My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
Today I read The Weddings by Alexander Chee. It is the fifth and last book in Inheritance, a collection of five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones. For Jack Cho, a fortysomething gay man, being able to marry someone he loves is so unfamiliar it's terrifying. Then a wedding invitation from a college friend brings about a collision with those fears—and his secret history.
My Apple Watch has reminded me since I moved to Apartment 3B that I am not climbing enough stairs.
I had been climbing 12 to 18 a day and now average six.
On April 22nd, two days before Jan’s birthday, I am joining The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) in the fight to cure blood cancers by participating in Big Climb NJ!
I have accepted the challenge of climbing 26 flights of stairs to the top of One Gateway Center and raising critical funds for blood cancer research and patient support.
Can I climb 26 flights? I am not sure, but I am going to do my best!
I’m stepping up to take cancer down, and you can help me ensure that one day no one will have to die from leukemia and lymphoma!
Jan’s love will help me climb one step at a time.
Will you help me meet my fundraising goal?
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Lighting the Night to Cure Lymphoma
Last night, the Light the Night event was held in Verona Park, Verona, NJ, and I, walked in memory of Jan to help find a cure for lymphoma and leukemia.
As the hundreds of walkers collectively did the countdown to commence the walk, I wept as I wanted Jan with me as a survivor so I could walk with her as her caregiver.
Although I walked alone, Jan was with me.
Together we walked to cure blood cancers so no one would die from lymphoma one day.
“Richard, you will never find someone as long as you continue to wear your wedding ring,” she announced with certainty.
“Jan has only been in her grave for a month…”
“You are not a young man. Every day you wait the more impossible your chances will be.”
“But I am not looking for a new bride.”
I am sure they believed they offered hope to a newly minted widow, but the pain remains as fresh as morning dew.
Our wedding rings were consequential for Jan and me.
Eight months after her lymphoma diagnosis, Jan’s hands were swelling, and her ring finger was at risk of losing the blood flowing from her heart. Our friends at Martin Jewelers removed it.
When informed that hospice care was the only choice, her tearful request was, “I want my wedding ring.”
Our oldest son went to Martin Jewelers, and they were able to resize her ring and reunite hers into one solid ring.
I replaced it on her hand when she arrived home for the last time.
When asked to remove it before the funeral, I said no. Jan wanted her ring, and it was not for me to remove it. I called Rabbi Renee to ensure that there was no reason she could not keep her wedding ring, and she said there was no reason to remove the ring.
According to The NYTimes,
The ancient Egyptians believed there was a vena amoris, Latin for a vein of love, in the left hand’s fourth finger with a direct route to the heart.
My rational mind denies a direct connection from the fourth finger to my heart.
But I am and always will be a romantic.
I believe in my heart and mind that the Orchid that bloomed last week was a reminder that Jan is still with me and always will be.
She is my Valentine today and every day!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
“It looks like we are good until April,” my fellow walker and weather prognosticator said as I petted his dog.
“I can’t beleive we got to the middle of February with only a dusting of snow,” he continued. “I raked my yard over the weekend and started preparing my garden.”
I nodded, and we both continued our walk in opposite directions.
I enjoy being able to walk without ice and snow on the ground, but I am apprehensive about the weird weather that has kept us snow-free.
If we are snow-free, how will it impact the reservoirs?
Is this one weird year or the beginning phase of a new, less human-friendly climate?
As I complete my morning perambulation, I realize that I am overdressed. Having left before sunrise when it was in the mid-thirties, I dressed for the cold. It is now mid-forties and rising.
Jan and I always wanted part of our inheritance to leave our children and grandchildren with a livable world.
All we can leave then now is our eternal love.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Spring’s First Weeping Willow Tree
Jan and I always found joy in the first sign of Spring.
Those signs could come anytime in an age of weird weather.
In Springfield and Teaneck, we had flower beds where the first daffodils would burst thru almost frozen ground to find the sun's warmth.
I often found them first but always let Jan be the first to see Spring.
This morning I saw the first yellowish hint in a weeping willow in Cranford despite freezing temperatures.
“Congratulations! You have created the worst letter our office has ever produced,” my predecessor stated with a chuckle that did not hide his harsh critique.
I had never used a computer, as the new job’s TRS-80 was the first I had used.
