Faith is All I Needed!

Conversion or Status Quo

Am I Already Jewish, or Can I Become Closer to God?

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 42 seconds
Jon Brown Bar Mitzvah January 15, 1994

Jon Brown’s Bar Mitzvah was held on January 15, 1994. In the photo are (left to right) Richard W. Brown, Rabbi Darnov, Jon Brown, Jan Lilien, and in front, Mike Brown.“Richard, I have a question.”

“Richard, I have a question,” the woman at the table said.

I nodded, waiting for her to continue.

Jan was Jewish, but you are not,” she explained.

I nodded again, acknowledging her statement.

What faith were your parents? Do you plan to convert?” she asked.

My parents were Methodist. I have often thought about converting,” I shared. For almost forty years, I have been attending only Jewish services. Conversion is a more pressing issue as I want to be buried next to Jan, and not converting might prevent that.”

She and the others at the table listened as I explained my thoughts and concerns about converting.

“If you converted, what would be involved?” she asked.

I gave her a detailed answer based on what I had learned from Rabbi Renee.

The conversation continued, with everyone at the table sharing their thoughts and opinions.

Reflecting on the conversation later, I wondered if my faith was enough to bring me closer to God or if I needed to convert.

Quan Barry once wrote, “Sometimes faith is the only medicine available.”

My unwavering faith in God has comforted me in tough times. Since Jan’s passing, it has been vital to my well-being.

Yet, I still pondered if it was sufficient.

My heart was confident that with Jan’s love and my faith, I would eventually make the right choice.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Faith is All I Needed!

I have faced many challenges in my lifetime, but losing my beloved was the most difficult one. Thankfully, Rabbi Dr. Renee Edelman offered me guidance and support, which gave me hope and taught me how to live life to the fullest, even after my loss.

Throughout my life, faith has been my guiding force. It has empowered me to persevere through challenges and achieve personal growth. As a result, I have embraced life to the fullest, cherished meaningful relationships, and strived to impact the world around me positively.

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Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

Read: October 2021

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Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

by Katherine May

Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May is “an intimate, revelatory book exploring the ways we can care for and repair ourselves when life knocks us down.”

Two quotes that resonated with me were:

That’s what grief is – a yearning for that one last moment of contact that would settle everything.

We are in the habit of imagining our lives to be linear, a long march from birth to death in which we mass our powers, only to surrender them again, all the while slowly losing our youthful beauty. This is a brutal untruth. Life meanders through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall upon us, revealing our bare bones. Given time they grow again.

May writes in a clear voice that conveys the importance of accepting the cycles of life instead of fighting them.

Sometimes you slip through the cracks: unforeseen circumstances like an abrupt illness, the death of a loved one, a breakup, or a job loss can derail a life. These periods of dislocation can be lonely and unexpected. For May, her husband fell ill, her son stopped attending school, and her own medical issues led her to leave a demanding job. Wintering explores how she not only endured this painful time but embraced the singular opportunities it offered.

A moving personal narrative shot through with lessons from literature, mythology, and the natural world, May’s story offers instruction on the transformative power of rest and retreat. Illumination emerges from many sources: solstice celebrations and dormice hibernation, C.S. Lewis and Sylvia Plath swimming in icy waters, and sailing arctic seas.

Ultimately Wintering invites us to change how we relate to our own fallow times. May models an active acceptance of sadness and finds nourishment in deep retreat, joy in the serene beauty of winter, and encouragement in understanding life as cyclical, not linear. A secular mystic, May forms a guiding philosophy for transforming the hardships that arise before the ushering in of a new season.

I recommend this book without reservation.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Trouble the Saints

Read: January 2022

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Trouble the Saints

by Alaya Dawn Johnson

Trouble the Saints by Alaya Dawn Johnson is one of NPR’s Books We Love from 2020. The dangerous magic of The Night Circus meets the powerful historical exploration of The Underground Railroad in this timely and unsettling novel, set against the darkly glamorous backdrop of New York City at the dawn of WWII. Amidst the whir of city life, a girl from Harlem is drawn into the glittering underworld of Manhattan, where she’s hired to use her knives to strike fear amongst its most dangerous denizens.

The book is written in three sections with different protagonists and voices. Phyllis, or Pea as her friends call her, is a black assassin for a white mob boss narrates the first section of the book. Her saint’s hands are the ability to use knives to commit murder. She can also pass as white as Phyllis, but she is a black woman from Harlem as Pea. The section she narrates is difficult at first to follow as she attempts to deal with the consequences of her actions. Can the past ever be the past?

Dev, Indian and Phyllis’s lover, narrates the second section. He is an undercover cop who protects her and helps her free herself from the mob boss. This section is located in the Hudson Valley and highlights the tensions before the war between whites and non-whites.

The third protagonist, Tamara, narrates this section. The war separates Phyllis and Dev. Phyllis is pregnant, and Dev and Tamara’s love interest are serving in the military. This section brings together the threads and reminds us that the past is never the past.

As Goodreads summarizes the book,

But the ghosts from her past are always by her side—and history has appeared on her doorstep to threaten the people she loves most.

Can one woman ever sacrifice enough to save an entire community?

