I’m OK and Still Married
If Love Never Dies, Does Marriage Ever End?
Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 24 seconds
After my wife Jan passed away, someone told me I couldn’t find a new partner if I continued wearing my wedding ring. This comment took me aback, and I didn’t want to explain that I was still married because I was afraid that others would think I was crazy for still being attached to my late wife.
This exchange brought to mind Margaret Atwood‘s “Widow” story, where the character Nell experiences a similar situation. Atwood notes in the preface that widows are often viewed as wealthy and vulnerable.
In the story, Nell is asked if she is dating, which she takes as a joke but isn’t sure if it was meant that way. Nell answered sternly, “I’m a widow. Tig just died.” She decided to let it go as “geriatric flirting.”
The man responds, “So, you’re hunting?”
Since Jan’s passing, I’ve prioritized living life to the fullest and positively impacting the world. I have yet to consider finding a new partner or getting married again, and I’m not actively looking for one. While some people may choose to date after losing a partner, I prefer to honor Jan’s memory by focusing on my journey with purpose and passion.
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As much as it might have appeared that I was in a dark tunnel after Jan died, I was not and am not now. There is indeed no defined end to the grief journey.
We all must learn how to live without our loved ones. The one I have chosen may not work for anyone else.
Because of how time-warped, Nell was confident that "Tig isn't exactly gone."
When I write about how Jan and I met and married, I think the same way Nell feels about Tig. Jan is not exactly gone, and I know she is still with me and always will be with me.
Grief has been an outstanding teacher, and it has taught me to live life fully.
