The Courage to be Kind!

The Courage to be Kind!

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 53 seconds

Jan and JonAs I approach the fourteenth month without Jan, the love of my life, I have learned a few lessons that have helped me manage life without her.

As much as I always thought of myself as a kind person, grief has helped me become a kinder person.

My new levels of compassion and empathy are my superpower.

They do not mitigate or hide my grief but allow me to be able to help others.

When I help others, it helps me as much as I help them.

Being kind helps me not only endure my endless days and nights of mourning, but it provides meaning in a life that otherwise would be adrift in troubled waters.

Having the courage to be kind gives me the resilience to endure life without Jan.


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Grief Made Me a Kinder Person

I have always thought I was a kind, compassionate person. That may have been true, but grief, like so many other life struggles, has helped to make me a kinder person. Some trials happened before meeting Jan, while others occurred during our marriage. Jan’s love made it easier to manage dark days so that even […]

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The Courage to be Kind!
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Celestial Navigation

Read: June 2021

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Celestial Navigation

by Anne Tyler

 

Celestial Navigation by Anne Tyler is a book I found on our bookshelf about a month after my wife passed away. The title and a mental note that my wife had recommended it made it an easy choice.

One of the main characters, thirty-eight-year-old Jeremy Pauling, had never left home. In the early stages of grief, I was nowhere near making a similar choice and remaining housebound. However, if I had been, this book would have caused me to reject that idea immediately.

After the death of his mother, he takes in Mary Tell and her daughter as boarders. The other boarders quickly realize that Jeremy is falling in love with Mary despite his fragility and inexperience with women.

To share more about the book would reveal details that might be spoilers.

For me, the book was a good read and one that reminded me that love is both beautiful and complicated. Although Jan and I shared passion was nothing like theirs, it was helpful to compare their love and ours when my loss seemed impossible.

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The Guest

Read: May 2023

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The Guest: A Novel

by Emma Cline

The Guest by Emma Cline is a highly recommended book, recognized as one of the top releases for May by The New York Times. At first, I assumed it was just another typical summer romance novel I usually don’t enjoy. However, I was surprised that it was unlike any other beach read I had encountered.

The protagonist, Alex, finds herself in a difficult situation after making a mistake at a dinner party in the East End of Long Island towards the end of summer. The man she’s been staying with dismisses her and sends her back to the city. With limited resources and a waterlogged phone, Alex decides to stay on Long Island and explore her surroundings. She wanders through exclusive neighborhoods and beaches, leaving a trail of destruction behind her.

According to The New York Times, Alex’s days and nights waiting for Labor Day might be “an entertaining series of misguided shenanigans interrupting the upper class’s summer vacation. However, under Cline’s command, every sentence is as sharp as a scalpel, portraying a woman who toes the line between welcome and unwelcome guest and becomes a fully destabilizing force for her hosts and the novel itself.

Although the book has no experience with themes, such as using sex to secure what she desires, as soon as I started reading it, I could not stop. Regardless of my unfamiliarity with the topics, I highly recommend The Guest.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Heartwood

Read: April 2025

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Heartwood: A Novel

by Amity Gaige

Today, I embarked on the journey of Heartwood by Amity Gaige. This novel unfolds a gripping narrative as a search and rescue team races against time to find an experienced hiker who mysteriously disappears on the Appalachian Trail in Maine. The suspense of the search for Valerie is palpable, drawing you into the story with great literary ambition and love at its core.

In the heart of the Maine woods, an experienced Appalachian Trail hiker goes missing. She is forty-two-year-old Valerie Gillis, who has vanished 200 miles from her final destination. Alone in the wilderness, Valerie’s emotional struggle is palpable as she pours her thoughts into fractured, poetic letters to her mother, battling the elements and struggling to keep hoping.

At the heart of the investigation is Beverly, the determined Maine State Game Warden tasked with finding Valerie, who leads the search on the ground. Meanwhile, Lena, a seventy-six-year-old birdwatcher in a Connecticut retirement community, becomes an unexpected armchair detective. What’s unique about this narrative is that a puzzle emerges between these compelling narratives, intensifying the frantic search, as Valerie’s disappearance may not be accidental.

Heartwood is a “gem of a thousand facets—suspenseful, transporting, tender, and ultimately soul-mending” (Megan MajumdarNew York Times bestselling author of A Burning). It tells the story of a lost hiker’s odyssey and is a moving rendering of each character’s interior journey. The mystery inspires more significant questions about how we get lost and how we are found.


Amity Gaige is the author of four previous novels: O My Darling, The Folded World, Schroder, Sea Wife, a 2020 New York Times Notable Book, and a Mark Twain American Voice Award finalist. Schroder was also a New York Times Notable Book and the best book of 2013 according to The Washington Post and The Wall Street Journal, and was shortlisted for the UK’s Folio Prize in 2014. Her work has been translated into eighteen languages. In 2018, Amity was awarded a Guggenheim Fellowship in Fiction. She lives with her family in West Hartford, Connecticut, and teaches creative writing at Yale.