Trouble the Saints is a dazzling, daring novel—a magical love story, a compelling chronicle of interracial tension, and an altogether brilliant and deeply American saga.

I recommend this book and encourage all readers to read it to the end.

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History Lessons: A Mystery

Read: July 2025

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History Lessons: A Mystery

by Zoe B. Wallbrook

In another life, I dreamed of becoming a history professor. When I opened “History Lessons: A Mystery” by Zoe B. Wallbrook, I discovered a story about a college history professor who must solve the murder of her renowned colleague before she becomes the next target. This humorous and romantic debut mystery, filled with witty banter and clever plot twists, is perfect for fans of Janet Evanovich, Kellye Garrett, and Ali Hazelwood.

As a newly minted junior professor, Daphne Ouverture spends her days giving lectures on French colonialism, working on her next academic book, and going on atrocious dates. Her small world suits her just fine until Sam Taylor dies.

The rising star of Harrison University’s anthropology department was never one of Daphne’s favorites, despite his popularity. But that doesn’t prevent Sam’s killer from believing Daphne has something that belonged to Sam—something the killer will stop at nothing to get.

Between grading papers and navigating her disastrous love life, Daphne embarks on her investigation to find out what connects her to Sam’s murder. With the help of an alluring former detective-turned-bookseller, she unravels a deadly cover-up on campus.

This well-crafted, voice-driven mystery introduces an unforgettable heroine in the crime fiction genre.


Zoe B. Wallbrook is a recently tenured professor whose academic research has appeared in outlets such as the New York Times and The New Yorker. She was selected for mentorship by LA Times bestseller Elizabeth Little, and History Lessons, her first novel, was a runner-up for the Eleanor Taylor Bland Award. Zoe’s hobbies include beginning all emails with “My sincerest apologies for my slow reply,” pretending to understand how astrological signs work, and crying at the end of every Call the Midwife episode. She and her husband live with their stalker, a black lab/pittie mix named Sophie.



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Help Wanted: A Novel

Read: March 2024

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Help Wanted: A Novel

by Adelle Waldman

Today, I started reading Help Wanted: A Novel by Adelle Waldman. The best-selling author of The Love Affairs of Nathaniel writes a funny and eye-opening tale of work in contemporary America. The story revolves around the members of Team Movement, who work at the big-box store Town Square in a small upstate New York town.

They come in for their shift at 3:55 a.m. every day, and under the supervision of a self-absorbed and barely competent boss, they empty the day’s merchandise truck, stock the shelves, and leave before the store opens for customers.

Although their lives follow a familiar and grueling routine, their real problem is that Town Square needs to schedule them for more hours. As a result, most are barely getting by, even while working second or third jobs. When the store manager, Big Will, announces he is leaving, the members of the Movement spot an opportunity. They set a just-so-crazy-it-might-work plot in motion, hoping one of them might land a management job, providing stability and possibilities for advancement.

The members of Team Movement, including a comedy-obsessed oddball who acts half his age, a young woman trying to keep her “cool kid” status from high school, and a college football hopeful trying to find a new path, band together to achieve their goal. Adelle Waldman’s debut novel was a breakout sensation, and her long-awaited follow-up brings her unparalleled wit and astute social observation to modern, low-wage work. Help Wanted is a humane and darkly comic workplace caper that highlights the hardships low-wage workers face in today’s economy. It is a funny and moving tale of ordinary people trying to make a living.

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The Essential Hamilton: Letters & Other Writings: A Library of America Special Publication

Read: February 2019

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The Essential Hamilton: Letters & Other Writings

by Edited by Joanne B. Freeman

The Essential Hamilton: Letters & Other Writings, edited by Joanne B. Freeman, Professor of History and American Studies at Yale University, is a must-read in our times when a constitutional crisis is the watchword of our day. Compared to reading all 27 volumes of Hamilton’s writings, this book provides the essential texts that offer a clear understanding of both the revolutionary era, the debates over the constitution, Hamilton’s impact as Secretary of the Treasury, and his downfall and eventual downfall death in Weehawken.

Professor Freeman’s introductions and chronology help place the writings into a historical context.

The Essential Hamilton is one of four books that I purchased after my first One Day University class.

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The Exhibitionist: A Novel

Read: July 2023

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The Exhibitionist: A Novel

by Charlotte Mendelson

I began reading Charlotte Mendelson‘s novel, The Exhibitionist, today. The book tells the story of Lucia and Ray, two artists whose marriage starts to fall apart over a weekend. It explores themes such as art, sacrifice, family dynamics, queer desire, and personal freedom. Charlotte Mendelson has created yet another exceptional novel with The Exhibitionist, ranked as the year’s novel by The Times of London, and described as “furiously funny.”

The Hanrahan family is coming together for an important weekend. Ray Hanrahan, a well-known artist with a big ego, is preparing for his first exhibition in many years. His eldest daughter, Leah, is his biggest supporter. His son, Patrick, has decided to pursue his own path. His youngest daughter, Jess, has a big decision to make. Ray’s wife, Lucia, is also an artist but has always prioritized her roles as a wife and mother. She is keeping secrets of her own and must decide which desires to pursue as the weekend progresses and the exhibition approaches.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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