My Grief Journey is a Spiral of Deeper Truths

My Grief Journey is a Spiral of Deeper Truths

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Remembering Jan at Camp Widow!My grief journey has been a long and winding road.

At times I believe I have gone miles and miles.

Other times it appears I am still at the moment when Jan died.

The truth is that all life’s journeys are like this, not just for those of us mourning a loved one.

As Barry H. Gillespie wrote,

The path isn’t a straight line; it’s a spiral. You continually come back to things you thought you understood and see deeper truths.

As I write about Jan, I understand the uniqueness and depth of our love.

If all I do on this grief journey is re-discover the transformative power of Jan’s love, I will be OK.

Even though Jan died, she is still with me and always will be; our love will never die.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Stories are the Best Memories!

I have kept a daily journal of my grief journey for over a year. In the beginning, I wrote daily in a Word document. I believed that some of what I had to say was private, and I would share only portions on the website. Either my determination of what is private has changed, or […]

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My Grief Journey is a Spiral of Deeper Truths
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The Safekeep: A Novel

Read: July 2025

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The Safekeep: A Novel

by Yael van der Wouden

A house is a treasured possession, and “The Safekeep,” a debut novel by Yael van der Wouden, presents a gripping story of desire, suspicion, and obsession between two women staying in the same house in the Dutch countryside during the summer of 1961. The novel provides a profound exploration of the legacy of World War II and the darker elements of our shared history.

It is 1961, and the rural Dutch province of Overijssel is quiet. Bomb craters have become lakes, buildings have been repaired or rebuilt, and the war is truly over. Living alone in her late mother’s country home, Isabel knows her life is as it should be—led by routine and discipline. But all is upended when her brother Louis brings his graceless new girlfriend Eva, leaving her at Isabel’s doorstep as a guest, to stay for the season.

Eva is the complete opposite of Isabel: she sleeps late, stomps around the house, and handles things she shouldn’t. In response, Isabel becomes increasingly obsessed and furious, especially as items begin to go missing around the house—a spoon, a knife, a bowl. As her suspicions grow, Isabel’s paranoia eventually leads to infatuation, culminating in a revelation that shatters everything she has ever known. It seems that the war might not truly be over, and neither Eva—nor the house they inhabit—is what they appear to be.

For my house will be called a house of devotion for all,” in Isaiah 56:7, serves as a closing that reminds us that a house not open to all is not a home.


Yael van der Wouden is a writer and a teacher. The Safekeep, her debut novel, was a finalist for the 2024 Booker Prize and has been longlisted for the 2025 Aspen Words Literary Prize. It was also named a New York Times Notable Book of the Year and a best book of the year by The Washington Post, Time, The Economist, Kirkus Reviews, The Times (London), The Independent, BookPage, and others. She lives in Utrecht, Netherlands.



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The Great Divide: A Novel

Read: June 2024

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The Great Divide: A Novel

by Cristina Henriquez

I began to read “The Great Divide: A Novel” by Cristina Henriquez today. The book stood out for its compassionate exploration of the lives of activists, fishmongers, laborers, journalists, neighbors, doctors, and soothsayers. It sheds light on individuals whose essential contributions history overlooks. The novel weaves these characters’ stories in a unique and compelling narrative structure.

Set against the backdrop of the yet-to-be-built Panama Canal, the book delves into the lives of various characters. Francisco, a local fisherman, resents the foreign powers vying for control of his homeland. His son, Omar, works in the excavation zone, seeking connection in a rapidly changing world.

Sixteen-year-old Ada Bunting, from Barbados, stows away in Panama to find work and fund her ailing sister’s surgery. When she encounters Omar, who collapsed after a grueling shift, she rushes to his aid, setting off a chain of events that will change their lives.

John Oswald, a scientist dedicated to eliminating malaria, is in Panama when his wife, Marian, falls ill. Witnessing Ada’s bravery and compassion, he hires her as a caregiver, setting off a tale of ambition, loyalty, and sacrifice.

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Prophet Song: A Novel

Read: January 2024

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Prophet Song: A Novel

by Paul Lynch

In 2024, I started my reading journey with the Booker Prize 2023 winner – Prophet Song, by Paul Lynch. The book presents a chilling and astonishing outlook of a nation sliding into authoritarianism while also painting a profoundly humane portrait of a mother’s struggle to keep her family together. I have not set a goal of the number of books to read in 2024, but this is an excellent first-day pageturner.

