Reading Breathe by Joyce Carol Oates was a book I knew I needed to read once Jan was diagnosed. Although the book might trigger negative memories, I finally read Breathe. It was what I needed to read at this point in my journey.

Ms. Oates wrote the book in 2019 after her husband, Charlie Gross, died. The novel is a story of love, loss, and loneliness, topics that I write about on this blog. I needed to read the book both for my mental health and for the readers of Sharing Jan’s Love.

The protagonist, Michaela, loses her husband while they are on a sabbatical in New Mexico. Her husband, Gerard, writes a book and teaches a class on memories. Jan and I never considered relocating before her illness, but this book convinced me that it would have aggravated my grief journey.

One of the parallels I observed while reading the novel is the similarity between Gerard’s reluctance to let family, friends, and co-workers know of his illness. Jan shared that reluctance in the early days, but I convinced her that the only chance of beating cancer was with the help of family and friends.

This dialogue could easily be one that Jan and I had.

Of course you want to summon his family—his (adult) children—but quickly, he says no.

Still waiting.

But – When?

Just not yet.

He is not an alarmist. (You are the alarmist.)

The novel is written in two parts – The Vigil and the Post-Mortem.

The opening paragraphs set the tone.

A Hand is gripping yours. Warm, dry hand gripping your slippery, humid hand.

Whoever it is urging you – Breathe!

Leaning over you begging you – Breathe!

As one mourning the death of the love of his life, I found several phrases in the book helpful in understanding what I have gone through and will continue to confront.

Among them is grief-vise, which I have written about in this stream.

In the grip of the grief vise, all that you will do, all that you even imagine doing, will require many times more effort.. Hardly daring to breathe for the grief-vise will tighten around your chest, squeezing the very air out of your lungs.

In the early stages of grief, the vise was strangling me. Breathing was impossible, and weeping was constant at times.

Michaela struggles with her grief. Seeing her husband every time she sees a man alone, even if they are older or younger than he was. I know I have felt Jan’s presence and still expect her to walk into our apartment.

Her struggles with a grief counselor and overly helpful friends are an experience I have not had but are familiar to those suffering from losing a loved one.

The last chapters are ones in which time becomes confusing and chaotic. At times, I was uncertain about which were real or imagined. The end, like all good novels, was ambiguous.

These are some of the other phrases I have found useful and will include in posts.

• If there is no one to love, do we merit existence?
• Never come to the end of kissing.
• The first principle of life is; Breathe.
• Shy in the language of intimacy.
• As if a life lived with strangers could compensate for the emptiness in your heart.
• No purpose in your life. No compass.

What you love most, that you will lose. The price of your love is your loss.

I recommend this book to all readers, even those struggling with grief.

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Three Strong Women by Marie NDiaye is a novel that focuses on three women who say no. Winner of the coveted Prix Goncourt, the first by a black woman, Marie NDiaye, creates a luminous narrative triptych as harrowing as beautiful. With lyrical intensity, Marie NDiaye masterfully evokes the relentless denial of dignity, to say nothing of happiness, in these lives caught between Africa and Europe. I highly recommend this novel.

John Fletcher translated the Kindle version.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

This is the story of three women who say no: Norah, a French-born lawyer who finds herself in Senegal, summoned by her estranged, tyrannical father to save another victim of his paternity; Fanta, who leaves a modest but contented life as a teacher in Dakar to follow her white boyfriend back to France, where his delusional depression and sense of failure poison everything; and Khady, an impoverished widow put out by her husband’s family with nothing but the name of a distant cousin (the Fanta above) who lives in France, a place Khady can scarcely conceive of but toward which she must now take desperate flight.

With lyrical intensity, Marie NDiaye masterfully evokes the relentless denial of dignity, to say nothing of happiness, in these lives caught between Africa and Europe. We see with stunning emotional exactitude how ordinary women discover unimagined reserves of strength, even as their humanity is chipped away. Three Strong Women admits to an immigrant experience rarely, if ever, examined in fiction, but even more into the depths of the suffering heart.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month are matched dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Today, I dove into “Time of the Child” by Niall Williams, and I can already tell it will be a journey worth taking. This beautifully crafted novel, penned by the same author who brought us “This Is Happiness,” unfolds during a magical Christmas in the quaint Irish town of Faha. At its heart is a touching story about a father and daughter that beautifully explores the idea that miracles can touch our lives, no matter our beliefs.

