Bringing Jan With Me!
Living Fully With Jan's Love!
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 11 seconds
Although I focused on what I had lost in the initial hours and days after Jan died, the only way forward was to concentrate on what I gained, not what I lost.
Subtraction ultimately leads to a negative integer.
My addition calculation begins with Merrit Malloy’s poem Epitaph, which was read at Jan’s funeral and will be a part of mine.
Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,
Could you give me away?
When it was read during services, Jan and I would squeeze hands and look at each other with love and affection. Epitaph was a commandment to me from Jan.
As my Rabbi reminds me, every time I see her, I have brought Jan with me by sharing her love.
When I talk to people about Jan, I bring her and her love. Those who never knew her say I wish I had met her. I responded that you did because you understand me, and I would not be who I am without Jan’s love.
Secondly, I focus on a commentary on grief we recite in unison at Temple Sha’arey Shalom,
Grief is a great teacher when it sends us back to serve and bless the living. We learn how to counsel and comfort those who, like ourselves, are bowed with sorrow. We know when to keep silent in their presence and when a word will assure them of our love and concern.
Grief has been the most outstanding teacher in my life. I have learned to live life fully with Jan’s spirit with me.
By living fully, I know I am not only doing what Jan wanted me to do, but if we were to meet now, she would see someone she could love, not someone so drained by a loss that they are an empty shell.
Secondly, by living fully, Rabbi Renee will have the essence of my eulogy in one sentence.
Richard lived fully. He loved Jan and brought her with him by sharing her love. He worked to repair the world and was a mensch-in-training.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
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As I pray every week at Temple Sha'arey Shalom, when we remember those we lost in this passage, one of our readings is: "Grief is a great teacher when it sends us back to serve and bless the living. We learn how to counsel and comfort those who, like ourselves, are bowed with sorrow. We learn when to keep silent in their presence and when a word will assure them of our love and concern."
