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Flowers Everywhere

Estimated reading time: 14 minutes, 17 seconds
Jan and her Orchid!

Jan and her Orchid!

From One Rose to a
Home Full of Flowers

My beloved wife, Jan, was arriving home for the last time on April 10, 2021. I asked her how I could make her last trip home more comfortable, and she replied that she wanted to be surrounded by flowers upon her arrival. However, two days before her release from the hospital, Rabbi Renee, my sons, and Dr. Saksena delivered the heartbreaking news that hospice care was the only option left. Dr. Strair, her other oncologist, had explained that they couldn’t effectively treat Jan’s Lymphoma due to COVID-19, and the Lymphoma prevented them from treating COVID-19. He stated that her Lymphoma was very aggressive, and they had tried three treatments, but the efficacy of each new treatment had declined. Dr. Strair said there was little they could do even without COVID-19.

“I promise, my dear,” I said, barely above a whisper, “that our boys and I will fill our home with flowers.” I looked at her, lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to tubes and machines, her once vibrant eyes now dull and tired. My heart ached with deep sadness, knowing that due to Lymphoma and COVID, she was coming home for hospice care with only weeks to live. Despite the weight of the situation, I was determined to bring a little bit of joy to her last days.

As I made this promise, I couldn’t help but remember the day we first met. It was a cold November day, and I went out in the morning to get milk and bagels. I saw that a Bodega had roses, so I bought one and a card. I had altered the words on the card that said I like you to I love you. When Jan accepted the rose and read the card, she whispered, “Me too. I love you,” her voice quivering with emotion. At that moment, we both knew we had discovered something extraordinary. We hugged each other tightly, not wanting to let go. Our lips locked in a deep and passionate kiss that made my heart skip a beat. Now, as I sat beside her during my last visit to Overlook Hospital, I couldn’t believe that everything had come to this.

Less than 48 hours after Dr. Saksena confirmed that hospice was the only option, I found myself navigating the familiar halls of the hospital, knowing my way around like the back of my hand. She had been hospitalized so often since her first admission on January 1, 2020, that the staff recognized me and greeted me with nods and smiles of acknowledgment. Despite her diagnosis of Lymphoma, I had always believed that she would beat the odds and survive, even after she almost died a week ago. But now, as I held her hand and watched her chest rise and fall with each labored breath, I knew that our time together was coming to an end.

Jan was dozing on and off while I gathered everything I needed to bring home from the hospital. I sent a message to my son Mike, who was planning to visit Jan that evening, to confirm his timing and see if he could take home any items I couldn’t fit in my car. He replied that he was leaving and would be at the hospital within the hour. I held Jan’s hand and felt the strength of our love as if our circulatory systems were intertwined and growing stronger with every beat of our hearts.

I am leaving so that Mike can visit you,” I said as I leaned over the guardrails on the bed and kissed her lips. “I love you!” Jan’s eyes opened, and she smiled a little. Despite feeling anxious, I smiled, too. That felt nice,” Jan said. I replied that all of her sweet kisses had been lovely. “Yes, they have been. But, when you reached over, you grazed my boobs, and I felt not only your love but like I was a woman again.” Foolishly, I apologized. Richard, don’t apologize; caress them for me one last time.” I rubbed her hospital gown. If no one else is here, pull the curtain around the bed.” As I did, she struggled to pull the gown off her chest. I helped her even though it was awkward. Her naked breasts looked the same as the first time I had seen them. “Kiss them, fondle them, enjoy them,” she commanded. “Thank you for still loving my boobs even though they sag to my belly button!” I kissed her lips and then kissed and sucked her nipples.

As I walked to my car, I felt both aroused and worried about Jan. I knew she didn’t have much time left, and the thought of having to live without her filled me with despair. I wiped away my tears as I fastened my seatbelt and prayed to God for strength. “Please help me love Jan more than ever and grant her peace and comfort,” I screamed, feeling as though my heart was breaking into a million pieces.

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Neruda on the Park: A Novel

Read: May 2023

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Neruda on the Park: A Novel

by Cleyvis Natera

Neruda on the Park is a novel by Cleyvis Natera that beautifully depicts the complexities of family, friendship, and ambition. The story highlights the community’s efforts to protect their neighborhood amidst the gentrification and the tension between a mother and her daughter.

