Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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Faith is All I Needed!

Conversion or Status Quo

Am I Already Jewish, or Can I Become Closer to God?

Jon Brown Bar Mitzvah January 15, 1994

Jon Brown’s Bar Mitzvah was held on January 15, 1994. In the photo are (left to right) Richard W. Brown, Rabbi Darnov, Jon Brown, Jan Lilien, and in front, Mike Brown.“Richard, I have a question.”

“Richard, I have a question,” the woman at the table said.

I nodded, waiting for her to continue.

Jan was Jewish, but you are not,” she explained.

I nodded again, acknowledging her statement.

What faith were your parents? Do you plan to convert?” she asked.

My parents were Methodist. I have often thought about converting,” I shared. For almost forty years, I have been attending only Jewish services. Conversion is a more pressing issue as I want to be buried next to Jan, and not converting might prevent that.”

She and the others at the table listened as I explained my thoughts and concerns about converting.

“If you converted, what would be involved?” she asked.

I gave her a detailed answer based on what I had learned from Rabbi Renee.

The conversation continued, with everyone at the table sharing their thoughts and opinions.

Reflecting on the conversation later, I wondered if my faith was enough to bring me closer to God or if I needed to convert.

Quan Barry once wrote, “Sometimes faith is the only medicine available.”

My unwavering faith in God has comforted me in tough times. Since Jan’s passing, it has been vital to my well-being.

Yet, I still pondered if it was sufficient.

My heart was confident that with Jan’s love and my faith, I would eventually make the right choice.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Faith is All I Needed!

I have faced many challenges in my lifetime, but losing my beloved was the most difficult one. Thankfully, Rabbi Dr. Renee Edelman offered me guidance and support, which gave me hope and taught me how to live life to the fullest, even after my loss.

Throughout my life, faith has been my guiding force. It has empowered me to persevere through challenges and achieve personal growth. As a result, I have embraced life to the fullest, cherished meaningful relationships, and strived to impact the world around me positively.

A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness

A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness

I recently discovered an excellent short story collection called A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness: Stories by Jai Chakrabarti. This author won the National Jewish Book Award for debut fiction with his novel A Play for the End of the World, and it is clear that his talent extends to the short story form as well.

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Intense Pollinosis Stymies Spring

Intense Pollinosis Stymies Spring

Jan's Last Gift Continues Giving Me Hay Fever

“All I have in stock is Claritan D, 24-hour.”

Standing at the counter of Baron Drugs after a 7.88-mile walk, I said I would take the package.

My eyes felt like I was underwater, and my nose had sniffled my entire hike.

As he processed the payment, I complimented him on the extensive and expensive improvements to the store.

Thanks, it is more efficient and lets us serve our customers better.

Walking out with the medication in my jacket pocket, I remembered being here with Jan when we were looking for CBD products to help her with neuropathy. The store looked like it could have been the set for a 1950s movie.

Arriving in 3B, I ripped open the box and took a pill before removing my jacket. My symptoms began to subside over breakfast.

Although the pollinosis medication is non-drowsy, I have felt a little weirder than usual.

I have never been one to take a variety of medications. All I take daily are multivitamins and enough Vitamins C and D to meet my daily requirements.

In time, I am confident the Calritan effect will vanish, and I will not even remember adding this to my regimen.

Jan always suffered from Hay Fever, but pollen has never impacted me.

When Jan died, I thought her lasting gift to me was her enduring love. The more I give it away, the more love I have to share.

Perhaps, Jan also gave me hay fever to remember her forever. It is, like her love, a gift that keeps on giving.

The Calritan is working, and I will be well soon, and my love for Jan will never die.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Love Without Blossoms

It appears that the trees are blossoming.

Therefore, I am confident Jan's love has not and never will die. It is stronger now than it was on the day I met her.

When I sneeze from too much pollen, I accept it as a sign that she is still with me and loves me as much as I love her.

Make a Difference

Fog Bank Doldrums!

Have I Lost My Resilience?

Like a weighted blanket, time can fold back upon itself and cloak me into a different space and time.

For several days, I had felt as if I were sleepwalking like two years ago when Jan was home for hospice.