It all begins on a dark, rainy evening in Dublin when Eilish Stack, a scientist and mother of four, opens her front door to two officers from Ireland’s newly formed secret police. They are there to interrogate her husband, a trade unionist. Ireland is falling apart as the government is gradually turning towards tyranny. As her world crumbles and the people she loves disappear, Eilish faces the dystopian reality of her country. How far is Eilish willing to go to protect her family? And what, or who, is she ready to leave behind?


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Neighbors and Other Stories

Read: February 2024

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Neighbors and Other Stories

by Diane Oliver

Today, I began reading Diane Oliver‘s Neighbors and Other Stories. It’s a powerful and eerie debut collection of stories that portrays the struggles of different characters as they face the everyday dangers of racism during the Jim Crow era. The book features an introduction by Tayari Jones.

Diane Oliver is an important yet often overlooked figure in African American literature of the 20th century. She was a gifted writer, ahead of her time, whose talent was cut short by her untimely death at 22 in 1966. Nevertheless, she left behind a remarkable collection of crisply written and often chilling tales that delve into race and racism in America during the 1950s and 60s. Oliver’s insightful stories remain relevant today; this is the only existing collection of her works. She has rightfully earned her place in the literary canon as a masterful storyteller.

The passage below describes several short stories with different themes. The first story, “The Closet on the Top Floor,” tells the story of Winifred, the first Black student in a newly integrated college. In this story, Winifred begins to disappear, creating a nightmarish scenario. The second story is titled “Mint Juleps not Served Here.” It’s about a couple who live deep in a forest with their son. They will go to bloody lengths to protect him from any danger. The third story, “Spiders Cry without Tears,” features a couple named Meg and Walt. They must confront prejudices and strains of interracial and extramarital love. Finally, the last story is the titular one, and it’s a high-tension narrative that follows a nervous older sister the night before her younger brother is set to desegregate his school.

These are powerful and personal depictions of African American families‘ everyday struggles and moments of distress, illustrating how they utilize their abilities to overcome challenges. “Neighbors” is an enthralling compilation and a valuable historical and social document, displaying the remarkable literary skills of a previously overlooked author.

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Look What You Made Me Do

Read: May 2026

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Look What You Made Me Do

by John Lanchester

“Look What You Made Me Do” by John Lanchester is a darkly comedic tale that delves deep into the intricate web of love, trust, resentment, and entitlement. The narrative weaves the lives of two women from contrasting generations, drawing them into a thrilling conflict where wits and wills are tested to the limit. As tension mounts and secrets unravel, only one will rise to claim victory in this captivating showdown.

“Every successful marriage has its own private language.” So it is for baby boomer Kate and her beloved architect husband Jack, thirty years into their seemingly idyllic life in metropolitan North London. And so it is for spiky millennial screenwriter Phoebe and her charming loafer of a partner, Tony.

But when Phoebe’s steamy television series, Cheating, becomes the year’s most talked-about show, Kate thinks she sees details and intimacies of her marriage in it that only she and her husband could have known. Who has betrayed whom? Who has stolen whose story―and why?


John Lanchester is the author of five novels, including the best-selling *The Debt to Pleasure* and *Capital*. His works have received several accolades, including the Hawthornden Prize, the Whitbread First Novel Award, and the E. M. Forster Award. His books have also been longlisted for the Booker Prize and translated into more than twenty-five languages. Lanchester is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and The New York Review of Books. He resides in London.



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Jaded: A Novel

Read: April 2024

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Jaded: A Novel

by Ela Lee

Today, I started reading “Jaded: A Novel” by Ela Lee. The main character’s name is Jade, which isn’t even her real name. Jade began using it as her Starbucks name because all children of immigrants have a Starbucks name. “Jaded” is a must-read book for fans of “Queenie” and “I May Destroy You.” It offers a blistering—and sometimes darkly funny—account of consent, power, race, sexism, and identity in a broken society.

Jade has accomplished everything she ever wanted.

She’s a successful lawyer, a dutiful daughter, a beloved girlfriend, and a loyal friend. However, everything starts to crumble when she wakes up the morning after a work event, naked and alone, with no idea how she got home. Jade is caught between her parents, who can’t understand, her boyfriend, who feels betrayed, and her job, which expects silence.

Jade thought she was everything she ever wanted to be. But now she feels like nothing at all.

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