My colleague stopped me before I clicked the erase button to start over. It will be OK; you will learn over time.”
Perhaps I have improved since the early 1980s, but I am still an amateur.
Until this January, I wrote at least two memories of my life with Jan each month. I have shared many of those in the Sharing Jans Love newsletter each month.
There are still stories in the recesses of my mind, but like that first experience with the TRS-80, the words do not flow from my mind to the paper.
Some might think of this as classic writer’s block, and at times I concur.
But I am still an amateur wordsmith; the stories I have written were not merely memories but stories that flowed directly onto the page.
Albeit long-form memories are obstructed, I still write shorter streams of consciousness. Most are about how I am doing now.
Even if I do not resolve this temporary crisis, my love for Jan will never die, and I will continue to share her passion with the world.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
“The trees seem smaller now than they did when I was a teneger,” Jan said as we stood in a grove of trees in the wetlands near the home where she grew up.
“Whenever I need a place to think, and dream, I came here as my parents had chosen not to plant trees in the backyard.” she said.
We had moved into her childhood home the month before. Instead of planting one or more trees, we made plans to expand the garden.
I thought about that visit to Jan’s grove of trees during Sha’arey Shalom’s Tu B’Shevat Seder, which was less than one hundred yards from Jan’s grove of trees.
The seder marks,
It is the beginning of the year for trees because it is the midpoint of winter: the strength of the cold becomes less, the majority of the year’s rains (in Israel) have fallen, and the sap of the trees starts to rise.
When I arrived home, I reviewed my notes from The Hidden Life of Trees by forester and author Peter Wohlleben.
Peter convincingly makes the case that the forest is a social network; tree parents live with their children, communicate with them, support them as they grow, share nutrients with those who are sick or struggling, and even warn each other of impending dangers.
Tree of Life, Tree of Hope, Jan is still with me and always will be.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Are trees social beings? In The Hidden Life of Trees, the forester and author Peter Wohlleben convincingly makes the case that, yes, the forest is a social network.
Victory City: A Novel by Salman Rushdie is an epic tale of a woman who breathes a fantastical empire into existence, only to be consumed by it over the centuries from the transcendent imagination of Booker Prize-winning, internationally bestselling author Salman Rushdie. It is well written and was a page-turner from page one to the end. I highly recommend this novel and encourage everyone to read it.
by Alexander Chee
Today I read The Weddings by Alexander Chee. It is the fifth and last book in Inheritance, a collection of five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones. For Jack Cho, a fortysomething gay man, being able to marry someone he loves is so unfamiliar it’s terrifying. Then a wedding invitation from a college friend brings about a collision with those fears—and his secret history.
I have always enjoyed weddings. I attended the last one when my younger son married in July 2021. Not sure if I will ever participate in another wedding.
I have attended many diverse weddings but never one with as many secret histories. To avoid revealing the secrets, I will state that The Weddings is well written, each moment is precise, and the mysteries are neither shocking nor disruptive to the story.
I highly recommend The Weddings.
Each Inheritance piece can be read or listened to in a single setting. By yourself, behind closed doors, or shared with someone you trust. The Weddings is the fifth one in the series I have read.
The previous four were:
I have enjoyed all five books.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
Jack and his new boyfriend, Caleb, are attending the wedding of Jack’s estranged straight friend Scott. No sooner do the guests start to mingle than questions arise about relationships, tradition, Jack’s feelings for the groom, and what’s at stake as he navigates daunting territory, both new and old. In this wry and surprising short story, award-winning author Alexander Chee extends an invitation to the party—and awakening—of a lifetime.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
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by Peter Wohlleben
The Hidden Life of Trees: What They Feel, How They Communicate ― Discoveries from A Secret World is a book I have wanted but had not had the time to read. In July of this year, when I was still in the early stages of my recovery journey, I talked to a friend of my wife’s (whom I now count as my friend) about our plans to plant a tree in Hanson Park.
As I talked about our plans, my friend suggested I read this book as it would help me understand the importance of trees. I will forever be grateful for her recommendation, as it made me read this book sooner than later.
To read that trees have a social network with more prominent, healthier trees concerned about the smaller, weaker ones. How is it that humans, a supposedly advanced species, have a social network that divides and weakens our community?
