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Jan’s Sweet Kisses

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 48 seconds
Jan and Richard

Jan and Richard embrace after retirement dinner.

Every Kiss With Jan Was Memorable!

Kissing Jan was a joy! Each kiss was memorable, but two were very special. These were the first and the last ones. Every day, I wish upon a star and pray that I might have one more kiss from Jan. Alas, it is impossible. But memories of those kisses are so real I can taste their sweetness.

The First Kiss – November 11, 1973

Richard, we are leaving,” said Mark, my co-worker and friend. His voice came through loud and clear into the pod that had surrounded Jan and me since we arrived at her party. I thought Jan and I were alone and not at a noisy party until Mark spoke. We talked and laughed and truly enjoyed each other’s company.

I was between a rock and a hard place. I knew I should leave with my friends, but I also wanted to stay with Jan. I was afraid if I left, Jan and I might not meet again. I did not even have her phone number or know her last name.

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When I arrived at the party, Jan asked, “Why didn’t you call me?” I told her I did not have her number and wondered why she had not called me. Jan took her wine glass and poured wine on my head, and I poured beer on her head.

We laughed and began a one-on-one conversation. I knew then that I had met the woman I would marry. Later she told me she knew I was the one when I entered the party.

When Mark told me they were leaving, I was not thinking about the next five minutes; my thoughts were on the next five weeks, five months, five years, and more, that Jan and I could live together and love each other.

I wanted to kiss her so she knew how I felt, but I was unsure if she would let me. 

I only needed two fingers to count the number of women I had kissed. Years ago, the number of brushoffs had exceeded the total of all my fingers and toes.

I was worried that Jan had a boyfriend, and he might be at the party, and perhaps all she wanted was a friend to have a few laughs and pour wine on their head. 

I saw my three friends from East Williamsburg gather their coats. The time to decide was now.

“I will meet you in the subway in a minute,” I said half-heartedly.

I rose slightly from my chair and leaned over toward her. I decided a kiss on her forehead would be safe. However, I kissed the top of her head. She smiled and lifted her head, and I kissed her forehead. She looked up and smiled at me. Our lips embraced, and we kissed for the first time. It was the sweetest kiss in the universe.

I never made it back to East Williamsburg that night. 

The Last Kiss – May 3, 2021

Jan had been home since April 10 for hospice care. On May 3, I woke up and went downstairs for breakfast. I walked to the hospital bed and leaned over to kiss her forehead. I had always given her a good morning kiss for forty-eight years, and today was no different.

As I approached her lips, I said, “I love you!” Her voice was weak, but she responded clearly and without reservation, “I love you too!” We kissed. It was another sweet kiss with the love of my life, and I had no idea at that moment that it would be our last kiss.

I told her I would take the recycling and get the morning papers.

When I returned, I said, “Hello, my love!”

I had a light breakfast, and I went over to the bed. Standing by Jan, I realized that she had passed away.

Tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. My beard was soaking wet as if I had just showered.

I love her and miss her so very much! It was a blessing to be loved by her.

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Creation Lake: A Novel

Read: November 2024

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Creation Lake: A Novel

by Rachel Kushner

Today, I started reading Creation Lake: A Novel by Rachel Kushner, a two-time finalist for the Booker Prize and the National Book Award. This novel follows a seductive and cunning American woman who infiltrates an anarchist collective in France. It is a gripping page-turner filled with dark humor. Creation Lake is Kushner‘s finest achievement—a work of high art, comedy, and unforgettable pleasure.

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I'll Come to You: A Novel

Read: January 2025

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I’ll Come to You: A Novel

by Rebecca Kauffman

I began reading “I’ll Come to You: A Novel” by Rebecca Kauffman today. This sweeping and compact novel explores themes of intimacy, memory, loss, grief, and reconciliation. It delves into the wonder, terror, frustration, fear, and magic of confronting the unknowable in the world and within ourselves. The New York Times recommended it as one of six books to read this week.

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Hello Beautiful

Read: March 2023

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Hello Beautiful

by Ann Napolitano

Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano is a gorgeous, profoundly moving portrait of what’s possible when we choose to love someone, not despite who they are but because of it. Although several sources recommended Hello Beautiful, I chose the novel based on the title as it is how I always greeted Jan. I highly recommend this book as it is one of the best I have ever read.

Hello Beautiful is an exquisite homage to Louisa May Alcott’s timeless classic, Little Women. Knowing it was not him, William Waters’s experience growing up as an only child was an engaging character in the early portion of the novel. However, my hero was Sylvie, the dreamer who pursued true love and found it in a place one would less expect to find it. The consequences of her love reverberate over decades in their families. 

The following passage is one example of a well-written book.

We’re separated from the world by our own edges,” Charlie Padavano says to Sylvie in “Hello Beautiful.” He continues, “We’re all interconnected, and when you see that, you see how beautiful life is.

The interconnections of the characters make this novel one of the best I have read. If only more of us could learn the lessons that Charlie Padavano shared with Sylvie.

As a man on a lifetime grief journey, this exchange echoes my experience.

When an old person dies,” Kent said, “even if that person is wonderful, he or she is still somewhat ready, and so are the people who loved them. They’re like old trees, whose roots have loosened in the ground. They fall gently. But when someone like your aunt Sylvie dies—before her time—her roots get pulled out and the ground is ripped up. Everyone nearby is in danger of being knocked over.”

Grief is love.” Now Alice thought: Forgiveness is too.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

William Waters grew up in a house silenced by tragedy, where his parents could hardly bear to look at him, much less love him. So it’s a relief when his skill on the basketball court earns him a scholarship to college, far away from his childhood home. He soon meets Julia Padavano, a spirited and ambitious young woman who surprises William with her appreciation of his quiet steadiness. With Julia comes her family; she is inseparable from her three younger sisters: Sylvie, the dreamer, is happiest with her nose in a book and imagines a future different from the expected path of wife and mother; Cecelia, the family’s artist; and Emeline, who patiently takes care of all of them. Happily, the Padavanos fold Julia’s new boyfriend into their loving, chaotic household.

But then darkness from William’s past surfaces, jeopardizing not only Julia’s carefully orchestrated plans for their future, but the sisters’ unshakeable loyalty to one another. The result is a catastrophic family rift that changes their lives for generations. Will the loyalty that once rooted them be strong enough to draw them back together when it matters most?

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Three Summers

Read: February 2025

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Three Summers: A Novel

by Margarita Liberaki

Today, I began reading Margarita Liberaki‘s Three Summers, translated by Karen Van Dyck. This edition features a detailed introduction by Ms. Van Dyck, in which she shares her experiences meeting Ms. Liberaki and collaborating with her on the translation. The original novel, written in Greek, was titled The Straw Hats, but Ms. Van Dyck felt that this title would not resonate with foreign readers similarly.

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When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

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The Book of I

Read: October 2025

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The Book of I: A Novel

by David Greig

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The Mango Tree: A Memoir of Fruit, Florida, and Felony

Read: April 2024

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The Mango Tree

by Annabelle Tometich

Today, I started reading Annabelle Tometich‘s The Mango Tree: A Memoir of Fruit, Florida, and Felony. The Mango Tree is not just a memoir but a profoundly emotional family saga. It takes us through the complexities of Annabelle’s life, from her childhood in a house filled with balikbayan boxes, vegetation, and luscious mangoes to her journey from aspiring medical student to restaurant critic.

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