As I turned the pages, I thought about how this enchanting tale would evoke love’s profound and transformative power when I light my Hanukkah candles. It promises to be a genuinely uplifting read!

Doctor Jack Troy was born and raised in Faha, but his responsibilities toward the sick and his care for the dying have always set him apart from the town. His eldest daughter, Ronnie, has grown up in her father’s shadow and remains there, having missed one chance at love and declined another marriage proposal from an unsuitable man.

During the Advent season of 1962, as the town prepared for Christmas, Ronnie and Doctor Troy’s lives were turned upside down when a baby arrived on their doorstep. As winter passes, the lives of the father and daughter, their understanding of family, and their roles in the community are changed forever.

Set throughout one December in the same village as Williams’ beloved “This Is Happiness,” “Time of the Child” offers a tender return to Faha for readers familiar with its charms and serves as a heartwarming welcome for new readers exploring it for the first time.

When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Today, I dove into Charlotte Wood‘s captivating novel, “Stone Yard Devotional.” I couldn’t resist picking it up after discovering a glowing review by Joumana Khatib. She expressed her fondness for the book in the New York Times Book Review Newsletter, saying, “I’m still so enamored of Charlotte Wood’s novel.” It’s impressive that this work was a finalist for the Booker Prize last year! I’m eager to read the book to determine if it is a “love story,” as Ms. Khatib believes.

Burnt out and needing a retreat, a middle-aged woman leaves Sydney to return to her childhood home, taking refuge in a small religious community hidden away on the stark plains of rural Australia. She does not believe in God and is unfamiliar with the concept of prayer, finding herself living this strange, reclusive existence almost by accident.

However, her secluded life is disrupted by three significant events. First, a terrible mouse plague marks a new battle against the growing infestation daily. Second, the skeletal remains of a sister who disappeared decades ago and was presumed murdered return. Finally, a troubling visitor brings her further into her past.

Meditative, moving, and finely observed, “Stone Yard Devotional” is a seminal novel from a writer of rare power. It explores the meaning of retreating from the world, forgiveness’s true nature, and grief‘s lasting effects on the human soul.

When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

The Field of Blood: Violence in Congress and the Road to Civil War by Joanne B. Freeman, Professor of History and American Studies at Yale University, is a must-read in our hyper-partisan times. The partisanship and divisiveness of the period before the Civil War have many parallels to our time, and the difference is the violence of the Civil War era. Professor Freeman recovers the long-lost story of physical violence on the floor of the U.S. Congress.

She can do this by first source materials from Benjamin Brown French. He was never elected to office but was an acquaintance of twelve consecutive presidents, from Andrew Jackson to Ulysses S. Grant. In addition, he maintained a diary for forty years that highlighted the violence and his and the nation’s political transformation.

During much of this period, he was the Clerk in the House.  His diary documents the violence that did not get covered by the press. Legislative sessions included mortal threats, canings, flipped desks, and all-out slugfests. When debate broke down, members of Congress drew pistols and waved Bowie knives. One representative even killed another in a duel. Many were beaten and bullied in an attempt to intimidate them into compliance, particularly on the issue of slavery.

The Field of Blood is one of four books I purchased after my first One Day University class.

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Today, I dove into Sally Rooney‘s latest novel, “Intermezzo: A Novel,” which instantly captivated me. It’s a profoundly moving exploration of grief, love, and the intricacies of family life, with love at its heart. Reflecting on my journey through grief, I remember how Ms. Rooney‘s earlier work, “Beautiful World, Where Are You,” resonated with me during my second year of processing loss.

It beautifully highlighted love’s enduring nature and reminded me that, even in the depths of sorrow, love’s essence never truly fades. Intermezzo focuses on the fact that, aside from being brothers, Peter and Ivan Koubek seem to have little in common.