During hospice, I showered Jan with love to the point that I felt depleted of energy and stamina.

When I kissed Jan on the final morning, I was unsure how or if I could continue to live.

A good friend called me in the afternoon and offered condolences. He said something I did not fully comprehend in my initial hours as a widow.

You are resilient, and that will help you on your journey. You will survive despite the pain you feel today.

One day at a time, I learned that resilience could and does help us to adapt. It became a secret power that allowed me to live fully despite having my body and soul shredded into a million pieces like the glass bottle we smashed on our wedding day.

Each day I gained strength and rebuilt my life by sharing Jan’s love.

Walking shrunk my waist and allowed my mind to wonder and think creatively.

Building on that foundation, I framed my new life with love and faith. The trusses of my gabled roof are my reading and my writing.

I will forever miss Jan, but with a new framework, I have regained a purpose by helping others.

As Jane Goodall wrote,

You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.

For forty-eight hours, my life has reverted to one devoid of meaning.

Am I no longer reslient? Did I lose my mojo?

I do not know, but my body and soul feel weak and hopeless.

Despite the many miles I walk daily, my legs fill like water balloons, yet I cannot give up. Jan’s love spurs me to impact the world not by sleepwalking but by making a difference. Can I do this?

My doubts overflow like high tide in the Bay of Fundy.

Despite my anxiety, I still hear Jan whispering her words of wisdom,

Richard, you are capable and strong, and I believe in you.

Soon the fog bank will break, and Jan’s undying love will let me regain my focus and continue to impact the world positively.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Living Alone as Best I Can!

The day Jan died, I wasn't sure how long I would live.

I still do not know, but none of us knows how many days we will live.

A good friend called the morning after the love of my life died to offer his sympathy and support.

He said, "You are resilient, and that will help you on your journey. You will survive despite the pain you feel today."

At that moment, I was unconvinced of his opinion.

But over time, my resilience has rebounded.

Walkability is Likeability!

Walkability Equals Likability!

In Cranford, I Do Not Need a Car for Daily Errands

As I was lost in thought during my walk, I suddenly heard a familiar voice calling me. As the person got closer, I recognized my neighbor, Franco, carrying two large bags of bread. He shouted a greeting, saying, “Hey, Buddy, I’m right behind you!”

Walking to his shop, Venue 104, made me appreciate how fortunate I am to live in a neighborhood where most of my daily tasks can be accomplished on foot. The walkability score of my community is an impressive 96, which has been a tremendous help as I navigate my grief journey.

I’m also grateful to be an active member of several supportive communities that provide me with the necessary strength and encouragement. Without these connections, I wouldn’t have made it this far.

As Charlie Padavano says to Sylvie, one of his daughters, in Hello Beautiful.

We’re separated from the world by our own edges. We’re all interconnected, and when you see that, you see how beautiful life is.

Despite the difficulty in finding joy in life without Jan, I’m taking things one day at a time and discovering happiness in simple things like walking, faith, reading, and more.

Although I can never replace Jan, sharing her love helps me keep her memory alive in this new chapter of my life.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



 

I Live in Community and Reside in My Home!

As Charlie Padavano says to Sylvie, one of his daughters, in Hello Beautiful, "We're separated from the world by our own edges. We're all interconnected, and when you see that, you see how beautiful life is."

As a widow, it is sometimes difficult for me to appreciate the beauty of life without my beloved partner, Jan. However, I am learning to take things one day at a time and embrace life to the fullest. Although Jan's loss can never be replaced, I feel fortunate to have a supportive network that allows me to keep her spirit alive and share her love with others.

We can face life alone in fear or unite and support one another. For me, living interdependently in multiple communities has helped manage my grief..

Passover in Tinton Falls

Passover in Tinton Falls

Adding a New Node to My Network

Rabbi Dr. Renee Edelman

Rabbi Dr. Renee Edelman at Celebrate Jan Day on April 24, 2022. Photo Courtesy of Kevin Papa.

“I am a friend of Rabbi Renee…”

“Wow, you know our Renee?”

I nodded yes to the question, which was the perfect icebreaker that could dismantle the largest glaciers in a nanosecond.

