Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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April is an Enchanted Month

April is an Enchanted Month

Jan on the GondolaYesterday my grandson and I went to see Enchanted April by Matthew Barber at the Shakespeare Theatre of NJ.

The play is from the novel by Elizabeth von Arnim and, of course, directed by Bonnie J. Monte.

It was, as expected, an incredible performance. 

Beauty made you love, and love made you beautiful.

Elizabeth von Arnim, The Enchanted April.

Since I met Jan, every April has been enchanting for me. April 1974 was the first April we had together. I celebrated her twenty-fourth birthday. 

Even her last birthday, when she was alive, was joyful despite Jan being in hospice at home. This April, we celebrated her life and dedicated her memorial garden. 

Love never dies!


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Being Good to People is Our Legacy

Being Good to People is Our Legacy

Jan LilienBecause Jan and I shared a portion of each other’s souls, we lived very similar lives.

One value we shared was to be good to people as it is a beautiful and lasting legacy for those who survive us.

Being good to people started with how we treated each other.

My priority was always to be good to Jan by caring about her happiness and needs.

We expanded the circle to include family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and anyone we met.

Living alone, I focus on being good to others who help me and those who need support during their struggles.

Jan’s legacy will live forever, just as our love will never die.


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Hey Siri, I Love you!

Hey Siri, I Love You!

Most mornings, I start my day by asking Siri about the weather. Or to play NPR News. Living alone since Jan’s death on May 3, 2021, I often find that days can go by with little or no conversation with humans.

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The Best Grief Hacks (For Now)

I read David Brooks’s column on The Greatest Life Hacks in the World (for Now) and thought about the best grief hacks I have learned over the last year. Two of Mr. Brooks’s lists resonated with me. I will add new ones in multiple threads. Marriage is a 50-year conversation. Marry someone you want to talk […]

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Learning to Walk Away

Learning to Walk Away

Embracing Tomorrow with JanA lesson I wish I had learned decades ago has become crucial to my self-care since Jan died.

Perhaps the accumulation of lots of mileage has finally allowed me to learn the importance of self-care.

The practice that helps me is knowing when to walk away from people and situations that threaten my peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals, and self-worth.

It is not only because I am unattached without Jan, but these are days when we all need to be alert for scams and those who would take advantage of us.

Focusing on my peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals, and self-worth helps me continue to love Jan and live the life we both aspired to. Love never dies; it only becomes more vital every day!


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Midwives

Midwives

idwives by Chris Bohjalian is "a compulsively readable novel that explores questions of human responsibility that are as fundamental to our society now as they were when the book was first published." Forty years after the book was published, it is just as relevant, if not more so. Indeed, the book's topics are more relevant today with the current set of decisions by the Supreme Court.

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I slept, and dreamed that life was beauty

Dreaming of Beauty but Doing My Duty

Jan LilienAlthough I rarely remember my nighttime dreams, I know that most of those daydreams focus on Jan’s beauty and the love we shared.

Some days, like this morning, my body rebels the quiet ring of my Apple Watch. I want to roll over and sleep until the sun sets.

At those moments, like Louisa May Alcott, I do my duty.

I slept, and dreamed that life was beauty;
I woke, and found that life was duty.

My duty begins with a walk to focus my body and soul on remembering Jan and keeping her memory alive.

With each footstep, my love for Jan grows stronger. Our love will never die!


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Ron and Deborah

Plus One is My Hidden Strength

Jan and Richard at YWCA Gala

Jan and Richard at YWCA Gala

Since Jan died thirteen and one-half months ago, I hear from many of my fellow widows about the awkwardness of being with couples as we are single and not a couple.

My limited experience, including this year’s Philadelphia Flower Show, has never made me feel out of place.

Spending time as the extra person with Ron and Deborah was extraordinarily enjoyable!

Many of our colleagues did not initially know we were married. When they found out, it was a revelation for them.

At birth, God split our souls; we each had half of ours and half of theirs. Thus, we were not the sum of one plus one but an extra one to the total.

