Who Am I Without Jan?
Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 8 seconds
Last Friday, Rabbi Dr. Renee Edelman raised an existential question. What are the names that identify or describe us? Often, as a child, we may have nicknames (mine was Ricky). Our partners may identify with loving names. We may have work titles. Since becoming a widow, far too often, that is the only term used to identify me.
As Anais Nin wrote,
The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, and constellations.
I will always be multiple layers of cells and constellations, not defined by one condition or status.
I am now and will always be a husband, father, grandfather, advocate, good neighbor, friend, activist, amateur writer, walker, dreamer, donor, and a Jew, among many attributes that define me.
Being a widow can also describe me, but it is one of many, not the primary one.
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Since Jan died a year ago, I still identify as married and not a widow.
Many of my fellow widows identify as members of a widow tribe.
Has my life been so drained by Jan's death that I am now only a checkbox on a form?
No, I am and always will be more than only a widow.
Anais Nin Quote
Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 8 secondsThe full quote by Anais Nin,
“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”