“Amazing that you joined us when you did not know anyone here. We always welcome strangers.”

I attended Second Night Seder at the Monmouth Reform Temple (MRT) in Tinton Falls for the second night of the Passover Seder.

Rabbi Renee, a friend and my rabbi will become the new religious leader at MRT on July 1.

To describe my arrival in Tinton Falls as a warm welcome would be several degrees lower than the enthusiasm that enveloped me.

Walking into a room with more than eighty congregants when the only person I knew was their new rabbi might have been daunting to some people, but I found it as easy as adding a new node to my community mesh network.

I live in a community mesh network (CMN), allowing me to move from one node to another. It is seamless, and adding a new node is as easy as 1-2-3.

My CMN reflects the reality of our real lives: we belong to multiple communities and must be able to move between them and remain interconnected.

Seamlessly moving between my communities of family, friends, neighbors, and faith strengthens each and makes me healthier.

Without my multi-community mesh network, I am unsure if I could have survived my grief journey.

It does not replace what I lost when Jan died, but my seamless network allows me to bring Jan’s spirit into my new life and share her love with everyone.

You must return next year when Renee will lead the seder,” several new friends said as I walked to my car.

I am still trying to figure out what to do next year, but I am happy to have added a new node to my community mesh network.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



My Community Mesh Network

Seamlessly moving between these communities strengthens each one and makes me healthier. Everyone should consider creating community mesh networks. My multi-community mesh network has been a lifesaver throughout my grief journey.

Although it cannot replace what I lost, it allows me to bring my loved one's spirit into my new life and share her love with everyone.

The New Earth

The New Earth

The New Earth, by Jess Row, is a commanding investigation of our deep and impossible desire to undo the injustices we have both inflicted and been forced to endure. When I read books about dysfunctional families, I am reminded of how important family is to our health and how blessed I am not to be a member of a family like the one Jess Row has created. I highly recommend this book!

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Faith is All I Needed!
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A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness

Read: April 2023

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A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness

by Jai Chakrabarti

I recently discovered an excellent short story collection called A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness: Stories by Jai Chakrabarti. This author won the National Jewish Book Award for debut fiction with his novel A Play for the End of the World, and it is clear that his talent extends to the short story form as well.

The stories in this collection follow men and women as they navigate transformations and familial bonds across countries and cultures. Each story is unique and captivating, but the one that struck me was the title story about a closeted gay man in 1980s Kolkata who seeks to have a child with his lover’s wife. Chakrabarti’s skill as a storyteller is on full display in this story and throughout the collection.

I highly recommend A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness: Stories if you want a book exploring love and family’s complexities in uncertain times. Each story is a masterful exploration of what it means to cultivate a family across borders, religions, and races. I look forward to reading more by Jai Chakrabarti in the future.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

In the fourteen masterful stories of this collection, Jai Chakrabarti crosses continents and cultures to explore what it means to cultivate a family across borders, religions, and races today.

In the title story, a closeted gay man in 1980s Kolkata seeks to have a child with his lover’s wife. An Indian widow, engaged to a Jewish man, struggles to balance her cultural identity with the rituals and traditions of her newfound family. An American musician travels to see his guru for the final time—and makes a promise he cannot keep. A young woman from an Indian village arrives in Brooklyn to care for the toddler of a biracial couple. And a mystical agent is sent by a mother to solve her son’s domestic problems.

Throughout, the characters’ most vulnerable desires shape life-altering decisions as they seek to balance their needs against those of the people they hold closest.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Intense Pollinosis Stymies Spring
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Make a Difference
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Walkability is Likeability!
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Passover in Tinton Falls
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The New Earth

Read: April 2023

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The New Earth

by Jess Row

The New Earth, by Jess Row, is a commanding investigation of our deep and impossible desire to undo the injustices we have both inflicted and been forced to endure. When I read books about dysfunctional families, I am reminded of how important family is to our health and how blessed I am not to be a member of a family like the one Jess Row has created. I highly recommend this book!