Are trees social beings? In The Hidden Life of Trees forester and author Peter Wohlleben convincingly makes the case that, yes, the forest is a social network. He draws on groundbreaking scientific discoveries to describe how trees are like human families: tree parents live together with their children, communicate with them, support them as they grow, share nutrients with those who are sick or struggling, and even warn each other of impending dangers. Wohlleben also shares his deep love of woods and forests, explaining the amazing processes of life, death, and regeneration he has observed in his woodland.
Having read this book, I am more sensitive to trees and have enjoyed my walks more than ever. In addition, when we plant Jan’s tree in Hanson Park, I will now have even more reasons to talk about the importance of trees to Jan, myself, and the community.
by Salman Rushdie
Victory City: A Novel by Salman Rushdie is an epic tale of a woman who breathes a fantastical empire into existence, only to be consumed by it over the centuries from the transcendent imagination of Booker Prize-winning, internationally bestselling author Salman Rushdie. It is well written and was a page-turner from page one to the end. I highly recommend this novel and encourage everyone to read it.
Brilliantly styled as a translation of an ancient epic, this is a saga of love, adventure, and myth that is a testament to storytelling’s power. After witnessing her mother’s death, the grief-stricken Pampa Kampana becomes a vessel for the goddess Parvati, who begins to speak out of the girl’s mouth. I was hooked when Pampa Kampana provided the seeds that created Victory City out of thin air.
David Remnick’s interview with Salman Rushdie in The New Yorker provided background I would have missed.
“The first kings of Vijayanagara announced, quite seriously, that they were descended from the moon,” Rushdie said. “So when these kings, Harihara and Bukka, announce that they’re members of the lunar dynasty, they’re associating themselves with those great heroes. It’s like saying, ‘I’ve descended from the same family as Achilles.’ Or Agamemnon. And so I thought, Well, if you could say that, I can say anything.”
Above all, the book is buoyed by the character of Pampa Kampana, who, Rushdie says, “just showed up in my head” and gave him his story, his sense of direction. Rushdie’s pleasure in writing the novel was in “world building” and, at the same time, writing about a character building that world: “It’s me doing it, but it’s also her doing it.” The pleasure is infectious. “Victory City” is an immensely enjoyable novel. It is also an affirmation. At the end, with the great city in ruins, what is left is not the storyteller but her words:
The Goodreads summary provides a brief overview,
In the wake of an insignificant battle between two long-forgotten kingdoms in fourteenth-century southern India, a nine-year-old girl has a divine encounter that will change the course of history. After witnessing her mother’s death, the grief-stricken Pampa Kampana becomes a vessel for the goddess Parvati, who begins to speak out of the girl’s mouth. Granting her powers beyond Pampa Kampana’s comprehension, the goddess tells her that she will be instrumental in the rise of a great city called Bisnaga–literally victory city–the wonder of the world.
Over the next two hundred and fifty years, Pampa Kampana’s life becomes deeply interwoven with Bisnaga’s, from its literal sowing out of a bag of magic seeds to its tragic ruination in the most human of ways: the hubris of those in power. Whispering Bisnaga and its citizens into existence, Pampa Kampana attempts to make good on Parvati’s task: giving women equal agency in a patriarchal world. But all stories have a way of getting away from their creator, and Bisnaga is no exception. As years pass, rulers come and go, battles are won and lost, and allegiances shift, the very fabric of Bisnaga becomes an ever more complex tapestry–with Pampa Kampana at its center.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
The Secrets We Left Behind by Soraya M. Lane is a historical fiction that raises the question, where were the women after Dunkirk and the fall of France? When World War II appeared to have been lost with a Nazi victory. Ms. Lane watched the movie Dunkirk and then researched that time and the women’s possible roles during that difficult moment in history.
She connected the evacuation at Dunkirk to the Massacre at Le Paradis, fifty miles away, to connect a British nurse and two French women whose strength helps them survive Nazi-occupied France. Three British male soldiers, two of whom survived the massacre and one who escaped Dunkirk, have secondary roles in the novel.
The Secrets We Left Behind is the story of the three strong women and their efforts to survive the occupation while hiding the three soldiers. This focus on the role of women has been long overdue in history. Ms. Lane, who studied to be a lawyer, has found a career as a writer. The Secrets We Left Behind is the first book I have read, but it will not be the last one by Ms. Lane that I read.
