Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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Let Stillness Direct My Words and Actions

Let Stillness Direct My Words and Actions

Jan and JonLife moves so quickly as we become busy with day-to-day tasks; since I was a child,  I often stopped looking and listening.

Jan was always there to slow me down so I could look, listen and speak appropriately.

Without the love of my life, my words can often tumble out and have unfortunate consequences.

I have always liked Eckhart Tolle‘s simple but meaningful quote.

Being still – looking and listening – activates the non-conceptual intelligence within you. Let stillness direct your words and actions.

On my grief journey, I need to remember that words have meaning and that looking, listening, and stillness are my best and only course of action.


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Jan’s Love Was Transformative

While I still feel the pain of her absence, I can share her love with others and positively impact their lives.

The love Jan and I shared will always be a part of me and will never die.

Wind in Our Hair, Dreams in Our Hearts!

Wind in Our Hair, Dreams in Our Hearts!

Wedding DayOn August 9, 1975, Jan and I were married on the outdoor terrace of a nineteenth-floor apartment at 7 West 86th Street in NYC.

As we said our vows and exchanged wedding rings at sunset, we looked over Central Park as twilight descended.

As we aged, there were moments when we forgot, as Khalil Gibran taught us that the “earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.”

As our hair grew shorter and we found fewer places to walk with bare feet, we never gave up on our dreams of a family, community, and Tikun Olam. Soon, Jan’s Memorial Triangle Garden in Hanson Park will allow us to feel the wind in our hair and our bare feet on the ground.

Our love will never die; it will only grow stronger every day.


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Jan’s Wedding Ring

“I want my wedding ring,” Jan said as tears poured down her face. Less than an hour before her heartfelt request, the doctors had told her that there was nothing left that they could do for her, and she would be coming home for hospice care. She only had a few weeks left to live.

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Wolf Hall: A Novel

Wolf Hall: A Novel

Wolf Hall: A Novel by Hilary Mantel is the first book in a three-part series on Thomas Cromwell. I am an amateur historian, and one of the characters I have always wanted to know more about was Cromwell. Although I might have achieved that by reading actual history textbooks, this three-part series seemed like the perfect next book for me to read. With a vast array of characters overflowing with incidents, the novel re-creates an era when the personal and political were separated by a hairbreadth, where success brings unlimited power, but a single failure means death.

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Polaroids Fade, Love Never Dies

Polaroids Fade, Love Never Dies

Family in Brooklyn Botanic GardenSearching thru boxes of old photos, I came across a few Polaroids mixed in with the Kodachrome images.

One by one, I digitize them. Some have transferred perfectly, while a few have faded on the edges.

But the memories remind me of Jan’s transformative love for me, her sons, her grandson, and friends and co-workers.

A door opens to one memory, and a new remembrance bubbles to the surface as soon as the recollection of the first photograph fully reawakens me to Jan’s effervescent beauty.

I hold my breath. My feet dance. Our love will never die; it only grows stronger every day!


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What Can Grief Teach Me?

What Can Grief Teach Me?

Jan and NickMourning can destroy everything in its wake. Perhaps it is because our grief requires us to believe that everything is happening to us.

For example, when my sadness over losing Jan overwhelms me, my life is like a sled flying down the ski slope without controls.

Now that I have observed both the secular and Hebrew anniversaries, I realize one lesson I did not expect to learn over the last year.

When I stop letting the grief dominate my life and instead focus on what I can learn from my sadness, I can share Jan’s love and love more than ever.


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Jan's First  Yahrtzeit

Jan’s Yahrzeit Reminds Me Why Love Never Dies

Jan LilienToday is crucial as it marks Jan’s first  Yahrzeit, which coincides with the Hebrew and secular calendars.

During my walk, I remembered a passage from Rachel Kodanaz‘s book “Living with Loss, One Day at a Time” on page 138. The passage poses a thought-provoking question about whether someone would rather have their years shortened or not have any at all.

Reflecting on this question, my answer remains unchanged. Although the thought of Jan’s life ending when we first met would have initially caused me great sadness, I would have eventually come to focus on the love we shared rather than the time we lost.

Jan’s love changed me, and its effects on my life are growing stronger daily, whether we had one year, ten years, or almost fifty together.


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Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

Living With Loss, One Day at a Time by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz is the book I would recommend for anyone beginning or in the early stages of grief. The memories you created and your love will live forever. Embrace the love and cherish the memories, as they will always be a part of you remain in your heart. 

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Silence of the Plants

Silence of the Spring Plants

Mitzvah Day in Hanson ParkWhen I share that I walk daily, I am asked what music I listen to while walking.

My answer is I do not listen to music or anything except nature itself.

I am reminded of the lovely silence of growing things this time of year.

Sometimes it is the flowers in Hanson Park or the deepening green of a stand of trees.

They all remind me that life has cycles, and May is the season of rebirth.

Although Jan cannot see the new birth in the gardens, she is always with me and will guide me throughout my life.


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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Let Stillness Direct My Words and Actions
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Wind in Our Hair, Dreams in Our Hearts!
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Wolf Hall: A Novel

Read: May 2022

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Wolf Hall: A Novel

by Hilary Mantel

Wolf Hall: A Novel by Hilary Mantel is the first book in a three-part series on Thomas Cromwell. I am an amateur historian, and one of the characters I have always wanted to know more about was Cromwell. Although I might have achieved that by reading actual history textbooks, this three-part series seemed like the perfect next book for me to read. With a vast array of characters overflowing with incidents, the novel re-creates an era when the personal and political were separated by a hairbreadth, where success brings unlimited power, but a single failure means death.

At least this time, I am reading book one first instead of last. I highly recommend this book.

The Goodreads overview provides more details.

In the ruthless arena of King Henry VIII’s court, only one man dares to gamble his life to win the king’s favor and ascend to the heights of political power.

England in the 1520s is a heartbeat from disaster. Henry VIII wants to annul his marriage of twenty years and marry Anne Boleyn. The pope and most of Europe oppose him. The quest for the king’s freedom destroys his adviser, the brilliant Cardinal Wolsey, and leaves a power vacuum. Civil war could destroy the country if the king died without a male heir.

Into this impasse steps Thomas Cromwell. Cromwell is a wholly original man, a charmer, and a bully, both idealist and opportunist, astute in reading people, and a demon of energy: he is also a consummate politician, hardened by his losses, implacable in his ambition. But Henry is volatile: one day tender, one day murderous. Cromwell helps him break the opposition, but what will be the price of his triumph?

In inimitable style, Hilary Mantel presents a picture of a half-made society on the cusp of change, where individuals fight or embrace their fate with passion and courage. With a vast array of characters overflowing with incidents, the novel re-creates an era when the personal and political were separated by a hairbreadth, where success brings unlimited power, but a single failure means death.


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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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Polaroids Fade, Love Never Dies
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What Can Grief Teach Me?
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Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

Read: September 2021

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Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz

Living With Loss, One Day at a Time by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz is the book I would recommend for anyone beginning or in the early stages of grief. It should be on the griever’s nightstand so they can start and end their day with reading.

Ms. Kodanaz has presented at my bereavement groups and has been an inspiration. She encouraged me not only to continue writing but also to share my thoughts publicly.

Usually, I only write a review once I have finished the book. However, this is a collection of thoughts for each day of the journey. Over the first weekend, I read up to the number of days since my wife died. Now I will read the daily message each day. When I get to the end of the year, I will start over.

There are many essential gems in the daily readings. The one for Day 9, Love Never Dies, jumped off the page due to my writings on the same theme.

Love Never Dies. Your loved one has passed away, but the love you shared has not died. The memories you created, the connection you built together, and your affection toward one another will live forever.

Embrace the love and cherish the memories, as they will always be a part of you remain in your heart.

There are at least a dozen others that I have earmarked for future streams or even the basis of future posts.

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Jan's First  Yahrtzeit
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Silence of the Plants
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Some Bright Nowhere

Read: November 2025

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Some Bright Nowhere

by Ann Packer

Ann Packer makes a triumphant return with a powerful novel, which is both tender and raw, visceral and unexpected. Emotionally vibrant and complex, Some Bright Nowhere explores the profound gifts and unforeseen costs of truly loving someone, as well as the fears and desires we experience as the end of life approaches. What if your partner’s dying wish broke your heart? How well do we know the deepest desires of those we love dearly?

The beloved bestselling author returns with her first novel in over a decade, offering an intimate and profoundly moving examination of a long marriage and how a startling request can change a couple’s understanding of themselves, both together and apart.

Eliot and his wife, Claire, have been happily married for nearly four decades. They raised two children in their quiet Connecticut town and have weathered the inevitable ups and downs of a long life together. However, eight years after Claire was diagnosed with cancer, the end is near, and it is time to gather loved ones and prepare for the inevitable.

Throughout Claire’s illness, Eliot has willingly—lovingly—taken on the role of caregiver, appreciating the intimacy and tenderness that come with this role, which is even more layered and complex than that of a devoted husband. But as he settles into what will be their last days and weeks together, Claire makes an unexpected request that leaves him reeling. In an instant, his carefully constructed world shatters.

As Eliot confronts this profound turning point in his marriage and his life, he grapples with the man and husband he has been, as well as the uncertainties of Claire’s final days.


Ann Packer is the author of five previous works of fiction, including the bestselling novels The Children’s Crusade and The Dive from Clausen’s Pier, which received the Kate Chopin Literary Award along with numerous other prizes and honors.

Her short stories have appeared in The New Yorker and the O. Henry Prize Stories anthologies, and her novels have been translated and published internationally. Packer divides her time between New York, the Bay Area, and Maine.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

Read: October 2021

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Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

by Katherine May

Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May is “an intimate, revelatory book exploring the ways we can care for and repair ourselves when life knocks us down.”

Two quotes that resonated with me were:

That’s what grief is – a yearning for that one last moment of contact that would settle everything.

We are in the habit of imagining our lives to be linear, a long march from birth to death in which we mass our powers, only to surrender them again, all the while slowly losing our youthful beauty. This is a brutal untruth. Life meanders through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall upon us, revealing our bare bones. Given time they grow again.

May writes in a clear voice that conveys the importance of accepting the cycles of life instead of fighting them.

Sometimes you slip through the cracks: unforeseen circumstances like an abrupt illness, the death of a loved one, a breakup, or a job loss can derail a life. These periods of dislocation can be lonely and unexpected. For May, her husband fell ill, her son stopped attending school, and her own medical issues led her to leave a demanding job. Wintering explores how she not only endured this painful time but embraced the singular opportunities it offered.

A moving personal narrative shot through with lessons from literature, mythology, and the natural world, May’s story offers instruction on the transformative power of rest and retreat. Illumination emerges from many sources: solstice celebrations and dormice hibernation, C.S. Lewis and Sylvia Plath swimming in icy waters, and sailing arctic seas.

Ultimately Wintering invites us to change how we relate to our own fallow times. May models an active acceptance of sadness and finds nourishment in deep retreat, joy in the serene beauty of winter, and encouragement in understanding life as cyclical, not linear. A secular mystic, May forms a guiding philosophy for transforming the hardships that arise before the ushering in of a new season.

I recommend this book without reservation.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Singing Word

Read: September 2025

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The Singing Word

by Walt Hunter

The Singing Word: 168 Years of Atlantic Poetry, edited by Walt Hunter, celebrates the people, land, and spirit of America. This remarkable collection showcases a wide range of contemporary and historical poetry from the 168-year archive of The Atlantic magazine. Since its first issue in 1857, the poetry published in The Atlantic has drawn attention to the nation’s ongoing journey of self-discovery.

The magazine’s verse has featured odes to American leaders and landscapes, laments for the dead, and calls for change, appealing to the enduring ideals of Atlantic readers.

This one-of-a-kind collection selects poems of rousing optimism, clear-eyed realism, and moving lyricism—poems infused with the language of America’s songs, myths, and history, from the Civil War up through the present in three rich parts: National Anthems, Natural Lines, and Personal Mythologies.

Curated by The Atlantic’s Poetry Editor, this anthology features both world-famous poets—from Longfellow to Limón, including Robert Frost, W. S. Merwin, Sylvia Plath, and Adrienne Rich—as well as poets whose work has never before been published outside of the magazine.

Offering readers an essential understanding of American canon and the evolving nation, its poets have yearned to capture—the poetry of The Atlantic is the poetry of America.


Walt Hunter is a professor of twentieth- and twenty-first-century literature and chair of the English department at Case Western Reserve University. He is also the fiction and poetry editor for The Atlantic.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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Judaism Is About Love

Read: October 2024

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Judaism Is About Love

by Rabbi Shai Held

Today, I embarked on a transformative journey with Rabbi Shai Held’s book, “Judaism Is About Love.Rav Uri‘s mention of this book during this year’s Yom Kippur service at Temple Sha’arey Shalom sparked a profound connection to the Divine, as echoed in my writings “Love Can Conquer Even Death” and “High Holiday Meditation Cleanses My Soul.” Rabbi Held’s book, which focuses on love, meaning, purpose, and faith, has guided my quest to become the best version of myself.

“Judaism Is About Love” is a beacon of understanding, offering a profound and groundbreaking perspective on Jewish life. It challenges a long-standing misinterpretation that has shaped the Western narrative: Christianity is the religion of love, while Judaism is the religion of law. Rabbi Shai Held, a leading Jewish thinker in America, passionately argues for correcting this misconception. He asserts that love is not just a part of Judaism but a fundamental aspect, thus reclaiming the heart of the Jewish tradition.

With a unique blend of intellectual rigor, respect for tradition, and a vibrant Judaism, Held’s aim is clear: to reclaim Judaism in its authentic form. He illustrates that love is the foundation of the true Jewish faith, influencing our unique perspectives on injustice, protest, grace, family life, responsibilities toward neighbors and enemies, and chosenness.

Judaism Is About Love” is a work of ambition and revelation. It serves as a beacon, illuminating the true essence of Judaism. More than just a book, it is an act of restoration from within, reclaiming the authentic form of Judaism.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!


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Universality

Read: August 2025

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Universality: A Novel

by Natasha Brown

Universality,” a thrilling novel by the acclaimed young author Natasha Brown, is a compelling and unsettling celebration of the extraordinary—and often troubling—power of language. It dares readers to face the raw, astonishing force of words and challenges them not to look away. Longlisted for the THE 2025 Booker Prize, this novel promises an extraordinary reading experience!

Late one night on a Yorkshire farm, amid an illegal rave, a young man is nearly bludgeoned to death with a solid gold bar.

An ambitious young journalist sets out to uncover the truth surrounding the attack, connecting the dots between an amoral banker landlord, an iconoclastic newspaper columnist, and a radical anarchist movement that has taken up residence on the farm. She solves the mystery, but her viral exposé raises more questions than it answers. Through a voyeuristic lens, and with a simmering power, Universality focuses on words: what we say, how we say it, and what we mean.


Natasha Brown was recognized as one of Granta’s Best of Young British Novelists. Her debut novel, Assembly, received nominations for the Folio Prize, the Goldsmiths Prize, and the Orwell Prize for Political Fiction.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


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10/7: 100 Human Stories

Read: September 2025

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10/7: 100 Human Stories

by Lee Yaron

The speaker at the Selichot Service with VAAD at Congregation Beth Israel on September 13, 2025, will be Lee Yaron, the author of 10/7: 100 Human Stories. Yaron is the recipient of the National Jewish Book Awards’ 2024 Jewish Book of the Year and The Natan Fund’s Winter 2025 Notable Book Award. This book provides a definitive account of the 10/7 attacks, sharing the stories of the victims and the communities they called home.

On October 7, 2023—the Sabbath and the final day of the holiday of Sukkot—the Gaza-based terror group Hamas launched an unprecedented assault on the people of Israel. Crashing through the border, attacking from the sea and air, militants indiscriminately massacred civilians in what became one of the worst terror attacks in modern history, and the most lethal day for the Jewish people since the Holocaust.

A radically passionate work of investigative journalism and political critique by acclaimed Haaretz reporter Lee Yaron, 10/7 chronicles the massacre that ignited a war through the stories of more than 100 civilians. These stories are the result of extensive interviews with survivors, bereaved individuals, and first responders in Israel and around the world. The victims run the gamut from left-wing kibbutzniks and Burning Man-esque partiers to radical right-wingers, from Bedouins and Israeli Arabs to Thai and Nepalese guest workers, peace activists, elderly Holocaust survivors, refugees from Ukraine and Russia, pregnant women, and babies.

At a time when people are seeking a deeper understanding of the history of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and how internal political turmoil in Israel has affected it, they predominantly encounter perspectives from the powerful—from politicians and military officers. 10/7 takes a fresh approach, offering answers through the stories of everyday people, those who lived tenuously on the border with Gaza.

Yaron profiles victims from a wide range of communities—depicting the fullness of their lives, not just their final moments—to honor their memories and reveal the way the attack ripped open Israeli society and put the entire Middle East on the precipice of disaster. Each chapter begins with a portrait of a community, interweaving history with broader political analysis of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to provide context for the narratives that follow. Ultimately, 10/7 shows that the tragedy is much greater than the violence of the attacks, and in fact extends back through the entire Netanyahu era, which propagated a false image of Israel as a technologically advanced, militarily formidable powerhouse so essential to the region that it could continue to ignore and undermine Palestinian statehood indefinitely.


Lee Yaron has been a journalist with Haaretz, Israel’s oldest and most award-winning newspaper, for nearly a decade. Her investigative reporting has led to the establishment of state-level commissions and the revision of substantial bodies of Israeli policy and law. She is an elected member and representative of the Executive Committee of the Union of Israeli Journalists. She has also written and directed acclaimed theater productions notable for their use of found materials, including official governmental texts, to bring attention to marginalized communities both in Israel and throughout the Middle East. Born in Tel Aviv, Yaron splits her time between her native city and New York.

Joshua Cohen is the author of ten books, including the novels Book of Numbers, Moving Kings, and Witz. Called “a major American writer” by the New York Times and “an extraordinary prose stylist, surely one of the most prodigious at work in American fiction today” by the New Yorker, Cohen was awarded Israel’s 2013 Matanel Prize, and in 2017 was named one of Granta’s Best Young American Novelists. His book, The Netanyahus, won the 2021 National Jewish Book Award for Fiction and the 2022 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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