The Day Jan and I Married!
Estimated reading time: 15 minutes, 58 secondsTo Love, Honor, and Cherish For All the Days of Our Lives!
The sun was sinking into NJ as I looked west on 86th street and saw Jan for the first time in her wedding dress. After months of roadblocks and uncertainty, we were about to be married by a Rabbi and Fr. John among a handful of family and friends. From the day we met, this was the moment that I wanted more than anything.
“It is supposed to be bad luck if you see your fiancee in her bridal dress before the wedding,” Jan exclaimed.
The smile on my face turned slightly downward.
I thought that was for weddings where you would have entered the sanctuary, and that is when I would have seen you the first time,” I responded.
We both laughed as we realized how different our wedding would be.
I decided to greet her again. Jan, you look so beautiful today! What brought you to 86th Street and Central Park West in such a gorgeous dress?”
“To marry the man I love!”
I hugged and kissed her as we entered the building.
The elevator was tiny, and only three people could fit in simultaneously.
Jan and I entered the elevator with one of her friends.
“Penthouse, please,” I requested, even though the elevator was self-operated.
Jan’s Wedding Dress
As I entered Jan’s apartment, she said firmly, “You cannot open the closet.” My face must have looked puzzled. “My wedding dress is in the closet,” Jan answered my unasked question. I pretended to move toward the closet. Jan responded with a mixed frown and smile on her face.
We laughed and hugged.
Two months earlier, Jan had said, “Saturday, I am going shopping for my wedding dress.”
It was one more reminder that we would be married soon.
“I have nothing on my calendar and am happy to join you.
As soon as I spoke, I saw Jan’s smile become a frown.
“I always like to be with you, but shopping for my wedding dress is not an activity we can do together.”
I am sure you will like the dress,” Jan’s voice brought me to reality.
“I like every dress I have ever seen you in, especially when I can help you into and out of the dress.”
On our wedding night, you will have a chance to help me undress.
We embraced and held each other so tightly that I was unsure how we could breathe.
Deciding Who Can Attend
“We have to make difficult choices on who can attend our wedding,” Jan stated as she looked up from the list we had started to make when we had expected we would have a larger wedding. The Rabbi had said twenty-two was the maximum on his terrace, and the Monastery Restaurant had agreed that that would be enough for us to reserve the space for the reception.
“We have six already, the two of us, Fr. John and Sharon, The Rabbi and his guest.”
“Your parents, grandmother, sister, and her son said they wanted to attend,” Jan said as she started a new list.
I knew her parents had stated they were not attending, but I asked about her sister.
“Yes, she and Jerry will attend.”
Thirteen committed, nine open slots,” I announced.
I added two couples we both knew from Williamsburg and one close friend, allowing her the option to invite four of her friends.
“It is not what we would have liked for our wedding….”
“Jan, it is what it is, and our wedding day will still be the best day of our lives!”
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
What a great story as well as funny…You described the wedding as if it happened yesterday!!
Hugo, thank you very much for commenting on The Day Jan and I Married.
In my mind, the day Jan and I married was, in fact, yesterday. It was an essential public statement to family and friends that the love Jan and I shared was not an infatuation but a long-term commitment. Jan’s love transformed me and made me a better person.
Like life itself, love can be fragile. When I write about our early days, I must accept that our love and marriage might not have happened.
My commitment to my imaginary girlfriend kept me from pursuing Jan even though I felt a strong and unique attraction to Jan when I met her at the December 1972 VISTA Training.
Jan could have decided that her parent’s opposition was enough to convince her not to marry me.
Jan might have had a boyfriend when I went to her party, and I would have only a casual friend.
If any of those had occurred, I might have been a lifelong bachelor, or perhaps the imaginary girlfriend would not have left me.
As I wrote, the highest honor of my life was and always will be being Jan’s husband. Love never dies, and my passion for Jan will never end.
The amateur writing I do comes from my heart and soul and flows thru my fingers like the tides in the Bay of Fundy.
Hugo, I would write more often if I had more readers like you.
I appreciate your friendship and support during the most challenging chapter of my life.