Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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Rabbi Rick Jacobs of the Union of Reform Judaism

May the Shofar’s Sound Awaken Me!

Finding Meaning and Purpose in the High Holidays

Rabbi Rick Jacobs of the Union of Reform Judaism

Rabbi Rick Jacobs of the Union of Reform Judaism

Being a widow for almost twenty-nine months, I have learned to live alone despite the isolation, not by choice but due to the reality of widowhood. I have survived by seeking meaning and purpose in life; as Viktor Frankl wrote, “Man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather recognize that it is he who is asked. Each man is questioned by life, and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life and being responsible.”

As I approach the third High Holidays without my wife, I prepare to hear the shofar and find renewed purpose to lead a meaningful life. In his inspiring message for 5784, Rabbi Rick Jacobs of the Union of Reform Judaism reminds us that the shofar’s sound can awaken us from our slumber and energize us to take on the moral imperatives of the world.

What moral imperatives have I become engaged in within the last year that I can do more in 5784?

  • I joined Bridges’ Board of Trustees, an organization committed to ending homelessness by demanding change. It is a crucial challenge of our time to end homelessness in Essex and Union counties in NJ. The moral crisis of homelessness demands our attention and action, and Bridges is leading the way toward a brighter future for everyone.
  • As my second moral imperative, I am committed to ending the environmental crisis that threatens life as we know it on our only planet. Our responsibility, irrespective of our beliefs, is to ensure a healthier world for future generations. We must always remember that no alternative planet is available, so we must work collectively to protect our world.

I have other priorities, such as Hanson Park, the Jan Lilien Education Fund, and various charities I support.

As we heed the shofar’s call, let us awaken to our shared responsibility to repair the world. Let’s work together to ensure this new year brings us the strength and courage to take action toward a better future. Shana Tova!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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What is My Next Chapter?

Change is a difficult concept for many people to accept. We often prefer things the way they are. However, life inevitably changes, and holding onto the past can impede our progress. After my wife passed away, I found myself clinging to the past. Although it helped me initially, in the long run, it hindered my growth.

Embracing the present and welcoming new changes can be challenging, especially when it means letting go of the past. However, I have learned that holding on to what was will only hinder my growth. Heraclitus once said that we are never the same person twice, and I find comfort in this truth. My wife's memory lives on, and I am inspired to live each day to the fullest, just as she taught me. I am excited about the endless possibilities and take comfort in knowing that every moment is an opportunity to grow.

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I'm Content, But Life Feels Empty

I’m Content, But Life Feels Empty

Is it possible to find love after experiencing loss?

I'm Content, But Life Feels Empty

Nearly two years and four months after my wife passed away, I have rebuilt my life after the loss, which has given me a renewed sense of purpose and meaning; I sometimes feel like an intangible element is missing. I am actively involved in my faith community, grief support groups, and community activities and constantly strive to live life to the fullest. However, I still find myself searching for something more. Is this feeling a genuine perception, or is it all in my imagination?

Living alone is perfect for me, just like my winter gloves. My apartment is just the right size, making it easy to clean and maintain. I have ample space for all my activities, including reading, writing, working, and relaxing. Although I never had a green thumb, I have a flower garden that has bloomed and filled my home with happiness. Being close to downtown Cranford, I can enjoy dining, shopping, and traveling to Newark, NY, and other places. My faith community is nearby, and I have a friend with whom I can carpool. The location allows me to host my grief support groups and do the part-time work I still do efficiently. I can live here indefinitely and am content with my cozy and comfortable lifestyle.

I am questioning if I am missing something as a widow. Many widows around me have found happiness in re-partnering, but I don’t know if that’s what I need. I have tried to test the waters but found it too overwhelming. Although I am open to finding love again, I know I do not need a partner to live a fulfilling life. Joy is what I am seeking, which is like icing on the cake. Despite the loss, I am determined to live a happy and complete life.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I Need to Be as Confident as Wes!

On Sunday, September 3, 2023, my grandson Wes will turn fourteen months old. This day will also mark twenty-eight months since the passing of my wife. Since Wes was born, I have chosen to celebrate his life instead of focusing on the loss of my wife.

As the double commemoration draws near this Sunday, I am inspired to take risks and embrace the confidence of my grandson, Wes. His fearless crawl through the tunnel, guided by his father’s encouragement and support, has instilled in me a belief in myself. With the unwavering support of my loved ones, including my family, chosen family, friends, and neighbors, I am prepared to seize every opportunity and live life to the fullest. I will honor my wife by living with courage and conviction, just as she would have wanted.

