Thriving By Changing

Evolving One Day at a Time to Be a Better Person

“A self that continues to evolve continues to thrive,” Virginia Woolf stated. This quote has been a guiding principle in my journey of personal growth. The ability to change is crucial, and it involves the uncomfortable but essential act of changing one’s mind – refusing to become fixed in one’s ways, being brave enough to evolve one’s perspectives, and continuously reassessing one’s priorities. Change, whether in your thoughts or your life, is also challenging because it involves letting go of something—a way of thinking, a way of living—to make room for something new to grow along the path of a fully experienced life, ultimately leading to a complete version of oneself.

I read an article by Maria Popova in The Marginalian titled ‘Middle Age and the Art of Self-Renewal: An Extraordinary Letter from Pioneering Education Reformer Elizabeth Peabody.’ This article sparked a profound reflection on how different my life is now compared to three or even twenty years ago. Until half a decade ago, I focused on nurturing my relationship with my wife and our goal of improving the world. Like most long-married couples, we had fallen into certain routines where specific responsibilities belonged to each of us. My wife enjoyed gardening and caring for the houseplants, and while I helped as much as possible, I knew that was her area of expertise.

As my wife’s primary caregiver, our once solid foundation began to crumble. I shouldered all responsibilities, a stark contrast to our previous dynamic. After following her instructions to prepare dinner one evening, I cleared the table and washed the dishes. She questioned if I thought she was inadequate because she used to leave the dishes until late at night. As I loaded the last dish into the dishwasher, I glanced at the loveseat where I had helped her lie down. I reassured her, explaining that I wanted to spend more time with her. As I kissed her, I realized how disorienting her new role as an observer must be, no longer an active participant in her life.

Over the past three years, I’ve adapted and thrived in my new roles. While my culinary expertise could improve, I prepare three meals daily, ensuring that dinner is always hot. Surprisingly, despite my lack of gardening skills, my house plants are flourishing. Additionally, I’ve expanded my circle of friends and actively participate in neighborhood activities such as Bridges and Hanson Park.

I’ve undergone a transformative journey, evolving into a more capable version of myself. I’ve learned to navigate life’s challenges with confidence. For instance, I could easily let the dishes pile up in the sink for days, but I’ve developed a habit of cleaning up right after each meal. Despite my lack of gardening skills, my houseplants are thriving under my care. I’ve even started to develop a green thumb. Yet, despite all this growth, I can’t shake the feeling that something is missing. I examine myself and see my whole physical form, but I sense I need something different, even without fully understanding it.

I enjoy the little things that bring me joy throughout my daily routine. But sometimes, I feel a deep, profound longing for companionship, as reminded by a quote from “The Vaster Wilds: A Novel” by Lauren Groff – “To be alone and surviving is not the same as being alive.” Although loneliness can sometimes be overwhelming, I remind myself that I am the only one who can create happiness for me. Despite finding renewed purpose and fulfillment in my activities, I cannot help but yearn for the warmth and tenderness of a partner’s love. To experience love once again would be a blessing, allowing me to feel truly alive in a way that nothing else can.

Meliorism: Small Steps Change the World!

Evolving One Day at a Time to Be a Better Person