August 2021

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Jan’s Cataract Surgery

Blurry No More!

The Parkway was busy, but the traffic was moving. Jan was very quiet and barely responded to my requests to begin a conversation. My thumb lowered the volume on the radio almost to the point that we could scarcely hear NPR. We exited and stopped at the traffic light.  My head turned slightly toward her, and I said, “I love you! I know you are worried, but I am here now and forever for you!”

Jan responded with a weak and shaky voice. “I know, I know….”

We parked, and I came around the car and opened the door for her. I hugged her, and we walked toward the entrance. 

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Sliding Doors

Jan Lilien

Jan Has a Blood Cancer

The sliding doors opened and closed as if by magic. No one entered, and no one exited. Our bodies were in the penumbra of the beam for the door’s automatic opening apparatus. Jan and I stood like frozen figurines in front of the Carol G. Simon Cancer Center threshold, and I squeezed her hand and whispered how much I loved her. 

“I don’t have cancer,” she said. “Why am I here?”

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Changing Ourselves

Serenity Prayer

Serenity Prayer

God Grant Me Serenity

When Jan and I purchased our first house, we became fixated on a large boulder in our small front yard. We tried to dig it up but found it went much further than our shovels would reach. We hired two neighbors to help us, but the result was the same. Our final effort was to hire a contractor. When they arrived, the first words were, this is impossible. Others had tried to remove and failed. The boulder was something we could not change. 

In one of my bereavement groups, someone quoted Victor Frankl from Man’s Search for Meaning,

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
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Love is Forever

Jan and Richard

Jan and Richard

Love is Eternal! 

We all have choices that can change us for better or worse, depending on how we decide. Jan had three opportunities to confirm our love for each other, and each time she selected me!

I have only written briefly about the first one and nothing about the second one. Love is Forever is the post about the most challenging period in our relationship.

My goal is to fully tell the story of each of Jan’s three commitments to me.

Jan’s Three Commitments

  • The first was the day we met. Many of her friends and family opposed our relationship. She could have chosen not to fall in love with me.
  • When we met, Jan Clears the Decks was the first post to discuss Jan’s choices.
  • The second began when we decided to marry and continued until the day we married. Our wedding was opposed by many of her friends and her family.  
  • The last was this problematic situation early in our marriage which is the story in this post. I have drafted an alternate version of this traumatic period.

However, she confirmed I was the one for her each time she had the opportunity. I will forever be grateful that, given a choice, she decided to love me. 

Trigger Warning

This story has caused some readers to express that it appears to speak ill of those who are no longer with us. As the author and Jan’s husband, that is not my intent. We are all human, and sometimes our choices are not as clear-cut as we might like. If you are unsure about reading this post, that is OK. If you do and you have concerns, please reach out to me, and I am more than happy to discuss them with you. 

As William Shakespeare wrote, All’s Well That Ends Well! If you read the full story, I am confident that you will find that this one ends well and all is well between Jan and me. 

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