The Wilcoxes saga is a case study of the difficulties of modern relationships. The reunion at the wedding of their daughter Winter unfolds in a manner that keeps the reader engaged until the final words appear on the page. Lies, infidelity, and how these actions compound and create problems for the younger generation is a book well worth reading.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

For fifteen years, the Wilcoxes have been a family in name only. Though never the picture of happiness, they once seemed like a typical white Jewish clan from the Upper West Side. But in the early 2000s, two events ruptured the relationships between them. First, Naomi revealed to her children that her biological father was Black. In the aftermath, college-age daughter Bering left home to become a radical peace activist in Palestine’s West Bank, where an Israeli Army sniper killed her.

In 2018, Winter Wilcox is getting married, and her only demand is that her mother, father, and brother emerge from their self-imposed isolations and gather once more. After decades of neglecting personal and political wounds, each remaining family member must face their fractured history and decide if they can ever reconcile.

Assembling a vast chorus of voices and ideas from across the globe, Jess Row “explodes the saga from within–blows the roof off, so to speak, to let in politics, race, theory, and the narrative self-awareness that the form had seemed hell-bent on ignoring” (Jonathan Lethem).


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Black River

Read: November 2024

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Black River: A Novel

by Nilanjana S. Roy

Today, I dove into the captivating pages of “Black River” by Nilanjana S. Roy, a standout selection from The New York Times’ 100 Notable Books of 2024. This compelling debut novel unfolds against contemporary India, a country grappling with rising religious intolerance. Roy’s storytelling is nothing short of mesmerizing, intricately weaving a narrative that vividly reflects the nation’s complexities and contradictions.

Teetapur, an unassuming village just a few hours outside bustling Delhi, is known for nothing—until the discovery of an 8-year-old girl named Munia, found dead and hanging from the branch of a Jamun tree. In this predominantly Hindu village, suspicion quickly falls on Mansoor, an itinerant Muslim man. The tension ignites like wildfire, intensified by the underlying religious discord.

The responsibility for uncovering the elusive truth—and preventing the lynching of the prime suspect—falls on the weary shoulders of Sub-Inspector Ombir Singh. With only one other officer under his command and a single working revolver between them, can he bring justice to a grieving father and an angry village? Or will Teetapur demand vengeance instead?

“Black River” offers readers a gripping mystery and a sweeping analysis of the nation’s state, serving as a searing critique of modern India.



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Palaver

Read: November 2025

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Palaver: A Novel

by Bryan Washington

Written with subtle humor and warmth, Bryan Washington‘s Palaver weaves together the past and present across Houston, Jamaica, and Japan. This intricate story explores themes of family, love, and the beauty of coexistence. A finalist for the National Book Award for Fiction, this novel is a life-affirming tale about family, healing, and the ways we learn to love, showcasing the talent of the award-winning Bryan Washington.

In Tokyo, a young man works as an English tutor and spends his nights out with friends at a gay bar. He is involved in a sexual relationship with a married man. Although he has formed a chosen family in Japan, he and his mother, who resides in Houston, are estranged from each other. Her preference for his troubled, homophobic brother, Chris, ultimately pushed him to leave home. Then, in the weeks leading up to Christmas—ten years after they last saw each other—his mother arrives uninvited at his doorstep.

With only the son’s cat, Taro, to mediate, the two clash immediately. The mother struggles with memories of her youth in Jamaica and her complicated relationship with her brother, as she attempts to reconcile her good intentions with past mistakes. Meanwhile, the son grapples with the challenge of forgiveness. However, as life takes unexpected turns—leading the mother to form a tentative friendship with a local bistro owner and the son to connect with a new patron at the bar cautiously—they begin to see each other more clearly.

Through shared meals, conversations, and an eventful trip to Nara, both mother and son try to determine where “home” truly is and whether they can find it in one another.


Bryan Washington is the author of the story collection Lot and the novels Memorial and Family Meal. He is a National Book Award 5 Under 35 Honoree. He has won several prestigious awards, including the Dylan Thomas Prize, the NYPL Young Lions Fiction Award, the Ernest J. Gaines Award, two Lambda Literary Awards, and an O. Henry Prize.

Washington has also been a finalist for various awards, such as the National Book Critics Circle Award for Fiction, the Aspen Words Literary Prize, the Center for Fiction First Novel Prize, the Andrew Carnegie Medal of Excellence, and the James Tait Black Prize. The New York Times referred to his writing as among the 25 Most Influential Works of Postwar Queer Literature, and he was a columnist for the New York Times Magazine.

As a frequent contributor to The New Yorker and The New York Times, his writing has appeared in other notable publications, including Granta, The New York Times Magazine, New York, Time, GQ, and Esquire, among others. He lives in Tokyo.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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Last House: A Novel

Read: May 2024

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Last House: A Novel

by Jessica Shattuck

I started reading “Last House: A Novel” by Jessica Shattuck today. She is an esteemed New York Times bestselling author known for her work “The Women in the Castle.” This sweeping narrative, perfect for “The Dutch House” and “Great Circle” fans, explores a nation’s rise to power and a family’s complex ties to the resources that shaped their wealth. It also delves into the events that led to their greatest tragedy, a secret that threatens to tear them apart.

In 1953, a World War II veteran turned company lawyer, Nick Taylor, saw oil as the key to the future. He commutes to the city for work and returns to the peaceful suburbs to be with his wife, Bet, a former codebreaker now a housewife, and their two children, Katherine and Harry. Nick, who comes from humble origins, can provide for his family, including their secluded country escape called Last House, thanks to his work for American Oil. Last House, deep in the Vermont mountains, offers the Taylors a retreat from the stresses of modern life. Bet no longer worries about the Russian H-bombs that haunt her dreams, and the children can roam freely in the woods. Last House is a place that seems capable of surviving the end of the world.

1968, a turning point in American history, where the nation teeters on the brink of transformation. The streets pulsate with protestors challenging everything from the Vietnam War to racism and even the country’s reliance on Big Oil. As Katherine enters adulthood, she finds herself caught in the era’s tide, struggling to reconcile her ideals with the privileged upbringing her parents, part of the Greatest Generation, toiled to provide. But when the Movement takes a secure, more radical turn, each member of the Taylor family must face the repercussions of their choices for the causes they believed in. This rich historical backdrop infuses the Taylor family’s narrative with depth and intrigue, leaving us hungry for more about this transformative era.

“Last House” spans multiple generations and nearly eighty years, telling the story of one American family during a time of grand ideals and significant downfalls. It explores themes of family dynamics, the impact of wealth, and the societal changes that shaped America. Set against the backdrop of our nation’s history, this emotional tour de force delves deeply into questions of inheritance and what we owe each other. It captures the gravity of time, the double edge of progress, and the hubris of empire to stunning effect.

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Interpreter of Maladies

Read: June 2022

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Interpreter of Maladies

by Jhumpa Lahiri

Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri is an incredible book. Each short story is a page-turner that I will re-read many times. As Ms. Lahiri writes, “The question of identity is always a difficult one, but especially so for those who are culturally displaced, as immigrants are, or those who grow up in two worlds simultaneously, as is the case for their children.”

Since 2000, Interpreter of Maladies has been on my reading list. For what is a writer, if not an interpreter of maladies? Perhaps, I waited until now so that I would have grief to help guide me thru this collection of short stories. I highly recommend Interpreter of Maladies.

The Goodreads summary provides a concise overview.

Navigating between the Indian traditions they’ve inherited and the baffling new world, the characters in Jhumpa Lahiri’s elegant, touching stories seek love beyond the barriers of culture and generations. In “A Temporary Matter,” published in The New Yorker, a young Indian-American couple faces the heartbreak of a stillborn birth. At the same time, their Boston neighborhood copes with a nightly blackout. In the title story, an interpreter guides an American family through the India of their ancestors and hears an astonishing confession. Lahiri writes with deft cultural insight reminiscent of Anita Desai and a nuanced depth that recalls Mavis Gallant.


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This Is Where the Serpent Lives

Read: January 2026

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This Is Where the Serpent Lives

by Daniyal Mueenuddin

In the realms of power, money, and love, the characters in Daniyal Mueenuddin‘s work grapple with the choice between moral integrity and practical decisions that enable them to navigate the entrenched systems of caste, capital, and social influence in their culture. Profoundly moving and both intimate and epic, This Is Where the Serpent Lives is a remarkable work poised to become a classic of contemporary literature. The New York Times has listed it as one of “The Novels Everyone Will Be Talking About in 2026.”

