Three Birthday Blessings
Estimated reading time: 8 minutes, 33 seconds
with my sister Becky in May 1949!
I Live in the Present and
Embrace the Future!
Today, March 30, 2024, on my 75th birthday, I wrote as I do daily in my journal. As I put pen to paper, I paused to contemplate my life’s journey. Looking back, I am grateful for all the experiences – both joyful and gloomy – that have shaped me into the person I am today. I’ve experienced moments of pure joy and also times of deep sorrow. One of the most heart-wrenching moments was when I lost Jan, my dear wife, in May 2021. It was a challenging time that left an indelible mark on my soul. Although the loss has been painful, I choose to live in the present and embrace the future.
I am celebrating my third birthday without my loved one, and I still miss her dearly. However, I find comfort that her spirit and love continue to live on within me. Over the last three years, I have made progress by following the teachings of the Torah, which remind us that we were given ears to listen, arms to embrace, and feet to move forward into the future. Today, I have reached another milestone in my life, and I am grateful for three blessings on this birthday.
The First Blessing – Life!
The gift of life is truly the most precious and magnificent blessing one can receive. However, after the loss of my beloved wife, I found myself lost in the tumultuous sea of grief, struggling to find a way to navigate the darkness on my own. Despite the overwhelming pain and sorrow, I eventually realized there were still so many things to be grateful for. The unwavering support of my loving family, the comfort of dear friends, and the kindness of a compassionate community all helped me to find my way through those darkest moments.
As time passed, I strongly desired to honor my wife’s memory meaningfully. So, I poured my heart and soul into creating Jan’s Memorial Garden in Hanson Park and organizing a “Celebrate Jan Day” on her birthday. Even though some of my friends thought it was a bit excessive, it gave me a sense of purpose and helped keep my wife’s memory alive.
Every morning, I walk in Hanson Park, one of our favorite places to go together. There, I feel her love and presence more strongly than ever before. I’ve learned to cherish every day as a precious gift, and instead of grieving for my wife, I now carry her love and spirit within me, which brings me comfort and strength.
The Second Blessing – A Healthier Life!
The second blessing in my life has been a significant change in my lifestyle, which has improved my health and self-confidence, and this journey has empowered me to become a better person. Since burying my wife, I have walked every day for 1,061 days, which has helped me lose 36 pounds, making me feel more active and better equipped to take care of my well-being. My daily walks not only allow me to stay physically fit but also help me stay mentally calm. I wake up every day at 5:30 with unwavering commitment and a clear sense of purpose. I feel energized and ready to seize the day as I leave my apartment. My daily walk is not just about the number of miles I cover but about the journey of perseverance and self-discipline.
I’ve developed a newfound appreciation for reading, which has expanded my knowledge and broadened my perspective. In the last two years, I have dedicated much time to reading, surpassing my previous record by completing seventy-four books in 2022. However, I was amazed when I read seventy-eight books, bringing my total to an impressive one hundred and fifty-two books over two years. Yesterday, I started reading Great Expectations by Vinson Cunningham, my twenty-fifth book of 2024.
Reading has become an integral part of my life. Through each book, I have broadened my perspectives, gained a deeper understanding of myself, and obtained valuable insights into how I can improve. While I love to read, sustaining this pace may be challenging in the future.
Writing about my life experiences in my journal has been therapeutic for me. It has helped me to focus on becoming the best version of myself. As Najwa Zebian once wrote, “We often seek positive change in times of loss. To make it happen, we must be willing to become the change we desire.”
Being a part of the Temple Sha’arey Shalom community and attending weekly worship sessions has been integral to my life. It has provided unity and inclusion and helped me connect with others who share my values and beliefs. This community has been a constant source of support, giving me the strength and comfort I need during challenging times.
Through my journey of self-exploration, I have undergone a profound transformation for which I am genuinely grateful. While I may not have achieved the pinnacle of my potential, the personal growth and evolution I have experienced over the past three years have been remarkable. I now look back and barely recognize the person I used to be. Nevertheless, I know in my soul that Jan, my wife, would be proud of the man I have become today.
The Third Blessing – Meaning and Purpose
As a person who values purpose and service, I have found a profound sense of meaning in the third blessing. It fills me with great pride to serve as the Chair of the Bridges Board of Trustees, where I am fully committed to the noble cause of eradicating homelessness from our society. I recently attended the NLIHC Hill Day event in Washington, DC, which was a significant occasion since I had not participated in this event in five years since I stopped working full-time. During the event, I spoke passionately about various issues. I took the opportunity to highlight Bridges‘ remarkable achievements in reducing street homelessness in Newark by 57.6% in 2023, which is a testament to our team’s hard work and dedication.
My philanthropic activities are focused on positively impacting the world, and I strive to contribute daily to society. My lifelong pursuit of justice and fairness has given me unparalleled gratification, knowing that my efforts contribute to something greater than myself and that my work creates a more just and equitable society. This newfound sense of purpose and meaning has given my life a fulfillment and completeness I never thought possible.
The quote from Kahlil Gibran‘s “The Prophet” (1923) resonates deeply with me, reminding me to stay connected with the earth and the soul of the planet. Though I am not currently employed full-time, I still have a significant role to play in this world. Having a sense of purpose and meaning in life is vital, giving me direction and motivation each day. Without a clear purpose, everything can feel directionless and unsatisfying.
You work that you may keep pace with the earth and the soul of the earth. For to be idle is to become a stranger unto the seasons, and to step out of life’s procession, that marches in majesty and proud submission towards the infinite.
Kahlil Gibran, “The Prophet” (1923)
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
You are an incredible person! You are a new person! A better person! Jan, although not here physically, has done so much for you!
Danny, I am writing to express my gratitude for your unwavering support and friendship throughout the past three years. Your presence in my life has been crucial, and I cannot thank you enough for being there for me during some of my darkest moments.
While I do not believe that I am an incredible person, I have come a long way on my journey through grief. It has been a difficult and sometimes painful journey, but I have learned much about myself and the world around me. Each lesson has been valuable, and I have taken them to heart.
As I move forward, I am still determining what the future holds. But I know Jan is with me, and I feel her presence guiding me every step. I am proud of the person I have become, and I know that Jan would be too.
Thank you again for all that you have done for me.
Richard, I feel that I have gotten to know the better you these past three years. While we do not get to spend time with each other all that often, the occasions on which we do have that opportunity have been meaningful for me.
Jan is proud of the man you are just as I’m sure your family and friends are.
And, a belated happy birthday.
Ali, I want to express my heartfelt gratitude for your kind words. These past three years have been an arduous journey, and grief has been my constant companion. Yet, it has been a great teacher, pushing me to strive for more and holding me to a higher standard.
I know I still have miles to go before finding peace of mind, but I am committed to getting there. With every step I take, I am learning to listen with my ears, embrace with my arms, and step into the future with newfound strength.
Your friendship and support have been light during these dark times. Every time we meet, our conversations are filled with meaning, inspiring me to keep moving forward. I feel blessed to have someone like you in my life.
Once again, thank you for your unwavering support and kind words. They mean more to me than you can ever imagine.