I strongly recommend this book!
The Goodreads synopsis provides an overview of the novel.
How far will they go for family, friendship, and love? Occupied France, 1940. When the staff at a field hospital draw straws to find out who will join the evacuation from Dunkirk, Nurse Cate is left behind. But when the Nazis arrive to claim prisoners of war, she takes her chance and flees into the night, taking one patient with her.
Fifty miles away, the surrendering soldiers of the Royal Norfolk Regiment are shot dead by the advancing Germans. Beneath the pile of bodies, two men survive, crawling to the safety of a nearby farmhouse, where sisters Elise and Adelaide risk their lives to take them in. When Cate, too, arrives at their door with her injured soldier, the pressure mounts.
The sisters are risking everything to keep their visitors safe. But with the Nazis coming ever closer and relationships in the farmhouse intensifying, they must all question the sacrifices they are willing to make for the lives of others. How far will they go for family, friendship, and love?
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by Cristina Henriquez
I began to read “The Great Divide: A Novel” by Cristina Henriquez today. The book stood out for its compassionate exploration of the lives of activists, fishmongers, laborers, journalists, neighbors, doctors, and soothsayers. It sheds light on individuals whose essential contributions history overlooks. The novel weaves these characters’ stories in a unique and compelling narrative structure.
Set against the backdrop of the yet-to-be-built Panama Canal, the book delves into the lives of various characters. Francisco, a local fisherman, resents the foreign powers vying for control of his homeland. His son, Omar, works in the excavation zone, seeking connection in a rapidly changing world.
Sixteen-year-old Ada Bunting, from Barbados, stows away in Panama to find work and fund her ailing sister’s surgery. When she encounters Omar, who collapsed after a grueling shift, she rushes to his aid, setting off a chain of events that will change their lives.
John Oswald, a scientist dedicated to eliminating malaria, is in Panama when his wife, Marian, falls ill. Witnessing Ada’s bravery and compassion, he hires her as a caregiver, setting off a tale of ambition, loyalty, and sacrifice.
by Gabriella Burnham
Today, I began reading Wait: A Novel by Gabriella Burnham. This story is told with deep insight, humor, and an unexpected tenderness that will captivate you. The novel revolves around a family struggling against the societal issues that deteriorate their bonds, such as housing instability, immigration policies, and inherited wealth. At its core, it is also a tale about love, humor, and sisterhood, highlighting how two sisters lean on each other amid monumental changes while dreaming of a brighter future.
Elise is out dancing the night before her college graduation when her younger sister, Sophie, calls to inform her that their mother is missing. Elise promptly booked the next flight back to her childhood home on Nantucket Island, which she hadn’t visited in nearly four years.
Upon her return, the sisters are confronted with the harsh reality that their mother was stopped by the police while returning home from work and deported to São Paulo, Brazil. Despite the daunting odds, Elise boldly decides to stay fueled by her love for her mother and takes the same job she had during high school: monitoring endangered birds.
Meanwhile, her college best friend, Sheba—a lively socialite and heir to a famous children’s toy company—reveals that she has inherited her grandfather’s summer mansion on Nantucket. As Elise navigates her new reality, her worlds collide as she faces the emotional and material challenges that have fractured her family and the life in Brazil that her mother has been forced to leave behind.
Gabriella Burnham‘s debut novel, It Is Wood, It Is Stone, was named a best book of the year by Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, Publishers Weekly, and Good Housekeeping. She holds an MFA in creative writing from St. Joseph’s College and has been awarded fellowships to Yaddo and MacDowell, where she was named a Harris Center Fellow. Her nonfiction writing has appeared in Harper’s Bazaar. Burnham and her partner live in Brooklyn, New York, with their rescue cats, Galleta and Franz.
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by Rabbi Shai Held
Today, I embarked on a transformative journey with Rabbi Shai Held’s book, “Judaism Is About Love.” Rav Uri‘s mention of this book during this year’s Yom Kippur service at Temple Sha’arey Shalom sparked a profound connection to the Divine, as echoed in my writings “Love Can Conquer Even Death” and “High Holiday Meditation Cleanses My Soul.” Rabbi Held’s book, which focuses on love, meaning, purpose, and faith, has guided my quest to become the best version of myself.
