My Life Feels Out of Sync

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes, 19 seconds

Being Out of Sync Highlights the Importance of Life’s Markers

On Walkdate 1019 (19 February 2024), I woke up feeling out of sync and disconnected from the world around me. As I opened my eyes, I realized that I was in an empty apartment, a place that had become my home since my wife died. Despite being used to this routine, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of unease. The inside temperature was at 64 degrees Fahrenheit and falling, reminding me of how my life had become unsynchronized and how I needed to find a way to get back on track.

Life Can Change on a Dime

My family and friends often criticize me for being too attached to my routines, which they believe inhibited my potential. However, the last thirty-six hours have given me a new perspective. Being out of sorts helped me understand the essential guardrails that gave structure to my life and the areas where I could afford to be more flexible. Finding the right balance between the two was vital to achieving my goals and living a fulfilling life.

On a peaceful Saturday morning, I stood outside my house, waiting for the ride to take me to the Temple. While waiting, I received a text message from a fellow widow seeking my support. I felt a sense of warmth and enthusiasm as I replied, telling her I would be happy to meet her after the services and call her as soon as I returned home to confirm whether she needed me to come over or not.

Rav Uri delivered an inspiring sermon about the Palace of Light. His words touched me deeply and challenged me to reflect on improving my life. I felt a strong urge to talk to him about his words and seek guidance, but unfortunately, I had to leave the Oneg, the gathering after the service, quickly. Nevertheless, I couldn’t stop thinking about his words and how they could assist me in my journey.

As the car dropped me off in front of my apartment building, I quickly pulled out my phone to call my friend. She answered on the first ring, and I asked if I could come over to help her. She responded with an immediate yes, and I breathed a sigh of relief. As I started to walk across Alden Street, I could feel my heart rate slowing down a bit, knowing that I would soon be on my way to help my friend.

Once inside my apartment, I made a beeline for my bedroom to gather some clothes and personal items. I knew I needed to leave the house as quickly as possible. After grabbing what I needed, I pulled up the transit app on my phone to check the train schedule. Luckily, I saw that I had just enough time to make it to the train station.

I exited my apartment and sprinted down the street to the station. The train was pulling into the station as I arrived, and I quickly jumped on board. I was relieved to have made it on time but still felt anxious about what was coming next.

Helping a Friend Helps Me

When I arrived at my friend’s house, she awaited me at the front door. We hugged tightly, and I could feel the tension in our bodies dissipate. I did my best to provide her with the support and comfort she needed, listening to her as she talked about what was happening in her life.

As the night wore on, we both became too tired to talk, and I grabbed a set of sheets and a blanket to sleep on the couch. However, I found the sofa quite uncomfortable and tossed and turned throughout the night. Despite the discomfort, I tried to stay present and engaged in the conversation, listening to my friend talk about her fears and worries.

In the middle of the night, I woke up, momentarily disoriented. But as I looked around the room, I remembered where I was and what had happened. I could hear my friend breathing steadily in her bed, and I knew I had slept on the couch so she could have a good night’s sleep.

In the morning, I noticed her refrigerator was almost empty, except for a few expired items. I saw an unopened water bottle and asked her if I could drink from it. She agreed, and I took a big sip. I then asked if she had any toothpaste, as I had brought a temporary toothbrush. Unfortunately, she didn’t have any. We chatted for a bit, and I helped her order some food. Later, another friend came over, and I got ready to leave. Before I went, the new arrival warned me to be careful because the snow outside was fresh but wet.

I Am Trying to Resync My Life

The idea of stopping at a diner for breakfast lingered in my mind. However, the slushy snow had made it impossible to walk. So, I opted to catch the train, which got me home late in the morning. I was ravenous by then and decided to have a light breakfast of orange juice, a banana, and an English muffin. After that, I switched into my comfortable walking clothes and shoes. Even though it was six hours later than my usual walk, I was determined to take it. The sidewalks were a mix of clear and icy patches that would only worsen after sunset unless treated. Despite the challenging conditions, I maintained my customary positivity and greeted the shovelers I encountered. It made the walk feel like any other, even though it was surreal given the unusual circumstances.

As I made my way home, the sun was already high in the sky, and I realized I had missed breakfast. So, I decided to have it for lunch instead. After finishing my meal, I took a relaxing shower and started doing the laundry. I hoped to have a typical day, but my plans derailed. When it was time for dinner, I went to the fridge to look for some leftovers, but to my surprise, I couldn’t find any. I was too tired to cook and realized I was out of sync.

After finishing up my thirteenth book for the year, I went to bed early, hoping to catch up on some rest. However, the child next door was still up, and I feared the noise would keep me awake. I checked my watch and discovered I had been awake for twenty hours. My head was heavy as I lay down on the pillow, and I slept so soundly that I didn’t even wake up to go to the bathroom.

