Jan's First  Yahrtzeit

Jan’s Yahrzeit Reminds Me Why Love Never Dies

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 51 seconds

Jan LilienToday is crucial as it marks Jan’s first  Yahrzeit, which coincides with the Hebrew and secular calendars.

During my walk, I remembered a passage from Rachel Kodanaz‘s book “Living with Loss, One Day at a Time” on page 138. The passage poses a thought-provoking question about whether someone would rather have their years shortened or not have any at all.

Reflecting on this question, my answer remains unchanged. Although the thought of Jan’s life ending when we first met would have initially caused me great sadness, I would have eventually come to focus on the love we shared rather than the time we lost.

Jan’s love changed me, and its effects on my life are growing stronger daily, whether we had one year, ten years, or almost fifty together.


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Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

Living With Loss, One Day at a Time by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz is the book I would recommend for anyone beginning or in the early stages of grief. The memories you created and your love will live forever. Embrace the love and cherish the memories, as they will always be a part of you remain in your heart. 

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Jan's First  Yahrtzeit

Jan's Soul is a Light from God

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 51 seconds

This is the prayer I said over Jan’s first Yahrzeit candle.

The human soul is a light from God. May it be your will that the soul of Jan Lilien enjoys eternal life, along with the souls of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah, and the rest of the righteous in Gan Eden. Amen.

Jan and the Righteous Thirty-Six

At Celebrate Jan Day, Rabbi Dr. Renee Edelman spoke about the thirty-six righteous people. Jan, according to the Rabbi, was one of the thirty-six. “Jan was one of those who did the most to help other people,” said Rabbi Renee. She highlighted Jan’s spark and smiles that invited people to join in conversations. “Her soul […]

Jan Was the Wind Beneath My Wings

One of the most poignant moments during Celebrate Jan Day was when Cynthia Manno sang “Wind Beneath My Wings.” Not only is Cynthia an accomplished vocalist, but she is someone Jan enjoyed listening to her voice. We had heard her on many occasions but most often at the Salem Roadhouse Cafe. Jan was and always […]
Jan's First  Yahrtzeit

Jan's Love is All I Ever Needed

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 51 seconds

Richard W. Brown speaks about grief, sharing Jan’s love, and how Hanson Park became the site of Jan’s Memorial Garden.

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Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

Read: September 2021

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Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz

Living With Loss, One Day at a Time by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz is the book I would recommend for anyone beginning or in the early stages of grief. It should be on the griever’s nightstand so they can start and end their day with reading.

Ms. Kodanaz has presented at my bereavement groups and has been an inspiration. She encouraged me not only to continue writing but also to share my thoughts publicly.

Usually, I only write a review once I have finished the book. However, this is a collection of thoughts for each day of the journey. Over the first weekend, I read up to the number of days since my wife died. Now I will read the daily message each day. When I get to the end of the year, I will start over.

There are many essential gems in the daily readings. The one for Day 9, Love Never Dies, jumped off the page due to my writings on the same theme.

Love Never Dies. Your loved one has passed away, but the love you shared has not died. The memories you created, the connection you built together, and your affection toward one another will live forever.

Embrace the love and cherish the memories, as they will always be a part of you remain in your heart.

There are at least a dozen others that I have earmarked for future streams or even the basis of future posts.

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Jan's First  Yahrtzeit
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Jan's First  Yahrtzeit
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Jan's First  Yahrtzeit
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The Kitchen House

Read: August 2021

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The Kitchen House

by Kathleen Grisson

The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom was a book that I knew very little about who I took from our bookshelf. My wife had encouraged me to read it as it focused on the south, and she knew I ofter read both about that place and enjoyed history.

From the opening pages, It became a book that I could not put down.

Two characters narrate the book. One is Lavinia, an Irish girl orphaned and brought to the plantation by the master, a ship’s captain. She is assigned to the kitchen house to work with Belle, who is the illegitimate child of the master of the estate.

As Lavinia grows under the tutelage of Belle, the story highlights the struggles of a plantation. Lavinia finds family and love from the enslaved even though she is only indentured. The distinction that skin color would have on their lives is one that Lavinia only learns at the end.

Through the unique eyes of Lavinia and Belle, Grissom’s debut novel unfolds in a heartbreaking and ultimately hopeful story of class, race, dignity, deep-buried secrets, and familial bonds.

The Kitchen House is Ms. Grissom’s first novel and impressed me and inspired me even though I have no skills as a writer.

I strongly recommend this book.

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The Emperor of Gladness

Read: May 2025

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The Emperor of Gladness

by Ocean Vuong

In “The Emperor of Gladness,” Ocean Vuong explores the interconnected themes of history, memory, and time, revealing how love, labor, and loneliness are the foundation of American life. At its core, the narrative presents a courageous epic that examines what it means to live on the margins of society and confront the wounds that affect our shared humanity. It highlights the lengths we are willing to go to grasp one of life’s most fleeting gifts: a second chance.

One late summer evening in the post-industrial town of East Gladness, Connecticut, nineteen-year-old Hai stands on the edge of a bridge in pelting rain, ready to jump, when he hears someone shout across the river. The voice belongs to Grazina, an elderly widow succumbing to dementia, who convinces him to take another path. Bereft and out of options, he quickly becomes her caretaker. Over the year, the unlikely pair develops a life-altering bond, one built on empathy, spiritual reckoning, and heartbreak, with the power to transform Hai’s relationship with himself, his family, and a community on the brink.

Hallmarks of Ocean Vuong‘s writing—formal innovation, syntactic dexterity, and the ability to twin grit with grace through tenderness—are on full display in this story.