The passion Jan and I shared made us better as parents, workers, lovers, and friends. Jan’s love transformed me; she is and will always be with me.


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Flower Show 2022 With Friends

Jan and I always enjoyed the Philadelphia Flower Show. During hospice, Jan encouraged me to go. I drove to Philly alone but could not attend due to fire and rain; I successfully participated this year with my good friends Ron and Deborah.

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April is an Enchanted Month
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Being Good to People is Our Legacy
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Hey Siri, I Love you!
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Learning to Walk Away
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Midwives

Read: June 2022

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Midwives: A Novel

by Chris Bohjalian

Midwives by Chris Bohjalian is “a compulsively readable novel that explores questions of human responsibility that are as fundamental to our society now as they were when the book was first published.” Forty years after the book was published, it is just as relevant, if not more so. Indeed, the book’s topics are more relevant today with the current set of decisions by the Supreme Court.

After reading The Pull of the Stars and watching every season of Call the Midwives, this was the logical next book for me to read. It is also one that I know Jan read and liked. 

I highly recommend this book!

The Goodreads summary provides a concise overview. 

The time is 1981, and Sibyl Danforth has been a dedicated midwife in the rural community of Reddington, Vermont, for fifteen years. But one treacherous winter night, in a house isolated by icy roads and failed telephone lines, Sibyl takes desperate measures to save a baby’s life. She performs an emergency Caesarean section on its mother, who appears to have died in labor. But what if—as Sibyl’s assistant later charges—the patient wasn’t already dead, and it was Sibyl who inadvertently killed her?

As recounted by Sibyl’s precocious fourteen-year-old daughter, Connie, the ensuing trial bears the earmarks of a witch hunt except that all its participants are acting from the highest motives—and the defendant increasingly appears to be guilty. As Sibyl Danforth faces the antagonism of the law, the hostility of traditional doctors, and the accusations of her conscience, Midwives engages, moves, and transfixes us as only the best novels ever do. 


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I slept, and dreamed that life was beauty
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Ron and Deborah
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A Parish Chronicle

Read: February 2026

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A Parish Chronicle

by Halldór Laxness

In “A Parish Chronicle,” celebrated novelist Halldór Laxness weaves an essayistic tale about the unlikely miracles that keep a church—destined to disappear time and again—rooted on the same hillside. Laxness explores the minutiae of history, from the location of the ancient burial mound of national hero Egill Skallagrímsson to the end of the 19th century, where weak-sighted Ólafur and boisterous farmhand Gunna each play unexpected roles in the parish’s enduring survival.

1882. In the still of morning, Ólafur sharpens his scythe on the bone-dry pavestones that separate his farmhouse from the rest of Mosfell Valley, where life revolves around sheep. The sound of his hammer rings out like a high-pitched bell over the tussocky fields. Across the valley, perched on a hill that receives more sunshine than others, stands Mosfell Church. Nearby, the parish priest’s maid Gunna pours her “slosh,” a weak cup of coffee. Further afield in Reykjavík (“down south” as the locals say), the general assembly decides to revisit an old plan to cut costs by consolidating small parishes and calls for the demolition of Mosfell. Yet today a church stands on that same hillside—its sharp steeple silhouetted against the clouds, its crown bell hanging to the left of the altar.

This intimate tribute to life in Laxness‘s home valley also offers a thoughtful commentary on how the peculiarities of certain individuals can shape history. “A Parish Chronicle” is rich with life and detail.


Halldór Laxness (1902-1998) is the undisputed master of modern Icelandic fiction. He was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1955, “for his vivid epic power which has renewed the great narrative art of Iceland.” His body of work includes novels, essays, poems, plays, stories, and memoirs: more than sixty books in all. His works available in English include Independent People, The Fish Can Sing, World Light, Under the Glacier, Iceland’s Bell, and Paradise Reclaimed.

