Richard W. shared a stream on December 13, 2022
Who Am I Without Jan?

Who Am I Without Jan?

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 8 seconds

Jan and Richard at YWCA Gala

Last Friday, Rabbi Dr. Renee Edelman raised an existential question. What are the names that identify or describe us? Often, as a child, we may have nicknames (mine was Ricky). Our partners may identify with loving names. We may have work titles. Since becoming a widow, far too often, that is the only term used to identify me.

As Anais Nin wrote,

The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, and constellations.

I will always be multiple layers of cells and constellations, not defined by one condition or status.

I am now and will always be a husband, father, grandfather, advocate, good neighbor, friend, activist, amateur writer, walker, dreamer, donor, and a Jew, among many attributes that define me.

Being a widow can also describe me, but it is one of many, not the primary one.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Am I Only a Widow?

Am I Only a Widow?

Since Jan died a year ago, I still identify as married and not a widow.

Many of my fellow widows identify as members of a widow tribe.

Has my life been so drained by Jan's death that I am now only a checkbox on a form?

No, I am and always will be more than only a widow.

Richard W. Brown May 20, 2022

Show thread (1)

Richard W. Brown
Who Am I Without Jan?

Anais Nin Quote

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 8 seconds

The full quote by Anais Nin,

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”

Go back to Stream

5 comments add your comment

Share your thoughts and ideas

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Donate Now!
Who Am I Without Jan?
×
Who Am I Without Jan?
×
The Girl in His Shadow

Read: July 2022

Get this book

The Girl in His Shadow

by Audrey Blake

I completed the Big Library Read of 2022, The Girl in His Shadow, by Audrey Blake. I highly recommend it. The Girl in His Shadow is historical fiction about one woman who believed in scientific medicine before the world believed in her. Ms. Blake has a split personality— because she is the creative alter ego of writing duo Jaima Fixsen and Regina Sirois, two authors who met as finalists of a writing contest and have been writing together happily ever since.

The pen name – Audrey Blake – was in response to the publishers recommending a more straightforward author’s name. Regina’s daughter is named Audrey, and Jaima’s son is Blake.

I cannot praise this book enough. It was well written, and the characters, especially Nora Beady, jumped off the page. I recommend The Girl in His Shadow by Audrey Blake and encourage you to read the book and share your thoughts.

For more information and to start reading The Girl in His Shadow by Audrey Blake, visit: Big Library Read.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Raised by the eccentric surgeon Dr. Horace Croft after losing her parents to a deadly pandemic, the orphan Nora Beady knows little about conventional life. While other young ladies were raised to busy themselves with needlework and watercolors, Nora was trained to perfect her suturing and anatomical illustrations of dissections.

Women face dire consequences if caught practicing medicine, but in Croft’s private clinic Nora is his most trusted–and secret–assistant. That is until the new surgical resident Dr. Daniel Gibson arrives. Dr. Gibson has no idea that Horace’s bright and quiet young ward is a surgeon more qualified and ingenuitive than even himself. In order to protect Dr. Croft and his practice from scandal and collapse Nora must learn to play a new and uncomfortable role–that of a proper young lady.

But pretense has its limits. Nora cannot turn away and ignore the suffering of patients even if it means giving Gibson the power to ruin everything she’s worked for. And when she makes a discovery that could change the field forever, Nora faces an impossible choice. Remain invisible and let the men around her take credit for her work, or let the world see her for what she is–even if it means being destroyed by her own legacy.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
The Book of V

Read: October 2021

Get this book

The Book of V

by Anna Solomon

The Book of V by Anna Solomon is a book that I may not have read at another time in my life, and I did find it to be a book that I could not stop reading.

Goodreads summarizes its plot.

Anna Solomon’s kaleidoscopic novel intertwines the lives of a Brooklyn mother in 2016, a senator’s wife in 1970s Washington, D.C., and the Bible’s Queen Esther, whose stories of sex, power and desire overlap and ultimately converge—showing how women’s roles have and have not changed over thousands of years.

Being Jewish, I knew the story of Queen Esther, although this version added new layers of the story that I did not know. The book’s illumination that women’s roles have not changed over thousands of years was something I knew but did not fully understand.

The three characters are very vivid and weave a story that is worth reading.

Lily is a mother and a daughter. And a second wife. And a writer, maybe? Or she was going to be, before she had children. Now, in her rented Brooklyn apartment, she’s grappling with her sexual and intellectual desires while also trying to manage her roles as a mother and a wife.

Vivian Barr seems to be the perfect political wife, dedicated to helping her charismatic and ambitious husband find success in Watergate-era Washington D.C. But one night he demands a humiliating favor, and her refusal to obey changes the course of her life—along with the lives of others.

Esther is a fiercely independent young woman in ancient Persia, where she and her uncle’s tribe live a tenuous existence outside the palace walls. When an innocent mistake results in devastating consequences for her people, she is offered up as a sacrifice to please the king, in the hopes that she will save them all.

I recommend this book.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
Thrust: A Novel

Read: August 2022

Get this book

Thrust: A Novel

by Lidia Yuknavitch

Thrust: A Novel by Lidia Yuknavitch is a book I recommend without reservations. The protagonist of Thrust is Laisve, a motherless girl from the late 21st century who is learning her power as a carrier, a person who can harness the power of meaningful objects to carry her through time. The book begins with the construction of the Statue of Liberty, and Laisve, with the gifts of a carrier, travels through water and time to rescue vulnerable figures from the margins of history.

