Richard W. shared a stream on July 26, 2022
Final Hugs

My Chosen Family Helps Me Manage Grief

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 1 second

Introducing my Friends to JanFamily is and always will be crucial to my health and welfare. I love my two sons, their wives, and my two grandsons.

However, I have also benefited from being part of a chosen family.

As Melissa Kirsch wrote in the NY Times, “Chosen families are created outside the structures of (and often in place of) the traditional nuclear family.”

No one would choose to be a widow, but having lost the love of my life, I am happy to be part of a chosen family of widows.

We love and support each other. Like any family, we are there whenever any member needs our assistance.

At Camp Widow, twenty-four members of our chosen family met, many for the first time. We were the largest group in attendance.

I will need love and support from my biological and chosen families as long as I live.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Camp Widow

Remembering Jan at Camp Widow!

One of the features of Camp Widow is the memory wall. Every participant has the opportunity to submit a photo with a message about their loved ones. I choose the one from the Monarch Housing retirement dinner. As I always did when Jan was in the room when I spoke, I introduced her. I would […]
Richard W. Brown July 16, 2022

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Mercy Street: A Novel

Read: February 2023

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Mercy Street: A Novel

by Jennifer Haigh

Mercy Street: A Novel by Jennifer Haigh is a tense, riveting story about the disparate lives intersecting at a Boston women’s clinic. The novel was named Best Book of the Year by the Washington Post, the New Yorker, and the Boston Globe. Mercy Street is a novel for right now, a story of the polarized American present. Ms. Haigh is a gifted storyteller who has written a very readable book. I highly recommend it. 

I truly enjoyed Mercy Street. I read her short story Zenith Man and enjoyed her storytelling skills. I wanted to read her most recent novel. Until the last few pages, I was unsure how Ms. Haigh‘s intricate storylines could conclude the story. Usually, I can predict how a story will unfold well before I finish reading it. Mercy Street was a rare exception to that rule.

I have never had to run the gauntlet in front of a women’s clinic, but Ms. Haigh has made that experience so real that I could taste it. The day-to-day work of the staff and the clients was detailed and believable. The male characters, Timmy, the affable pot dealer; Anthony, a lost soul; and Excelsior11, the screenname of Victor Prine, were drafted credibly.

As stated earlier, I highly recommend this book.

Jennifer Haigh is the author of seven best-selling, critically acclaimed works of fiction. Her first, Mrs. Kimble, won the PEN Hemingway Award for debut fiction. Her latest, Mercy Street, was named a Best Book of 2022 by the New Yorker and won the Mark Twain American Voice in Literature Award. A Guggenheim fellow and Iowa Writers’ Workshop graduate, she lives in Boston.

When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

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Kin: A Novel

Read: March 2026

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Kin: A Novel

by Tayari Jones

Tayari Jones, the bestselling and award-winning author of An American Marriage, has crafted a magnificent new novel titled Kin. This unforgettable story sparkles with wit, intelligence, and deep emotion as it explores the lives of two lifelong friends whose paths intersect after many years apart, brought together by a devastating tragedy. The New York Times has listed it as one of “The Novels Everyone Will Be Talking About in 2026.”

Vernice and Annie, two daughters raised without mothers in Honeysuckle, Louisiana, have been best friends and neighbors since childhood. However, they lead very different lives. Vernice, cared for by a strong aunt who aims to provide her with stability after her mother’s death, leaves Honeysuckle at eighteen to attend Spelman College. There, she joins a powerful sisterhood of Black women and enters a world of affluence, manners, ambition, and inequality.

In contrast, Annie, abandoned by her mother as a child, is obsessed with finding her mother and filling the emptiness left by her absence. Her quest leads her into a life filled with danger and challenges, as well as love and adventure, ultimately culminating in a fight for her survival.

Kin is a novel that explores the themes of motherhood, friendship, sisterhood, and the complexities of being a woman in the American South. It is an exuberant, emotionally rich, and unforgettable work by one of contemporary fiction’s most compelling voices. Kin delves into themes of motherhood and daughterhood, friendship and sisterhood, and the complexities of being a woman in the American South.

Tayari Jones is the author of four novels, including her most recent work, An American Marriage. This novel was selected for Oprah’s Book Club and featured on Barack Obama’s summer reading list and his year-end roundup. It has won several prestigious awards, including the Women’s Prize for Fiction, the Aspen Words Literary Prize, and an NAACP Image Award, and published in two dozen countries. Jones serves as the C.H. Candler Professor of English and Creative Writing at Emory University and resides in Atlanta.

Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!

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Private Rites

Read: February 2026

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Private Rites: A Novel

by Julia Armfield

From Julia Armfield, the beloved and award-winning author of Our Wives Under the Sea, comes a speculative reimagining of King Lear. Private Rites centers on three sisters navigating queer love and loss in a world that is drowning. It has been raining for so long that the landscape has reshaped itself, and old rituals and religions are beginning to resurface. Sisters Isla, Irene, and Agnes have not spoken to each other in some time.

However, when their father—an architect who was both cruel and revered—passes away, their lives are forever changed. His death offers the sisters an opportunity to come together in a new way. In the grand glass house they grew up in, their father’s most famous creation, the sisters sort through the secrets and memories he left behind, until a revelation in his will shatters their fragile bond.

The sisters are more estranged than ever, and their lives spin out of control: Irene’s relationship is straining at the seams, Isla’s ex-wife keeps calling, and cynical Agnes is falling in love for the first time. But something even more sinister might be unfolding, something related to their mother’s long-ago disappearance and the strangers who have always seemed unusually interested in the sisters’ lives. Soon, it becomes clear that the sisters were chosen for a very particular purpose, one with shattering implications for their family and their imperiled world.