“Judaism Is About Love” is a beacon of understanding, offering a profound and groundbreaking perspective on Jewish life. It challenges a long-standing misinterpretation that has shaped the Western narrative: Christianity is the religion of love, while Judaism is the religion of law. Rabbi Shai Held, a leading Jewish thinker in America, passionately argues for correcting this misconception. He asserts that love is not just a part of Judaism but a fundamental aspect, thus reclaiming the heart of the Jewish tradition.
With a unique blend of intellectual rigor, respect for tradition, and a vibrant Judaism, Held’s aim is clear: to reclaim Judaism in its authentic form. He illustrates that love is the foundation of the true Jewish faith, influencing our unique perspectives on injustice, protest, grace, family life, responsibilities toward neighbors and enemies, and chosenness.
“Judaism Is About Love” is a work of ambition and revelation. It serves as a beacon, illuminating the true essence of Judaism. More than just a book, it is an act of restoration from within, reclaiming the authentic form of Judaism.
When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!
by Laila Ibrahim
Scarlet Carnation: A Novel by Laila Ibrahim is a book I enjoyed reading. Having read this book, I am now a fan of Laila Ibrahim and look forward to reading more of her novels. In addition, I am a fan of historical fiction, and this is one of the best I have read about the second decade of the twentieth century.
May and Naomi are related, but their lives are very relatable to the reader. The promises of equality and transformation of women’s roles resonate even now. Bringing together the myriad issues they confront – racism, shaming for decisions they made, peace, and the interlocking of their families from a plantation, make this a book that I highly recommend.
The only observation was my shock at reading that they were petitioning President Coolidge at the start of WW I. It is a minor issue as the story flows strongly from the first to the last page.
The Goodreads overview highlights the narrative of the book.
In an early twentieth-century America roiling with racial injustice, class divides, and WWI, two women fight for their dreams in a galvanizing novel by the bestselling author of Golden Poppies. 1915. May and Naomi are extended families, their grandmothers’ lives inseparably entwined on a Virginia plantation in the volatile time leading up to the Civil War. For both women, the twentieth century promises social transformation and equal opportunity.
May, a young white woman, is on the brink of achieving the independent life she’s dreamed of since childhood. Naomi, a nurse, mother, and leader of the NAACP, has fulfilled her own dearest desire: buying a home for her family. But they both are about to learn that dreams can be destroyed in an instant. May’s future is upended, and she is forced to rely once again on her mother. Meanwhile, the white-majority neighborhood into which Naomi has moved is organizing against her while her sons are away fighting for their country.
In the tumult of a changing nation, these two women—whose grandmothers survived the Civil War—support each other’s quest for liberation and dignity. Both find the strength to confront injustice and the faith to thrive on their chosen paths.
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by Susanna Clarke
Piranesi by Susanna Clarke is about a man known as Piranesi who lives in a big house and explores the labyrinth of rooms and hopes of understanding the meaning. Is it any surprise that I would pick this book as my thirtieth of the year? As a widow, I journal and journey in a life I did not expect to live, and I still believe I will find meaning and purpose.
In addition, a labyrinth is one of the options we have discussed for the next phase of the work in Hanson Park.
Piranesi is a page-turner, but that does not fully describe the beauty of the world that Susanna Clarke created. I highly recommend this book as it is one of my best this year.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview of Piranesi by Susanna Clarke.
Piranesi’s house is no ordinary building: its rooms are infinite, its corridors endless, its walls are lined with thousands upon thousands of statues, each one different from all the others. Within the labyrinth of halls an ocean is imprisoned; waves thunder up staircases, rooms are flooded in an instant. But Piranesi is not afraid; he understands the tides as he understands the pattern of the labyrinth itself. He lives to explore the house.
There is one other person in the house—a man called The Other, who visits Piranesi twice a week and asks for help with research into A Great and Secret Knowledge. But as Piranesi explores, evidence emerges of another person, and a terrible truth begins to unravel, revealing a world beyond the one Piranesi has always known.
For readers of Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane and fans of Madeline Miller’s Circe, Piranesi introduces an astonishing new world, an infinite labyrinth, full of startling images and surreal beauty, haunted by the tides and the clouds.
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