Pages: 1 2

1 comment add your comment

Share your thoughts and ideas

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

At the Villa Rose

Read: August 2022

Get this book

At the Villa Rose

by Major Alfred Edward Woodley Mason

At the Villa Rose by Major Alfred Edward Woodley Mason, initially published in 1910, is a mystery novel in which Major Mason introduced his French detective, Inspector Hanaud, who was an early template for Agatha Christie’s famous Hercule Poirot. Missing jewels, high adventure some one hundred and fifty kilometers from Geneva, a casino, and blind love are all factors in a complex case for Hanaud, which ultimately involves a gang of frightened murderers. If you enjoy deductive mysteries like me, I highly recommend At the Villa Rose.

The Goodreads summary,

In Aix les Bains during the early 20th century, Celia Harland, a beautiful (of course) young English girl down on her luck, is befriended by a wealthy widow, Madame Dauvray, an addict of “spiritualism,” and stages seances for her benefactrix, while knowing full well that the supposed manifestations from the spirit world are entirely bogus. This set-up supplies the opportunity for a criminal gang master-minded by Madame Dauvray’s maid, with their eyes on the widow’s jewelry collection, to engineer an introduction for one of their numbers, Adele Tacé (“Rossignol”), whose taunts of disbelief goad the old lady into allowing a seance to be held which, unsuspected by either Celia or her patron, will be the cover for murder and robbery.

The crux of the plot is that as a medium, Celia will be made their innocent victim, on whom suspicion is to be planted.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
Chain Gang All Stars

Read: December 2023

Get this book

Chain Gang All Stars

by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah

Today, I started reading “Chain Gang All Stars” by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah. The story revolves around Loretta Thurwar and Hamara “Hurricane Staxxx” Stacker, the main characters of the Chain-Gang All-Stars, a highly controversial and top-rated program in America’s private prison industry. The program is called Criminal Action Penal Entertainment (CAPE), where prisoners compete for the ultimate prize- their freedom. It’s similar to the return of the gladiators but in a modern-day setting.

The story is set in a prison called CAPE, where inmates are forced to participate in death matches as a part of a chain-gang. These matches are held in front of cheering crowds, while the prison authorities claim it to be a righteous act. Among the participants, Thurwar and Staxxx are the most popular as they are also lovers. Thurwar is just a few matches away from her freedom, which she carries with a heavy heart and lethal hammer. Thurwar contemplates how she can help her fellow inmates preserve their humanity despite being forced into these brutal games. However, the owners of CAPE are determined to safeguard their status quo, and they will go to extreme lengths to stop anyone who challenges them. Thurwar’s attempts to resist the system have devastating consequences.

Chain-Gang All-Stars” is a powerful book that sheds light on the American prison system’s problematic alliance with systemic racism, unchecked capitalism, and mass incarceration. It critically examines the situation from various perspectives, from the Links in the field to the protestors, the CAPE employees, and beyond. The book offers a clear-eyed reckoning of what freedom really means in America. It is a noteworthy contribution from a “new and necessary American voice,” as described by Tommy Orange in The New York Times Book Review.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
How Democracies Die

Read: January 2021

Get this book

How Democracies Die: What History Reveals About Our Future

by Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt

How Democracies Die: What History Reveals About Our Future by Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt was on my reading list for almost a year. In late December of last year, I started reading it and was in the final chapter on January 6, 2021. Like many of us, I never in my life expected to see a day like that in our country.

This type of event is one the authors talk about in their book.

According to the overview in GoodReads,

Donald Trump’s presidency has raised a question that many of us never thought we’d be asking: Is our democracy in danger? Harvard professors Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt have spent more than twenty years studying the breakdown of democracies in Europe and Latin America, and they believe the answer is yes. Democracy no longer ends with a bang–in a revolution or military coup–but with a whimper: the slow, steady weakening of critical institutions, such as the judiciary and the press, and the gradual erosion of long-standing political norms. The good news is that there are several exit ramps on the road to authoritarianism. The bad news is that, by electing Trump, we have already passed the first one.

Drawing on decades of research and a wide range of historical and global examples, from 1930s Europe to contemporary Hungary, Turkey, and Venezuela, to the American South during Jim Crow, Levitsky and Ziblatt show how democracies die–and how ours can be saved.

Our democracy is too valuable for us to have it die. We all need to work to preserve and strengthen it. How Democracies Die is a book that everyone needs to read!

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
The Covenant of Water

Read: December 2023

Get this book

The Covenant of Water

by Abraham Verghese

Today, I began reading The Covenant of Water, the long-awaited new novel by Abraham Verghese, the author of the significant word-of-mouth bestseller Cutting for Stone, which has sold over 1.5 million copies in the United States alone and remained on the New York Times bestseller list for over two years. The Covenant of Water was a holiday gift from Mike, Elyssa, Nick, and Wes.