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Do You Remember Being Born?: A Novel

Do You Remember Being Born?: A Novel

I started reading "Do You Remember Being Born?" by Sean Michaels, a writer who won the Scotiabank Giller Prize. The novel is about an aging poet named Marian Ffarmer, a legend in the world of poetry. However, despite her success, she struggles with financial issues and her son's inability to buy a house. Marian has sacrificed her personal relationships and happiness to pursue her career but questions whether it is worth it.

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Choosing to Take a Chance on Change

What is My Next Chapter?

Finding Stability By Embracing Change!

Choosing to Take a Chance on Change

Finding Stability By Embracing Change!

Change is a difficult concept for many people to accept. We often prefer things the way they are. However, life inevitably changes, and holding onto the past can impede our progress. After my wife passed away, I found myself clinging to the past. Although it helped me initially, in the long run, it hindered my growth.

Brad Stulberg‘s “Stop Resisting Change” essay for  The New York Times reminded me of the concept of allostasis. Allostasis suggests creating a new baseline of strength rather than seeking stability through rigidity. Stulberg explains the difference between homeostasis and allostasis in his essay, stating that healthy systems return to the same starting point following a change (X to Y to X). On the other hand, in allostasis, healthy systems crave stability after a difference, but the baseline of that stability can be somewhere new (X to Y to Z).

Since my wife’s passing, I have learned to embrace change, as I had no choice but to accept that I was a new person. It was not an easy decision, but I was fortunate enough to have invaluable support from my therapist, Rabbi Renee, family, friends, and fellow grievers during my grieving journey. Their love and guidance helped me understand that I did not have to start over but instead build a new foundation of strength. Rabbi Renee, in particular, helped me comprehend the importance of Merrit Malloy’s Epitaph, which enabled me to celebrate my wife’s life and welcome the changes that came with her passing, knowing that our love would always remain..

Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,
Give me away.

Embracing the present and welcoming new changes can be challenging, especially when it means letting go of the past. However, I have learned that holding on to what was will only hinder my growth. Heraclitus once said that we are never the same person twice, and I find comfort in this truth. My wife’s memory lives on, and I am inspired to live each day to the fullest, just as she taught me. I am excited about the endless possibilities and take comfort in knowing that every moment is an opportunity to grow.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



My Chrysalis Moment

Reflecting on the past can sometimes perplex us, struggling to comprehend what happened and why. The initial months of 2019 were a trying time for me when I relinquished full-time work and found myself at a loss for purpose. My wife's lymphoma diagnosis necessitated my role as a full-time caregiver, and I embraced my newfound responsibilities with empathy and devotion. Four and a half years later, I must face the significant questions I had set aside to tend to my wife. However, the experience of caring for her and eventually becoming a widow has fortified me, making me feel more confident and capable of tackling these challenges head-on.

When I retired, I struggled with the same questions I faced after my wife passed - who am I, what do I want, and what should I do next? However, my experience as a caregiver provided me with valuable insights and answers. Rabbi Renee taught me the importance of giving love away, a critical lesson that helped me better understand myself and my desires. As a result, I am confident about moving forward.

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Richard W. Brown

I Was Naked All Day on Sunday!

My Ring Finger Was Unadorned

Richard W. Brown

Today, I left my house without wearing my wedding ring, the first time since our marriage in 1975. The only other time I had taken it off was thirty years ago when I dislocated my thumb. Although it felt strange not to have my ring on my finger, I wasn’t sure if anyone would notice its absence. Even if someone did notice, they might not have questioned it. However, as time passes, someone might ask me why I am not wearing it.

When my wife and I married, we bought our wedding rings from a small jewelry store in East Williamsburg. At the store, my wife asked me if I would wear a wedding ring even though I never wore any jewelry. Without hesitation, I said I loved her and wanted to be her husband more than anything. I promised to wear the ring day and night, which I have done ever since.

Today marks a turning point in my journey. It has been twenty-eight months since I lost my beloved wife, Jan. I have kept my wedding band on as a reminder of our life together, but I finally took it off today and was naked all day.

Living in the present and looking toward the future is the best way to honor her memory. Her love has shaped me into who I am today, giving me the strength to future with hope and positivity. I will always cherish our life together, but I know she wants me to move forward and continue to grow.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Jan’s Wedding Ring

“I want my wedding ring,” Jan said as tears poured down her face. Less than an hour before her heartfelt request, the doctors had told her that there was nothing left that they could do for her, and she would be coming home for hospice care. She only had a few weeks left to live.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Rabbi Rick Jacobs of the Union of Reform Judaism
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The Vaster Wilds: A Novel

Read: September 2023

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The Vaster Wilds: A Novel

by Lauren Grof

Today, I started reading The Vaster Wilds: A Novel by Lauren Groff, a three-time National Book Award finalist. It is a taut and electrifying novel about a servant girl who escapes from a colonial settlement in the wilderness. One spirited girl alone in nature, trying to survive.

She carries nothing with her but her wits, a few possessions, and the spark of god that burns hot within her. What she finds in this terra incognita is beyond the limits of her imagination and will bend her belief in everything that her civilization has taught her.

Lauren Groff’s new novel is a thrilling adventure story and a penetrating fable about trying to find a new way of living in a world succumbing to the churn of colonialism. The Vaster Wilds is a work of raw and prophetic power that tells the story of America in miniature, through one girl at a hinge point in history, to ask how—and if—we can adapt quickly enough to save ourselves.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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I'm Content, But Life Feels Empty
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Do You Remember Being Born?: A Novel

Read: September 2023

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Do You Remember Being Born?

by Sean Michaels

I started reading “Do You Remember Being Born?” by Sean Michaels, a writer who won the Scotiabank Giller Prize. The novel is about an aging poet named Marian Ffarmer, a legend in the world of poetry. However, despite her success, she struggles with financial issues and her son’s inability to buy a house. Marian has sacrificed her personal relationships and happiness to pursue her career but questions whether it is worth it.

One day, she receives an invitation from a Tech Company to travel to California and work with their poetry AI, Charlotte. The company wants her to co-author a poem with their bot in a historic partnership, which clashes with Marian’s beliefs about the individual pursuit of art. However, she decides to take this opportunity, even though it makes her feel like a sell-out and a skeptic. The encounter in California changes her life, work, and understanding of kinship.

The book explores the nature of language, art, labor, capital, family, and community. It’s a response to some of the most disquieting questions of our time. The author, Sean Michaels, is a winner of the Scotiabank Giller Prize, and his book is a love letter to and interrogation of the creative legacy. It’s a joyful recognition that belonging to one’s art must mean belonging to the world to survive meaningfully.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Choosing to Take a Chance on Change
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Richard W. Brown
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Happiness Falls: A Novel

Read: September 2023

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Happiness Falls: A Novel

by Angie Kim

I highly recommend reading Happiness Falls, a book authored by Angie Kim. The story is about a family’s search for their missing father, which leads them to question their beliefs and relationships. The award-winning author of Miracle Creek writes this thrilling and emotionally profound book.

We didn’t call the police right away.” These are the first words of an extraordinary novel about a biracial Korean-American family in Virginia whose lives are upended when their beloved father and husband go missing.

Mia, the irreverent, hyper-analytical twenty-year-old daughter, has an explanation for everything—which is why she isn’t initially concerned when her father and younger brother Eugene don’t return from a walk in a nearby park. They must have lost their phone and or stopped for an errand somewhere. But by the time Mia’s brother runs through the front door bloody and alone, it becomes clear that the father in this tight-knit family is missing, and the only witness is Eugene, who has the rare genetic condition Angelman syndrome and cannot speak.

Happiness Falls is a gripping investigation that centers around a father’s disappearance and the intricate dynamics of his family. As the clock ticks, the family’s deepest secrets come to light, raising questions about love, communication, and the human experience. This novel is a thrilling blend of mystery, drama, and philosophical exploration, showcasing Angie Kim’s remarkable storytelling skills that garnered her numerous accolades for her debut novel, Miracle Creek. Through the family’s journey, Kim offers a fresh perspective on the missing person story, creating a memorable tale of a family that goes to great lengths to understand each other.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.


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My Brilliant Friend

Read: July 2024

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My Brilliant Friend

by Elena Ferrante

Today, I delved into Elena Ferrante‘s captivating novel My Brilliant Friend. This acclaimed book hailed as the #1 Book of the 21st Century by the New York Times, weaves a timeless tale of the enduring bond between two women from Naples. With its rich character development and evocative historical setting, it stands alongside other character-driven works of literary fiction.

Beginning in the 1950s in a poor but vibrant neighborhood on the outskirts of Naples, Elena Ferrante’s four-volume story spans almost sixty years. The main characters, the fiery and unforgettable Lila and the bookish narrator, Elena, are bound by an enduring friendship that withstands the test of time and life’s challenges. This first novel in the series follows Lila and Elena from their fateful meeting as ten-year-olds through their school years and adolescence, evoking a sense of enduring connection and emotional resonance.

Through the lives of these two women, Ferrante weaves a compelling narrative of a neighborhood, a city, and a country undergoing profound transformation. These societal changes, in turn, also reshape the relationship between the two women, adding a rich layer of historical and cultural context to the story. This context will enrich your reading experience and provide a deeper understanding of the characters and their journey.

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Discontent

Read: October 2025

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Discontent: A Novel

by Beatriz Serrano

Discontent” by Beatriz Serrano is a bold and darkly humorous novel that follows a young woman whose carefully constructed office persona starts to unravel when she is compelled to attend her company’s annual retreat. On the surface, Marisa’s life appears enviable. She lives in a beautiful apartment in the heart of Madrid, has a charming neighbor who often spends time with her, and has quickly ascended the ranks at a successful advertising agency.

And yet she’s drowning in a dark hole of existential dread induced by the banality of corporate life. Marisa hates her job and everyone at it. She spends her working hours locked in her office, hiding from her coworkers, bingeing on YouTube videos, and getting high on tranquilizers. When she has the time, she escapes to her favorite museum where she contemplates the meaning of life while staring at Hieronymus Bosch paintings, or tries to get hit by a car so she can go on disability.

However, Marisa’s dubious success, which is primarily built on lies and work she has stolen from others, is in danger of being exposed when she’s forced to attend her company’s team-building retreat. Isolated in the Segovia forests, haunted by the deeply buried memory of a former coworker, and surrounded by psychopathic bosses, overzealous coworkers, flirty retreat staff, and an excess of drugs, Marisa finds herself acting on her wildest impulses. She is pushed to the brink of a complete spiral.


Beatriz Serrano is a striking new voice in international literature. A writer and journalist who has written for publications such as BuzzFeed, Vanity Fair, GQ, Harper’s Bazaar, El País, SModa, and Vogue. Along with writer Guillermo Alonso, she currently co-directs the podcast “Arsenic Caviar“, which won the Ondas Prize for best conversational podcast. Discontent is her first novel. She lives in Madrid.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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American Dirt

Read: September 2021

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American Dirt

by Jeanine Cummins

American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins is one of the best books I have read this year.

American Dirt is a “cross-genre novel that combines elements of a commercial thriller, literary fiction, suspense, and romance.” American Dirt refers to the land that is the United States of America and to the difficulty undocumented migrants face both before and after crossing the border.

According to SuperSummary,

Lydia Quixano Pérez, a bookstore owner in Acapulco, saves her son Luca from a massacre that wipes out their entire family at a quinceañera cookout. The perpetrators are three sicarios, killers for Los Jardineros, a violent local cartel. Javier Crespo Fuentes, Lydia’s close friend and the jefe of Los Jardineros, ordered the hit in retaliation for an exposé written by Lydia’s husband, a journalist named Sebastián Pérez Delgado. Javier’s murderous rage stems not from the article itself, but from the impact it has on his daughter, Marta, who commits suicide when she learns of her father’s true identity. Lydia and Luca spend the rest of the novel running from Javier’s men, encountering a diverse cast of migrants along the road to the US.

I read the book at the same time that Haitian migrants were being deported at the border. Ms. Cummins writes passionately about the plight of migrants and the difficulties they face as they seek a new life in the US. This book highlighted this to me in ways that I understood intellectually but not emotionally.

Ms. Cummins refers to a sign she saw in Spanish in Tijuana while she was researching this book:

También de este lado hay sueños.

On this side, too, there are dreams.

All of our ancestors were migrants, and they all had dreams of a better life. We need to find a better way to help those who now have goals find a home so that their hopes for a better future can come true.

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Us Fools

Read: November 2024

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Us Fools: A Novel

by Nora Lange

Today, I embarked on the journey of Us Fools by Nora Lange. This poignant and personal American narrative is about two remarkable sisters who, against all odds, come of age during the Midwestern farm crisis of the 1980s. In her debut novel, Nora Lange has crafted a lively, ambitious, and heart-wrenching portrait of two unique sisters determined to persevere despite the harsh realities of capitalism and their circumstances. After a pivotal national election, this seemed like the perfect book to read.

Joanne and Bernadette Fareown, born and raised on a family farm in rural Illinois, are deeply impacted by their parents’ tumultuous relationship and mounting financial debt, haunted by the unsettling history of the women in their family. Left to fend for themselves, the sisters delve into Greek mythology, feminism, and Virginia Woolf. As they grapple with these trying circumstances, they must devise unique coping mechanisms and question the validity of the American Dream. At the same time, the rest of the nation disregards their struggling community.

Jo and Bernie’s imaginative efforts to escape their parents’ harsh realities ultimately fall short, prompting the family to relocate to Chicago. There, Joanne—free-spirited, reckless, and struggling to manage her inner turmoil—rebels in increasingly desperate ways. After undergoing her most significant breakdown yet, Jo goes into exile in Deadhorse, Alaska. Bernadette takes it upon herself to apply everything she has learned from her sister to rekindle a sense of hope in a failing world.

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Time of the Child

Read: December 2024

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Time of the Child

by Niall Williams

Today, I dove into “Time of the Child” by Niall Williams, and I can already tell it will be a journey worth taking. This beautifully crafted novel, penned by the same author who brought us “This Is Happiness,” unfolds during a magical Christmas in the quaint Irish town of Faha. At its heart is a touching story about a father and daughter that beautifully explores the idea that miracles can touch our lives, no matter our beliefs.

As I turned the pages, I thought about how this enchanting tale would evoke love’s profound and transformative power when I light my Hanukkah candles. It promises to be a genuinely uplifting read!

Doctor Jack Troy was born and raised in Faha, but his responsibilities toward the sick and his care for the dying have always set him apart from the town. His eldest daughter, Ronnie, has grown up in her father’s shadow and remains there, having missed one chance at love and declined another marriage proposal from an unsuitable man.

During the Advent season of 1962, as the town prepared for Christmas, Ronnie and Doctor Troy’s lives were turned upside down when a baby arrived on their doorstep. As winter passes, the lives of the father and daughter, their understanding of family, and their roles in the community are changed forever.

Set throughout one December in the same village as Williams’ beloved “This Is Happiness,” “Time of the Child” offers a tender return to Faha for readers familiar with its charms and serves as a heartwarming welcome for new readers exploring it for the first time.



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A Guardian and a Thief

Read: October 2025

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A Guardian and a Thief

by Megha Majumdar

Set over the course of one week, A Guardian and a Thief, by Megha Majumdar, a finalist in the fiction category for the 2025 National Book Award, tells two stories: Ma’s frantic search for the thief while keeping hunger at bay amid a worsening food shortage. The tale of Boomba, the thief, whose desperation to care for his family drives him to commit a series of escalating crimes whose consequences he cannot fathom.

With stunning control and command, Megha Majumdar paints a kaleidoscopic portrait of two families, each operating from a place of ferocious love and undefeated hope, each discovering how far they will go to secure their children’s future as they stave off encroaching catastrophe.

In a near-future Kolkata, Ma, her two-year-old daughter, and her elderly father are just days from leaving the collapsing city behind to join Ma’s husband in Ann Arbor, Michigan. After procuring long-awaited visas from the consulate, they pack their bags for the flight to America. But in the morning, they awaken to discover that Ma’s purse, containing their treasured immigration documents, has been stolen.

A masterful new work from one of the most exciting voices of her generation.


Megha Majumdar is the author of the bestselling novel A Burning, which has been recognized by the New York Times and nominated for several prestigious awards, including the National Book Award, the National Book Critics Circle’s John Leonard Prize, and the American Library Association’s Andrew Carnegie Medal. The book “A Burning” was recognized as one of the best of the year by various media outlets, including The Washington Post, The New York Times, NPR, The Atlantic, Vogue, and TIME Magazine.

In 2022, she received a Whiting Award. Born and raised in Kolkata, India, Majumdar holds degrees in anthropology from Harvard University and Johns Hopkins University. She is the former editor-in-chief of Catapult Books and currently resides in New York.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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