Julia Armfield is the author of the novels Private Rites and Our Wives Under the Sea, which was a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award and the 2022 Goodreads Choice Award for Best Horror and Best Debut Novel, and the story collection salt slow. Her work has appeared in Granta, Lighthouse, Analog Magazine, Neon, and Best British Short Stories 2019 and 2021. She is the winner of the White Review Short Story Prize and a Pushcart Prize, and shortlisted for the Sunday Times Young Writer of the Year Awards in 2019. She lives and works in London.

Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!

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The Rest of Our Lives

Read: January 2026

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The Rest of Our Lives

by Ben Markovits

The Rest of Our Lives by Ben Markovits is a beautifully crafted, tender, and insightful story that depicts the journey of starting anew. Tom Layward, the protagonist, chooses not to return home after dropping his daughter off at college. This life-affirming road trip novel explores themes of marriage, middle age, and a man confronting a pivotal moment. It was a finalist for the 2025 Booker Prize.

When Tom Layward’s wife had an affair twelve years ago, he resolved to leave her as soon as his youngest child left the nest. Now, while driving his college-bound daughter to Pittsburgh, he remembers his promise to himself. He is also on the run from his own health issues and a forced leave from work.

So, rather than returning to his wife in Westchester, Tom keeps driving west, with the vague plan of visiting people from his past—an old college friend, his ex-girlfriend, his brother, his son—en route, maybe, to California. He’s moving towards a future he hasn’t even envisioned, while he considers his past and the choices he’s made that have brought him to this moment.

Ben Markovits was born and raised in Texas, and later lived in London and Berlin. He studied at Yale University and the University of Oxford. After graduating, he became a professional basketball player in Landshut, Germany, where he played against a young Dirk Nowitzki.

Markovits has authored eleven novels, including Fathers and Daughters, You Don’t Have to Live Like This, and The Sidekick. In addition to his books, he has published essays, stories, poetry, and reviews in notable publications such as The Guardian, Granta, The Paris Review, and The New York Times.

In 2013, Granta recognized him as one of their Best of Young British Novelists. He received the Eccles British Library Writer in Residence Award and the James Tait Black Memorial Prize in 2015. Currently, he lives in London and teaches creative writing at Royal Holloway, University of London.

Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!

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Reluctantly Home

Read: June 2022

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Reluctantly Home

by Imogen Clark

Reluctantly Home by Imogen Clark is about dealing with the past—and finally facing the future-a topic that was appealing to me. Thirteen months into my grief journey, I live between a perfect past and an unknowable future. Will Reluctantly Home by Imogen Clark help me manage these two worlds?

Surprisingly it did. Unlike the two protagonists, I am mourning losing Jan, the love of my life. However, the neuromapping in my brain made it impossible to understand how to continue to love Jan and separate that from the time and space connections that made me believe she would return at any moment.

Reluctantly Home by Imogen Clark helped me understand that grief should and cannot define us forever. I recommend this book to all readers, not only those on a grief journey like mine.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Pip Appleby seems to have it all, with her prestigious job as a human rights lawyer and her enviable London home. But then a tragic accident stops her life in its tracks, and everything changes instantly. Retreating to her family’s rural farm and the humble origins she has been trying to hide, Pip is haunted by what she has done.

When she discovers the diary of actress Evelyn Mountcastle in a box of old books, Pip revels in the opportunity to lose herself in someone else’s life rather than focus on the disaster that is her own. But soon, she sees parallels—Evelyn’s life was also beset by tragedy, and, like Pip, she returned to Southwold under a dark cloud.

When Pip and Evelyn’s paths cross in real life, they slowly begin to reveal the hidden stories holding them back. Can they help each other forgive what happened in the past and, perhaps, find happiness in the future?

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Losing Earth: A Recent History

Read: October 2019

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Losing Earth: A Recent History

by Nathaniel Rich

Losing Earth: A Recent History by Nathaniel Rich reminds us how close we were to halting the climate emergency, and our failure has resulted in our passing the tilting point. The book “reveals, in previously unreported detail, the birth of climate denialism and the genesis of the fossil-fuel industry’s coordinated effort to thwart climate policy through misinformation propaganda and political influence.”

By 1979, we knew nearly everything we understand today about climate change – including how to stop it. Over the next decade, a handful of scientists, politicians, and strategists, led by two unlikely heroes, risked their careers in a desperate, escalating campaign to convince the world to act before it was too late. Losing Earth is their story and ours.

The New York Times Magazine devoted an entire issue to Nathaniel Rich’s groundbreaking chronicle of that decade, which became an instant journalistic phenomenon – the subject of news coverage, editorials, and conversations all over the world. In its emphasis on the lives of the people who grappled with the significant existential threat of our age, it made vivid the moral dimensions of our shared plight.

Losing Earth tells the human story of climate change in even richer, more intimate terms. It reveals, in previously unreported detail, the birth of climate denialism and the genesis of the fossil-fuel industry’s coordinated effort to thwart climate policy through misinformation propaganda and political influence. The audiobook carries the story into the present day, wrestling with the long shadow of our past failures and asking crucial questions about how we make sense of our past, our future, and ourselves.

Like John Hersey’s Hiroshima and Jonathan Schell’s The Fate of the Earth, Losing Earth is the rarest of achievements: a riveting work of dramatic history that articulates a moral framework for understanding how we got here and how we must go forward.

Losing Earth is a must-read book!

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