Ocean Vuong is the author of the critically acclaimed poetry collections Night Sky with Exit Wounds and Time Is a Mother, as well as the New York Times bestselling novel On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. A recipient of the MacArthur Fellowship and the American Book Award, he once worked as a fast-food server, which inspired The Emperor of Gladness. Born in Saigon, Vietnam, he currently splits his time between Northampton, Massachusetts, and New York City.



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Great Expectations: A Novel

Read: March 2024

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Great Expectations: A Novel

by Vinson Cunningham

Today, I began reading “Great Expectations: A Novel” by Vinson Cunningham, a staff writer and theatre critic at The New Yorker. David, the protagonist, had seen the Senator speak a few times before my life got caught up, however distantly, with his. Still, the first time I can remember paying real attention was when he delivered the speech announcing his run for the Presidency.

Upon hearing the Senator from Illinois speak, David experiences conflicting emotions. He is fascinated by the Senator’s idealistic language yet ponders the balance between maintaining solid beliefs and making the necessary compromises to become America’s first Black president.

The book Great Expectations narrates David’s experience working for eighteen months on a Senator’s presidential campaign. During his journey, David encounters diverse individuals who raise questions about history, art, race, religion, and fatherhood. These inquiries prompt David to introspect his life and identity as a young Black man and father living in America.

Meditating on politics, religion, family, and coming-of-age, Great Expectations is a novel of ideas and emotional resonance, introducing a prominent new writer.

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Salvation

Read: March 2026

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Salvation: A Novel

by C. William Lanksfield

Salvation by C. William Lanksfield is a remarkable debut novel that explores profound themes through evocative prose and a compelling plot, all set against the breathtaking yet often intimidating backdrop of the Rocky Mountain West. This emotionally charged Western noir examines father-son relationships, masculinity, and spirituality, centering around a shocking event: the murder of one man’s best friend by another.

A small rural Colorado town is in crisis at the height of winter. Tom Horak has just murdered his best friend, Rust Hawkins. Morris Green, the town’s Lutheran pastor, is experiencing a profound crisis of faith, questioning the very existence of God. And Marshal Thomlison, the local peace officer, looking forward to retirement, is now thrown into the middle of a murder investigation.

Following his violent act, Tom retreats to a cabin in the hills, remembering the events of his hardscrabble childhood—a rural upbringing on a ranch with a distant mother and abusive father.

Pastor Green takes in Rust Hawkins’s son, since the boy has nowhere else to go. Thomlison’s murder investigation acts as a kind of Greek chorus commenting on the various threads of this moving novel: What could cause a man to commit such a violent act? What does this isolated community owe to one another? Can Tom find the peace he is searching for, even with blood on his hands? Can Pastor Green find enough faith in our human condition to help Rust’s orphaned son, and can their growing bond perhaps offer the family life each sorely lacks?


C. William Langsfeld lives in a small town on the Western Slope of Colorado.



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The Ferryman: A Novel

Read: May 2023

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The Ferryman: A Novel

by Justin Cronin

The novel, “The Ferryman,” by Justin Cronin, is set in the beautiful archipelago of Prospera. People lead long and fulfilling lives in this society until their forearm monitors drop below 10%. Then, they retire to the Nursery. Their memories are wiped clean, and they start a new life as sixteen-year-olds.

Although the book was recently published, I hesitated to read it due to the unsettling notion of having my memories wiped clean. However, my curiosity got the best of me, and I’m glad it did. Proctor Bennett, the protagonist, works as a ferryman, assisting people through retirement. But things worsen when Proctor starts dreaming, which is impossible in Prospera, and his monitor percentage rapidly decreases. Are these dreams fragments of a past that they cannot recall?

Amidst all this, rumors about the Arrivalists, who oppose the societal structure, and even the Support Staff, who keep Prospera functioning, are questioning their roles. Proctor finds himself caught up in a more significant cause than expected and sets out to uncover the truth.

Without giving away too much, things are not always what they seem in Prospera.

As a widow, I found this line particularly poignant: “That loss was love’s accounting, its unit of measure, as a foot was made of inches, a yard was made of feet.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book; it kept me engaged and excited, and my Kindle was my go-to device for reading it. I highly recommend this novel.


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Monkey Grip: A Novel

Read: February 2024

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Monkey Grip: A Novel

by Helen Garner

Today, I began reading Monkey Grip: A Novel by Helen Garner. It’s a book that launched the career of one of Australia’s most celebrated writers. The story follows the infatuations of a young, single mother fascinated by the excesses of Melbourne’s late-70s counterculture. Monkey Grip is a seminal novel about Australia’s turbulent 1970s, including communal households, music, friendships, children, love, drugs, and sex.

Helen Garner is a renowned novelist, short-story writer, and journalist. She’s best known for her frank, unsparing, and intricate portrayals of Australian life, often drawn from the pages of her journals and diaries. A new US edition of her debut novel, which establishes Garner’s masterful and quietly radical literary voice, is now available.

The novel is set in Australia during the late 1970s and tells the story of Nora, a single mother and writer. Nora navigates Melbourne’s bohemian underground with her young daughter, Gracie, in tow. Nora falls in love with Javo, a flighty man trapped in his addiction. As their relationship disintegrates, Nora struggles to wean off a love that feels impossible to live without.

When Monkey Grip was first published in 1977, it caused a sensation. Critics praised Garner for her craft, but many criticized her gritty depictions of the human body, frankness about sex and drugs, the mess of motherhood, and her unabashed use of her own life as inspiration. Today, such criticism feels old-fashioned and glaringly gendered, and Monkey Grip is considered a modern masterpiece.

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