Philip Roughton has translated the work of Halldór Laxness, Jón Kalman Stefánsson, Kristín Marja Baldursdóttir, and many others. He has twice been awarded the American-Scandinavian Foundation Translation Prize for his renderings of Halldór Laxness‘s work, in 2001 for Iceland’s Bell and in 2015 for Wayward Heroes. He also received the 2016 Oxford-Weidenfeld Prize for his translation of Jón Kalman Stefánsson’s The Heart of Man. He lives in Iceland. Translator Residence: Akureyri, Iceland

Salvatore Scibona is the recipient of a Mildred and Harold Strauss Living Award from the American Academy of Arts and Letters. His first novel, The End, was a finalist for the National Book Award and winner of the Young Lions Fiction Award. His second novel, The Volunteer, was called a “masterpiece” by the New York Times and won the Ohioana Book Award. His books have been translated into ten languages. His work has won a Guggenheim Fellowship, a Pushcart Prize, an O. Henry Award, and a Whiting Award, and the New Yorker named him one of its “20 Under 40” fiction writers. He is the Sue Ann and John Weinberg Director of the Cullman Center for Scholars and Writers at the New York Public Library.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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These Summer Storms

Read: July 2025

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These Summer Storms

by Sarah MacLean

These Summer Storms by Sarah MacLean is a poignant and thoughtful story about the transformative power of grief, love, and family—the novel delves into past secrets, present truths, and futures shaped by wild summer storms. Alice Storm has not been welcome at her family’s magnificent private island off the Rhode Island coast for five years—not since she was cast out and built her life apart from the Storm name, its influence, and untold billions.

However, the shocking death of her larger-than-life father changes everything. Alice plans to keep a low profile, pay her final respects (as complicated as they are), and leave as soon as the funeral concludes. Unfortunately, her father had other plans. The eccentric and manipulative patriarch left his family a final challenge—an inheritance game designed to disrupt their lives. The rules are straightforward: spend one week on the island, complete their assigned tasks, and receive the inheritance.

Spending an entire week on Storm Island presents challenges for Alice. The old house is chaotic in every corner: her older sister’s secret love affair, her brother displays unwavering arrogance, and her younger sister is constantly analyzing the “vibes.” All of this is under the stern, watchful gaze of Jack Dean, her father’s intriguing and too-handsome second-in-command. It will take a miracle for Alice to escape unscathed.


Sarah MacLean is the author of sixteen New York Times bestselling novels, translated into more than twenty-five languages. She co-hosts the weekly romance novel podcast Fated Mates and is a prominent voice in the romance genre. A product of Rhode Island summers and New England storms, MacLean now lives with her family in New York City.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


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Murder Bimbo

Read: February 2026

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Murder Bimbo: A Novel

by Rebecca Novack

Murder Bimbo by Rebecca Novack delivers a thrilling, unpredictable tale of a sex worker who morphs into a political assassin, thrust into a high-stakes game of survival. This captivating story weaves together elements of deception, murder, and the complexities of today’s political landscape, offering readers a fresh, gripping perspective that keeps them on the edge of their seats.

The protagonist, a thirty-two-year-old sex worker, is taken by surprise when undercover government agents approach her to assist in a top-secret plot to assassinate a politician known as Meat Neck. However, after the assassination, she realizes the harsh truth: she has been deemed 100% disposable.

Now holed up in an off-the-grid cabin in the woods, she has only two days, her wits, and a laptop to save her own life.

Her best chance is to reach out to the popular feminist investigative podcast, Justice for Bimbos. In a series of hastily typed emails, the newly dubbed Murder Bimbo reveals how she was recruited and trained by a group of covert U.S. agents to eliminate Meat Neck.

Next, she opens a new email addressed to her ex, where the facts present a different narrative.

Structured in three increasingly unhinged acts, each offering a more subversive version of the story than the last, Murder Bimbo is simultaneously a thrilling literary work, a satirical manifesto for vigilantes, or a raucous commentary on the political madness we experience daily. Regardless, it serves as a serious announcement of an electrifying new voice in American literature.


