My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
As an amateur historian, I have always enjoyed historical fiction, especially when It helps us redefine the past to be more accurate. Lone Women: A Novel by Victor LaValle is a haunting new vision of the American West from the award-winning author of The Changeling. Blue skies, empty land—and enough room to hide away a horrifying secret. Or is there? I recommend this book.
My Love for Jan Grows Stronger Every Day
When I met Jan, our love transformed us, and our souls merged.
We lived without boundaries and lived life fully as one untied soul.
She was the light that ignited my soul and made me a better person. I had never felt as alive or in love as I did with Jan.
Even true love, over time, establishes parameters as our lives become more complicated. Work and family imposed constraints, and our relationship made minor, mid-course adjustments.
Our love was strong enough that nothing diminished our joy; it simply placed it in a channel where it could bloom without the risk of being dimmed by a world that struggled to accept a love so strong.
When I became Jan’s caregiver, an act of selfless love, we became like a nation of two, entirely devoted to each other and committed to healing Jan’s cancer and our unified souls.
When Jan was in hospice in Apartment 3D, I began to pre-grieve while holding her hand.
In time, with the help of family, friends, widows, and Rabbi Renee, I learned that caregiving and grief, despite their pain, is love in its purest form.
Shabbat services at Temple Sha’arey Shalom helped me learn that grief is also a great teacher,
Thus, even when they are gone, the departed are with us, moving us to live as, in their higher moments, they themselves wished to live. We remember them now; they live in our hearts; they are an abiding blessing.
Today, I wake up in a world in which time, as Margaret Atwood writes in Old Babes in the Woods, is non-linear,
Time has ceased to be linear, with life events and memories in a chronological row, like beads on a string. It’s the strangest feeling, or experience, or rearrangement. I’m not sure I can explain it to you.
The first time that time folded back upon itself, I felt dizzy, as if I were losing not only Jan but my mind.
Once the dizziness ended, I realized there were no guardrails like when we first met, and our love could blossom forever like Jan’s Memorial Garden!
Knowing that love is unbounded gives me the strength to share her love freely.
Love never dies; people do. Jan’s love transformed me almost five decades ago, and its power continues unabated!
Hallelujah!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
As I pray every week at Temple Sha'arey Shalom, when we remember those we lost in this passage, one of our readings is: "Grief is a great teacher when it sends us back to serve and bless the living. We learn how to counsel and comfort those who, like ourselves, are bowed with sorrow. We learn when to keep silent in their presence and when a word will assure them of our love and concern."
Mitzvah Day 2023 Brings My Communities Together!
“The goals today are to clean the branches from and near the path and plant some pansies,” Ellen, the President of the Hanson Park Conservancy, announced as Jan’s Wind Sculpture spun rapidly. I quickly pulled out the new wheelbarrows and joined one of the teams to pick up branches while another team prepared to plant the pansies.
It was heartening to see three of the many communities I belong to working together to make this year’s Mitzvah Day a success. My involvement in these communities strengthens and helps me survive my grief journey. It was a beautiful day, and I felt grateful to be part of the efforts of Temple Sha’arey Shalom, Hanson Park Conservancy, Cranford, my hometown, and my neighbors, all working together towards a common goal.
As we worked, Ellen explained that we would need to rebuild the frames for the garden plots, and if this year’s experiment works well, we will expand the space for community gardens next year. It was great to see how these communities seamlessly moved between each other, and I made a mental note to connect Ellen with my neighbor, who wants one of the plots. “Make sure you connect me with your neighbor who wants one of the plots,” Ellen reminded me.
As Charlie Padavano says to Sylvie, one of his daughters, in Hello Beautiful, “We’re separated from the world by our own edges. We’re all interconnected, and when you see that, you see how beautiful life is.
As a widow, it is sometimes difficult for me to appreciate the beauty of life without my beloved partner, Jan. However, I am learning to take things one day at a time and embrace life to the fullest. Although Jan’s loss can never be replaced, I feel fortunate to have a supportive network that allows me to keep her spirit alive and share her love with others.
We can face life alone in fear or unite and support one another. For me, living interdependently in multiple communities has helped manage my grief.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
On Sunday, May 15, 2022, members of Temple Sha'arey Shalom participated in the MetroWest Federation Mitzvah Day at Hanson Park in Cranford, NJ.
Hanson Park is the same park where Jan's Memorial Triangle Garden, benches, and the Education Fund will sponsor ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs.
The Bad Yeterdays Should Not Ruin a Good Today!
“Richard, my nephew told me to lock the bottom door and leave the upstairs hall door open, but it closed before I could prop it open.”
We met briefly when I returned from Temple last Friday.
Despite being tired and needing a bathroom, I offered to help.
“Let’s go and check the upstairs door with my second key.”
I was not surprised that my key fit but did not unlock the door.
Let’s walk over to the landlord’s office as they have a master key.
The door was locked as it was a few minutes before nine.
“I need to go, but if they need someone to vouch for you, have them call me…”
Returning home, I remembered locking myself out of the apartment. We had lived there for six months, and I had left before Jan.
We kissed, and Jan told me I would do well in my meeting. As she closed and locked the door, I had no reason to believe it would turn into a bad day.
Fortunately, all I had to do was wait for Jan.
Far too often, we want to view every event as being cataclysmic.
We do ourselves a disservice when we let one unpleasant moment overwhelm us and prohibit us from seeing the good each day offers and how we can help each other.
Returning from my morning walk today, I met my neighbor’s uncle.
“I wanted to thank you for helping me. I met the staff, who were accommodating when I mentioned your name.”
We fist-bumped, and he shook his new house keys, “Now I have keys! If I can ever help you, let me know…”
Life is good when we are good to each other.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Life is Good Despite a Few Bad Days
Some days, it isn't easy to see the beauty in life.
I try to remind myself to breathe, take a step back, and remember the wonderful life Jan and I shared.
As Viktor Frankl observed, "Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire."
Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano is a gorgeous, profoundly moving portrait of what's possible when we choose to love someone, not despite who they are but because of it. Although several sources recommended Hello Beautiful, I chose the novel based on the title as it is how I always greeted Jan. I highly recommend this book as it is one of the best I have ever read.
If Love Never Dies, Does Marriage Ever End?
After my wife Jan passed away, someone told me I couldn’t find a new partner if I continued wearing my wedding ring. This comment took me aback, and I didn’t want to explain that I was still married because I was afraid that others would think I was crazy for still being attached to my late wife.
This exchange brought to mind Margaret Atwood‘s “Widow” story, where the character Nell experiences a similar situation. Atwood notes in the preface that widows are often viewed as wealthy and vulnerable.
In the story, Nell is asked if she is dating, which she takes as a joke but isn’t sure if it was meant that way. Nell answered sternly, “I’m a widow. Tig just died.” She decided to let it go as “geriatric flirting.”
The man responds, “So, you’re hunting?”
Since Jan’s passing, I’ve prioritized living life to the fullest and positively impacting the world. I have yet to consider finding a new partner or getting married again, and I’m not actively looking for one. While some people may choose to date after losing a partner, I prefer to honor Jan’s memory by focusing on my journey with purpose and passion.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
As much as it might have appeared that I was in a dark tunnel after Jan died, I was not and am not now. There is indeed no defined end to the grief journey.
We all must learn how to live without our loved ones. The one I have chosen may not work for anyone else.
Because of how time-warped, Nell was confident that "Tig isn't exactly gone."
When I write about how Jan and I met and married, I think the same way Nell feels about Tig. Jan is not exactly gone, and I know she is still with me and always will be with me.
Grief has been an outstanding teacher, and it has taught me to live life fully.
Memories Are No Longer Chronological
Since Jan died almost two years ago, I have written about my grief journey but have only discussed it with a few people. Many but not all of these were fellow widows.
If the death of my parents was like “losing the bookend to a row of books,” as Rebecca Makkai described it in I Have Some Questions for You, Jan’s death was the collapse of the entire bookcase.
Have I been lonely? Devastated? In crisis?
The answer is yes to these questions and dozens more that I have experienced on my grief journey.
Reading Widow, a short story by Margaret Atwood in Old Babes in the Wood, reminded me of how I felt when Jan died and why I have defined my path to healing and recovery.
Nell, the protagonist in Widow, is writing a letter to a friend she will never send because it speaks to the harsh reality that grief imposes upon us.
Margaret Atwood writes,
Have I gone into the dark tunnel, dressed in mourning black with gloves and a veil, and come out the other end, all cheery and wearing bright colors and loaded for bear?
No. Because it’s not a tunnel. There isn’t any other end. Time has ceased to be linear, with life events and memories in a chronological row, like beads on a string. It’s the strangest feeling, or experience, or rearrangement. I’m not sure I can explain it to you.
As much as it might have appeared that I was in a dark tunnel after Jan died, I was not and am not now. There is indeed no defined end to the grief journey.
We all must learn how to live without our loved ones. The pathway I have chosen may not work for anyone else.
Because of how time-warped, Nell was confident that “Tig isn’t exactly gone.
Atwood speaks the same way I feel when I say that Jan is still with me,
You’d jump immediately to ghosts, or delusional states on my part, or dementia, but none of those would apply. You will understand it later, perhaps, this warping or folding of time. In some parts of this refolded time, Tig still exists, as much as he ever did.
When I write about how Jan and I met and married, I think the same way Nell feels about Tig. Jan is not exactly gone, and I know she is still with me and always will be with me.
Grief has been an outstanding teacher, and it has taught me to live life fully.
By living fully, I know I am not only doing what Jan wanted me to do, but if we were to meet now, she would see someone she could love, not someone so drained by a loss that they are an empty shell.
Have I chosen wisely?
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Although I focused on what I had lost in the initial hours and days after Jan died, the only way forward was to focus on what I gained, not what I lost.
My addition calculation begins with Merrit Malloy's poem Epitaph, which was read at Jan's funeral and will be a part of mine.
Love doesn't die, People do. So, when all that's left of me Is love, Give me away.
Read: March 2023
by Victor LaValle
As an amateur historian, I have always enjoyed historical fiction, especially when It helps us redefine the past to be more accurate. Lone Women: A Novel by Victor LaValle is a haunting new vision of the American West from the award-winning author of The Changeling. Blue skies, empty land—and enough room to hide away a horrifying secret. Or is there? I recommend this book.
When I began reading this novel, I was unsure where it was going or what might be hidden in the steamer trunk. I was unaware of this story and found this book a well-written account of forgotten history that must be told and shared with all readers. Stay the course as Lone Women: A Novel reveals the secrets in the Trunk and the fantastic story of lone women who lived in and prospered in the old West.
Lone Women is the twenty-fifth book I have read in 2023. Although I have surpassed my reading goal, I will continue to read.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
Adelaide Henry carries an enormous steamer trunk with her wherever she goes. It’s locked at all times. Because when the trunk is opened, people around her start to disappear…
The year is 1914, and Adelaide is in trouble. Her secret sin killed her parents and forced her to flee her hometown of Redondo, California, in a hellfire rush, ready to make her way to Montana as a homesteader. Dragging the trunk with her at every stop, she will be one of the “lone women” taking advantage of the government’s offer of free land for those who can cultivate it—except Adelaide isn’t alone. And the secret she’s tried so desperately to lock away might be the only thing keeping her alive.
Told in Victor LaValle’s signature style, blending historical fiction, shimmering prose, and inventive horror, Lone Women is the gripping story of a woman desperate to bury her past—and a portrait of early twentieth-century America as you’ve never seen.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
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by Ann Napolitano
Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano is a gorgeous, profoundly moving portrait of what’s possible when we choose to love someone, not despite who they are but because of it. Although several sources recommended Hello Beautiful, I chose the novel based on the title as it is how I always greeted Jan. I highly recommend this book as it is one of the best I have ever read.
Hello Beautiful is an exquisite homage to Louisa May Alcott’s timeless classic, Little Women. Knowing it was not him, William Waters’s experience growing up as an only child was an engaging character in the early portion of the novel. However, my hero was Sylvie, the dreamer who pursued true love and found it in a place one would less expect to find it. The consequences of her love reverberate over decades in their families.
The following passage is one example of a well-written book.
We’re separated from the world by our own edges,” Charlie Padavano says to Sylvie in “Hello Beautiful.” He continues, “We’re all interconnected, and when you see that, you see how beautiful life is.
The interconnections of the characters make this novel one of the best I have read. If only more of us could learn the lessons that Charlie Padavano shared with Sylvie.
As a man on a lifetime grief journey, this exchange echoes my experience.
When an old person dies,” Kent said, “even if that person is wonderful, he or she is still somewhat ready, and so are the people who loved them. They’re like old trees, whose roots have loosened in the ground. They fall gently. But when someone like your aunt Sylvie dies—before her time—her roots get pulled out and the ground is ripped up. Everyone nearby is in danger of being knocked over.”
Grief is love.” Now Alice thought: Forgiveness is too.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
William Waters grew up in a house silenced by tragedy, where his parents could hardly bear to look at him, much less love him. So it’s a relief when his skill on the basketball court earns him a scholarship to college, far away from his childhood home. He soon meets Julia Padavano, a spirited and ambitious young woman who surprises William with her appreciation of his quiet steadiness. With Julia comes her family; she is inseparable from her three younger sisters: Sylvie, the dreamer, is happiest with her nose in a book and imagines a future different from the expected path of wife and mother; Cecelia, the family’s artist; and Emeline, who patiently takes care of all of them. Happily, the Padavanos fold Julia’s new boyfriend into their loving, chaotic household.
But then darkness from William’s past surfaces, jeopardizing not only Julia’s carefully orchestrated plans for their future, but the sisters’ unshakeable loyalty to one another. The result is a catastrophic family rift that changes their lives for generations. Will the loyalty that once rooted them be strong enough to draw them back together when it matters most?
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Juhea Kim
Juhea Kim, the acclaimed author of Beasts of a Little Land and City of Night Birds, presents an exquisite collection of stories that explores the delicate balance between humans and the natural world. With the clear-eyed reverence of Richard Powers and the sparkling sincerity of George Saunders, her first story collection, A Love Story from the End of the World, offers a breathtaking view of our fractured world—and our broken hearts. Through its passionate narrative, the collection serves as a poignant reminder that, as humans, we are nothing without nature.
Spanning multiple locales and time periods, and rendered in fine detail and vivid color, this transportive collection illustrates what it means to live as human inhabitants of our singular, miraculous planet.
Lyrical, at times hilarious, and always heartfelt, each of these ten stories reflects individual choices in the face of “man-made” apocalypses. In a near-future Seoul, where air pollution has become so severe that a translucent biodome has covered the city, a civil engineer responsible for its upkeep considers an arranged marriage. A painter, disenchanted with New York City, travels to the South of France and becomes romantically involved with an entrepreneur who claims to have invented a new color. Meanwhile, on an island where the Indian and Pacific Oceans converge, and where foreign countries have dumped their waste, causing a landfill mountain to form, a local boy facing daily hardships gains internet fame for his K-pop-inspired dances.
Juhea Kim is the author of the novel Beasts of a Little Land, which was a finalist for the Dayton Literary Peace Prize and the winner of the Yasnaya Polyana Literary Award, Russia’s most significant annual award in literature. It has been translated into many languages and is for television. She is also the author of City of Night Birds, which was a Reese’s Book Club pick.
A graduate of Princeton University, her writing has been published in Granta, the Times Literary Supplement, the Independent, Zyzzyva, Guernica<, and other outlets. She is an advocate for wildlife conservation, animal rights, and education and aid in Africa. Born in Korea and raised in Portland, Oregon, Kim now lives in London.
Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!
by Lily King
“Heart the Lover” by Lily King, the bestselling author of “Writers & Lovers,” is a beautifully intimate novel that explores themes of desire, friendship, and the lasting impact of first love. It renewed my belief that love is the most potent force in the world. Wise and unforgettable, with a delightful connection to “Writers & Lovers,” this is King at her best, solidifying her reputation as a masterful chronicler of the human experience and one of the finest novelists writing today.
You knew I’d write a book about you someday.
Our narrator has a deep understanding of good love stories—their secrets, subtext, highs, and lows. However, her most incredible love story, which she experienced herself, does not adhere to the conventional rules.
In the fall of her senior year in college, she meets two star students from her 17th-century Literature class: Sam and Yash. These best friends, who live off campus in the elegant house of a professor on sabbatical, invite her into their captivating world of academic enthusiasm, quick-witted banter, and lively card games. They nickname her Jordan, and she quickly discovers the joys of friendship, love, and her own intellectual ambition. Yet, youthful passion is unpredictable, and before long, she finds herself at the center of a complex and charged triangle. As graduation approaches, the choices made will alter the lives of the three of them forever.
Decades later, the vulnerable days of Jordan’s youth seem comfortably behind her. However, when a surprise visit and unexpected news bring the past crashing into the present, she returns to the world she left behind and must confront the decisions and deceptions of her younger self.
Written with the sharp wit and emotional sensitivity that fans and critics of Lily King admire, Heart the Lover is a profoundly moving love story that celebrates literature, forgiveness, and the transformative bonds that shape our lives.
Lily King is a bestselling author on the New York Times list, known for her six novels, including Euphoria and Writers & Lovers, as well as a collection of short stories titled Five Tuesdays in Winter. Her writing has garnered several prestigious awards, including the Kirkus Prize, the New England Book Award for Fiction, the Maine Book Award for Fiction, and a Whiting Award. Her books are read worldwide in twenty-eight different languages. She resides in Portland, Maine.
Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!
by Honor Jones
“Sleep: A Novel” by Honor Jones captivates readers with its heartfelt narrative and deep insights into the human experience. This debut novel offers a genuine insight into the complex dynamics of motherhood and childhood, weaving together themes of love, secrets, and the vast array of possibilities that life can hold beyond silence.
Every parent exists in two families simultaneously: the one they were born into and the one they have created.
Ten-year-old Margaret, much like many of us, hides beneath a blackberry bush in her family’s lush backyard while her brother searches for her in a game of flashlight tag. Her childhood is filled with sunlit swimming pools, Saturday morning pancakes, and a devoted best friend. However, her family life requires careful navigation. Her mother can be as brittle and demanding as she is loving, while her father and brother embody familiar, if uncomfortable, models of masculinity. Then, late one summer, everything changes. After a series of confusing events, the simple joys of girlhood begin to fade away.
Twenty-five years later, Margaret hides under her parents’ bed, waiting for her young daughters to find her in a game of hide and seek. Newly divorced, she is learning to navigate her life as a co-parent while also discovering the pleasures of a new relationship. Yet part of her remains under the blackberry bush, frozen in time. As she strives to be a mother to her daughters and a daughter to her mother, she must confront the echoes and reflections of her past in light of her present. She grapples with what it means to keep a child safe and how much of our lives we experience in solitude.
Jones presents these emotional cycles with generosity and unflinching honesty, making the novel a compelling read that resonates on multiple levels.
Honor Jones, a senior editor at The Atlantic and formerly at The New York Times, brings her wealth of experience and insight to this novel. She lives in Brooklyn with her three children, a life experience that undoubtedly enriches her storytelling.
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by Julia Armfield
From Julia Armfield, the beloved and award-winning author of Our Wives Under the Sea, comes a speculative reimagining of King Lear. Private Rites centers on three sisters navigating queer love and loss in a world that is drowning. It has been raining for so long that the landscape has reshaped itself, and old rituals and religions are beginning to resurface. Sisters Isla, Irene, and Agnes have not spoken to each other in some time.
However, when their father—an architect who was both cruel and revered—passes away, their lives are forever changed. His death offers the sisters an opportunity to come together in a new way. In the grand glass house they grew up in, their father’s most famous creation, the sisters sort through the secrets and memories he left behind, until a revelation in his will shatters their fragile bond.
The sisters are more estranged than ever, and their lives spin out of control: Irene’s relationship is straining at the seams, Isla’s ex-wife keeps calling, and cynical Agnes is falling in love for the first time. But something even more sinister might be unfolding, something related to their mother’s long-ago disappearance and the strangers who have always seemed unusually interested in the sisters’ lives. Soon, it becomes clear that the sisters were chosen for a very particular purpose, one with shattering implications for their family and their imperiled world.
Julia Armfield is the author of the novels Private Rites and Our Wives Under the Sea, which was a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award and the 2022 Goodreads Choice Award for Best Horror and Best Debut Novel, and the story collection salt slow. Her work has appeared in Granta, Lighthouse, Analog Magazine, Neon, and Best British Short Stories 2019 and 2021. She is the winner of the White Review Short Story Prize and a Pushcart Prize, and shortlisted for the Sunday Times Young Writer of the Year Awards in 2019. She lives and works in London.
Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!
by Jennifer Egan
The Candy House: A Novel by Jennifer Egan focuses on a new technology that allows you access to every memory you’ve ever had and to share your memories in exchange for access to the memories of others—it has seduced multitudes. According to the NYTimes, “this is minimalist maximalism. As a widow, I live in a world of memories, but I would not want them shared as they are in The Candy House. “It’s as if Egan compressed a big 19th-century novel onto a flash drive.”
Of course, I am not able to access my unconscious memories. Albeit in an amateur way, I write down some of my memories as they remind me of the power of the love that Jan and I shared. For example, the essay when I met Jan rekindles the memory and attempts to tell the story the way it happened, not how some would like it to be remembered.
The Candy House is one of the NYTimes’ top five fiction books of 2022. I have read two of them, The Furrows and Checkout 19. Initially, I was overwhelmed by the multitude of characters and was confused. By the novel’s middle, their interconnectedness helped me understand its real meaning. In the end, Egan delivers a fierce and exhilarating testament to the tenacity and transcendence of human longing for authentic connection, love, family, privacy, and redemption. As a widow, authenticity Is what I need to heal.
The Candy House is the seventieth (70) book I have read this year.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview.
It’s 2010. Staggeringly successful and brilliant tech entrepreneur Bix Bouton is desperate for a new idea. He’s forty, with four kids, and restless when he stumbles into a conversation with mostly Columbia professors, one of whom is experimenting with downloading or “externalizing” memory. Within a decade, Bix’s new technology, Own Your Unconscious—that allows you access to every memory you’ve ever had and to share every memory in exchange for access to the memories of others—has seduced multitudes. But not everyone.
In spellbinding linked narratives, Egan spins out the consequences of Own Your Unconscious through the lives of multiple characters whose paths intersect over several decades. Egan introduces these characters in an astonishing array of styles—from omniscient to first person plural to a duet of voices, an epistolary chapter, and a chapter of tweets. In the world of Egan’s spectacular imagination, there are “counters” who track and exploit desires and “eluders” who understand the price of taking a bite of the Candy House.
Intellectually dazzling and extraordinarily moving, The Candy House is a bold, brilliant imagining of a world that is moments away. With a focus on social media, gaming, and alternate worlds, you can almost experience moving among dimensions in a role-playing game. Egan delivers a fierce and exhilarating testament to the tenacity and transcendence of human longing for real connection, love, family, privacy, and redemption.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Ethan Rutherford
“North Sun: Or, the Voyage of the Whaleship Esther” by Ethan Rutherford is a finalist for the fiction category of the 2025 National Book Award. With one foot firmly planted in the traditional sea-voyage narrative, and another in a blazing mythos of its own, this debut novel looks unsparingly at the cost of environmental exploitation and predation, and in doing so feverishly sings not only of the past, but to the present and future as well.
Setting out from New Bedford in 1878, the crew of the Esther is confident the sea will be theirs: in addition to cruising the Pacific for whales, they intend to hunt the teeming northern grounds before the ice closes. But as they sail to their final destination in the Chukchi Sea, where their captain Arnold Lovejoy has an urgent directive of his own to attend to, their encounters with the natural world become more brutal, harrowing, ghostly, and strange.
Ethan Rutherford‘s fiction has appeared in BOMB, Tin House, Electric Literature, Ploughshares, One Story, American Short Fiction, Conjunctions, and The Best American Short Stories. He is the author of two story collections–Farthest South (Deep Vellum, 2020) and The Peripatetic Coffin and Other Stories (Ecco, 2013)–and for these works has been named a finalist for the Los Angeles Times Art Seidenbaum Award for First Fiction, a finalist for the John Leonard Prize and CLMP’s Firecracker Award, received honorable mention for the PEN/Hemingway Award, was a Barnes & Noble Discover Great New Writers selection, and was the winner of a Minnesota Book Award.
Born in Seattle, Washington, he received his MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Minnesota and now teaches Creative Writing at Trinity College. He lives in Hartford, Connecticut, with his wife and two children.
Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!
