I remember reading portions of Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl at different times, but I never finished the book. However, recently, eight and a half months after the passing of Jan, the book came up for discussion in one of my groups. Frankl's theory of logotherapy, which derives from the Greek word for "meaning," centers around the idea that the primary human drive is not pleasure, as Freud believed, but rather the search for what gives life meaning. I now have a framework for my life without Jan.
The Vein of Love Endures Forever!
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 0 seconds“Richard, you will never find someone as long as you continue to wear your wedding ring,” she announced with certainty.
“Jan has only been in her grave for a month…”
“You are not a young man. Every day you wait the more impossible your chances will be.”
“But I am not looking for a new bride.”
I am sure they believed they offered hope to a newly minted widow, but the pain remains as fresh as morning dew.
Our wedding rings were consequential for Jan and me.
Eight months after her lymphoma diagnosis, Jan’s hands were swelling, and her ring finger was at risk of losing the blood flowing from her heart. Our friends at Martin Jewelers removed it.
When informed that hospice care was the only choice, her tearful request was, “I want my wedding ring.”
Our oldest son went to Martin Jewelers, and they were able to resize her ring and reunite hers into one solid ring.
I replaced it on her hand when she arrived home for the last time.
When asked to remove it before the funeral, I said no. Jan wanted her ring, and it was not for me to remove it. I called Rabbi Renee to ensure that there was no reason she could not keep her wedding ring, and she said there was no reason to remove the ring.
According to The NYTimes,
The ancient Egyptians believed there was a vena amoris, Latin for a vein of love, in the left hand’s fourth finger with a direct route to the heart.
My rational mind denies a direct connection from the fourth finger to my heart.
But I am and always will be a romantic.
I believe in my heart and mind that the Orchid that bloomed last week was a reminder that Jan is still with me and always will be.
She is my Valentine today and every day!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
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“I want my wedding ring,” Jan said as tears poured down her face. Less than an hour before her heartfelt request, the doctors had told her that there was nothing left that they could do for her, and she would be coming home for hospice care. She only had a few weeks left to live.
Our Salvation is Through Love!
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 0 seconds“Happy Valentine’s Day,” my neighbor said as we passed in the hallway.
Without thinking, I responded and wished her a Happy Valentine’s Day.
Glancing at my iPhone, I noticed a series of messages on one of my chat support groups, “I hate V Day!”
Being a widow is difficult, especially when everyone else is in a chocolate-induced ecstasy!
But I will not pull up the bridge and deny others the salvation that love offers. Love is the most powerful force in the universe! I share Jan’s love so others can also experience the transformative power of love!
As Viktor E. Frankl wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning,
“The truth – that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.”
Jan’s love transformed me. She is still with me; my salvation is by sharing her love!
The book Never Forget Our People Were Always Free is told through parables. It features intimate glimpses of political and 