The Guerreros have lived in Nothar Park, a Dominican neighborhood in New York City, for twenty years. When a neighboring tenement faces demolition, Eusebia, an elder of the community, takes matters into her own hands and devises a series of increasingly dangerous schemes to halt the construction of luxury condos. Meanwhile, Eusebia’s daughter, Luz, a rising associate at a Manhattan law firm, becomes distracted by a passionate romance with the handsome white developer working on the project her mother opposes.

As Luz’s father, Vladimir, designs their retirement home in the Dominican Republic, mother and daughter clash, escalating tensions in Nothar Park and leading to a near-fatal climax. Overall, Neruda on the Park is a captivating story that weaves a rich, vivid tapestry of community and sacrifice to protect what matters most.

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The Morningside: A Novel

Read: March 2024

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The Morningside: A Novel

by Téa Obreht

Today, I started reading The Morningside: A Novel by Téa Obreht. The book tells the story of Silvia and her mother, who have been expelled from their home and have settled in a luxury tower called Island City, where Silvia’s aunt Ena is the superintendent. The Morningside is a place of magical possibilities, where Ena shares folktales with Silvia about her demolished homeland, a place of natural beauty and communal spirit. This starkly contrasts Silvia’s current reality, where she feels unmoored and disconnected from her past.

Silvia is fascinated by Bezi Duras, an enigmatic woman who lives in the penthouse and is shrouded in mystery. Bezi has her elevator entrance and only leaves the building at night to walk her three massive hounds, returning in the early morning. Silvia becomes obsessed with unraveling the truth about Bezi’s life and haunted past, even if it comes at a significant cost to her.

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We Are All the Same in the Dark

Read: January 2023

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We Are All the Same in the Dark

by Julia Heaberlin

We Are All the Same in the Dark by Julia Heaberlin is a novel I highly recommend and wish I had read earlier. The title summarizes the reality of all humans, that in the dark we are all the same. Disabilities do not define us, just as being a widow does not define who I am. In this twisty psychological thriller, Julia Heaberlin paints two unforgettable portraits of a woman and a girl who redefine perceptions of physical beauty and strength. Her novel has helped me redefine my grief.

I have been a widow for almost twenty-one months. After a trauma of that magnitude, it is easier to let the widowed state define me. But I am more than just a widow! But I am a father, grandfather, friend, neighbor, advocate, and more. Reading We Are All the Same in the Dark helped me embrace myself and not wallow in widowhood.

The novel begins with the discovery of a girl abandoned by the side of the road who threatens to unearth the long-buried secrets of a Texas town’s legendary cold case. In the first section, I was still determining if I wanted to continue. Once I read about Odette Tucker and Angel, it became a page-turner. 

This line from Odette given to Angelica, aka Angel, summarizes the characteristics that each of us should live by.

Tender. Resilient. Strong. Resourceful. Kind. Empathetic.—Six words Marshall Tucker wrote on a piece of paper to describe his daughter, Odette.

As a mensch-in-training, I will strive to live by those six words.

We are truly all the same in the dark.

We Are All the Same in the Dark is the ninth book I read this year.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

It’s been a decade since Trumanell Branson disappeared, leaving only a bloody handprint behind. Her pretty face still hangs like a watchful queen on the posters on the walls of the town’s Baptist church, the police station, and the high school. They all promise the same thing: We will find you. Meanwhile, her brother, Wyatt, lives as a pariah in the desolation of the old family house, cleared of wrongdoing by the police but tried and sentenced in the court of public opinion and a new documentary about the crime.

When Wyatt finds a lost girl dumped in a field of dandelions, making silent wishes, he believes she is a sign. The town’s youngest cop, Odette Tucker, believes she is a catalyst that will ignite a seething town still waiting for its missing girl to come home. But Odette can’t look away. She shares a wound that won’t close with the mute, one-eyed mystery girl. And she is haunted by her history with the missing Tru.

Desperate to solve both cases, Odette fights to save the lost girl in the present and to dig up the shocking truth about a fateful night in the past–the night her friend disappeared. This night inspired her to become a cop, the night that wrote them all a role in the town’s dark, violent mythology.

