do every year, I will match every donation made. Thank you! […]
50th Wedding Anniversary
All we ever needed was love—true love! It's the most powerful force in the world—a force that can heal, uplift, and give us our only hope for salvation. […]
The Infamous Walker Limps Home
My Apple Fitness app shows that I’ve averaged four miles daily over an unpredictable month, which might be my new normal. As long as I can walk every day, my streak will continue. Today marked 1,555 days and counting. […]
Living and Grieving
I am believed and seen. I believe in others and recognize their true selves. Though I may reside in my home, I live, grieve, and thrive within my community. […]
The Triad of Love
I focus on being good, rather than feeling good, and living a life my wife would be proud of, rather than letting sorrow overshadow my remaining days. […]

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Donate Now!

Read: May 2026

The Ending Writes Itself

by V.E. Schwab and Cat Clarke

“The Ending Writes Itself” is a captivating debut mystery by Evelyn Clarke, masterfully created by Cat Clarke and V.E. Schwab. Stephen King has described it as “a contender for the best mystery of 2026. The book features an abundance of beloved mystery tropes and wonderfully evokes the charm of Agatha Christie.” In this story, six authors are on a private island, where they have seventy-two hours to write an ending that will change their lives.

Arthur Fletch, one of the world’s bestselling novelists, is a reclusive genius known for his iconic protagonists and fiendish twists. When six struggling authors are invited to spend a weekend on his private Scottish island, they arrive to discover a shocking secret: Arthur Fletch is dead . . . and his last book is unfinished.

Desperate to publish the novel, Fletch’s agent and editor have summoned these writers in the hope that one of them will imagine a worthy ending for this final book. To sweeten the deal, they are offering an irresistible prize: in addition to ghost-writing the last chapter––for a mind-boggling sum––they will also help the lucky writer successfully re-launch their own career, guaranteeing future bestsellers. The catch: the writers have just seventy-two hours to finish Fletch’s magnum opus.

It’s the perfect plot. All it needs is a killer ending.

On an unusually warm evening in Edinburgh, Scotland (contrary to the cliché of a dark and stormy night), New York Times bestselling author V.E. Schwab proposed a bold idea to her longtime friend and screenwriter, Cat Clarke: that they should write a book together.

V.E. Schwab had already made a significant name for herself, having written more than twenty books, including the Shades of Magic series, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, and Bury Our Bones in the Midnight Soil. She had previously vowed never to co-write a novel, especially one outside the realm of fantasy.

Meanwhile, Cat Clarke, who had experienced a tumultuous career as an editor and had authored several young adult novels, including Girlhood and Entangled, had left the publishing industry for the even more unpredictable world of film, swearing she would never return to writing books. However, fate—and an irresistible idea—turned them both into liars that night.

As they transitioned from tea to something stronger, Evelyn Clarke was born.

Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Supporting these selections not only helps me continue to provide you with personalized recommendations but also ensures you have access to meaningful stories that enrich your life. Your support truly makes a difference in helping me share more books and insights with you!

Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

Read: October 2021

Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

by Katherine May

Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May is “an intimate, revelatory book exploring the ways we can care for and repair ourselves when life knocks us down.”

Two quotes that resonated with me were:

That’s what grief is – a yearning for that one last moment of contact that would settle everything.

We are in the habit of imagining our lives to be linear, a long march from birth to death in which we mass our powers, only to surrender them again, all the while slowly losing our youthful beauty. This is a brutal untruth. Life meanders through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall upon us, revealing our bare bones. Given time they grow again.

May writes in a clear voice that conveys the importance of accepting the cycles of life instead of fighting them.

Sometimes you slip through the cracks: unforeseen circumstances like an abrupt illness, the death of a loved one, a breakup, or a job loss can derail a life. These periods of dislocation can be lonely and unexpected. For May, her husband fell ill, her son stopped attending school, and her own medical issues led her to leave a demanding job. Wintering explores how she not only endured this painful time but embraced the singular opportunities it offered.

A moving personal narrative shot through with lessons from literature, mythology, and the natural world, May’s story offers instruction on the transformative power of rest and retreat. Illumination emerges from many sources: solstice celebrations and dormice hibernation, C.S. Lewis and Sylvia Plath swimming in icy waters, and sailing arctic seas.

Ultimately Wintering invites us to change how we relate to our own fallow times. May models an active acceptance of sadness and finds nourishment in deep retreat, joy in the serene beauty of winter, and encouragement in understanding life as cyclical, not linear. A secular mystic, May forms a guiding philosophy for transforming the hardships that arise before the ushering in of a new season.

I recommend this book without reservation.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

The Director

Read: December 2025

The Director: A Novel

by Daniel Kehlmann

“The Director” by Daniel Kehlmann, translated by Ross Benjamin, is a thought-provoking novel inspired by the life of film director G.W. Pabst. Pabst fled to Hollywood to escape the Nazis but later returned to Germany to produce propaganda films for the German Reich. The novel is a New York Times Top 10 Book of the Year, an NYPL Best Book of the Year, and a notable book by the Washington Post.

An artist’s life, a pact with the devil, and the dangerous illusions of the silver screen.

G.W. Pabst, one of cinema’s greatest directors of the 20th century, was filming in France when the Nazis seized power. To escape the horrors of the new and unrecognizable Germany, he fled to Hollywood. But now, under the blinding California sun, the world-famous director suddenly looks like a nobody. Not even Greta Garbo, the Hollywood actress whom he made famous, can help him.

When he learns that his elderly mother is ill, he finds himself back in his homeland of Austria, now called Ostmark. Pabst, his wife, and his young son are suddenly confronted with the barbaric nature of the regime. So, when Joseph Goebbels—the minister of propaganda in Berlin—sees the potential for using the European film icon for his directorial genius and makes big promises to Pabst and his family, Pabst must consider Goebbels’s thinly veiled order. While Pabst still believes that he will be able to resist these advances, that he will not submit to any dictatorship other than art, he has already taken the first steps into a hopeless entanglement.

Kehlmann’s latest oeuvre explores the complicated relationships and distinctions between art and power, beauty and barbarism, cog and conspirator.

Daniel Kehlmann was born in Munich in 1975. His novels and plays have won numerous prizes, including the Candide Prize, the Doderer Prize, the Kleist Prize, the Welt Literature Prize, and the Thomas Mann Prize. His novel Tyll, shortlisted for the 2020 International Booker Prize, and Measuring the World have been translated into more than forty languages and are among the biggest successes in post-war German literature. He currently lives in Berlin and New York.

Ross Benjamin is the translator of numerous works of German-language literature, including Franz Kafka’s Diaries, Clemens J. Setz’s Indigo, Joseph Roth’s Job, Kevin Vennemann’s Close to Jedenew, Friedrich Hölderlin’s Hyperion, and Daniel Kehlmann’s Tyll and You Should Have Left. The recipient of a 2015 Guggenheim Fellowship, Benjamin was also awarded the 2010 Helen and Kurt Wolff Translator’s Prize for his rendering of Michael Maar’s Speak, Nabokov. His translation of Tyll was shortlisted for the 2020 International Booker Prize.

Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!