The novel also focuses on rising waters and an encroaching police state endangering Laisve’s life and family. As a reader who likes historical fiction and time travel, Thrust: A Novel by Lidia Yuknavitch proved to be a page-turner.

The full GoodReads summary provides an overview of this book published on June 28, 2022,

Lidia Yuknavitch has an unmatched gift for capturing stories of people on the margins–vulnerable humans leading lives of challenge and transcendence. Now, Yuknavitch offers an imaginative masterpiece: the story of Laisve, a motherless girl from the late 21st century who is learning her power as a carrier, a person who can harness the power of meaningful objects to carry her through time.

Sifting through the detritus of a fallen city known as the Brook, she discovers a talisman that will mysteriously connect her with a series of characters from the past two centuries: a French sculptor, a woman of the American underworld, a dictator’s daughter, an accused murderer; and a squad of laborers at work on a national monument. Through intricately braided storylines, Laisve must dodge enforcement raids, find her way to the present day, and finally, to the early days of her poor country, to forge a connection that might save their lives–and their shared dream of freedom.

Thrust will leave no reader unchanged, a dazzling novel of body, spirit, and survival.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month are matched dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
Home: A Novel

Read: February 2022

Get this book

Home: A Novel

by Marilynne Robinson

Home: A Novel by Marilynne Robinson is a moving and healing book about families, family secrets, the passing of the generations, love, death, and faith. Robinson’s most significant work is an unforgettable embodiment of the most profound and universal emotions. Although I have not read the other novels in this series, I plan to add them to my list. I highly recommend this book.

It is a moving and healing book about families, family secrets, the passing of generations, love, death, and faith. With the loss of the love of my life ten months ago, these are topics that I have spent time thinking about. Ms. Robinson’s powerful writing weaved a story that I could not stop reading.

Again, I highly recommend this novel.

This is the Goodreads summary.

Hundreds of thousands were enthralled by the luminous voice of John Ames in Gilead Marilynne Robinson’s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel. Home is an entirely independent, deeply affecting novel that takes place concurrently in the same locale, this time in the household of Reverend Robert Boughton, Ames’s closest friend.

Glory Boughton, aged thirty-eight, has returned to Gilead to care for her dying father. Soon her brother, Jack—the prodigal son of the family, gone for twenty years—comes home too, looking for refuge and trying to make peace with a past littered with tormenting trouble and pain.

Jack is one of the great characters in recent literature. A bad boy from childhood, an alcoholic who cannot hold a job, he is perpetually at odds with his surroundings and with his traditionalist father, though he remains Boughton’s most beloved child. Brilliant, lovable, and wayward, Jack forges an intense bond with Glory and engages painfully with Ames, his godfather and namesake.

Home is a moving and healing book about families, family secrets, the passing of the generations, love, death, and faith. Robinson’s most significant work is an unforgettable embodiment of the most profound and universal emotions.

Subscribe

Contact Us

When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
The Essential Hamilton: Letters & Other Writings: A Library of America Special Publication

Read: February 2019

Get this book

The Essential Hamilton: Letters & Other Writings

by Edited by Joanne B. Freeman

The Essential Hamilton: Letters & Other Writings, edited by Joanne B. Freeman, Professor of History and American Studies at Yale University, is a must-read in our times when a constitutional crisis is the watchword of our day. Compared to reading all 27 volumes of Hamilton’s writings, this book provides the essential texts that offer a clear understanding of both the revolutionary era, the debates over the constitution, Hamilton’s impact as Secretary of the Treasury, and his downfall and eventual downfall death in Weehawken.

Professor Freeman’s introductions and chronology help place the writings into a historical context.

The Essential Hamilton is one of four books that I purchased after my first One Day University class.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
The Friend: A Novel

Read: September 2022

Get this book

The Friend: A Novel

by Sigrid Nunez

The Friend: A Novel by Sigrid Nunez is a moving story of love, friendship, grief, healing, and the magical bond between a woman and her dog. When a woman unexpectedly loses her lifelong best friend and mentor, she finds herself burdened with the unwanted dog he has left behind. I understand the positives and negatives of having a dog help with grief, but I cannot have one where I live.

One line that resonated with me was,

You can’t hurry, love, as the song goes. You can’t hurry, grief, either.

Far too often, widows are in a hurry, not unlike young lovers. We need to learn patience and remind ourselves that the more we love, the more we will grieve.

I often said that Jan would replace me with a dog if she survived me.

I recommend this book.

The Goodreads summary provides a concise overview,

The woman’s own battle against grief is intensified by the mute suffering of the dog, a huge Great Dane traumatized by the inexplicable disappearance of its master, and by the threat of eviction: dogs are prohibited in her apartment building.

While others worry that grief has made her a victim of magical thinking, the woman refuses to be separated from the dog except for brief periods of time. Isolated from the rest of the world, increasingly obsessed with the dog’s care, determined to read its mind and fathom its heart, she comes dangerously close to unraveling. But while troubles abound, rich and surprising rewards lie in store for both of them.

Elegiac and searching, The Friend is both a meditation on loss and a celebration of human-canine devotion.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×