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Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


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Clean: A Novel

Read: October 2024

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Clean: A Novel

by Alia Trabucco Zerán

Today, I delved into the unique narrative of ‘Clean: A Novel‘ by Alia Trabucco Zerán, translated by Sophie Hughes. This compelling novel, shortlisted for the Femina Etranger and Medicis Etranger Prizes, unfolds the story of a maid who has witnessed a lot and a family on the brink of collapse. The narrative is centered around a young girl’s death, with the family’s maid being the critical witness under interrogation, tasked with recounting the events leading up to the tragedy.

Estela’s journey from the countryside, leaving her mother behind, to work for the señor and señora when their only child was born is poignant. Their ad for a housemaid: ‘Smart appearance, full-time,’ was her ticket to earning enough to support her mother and return home. Estela cleaned their laundry, wiped their floors, and made their meals for seven years, but she also became privy to their secrets, witnessed their conflicts, and raised their daughter. She heard the rats in the ceiling, saw the looks the señor gave the señora, and knew about the poison in the cabinet, the gun, the daughter’s rebellion, the mother’s coldness, and the father’s distance. She experienced it all.

After a series of shocking betrayals and revelations, Estela’s silence becomes her shield, broken only now to reveal how it all unraveled. Is this a tale of vengeance or a confession? A clash of classes or a lesson in caution? With each page turn, ‘Clean: A Novel‘ builds tension, offering a gripping, incisive exploration of power, domesticity, and betrayal from an international star at the peak of her storytelling prowess.

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Small Things Like These

Read: July 2024

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Small Things Like These

by Claire Keegan

Today, I read “Small Things Like These” by Claire Keegan, one of the New York Times’s 100 Best Books of the 21st Century, and the seventeenth book I have read from that list. “Small Things Like These” is award-winning author Claire Keegan‘s landmark new novel, a tale of one man’s courage and a remarkable portrait of love and family.

The story is set in 1985 in a small Irish town. During the weeks leading up to Christmas, Bill Furlong, a coal merchant and family man, faces his busiest season. Early one morning, while delivering an order to the local convent, Bill makes a discovery that forces him to confront his past and the complicit silences of a town controlled by the church.

I found this short but well-written novel very impactful. The following quote explains the powerful impact of the need for meaning and purpose in our lives, as Furlong walks in the snow after taking action to bring home a young girl from a Magdalen laundry. How often can we ignore the small things like these and still look ourselves in the mirror?

“As they carried on along and met more people Furlong did and did not know, he found himself asking was there any point in being alive without helping one another? Was it possible to carry on along through all the years, the decades, through an entire life, without once being brave enough to go against what was there and yet call yourself a Christian, and face yourself in the mirror?”

As an international bestseller, ‘Small Things Like These‘ is a profoundly moving story of hope and quiet heroism. It’s a narrative that will make you admire the characters and stir your empathy, all crafted by one of our most critically acclaimed and iconic writers. The characters in the story are so relatable that you will feel understood and deeply invested in their journey.



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Wait: A Novel

Read: May 2025

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Wait: A Novel

by Gabriella Burnham

Today, I began reading Wait: A Novel by Gabriella Burnham. This story is told with deep insight, humor, and an unexpected tenderness that will captivate you. The novel revolves around a family struggling against the societal issues that deteriorate their bonds, such as housing instability, immigration policies, and inherited wealth. At its core, it is also a tale about love, humor, and sisterhood, highlighting how two sisters lean on each other amid monumental changes while dreaming of a brighter future.

Elise is out dancing the night before her college graduation when her younger sister, Sophie, calls to inform her that their mother is missing. Elise promptly booked the next flight back to her childhood home on Nantucket Island, which she hadn’t visited in nearly four years.

Upon her return, the sisters are confronted with the harsh reality that their mother was stopped by the police while returning home from work and deported to São Paulo, Brazil. Despite the daunting odds, Elise boldly decides to stay fueled by her love for her mother and takes the same job she had during high school: monitoring endangered birds.

Meanwhile, her college best friend, Sheba—a lively socialite and heir to a famous children’s toy company—reveals that she has inherited her grandfather’s summer mansion on Nantucket. As Elise navigates her new reality, her worlds collide as she faces the emotional and material challenges that have fractured her family and the life in Brazil that her mother has been forced to leave behind.


Gabriella Burnham‘s debut novel, It Is Wood, It Is Stone, was named a best book of the year by Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, Publishers Weekly, and Good Housekeeping. She holds an MFA in creative writing from St. Joseph’s College and has been awarded fellowships to Yaddo and MacDowell, where she was named a Harris Center Fellow. Her nonfiction writing has appeared in Harper’s Bazaar. Burnham and her partner live in Brooklyn, New York, with their rescue cats, Galleta and Franz.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


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