Moving from Pakistan’s vibrant, chaotic cities to its lawless, feudal countryside, This Is Where the Serpent Lives vividly portrays contemporary life there. The story follows the intertwined fates of a dozen unforgettable characters, connected through violence, tragedy, triumph, and love.

Orphaned as a young boy and surviving on the streets of the city, Yazid rises to a position of responsibility and respect in the Lahore household of Colonel Atar, a powerful industrialist and politician. However, he soon finds his position threatened by conflicting loyalties and misplaced trust.

Born on Colonel Atar’s country estate to a poor gardener, Saqib is entrusted with managing a pioneering business. Yet, he overreaches and becomes an outlaw, facing the violent corruption of the Punjab Police. Meanwhile, the colonel’s son competes with his beloved brother for the affections of a woman, only to discover that her choice brings unexpected darkness and light into his life.


Daniyal Mueenuddin, raised in Lahore, Pakistan, and Elroy, Wisconsin, graduated from Dartmouth College and Yale Law School. His stories have appeared in prestigious publications such as The New Yorker, Granta, Zoetrope, and The Best American Short Stories 2008, which Salman Rushdie selected. His collection, “In Other Rooms, Other Wonders,” was a finalist for both the Pulitzer Prize and the National Book Award. For several years, he practiced law in New York. He currently splits his time between Oslo, Norway, and his farm in South Punjab, Pakistan.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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The Director

Read: December 2025

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The Director: A Novel

by Daniel Kehlmann

“The Director” by Daniel Kehlmann, translated by Ross Benjamin, is a thought-provoking novel inspired by the life of film director G.W. Pabst. Pabst fled to Hollywood to escape the Nazis but later returned to Germany to produce propaganda films for the German Reich. The novel is a New York Times Top 10 Book of the Year, an NYPL Best Book of the Year, and a notable book by the Washington Post.

An artist’s life, a pact with the devil, and the dangerous illusions of the silver screen.

G.W. Pabst, one of cinema’s greatest directors of the 20th century, was filming in France when the Nazis seized power. To escape the horrors of the new and unrecognizable Germany, he fled to Hollywood. But now, under the blinding California sun, the world-famous director suddenly looks like a nobody. Not even Greta Garbo, the Hollywood actress whom he made famous, can help him.

When he learns that his elderly mother is ill, he finds himself back in his homeland of Austria, now called Ostmark. Pabst, his wife, and his young son are suddenly confronted with the barbaric nature of the regime. So, when Joseph Goebbels—the minister of propaganda in Berlin—sees the potential for using the European film icon for his directorial genius and makes big promises to Pabst and his family, Pabst must consider Goebbels’s thinly veiled order. While Pabst still believes that he will be able to resist these advances, that he will not submit to any dictatorship other than art, he has already taken the first steps into a hopeless entanglement.

Kehlmann’s latest oeuvre explores the complicated relationships and distinctions between art and power, beauty and barbarism, cog and conspirator.


Daniel Kehlmann was born in Munich in 1975. His novels and plays have won numerous prizes, including the Candide Prize, the Doderer Prize, the Kleist Prize, the Welt Literature Prize, and the Thomas Mann Prize. His novel Tyll, shortlisted for the 2020 International Booker Prize, and Measuring the World have been translated into more than forty languages and are among the biggest successes in post-war German literature. He currently lives in Berlin and New York.

Ross Benjamin is the translator of numerous works of German-language literature, including Franz Kafka’s Diaries, Clemens J. Setz’s Indigo, Joseph Roth’s Job, Kevin Vennemann’s Close to Jedenew, Friedrich Hölderlin’s Hyperion, and Daniel Kehlmann’s Tyll and You Should Have Left. The recipient of a 2015 Guggenheim Fellowship, Benjamin was also awarded the 2010 Helen and Kurt Wolff Translator’s Prize for his rendering of Michael Maar’s Speak, Nabokov. His translation of Tyll was shortlisted for the 2020 International Booker Prize.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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