Peter is a Dublin lawyer in his thirties—successful, competent, and unassailable. But in the wake of their father’s death, he’s medicating himself to sleep and struggling to manage his relationships with two very different women—his enduring first love, Sylvia, and Naomi, a college student for whom life is one long joke.

Ivan is a twenty-two-year-old competitive chess player. He has always seen himself as socially awkward, a loner, the antithesis of his glib elder brother. Now, in the early weeks of his bereavement, Ivan meets Margaret, an older woman emerging from her turbulent past, and their lives become rapidly and intensely intertwined.

In this poignant interlude, we delve into the lives of two brothers grappling with their profound grief, accompanied by those who care for them. It’s a raw journey woven with threads of longing, heartbreak, and the flickering light of hope. Together, they navigate the uncharted territory of loss, uncovering how much the human spirit can withstand before it shatters.

When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Today, I began reading “You Dreamed of Empires: A Novel” by Álvaro Enrigue, translated by Natasha Wimmer. This book is from the visionary author of “Sudden Death,” a hallucinatory and revelatory tale of colonial revenge. It has been recognized as one of The New York Times’ 100 Notable Books of 2024 and included in the list of 10 Best Books of 2024. So far, I have read four of the top five fiction books of 2024: “All Fours,” “James,” “Martyr!,” and “Good Material.”

One morning in 1519, conquistador Hernán Cortés entered the city of Tenochtitlan, today’s Mexico City. Later that day, he will meet the emperor Moctezuma in a collision of two worlds, two empires, two languages, and two possible futures.

Cortés is accompanied by his captains, troops, prized horses, and two translators: Friar Aguilar, a taciturn friar, and Malinalli, an enslaved, strategic Nahua princess. After nearly bungling their entrance to the city, the Spaniards are greeted at a ceremonial welcome meal by the steely Aztec princess Atotoxtli, sister and wife of Moctezuma. As they await their meeting with the emperor – who is at a political and spiritual crossroads and relies on hallucinogens to get by – Cortés and his entourage are ensconced in the labyrinthine palace. Soon, one of Cortés’s captains, Jazmín Caldera, overwhelmed by the place’s grandeur, began questioning the ease with which they were welcomed into the city and wondered at the chances of getting out alive, much less conquering the empire. And what if… they don’t?

You Dreamed of Empires brings Tenochtitlan to life at its height and reimagines its destiny. The incomparably original Álvaro Enrigue sets afire the moment of conquest and turns it into a revolution, a restitutive, fantastical counterattack, in a novel so electric and unique that it feels like a dream.

When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Today, I began reading Wait: A Novel by Gabriella Burnham. This story is told with deep insight, humor, and an unexpected tenderness that will captivate you. The novel revolves around a family struggling against the societal issues that deteriorate their bonds, such as housing instability, immigration policies, and inherited wealth. At its core, it is also a tale about love, humor, and sisterhood, highlighting how two sisters lean on each other amid monumental changes while dreaming of a brighter future.

Elise is out dancing the night before her college graduation when her younger sister, Sophie, calls to inform her that their mother is missing. Elise promptly booked the next flight back to her childhood home on Nantucket Island, which she hadn’t visited in nearly four years.

Upon her return, the sisters are confronted with the harsh reality that their mother was stopped by the police while returning home from work and deported to São Paulo, Brazil. Despite the daunting odds, Elise boldly decides to stay fueled by her love for her mother and takes the same job she had during high school: monitoring endangered birds.

Meanwhile, her college best friend, Sheba—a lively socialite and heir to a famous children’s toy company—reveals that she has inherited her grandfather’s summer mansion on Nantucket. As Elise navigates her new reality, her worlds collide as she faces the emotional and material challenges that have fractured her family and the life in Brazil that her mother has been forced to leave behind.

Gabriella Burnham‘s debut novel, It Is Wood, It Is Stone, was named a best book of the year by Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, Publishers Weekly, and Good Housekeeping. She holds an MFA in creative writing from St. Joseph’s College and has been awarded fellowships to Yaddo and MacDowell, where she was named a Harris Center Fellow. Her nonfiction writing has appeared in Harper’s Bazaar. Burnham and her partner live in Brooklyn, New York, with their rescue cats, Galleta and Franz.

When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

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