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Killing Stella

Read: July 2025

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Killing Stella

by Marlen Haushofer

Yesterday, I read “Killing Stella,” written by Marlen Haushofer and translated by Shaun Whiteside, which is a domestic horror story that culminates in an apocalyptic ending. This novella captures many of the themes present in Haushofer’s acclaimed novel, “The Wall,” presenting them within a claustrophobic, gothic, and striking narrative. It offers a gripping and incisive exploration of a fractured marriage, highlighting the remarkable talent of the author of “The Wall,” now available in English for the first time.

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Marlen Haushofer (1920–1970) was an Austrian author known for her short stories, novels, radio plays, and children’s books. Her work has significantly influenced many German-speaking writers, including Nobel Prize winner Elfriede Jelinek, who dedicated one of her plays to Haushofer. One of her most notable works, “The Wall“, was adapted into a film in 2012, directed by Julian Pölsler and starring Martina Gedeck.

Shaun Whiteside is known for his translations of classic works from German, including those by Freud, Musil, and Nietzsche.

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The Witch: A Novel

Read: April 2026

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The Witch: A Novel

by Marie Ndiaye

“The Witch” by Marie Ndiaye, the recipient of the Gold Medal in the Arts from the Kennedy Center International Committee on the Arts, is shortlisted for the International Booker Prize. In a small, sleepy town, a mediocre witch in a lackluster marriage attempts to pass on her gifts to her twin daughters, who quickly prove to possess abilities far greater than her own.

Lucie comes from a long line of witches, with powers passed down from mother to daughter. Many of them have hidden or repressed their gifts to appease disgusted or fearful men. But against the wishes of her controlling husband, Lucie initiates her twins into their family’s peculiar womanhood when they reach the age of twelve. In a few short months, Maud and Lise are crying rich crimson tears, their powers quickly becoming more potent than their mother’s, opening them to liberation and euphoria beyond what Lucie and her foremothers ever considered.

Equal parts dreamlike and disquieting, The Witch tells a tale as old as time, with a dark twist: Without looking back, children fly the nest, laying bare the tenuous threads of family that have long threatened to snap. With simmering tension and increasing panic, NDiaye’s latest novel in English captures the terror and precarity of motherhood and marriage, and the uncertainty of slowly realizing that your progeny are more dangerous—to the world and to your heart—and freer than you ever could have dreamed.

Marie Ndiaye was born in Pithiviers, France. She is the author of Rosie Carpe, winner of the Prix Femina, and of Three Strong Women, winner of the Prix Goncourt. Her recent novel, Vengeance is Mine, was a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award for Fiction. She is also the recipient of the Kennedy Center International Committee on the Arts Gold Medal. She lives in Paris.

Translated by Jordan Stump.

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Booth

Read: January 2023

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Booth: A Novel

by Karen Joy Fowler

Booth by Karen Joy Fowler was on my to-read list for several months. Booth is an epic and intimate novel about the family behind one of the most infamous figures in American history: John Wilkes Booth. I have always been fascinated by history, especially the Civil War. Booth is a startling portrait of a country in the throes of change and a vivid exploration of the ties that make and break a family. It is the second book I have read this year.

Ms. Fowler struggled with how to write this novel without focusing on the cruelest member of the Booth family. She succeeded, but I sometimes felt confused about the type of book I was reading. Was it historical fiction or a textbook?

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The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

In 1822, a secret family moved into a secret cabin some thirty miles northeast of Baltimore to farm, hide, and bear ten children over the next sixteen years. Junius Booth–breadwinner, celebrated Shakespearean actor, and master of the house in more ways than one–is at once a mesmerizing talent and a man of terrifying instability. One by one, the children arrive, as year by year, the country draws frighteningly closer to the boiling point of secession and civil war.

As the tenor of the world shifts, the Booths emerge from their hidden lives to cement their place as one of the country’s leading theatrical families. But behind the curtains of the many stages they have graced, multiple scandals, family triumphs, and criminal disasters begin to take their toll, and the solemn siblings of John Wilkes Booth are left to reckon with the truth behind the destructively specious promise of an early prophecy.

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