From 1900 to 1977, The Covenant of Water is set in Kerala, on South India’s Malabar Coast. It follows three generations of a family that suffers a peculiar affliction: in every generation, at least one person dies by drowning—and in Kerala, water is everywhere. At the turn of the century, a twelve-year-old girl from Kerala’s long-existing Christian community, grieving the death of her father, is sent by boat to her wedding, where she will meet her forty-year-old husband for the first time. From this unforgettable new beginning, the young girl—and future matriarch, known as Big Ammachi—will witness unthinkable changes throughout her extraordinary life, full of joy and triumph as well as hardship and loss, her faith and love the only constants.

A shimmering evocation of a bygone India and of the passage of time itself, The Covenant of Water is a hymn to progress in medicine and human understanding and a humbling testament to the difficulties undergone by past generations for the sake of those alive today. It is one of the most masterful literary novels published in recent years.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
Monkey Grip: A Novel

Read: February 2024

Get this book

Monkey Grip: A Novel

by Helen Garner

Today, I began reading Monkey Grip: A Novel by Helen Garner. It’s a book that launched the career of one of Australia’s most celebrated writers. The story follows the infatuations of a young, single mother fascinated by the excesses of Melbourne’s late-70s counterculture. Monkey Grip is a seminal novel about Australia’s turbulent 1970s, including communal households, music, friendships, children, love, drugs, and sex.

Helen Garner is a renowned novelist, short-story writer, and journalist. She’s best known for her frank, unsparing, and intricate portrayals of Australian life, often drawn from the pages of her journals and diaries. A new US edition of her debut novel, which establishes Garner’s masterful and quietly radical literary voice, is now available.

The novel is set in Australia during the late 1970s and tells the story of Nora, a single mother and writer. Nora navigates Melbourne’s bohemian underground with her young daughter, Gracie, in tow. Nora falls in love with Javo, a flighty man trapped in his addiction. As their relationship disintegrates, Nora struggles to wean off a love that feels impossible to live without.

When Monkey Grip was first published in 1977, it caused a sensation. Critics praised Garner for her craft, but many criticized her gritty depictions of the human body, frankness about sex and drugs, the mess of motherhood, and her unabashed use of her own life as inspiration. Today, such criticism feels old-fashioned and glaringly gendered, and Monkey Grip is considered a modern masterpiece.

×
Prayer to the Invisible

Read: February 2026

Get this book

Prayer to the Invisible

by Diane Frank

Diane Frank, a poet and author of “Prayer to the Invisible,” was a childhood friend of my wife, Jan, in Springfield, NJ. Both were gifted and talented young women who excelled as students and were also musicians, dreamers, and diarists. I met Diane at a poetry reading in NYC, where Jan insisted that we meet her brilliant friend. Diane often referred to Jan as her “Angel.”

In her luminous 9th collection, Prayer to the Invisible, poet Diane Frank fully unmasks her wild and loving imagination. With a river-deep range in subject matter and voice, Frank guides us through terrains both difficult and joyous – her Jewish mother’s love of Christmas carols, a grace-filled visitation from a victim of ethnic violence, a ballerina-in-disguise on public transit, and many transcendent visions from dreams. According to Prartho Sereno, Poet Laureate Emerita of Marin County, California. Author of Starfall in the Temple, “Diane Frank is the wise and wonder-struck, barefoot-dancing companion we all long for in these precarious times.”

Each poem was thought-provoking and a blessing for these uncertain times. The title poem, “Prayer to the Invisible,” was written in memory of Dr. Jerry Rabinowitz, who died during the attack at the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh on October 27, 2018. He was a fellow alumnus of Jonathan Dayton Regional High School, as were Diane and my wife. The poem is a moving tribute to Dr. Rabinowitz as its words brought tears to my eyes.

The poem is a moving tribute that brought tears to my eyes for Dr. Rabinowitz, and one stanza echoed how I felt when my wife died.

I carry your spirit on my shoulders
as I walk into the synagogue
where we played music for you,
as I follow an eclipse north
as I walk into a dream.
I write your name in the sky after midnight
in the Leonid meteor showers,
in the penumbra of an eclipse
of the wolf moon.


Diane Frank is a poet and musician, author of nine books of poems, three novels, and a photo memoir of her 400-mile trek in the Nepal Himalayas. Listening to the Enigma Variations: New and Selected Poems won the 2022 Next Generation Indie Book Award for Poetry. She is the editor of three bestselling anthologies: River of Earth and Sky: Poems for the Twenty-First Century; Fog and Light: San Francisco through the Eyes of the Poets Who Live Here; and Pandemic Puzzle Poems. Her first novel, Blackberries in the Dream House, was nominated for the Pulitzer Prize.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


×

Discover more from Sharing Jan’s Love

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading