Are Good Deeds and Kindness Enough?

Are Good Deeds and Kindness Enough?

Can I Become a Mensch?

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 6 seconds

Jan in Washington January 2017One of my goals has been to become a mensch.

Since Jan died in May 2021, I have focused on finding meaning and purpose.

I walk, read, and help others as much as possible.

Is becoming a mensch in my eighth decade possible?

I know that Jan was a mensch among her many accomplishments.

Perhaps I should accept that being her husband is the best I can achieve.

I often say I am a mensch-in-training, but the truth is that it is a designation achieved by the assessment of others, not by our training to become one.

Although I had prepared the essence of my eulogy in one sentence for Rabbi Renee, I will now modify it by deleting mensch-in-training.

Richard lived fully; he loved Jan and brought her with him by sharing her love; he worked to repair the world and was a mensch-in-training.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Bringing Jan With Me!

Although I focused on what I had lost in the initial hours and days after Jan died, the only way forward was to focus on what I gained, not what I lost.

My addition calculation begins with Merrit Malloy's poem Epitaph, which was read at Jan's funeral and will be a part of mine.

Love doesn't die, People do. So, when all that's left of me Is love, Give me away.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Are Good Deeds and Kindness Enough?
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The Tokyo Suite

Read: April 2025

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The Tokyo Suite

by Giovana Madalosso

I recently dove into The Tokyo Suite by Giovana Madalosso, expertly translated by Bruna Dantas Lobato. This captivating book represents the English-language debut of one of Brazil’s most thrilling contemporary voices. It intricately unravels the complexities of modern family dynamics, diving deep into the hidden tensions that simmer just beneath the surface of everyday life. Each page draws you in, inviting you to explore the rich tapestry of emotions and experiences that define our relationships.

It’s a seemingly ordinary morning when Maju, a nanny, boards a bus with Cora, the young girl she’s been caring for and disappears. The abduction, an act as impulsive as it is extreme, sets off a series of events that will force each character to confront their deepest fears and desires.

Cora’s mother, Fernanda, is a successful executive who is so engulfed in her crisis that she initially fails to notice her daughter’s disappearance. Her marriage is strained, and she finds solace in an affair, distancing herself further from her family. Meanwhile, her husband, overwhelmed by the complexities of their domestic life, remains emotionally detached. As Maju navigates the streets of São Paulo with Cora, the “white army” of nannies, a term coined by Fernanda, seems to watch her every move, heightening her sense of paranoia and urgency.

Madalosso’s narrative delves deep into the human psyche, examining themes of maternal guilt, societal expectations, and the search for personal identity. Rich and multi-layered, The Tokyo Suite is a poignant and gripping tale that captures the essence of modern urban life and the lengths people will go to reclaim a sense of control and meaning.


Giovana Madalosso is a Brazilian writer and screenwriter born in Curitiba in 1975. She has been a finalist for the Biblioteca Nacional Award and the São Paulo Prize of Literature. The Tokyo Suite is her English-language debut.

Bruna Dantas Lobato is a fiction writer and translator. Her translation of Stênio Gardel‘s The Words That Remain won the 2023 National Book Award for Translated Literature. Her fiction has appeared in The New Yorker,  Guernica, A Public Space, and The Common. Raised in Natal, Brazil, she is an incoming Assistant Professor of English and Creative Writing at Grinnell College.



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Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


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Kala: A Novel

Read: June 2024

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Kala: A Novel

by Colin Walsh

Today, I started reading “Kala: A Novel” by Colin Walsh, a gripping literary page-turner from a rising Irish talent. Former friends, estranged for twenty years, reckon with the terrifying events of the summer that changed their lives. Three old friends are reunited in the seaside town of Kinlough, on Ireland’s west coast, for the first time in years.

Helen, Joe, and Mush were part of an original group of six inseparable teenagers in the summer of 2003, with motherless, reckless Kala Lanann as their group’s white-hot center. Soon after that summer’s peak, Kala disappeared without a trace.

Now it’s fifteen years later:

  • Helen has reluctantly returned to Ireland for her father’s wedding.
  • Joe is a world-famous musician who is newly back in town.
  • Mush has never left, too scared to venture beyond the counter of his mother’s café.

But human remains are discovered in the woods. Two more girls have gone missing. As past and present begin to collide, the estranged friends are forced to confront their involvement in the events that led to Kala’s disappearance.

Against the backdrop of a town suffocating on its secrets, in a story that builds from a smolder to a stunning climax, Kala brilliantly examines the sometimes brutal costs of belonging and the battle in the human heart between vengeance and forgiveness, despair and redemption.

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The Vegetarian: A Novel

Read: October 2024

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The Vegetarian: A Novel

by Han Kang

Today, I started reading The Vegetarian: A Novel by Han Kang, Winner of the 2024 Nobel Prize in Literature. The novel also won The International Booker Prize and is one of The New York Times’s 100 Best Books of the 21st Century. Celebrated by critics worldwide, The Vegetarian is a darkly allegorical, Kafka-esque tale of power, obsession, and one woman’s struggle to break free from the violence both without and within her.

Before the nightmares began, Yeong-hye and her husband lived an ordinary, controlled life. But the dreams—invasive images of blood and brutality—torture her, driving Yeong-hye to purge her mind and renounce eating meat altogether. It’s a small act of independence, but it interrupts her marriage and sets into motion an increasingly grotesque chain of events at home.

As her husband, her brother-in-law, and her sister each fight to reassert their control, Yeong-hye obsessively defends the choice that’s become sacred to her. Soon, their attempts turn desperate, subjecting first her mind and then her body to ever more intrusive and perverse violations, sending Yeong-hye spiraling into a dangerous, bizarre estrangement, not only from those closest to her but also from herself.


Han Kang was born in 1970 in South Korea. She is the author of The Vegetarian, which I have read, and winner of the International Booker Prize,  Human ActsThe White BookGreek Lessons, and We Do Not Part. In 2024, she received the Nobel Prize in Literature.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!


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The Swamps of Jersey

Read: October 2021

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The Swamps of Jersey

by Michael Stephen Daigle

The Swamps of Jersey by Michael Stephen Daigle is the first of the Frank Nagler series. Having read the fourth one – The Red Hand, I thought this was an excellent time to read the first in this impressive deceptive series. It was, in fact, an excellent decision. Understanding Frank Nagler better now, I plan to read the next two and the Red Hand to be ready for the fifth book Dragony Rising.

Ironton, New Jersey has seen hard times before. Deserted factories and empty stores reflect the decades-long decline, that even Mayor Gabriel Richman, scion of one of the city’s leading political families, cannot seem to rectify. Now families are living on the street or in the shells of the old factories.A week-long tropical storm floods the depressed city bringing more devastation as well as a new misery: The headless, handless body of a young woman in the Old Iron Bog.

Between the gruesome murder and an old factory suspiciously burning down, Detective Frank Nagler begins to believe that incarcerated Charlie Adams, the city’s famous serial killer, may have fostered a copycat killer. Determined to find the truth, he follows the case that leads into unexpected places.

Knowing the author and the geography of NJ, I found this book a must-read.

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My Brilliant Friend

Read: July 2024

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My Brilliant Friend

by Elena Ferrante

Today, I delved into Elena Ferrante‘s captivating novel My Brilliant Friend. This acclaimed book hailed as the #1 Book of the 21st Century by the New York Times, weaves a timeless tale of the enduring bond between two women from Naples. With its rich character development and evocative historical setting, it stands alongside other character-driven works of literary fiction.

Beginning in the 1950s in a poor but vibrant neighborhood on the outskirts of Naples, Elena Ferrante’s four-volume story spans almost sixty years. The main characters, the fiery and unforgettable Lila and the bookish narrator, Elena, are bound by an enduring friendship that withstands the test of time and life’s challenges. This first novel in the series follows Lila and Elena from their fateful meeting as ten-year-olds through their school years and adolescence, evoking a sense of enduring connection and emotional resonance.

Through the lives of these two women, Ferrante weaves a compelling narrative of a neighborhood, a city, and a country undergoing profound transformation. These societal changes, in turn, also reshape the relationship between the two women, adding a rich layer of historical and cultural context to the story. This context will enrich your reading experience and provide a deeper understanding of the characters and their journey.

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Mercury: A Novel

Read: January 2024

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Mercury: A Novel

by Amy Jo Burns

Today, I started reading Mercury: A Novel about a roofing family. The family’s bond of loyalty is tested when they uncover a long-hidden secret at the heart of their blue-collar town. The book is written by Amy Jo Burns, the author of the critically acclaimed novel Shiner, which I read and enjoyed in 2022. I highly recommend it.

The story is set in 1990, and it follows the journey of a seventeen-year-old girl named Marley West, who arrives in the river valley town of Mercury, Pennsylvania. She is a loner who is looking for a place to belong. The first thing she sees when she gets to town is three men standing on a rooftop, and they soon become her whole world.

Marley becomes a young wife to one of the Joseph brothers, The One Who Got Away to another, and an adopted mother to all of them. Marley guides these unruly men as their mother fades away and their roofing business crumbles under the weight of their unwieldy father’s inflated ego. Years later, an eerie discovery in the church attic causes old wounds to resurface, and suddenly, the family’s survival hangs in the balance.

With Marley as their guide, the Joseph brothers must decide whether they can save the family they’ve always known or build something more substantial in its place.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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