Accepting the Full Measure of Love

Choosing Love Over a PhD

As I set foot on the University of Texas in Austin campus for the first time this week, the atmosphere felt familiar yet new. The towering buildings, sprawling grounds, and bustling students all created a sense of excitement and anticipation within me. It was as if I had arrived at a place that, before I met Jan, was filled with great promise and potential for my future. When I met Jan, I had deferred admission to a graduate program in American Studies at the university. I had to enroll for the fall of 1974, or my admission would be rescinded.

While on campus, I attended a preview of The Riot Report: A Presidential Commission Defied Expectations By Telling A Hard Truth at the LBJ Library and listened to a panel discussion on the Kerner Commission, which was the focus of a PBS video. The screening of about half of the video and the debate were intellectually challenging, and I knew I could have been part of it had I gone to graduate school. However, I chose not to dwell on the past and instead focus on the present, taking one step at a time and looking forward to the future.

However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that pursuing a PhD would mean leaving behind the life I had built in New York City with Jan. As much as I had once dreamed of becoming a college professor, the thought of being away from her for an extended period was too much to bear.

In the end, I tore up the final paperwork from the school and threw it away, knowing that my heart was with Jan and that I had made the right decision.

We reminisced as my wife and I sat down for dinner with friends a decade ago. Then, my wife revealed something I had never known before. She confided she had been dating two men simultaneously. However, after meeting me, she knew that I was the one for her and decided to break things off with the other two guys.

Jan’s confession left me stunned for a moment. I had no idea Jan was dating other men when we first met. I would never have asked her to stop seeing them if I had. She explained that breaking things off with the other two men was difficult, but they both understood. On the other hand, her girlfriends did not know why she would break up with two guys just a day after meeting me.

When I saw Jan, my heart skipped a beat, and I felt the sparks fly between us. I knew then that she was the one for me. Without hesitation, I chose love over practicality and committed myself to a life with her. As our love blossomed, it transformed my life beyond my wildest dreams. Fully embracing love can lead to incredible personal growth and transformation.

Jan Clears the Deck!

Choosing Love Over a PhD