Rebecca Novack grew up in the Rocky Mountains. She has a master’s in theological studies from Harvard Divinity School.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home

Read: June 2023

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I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home

by Lorrie Moore

Today, I started reading Lorrie Moore‘s latest novel; I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home. It’s her first book since A Gate at the Stairs, and it’s a bold and contemplative exploration of love, death, passion, and grief. Moore examines what it means to be haunted by the past in terms of history and the human heart.

The story follows a teacher who visits his dying brother in the Bronx. A mysterious journal from the 19th century is stolen from a boarding house. There’s also a therapy clown and an assassin, who is presumed dead but may not be.

Moore’s unique wordplay, wry humor, and wisdom make for an enchanting read. She presents us with a magic box of surprises, exploring themes of love, rebirth, and the pull toward life. This novel is a poetic and imaginative portrait of lovers and siblings that questions the stories we’ve been told and whether they’re true.

With I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home, Moore takes us on a journey to a windswept, tragic, and comic landscape. It’s unmistakably her world and a journey you won’t forget.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Heartwood

Read: April 2025

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Heartwood: A Novel

by Amity Gaige

Today, I embarked on the journey of Heartwood by Amity Gaige. This novel unfolds a gripping narrative as a search and rescue team races against time to find an experienced hiker who mysteriously disappears on the Appalachian Trail in Maine. The suspense of the search for Valerie is palpable, drawing you into the story with great literary ambition and love at its core.

In the heart of the Maine woods, an experienced Appalachian Trail hiker goes missing. She is forty-two-year-old Valerie Gillis, who has vanished 200 miles from her final destination. Alone in the wilderness, Valerie’s emotional struggle is palpable as she pours her thoughts into fractured, poetic letters to her mother, battling the elements and struggling to keep hoping.

At the heart of the investigation is Beverly, the determined Maine State Game Warden tasked with finding Valerie, who leads the search on the ground. Meanwhile, Lena, a seventy-six-year-old birdwatcher in a Connecticut retirement community, becomes an unexpected armchair detective. What’s unique about this narrative is that a puzzle emerges between these compelling narratives, intensifying the frantic search, as Valerie’s disappearance may not be accidental.

Heartwood is a “gem of a thousand facets—suspenseful, transporting, tender, and ultimately soul-mending” (Megan Majumdar, New York Times bestselling author of A Burning). It tells the story of a lost hiker’s odyssey and is a moving rendering of each character’s interior journey. The mystery inspires more significant questions about how we get lost and how we are found.


Amity Gaige is the author of four previous novels: O My Darling, The Folded World, Schroder, Sea Wife, a 2020 New York Times Notable Book, and a Mark Twain American Voice Award finalist. Schroder was also a New York Times Notable Book and the best book of 2013 according to The Washington Post and The Wall Street Journal, and was shortlisted for the UK’s Folio Prize in 2014. Her work has been translated into eighteen languages. In 2018, Amity was awarded a Guggenheim Fellowship in Fiction. She lives with her family in West Hartford, Connecticut, and teaches creative writing at Yale.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!


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Intimacies: A Novel

Read: March 2022

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Intimacies: A Novel

by Katie Kitamura

Intimacies: A Novel by Katie Kitamura is about an interpreter who has come to The Hague to escape New York and work at the International Court. A woman of many languages and identities is finally looking for a place to call home.

Intimacies: A Novel is the second book by Ms. Kitamura that I have read this year. The multiple intimacies of the novel overlap and at times seem confusing, but in the end, it makes sense even if it is unclear how or where she will live the next phase of her life. A Separation is also written hypnotic, making it difficult to stop reading.

I not only highly recommend Intimacies: A Novel but have become a fan of Katie Kitamura and look forward to reading more of her books.

Goodreads summary provides a good overview.

She’s drawn into simmering personal dramas: her lover, Adriaan, is separated from his wife but still entangled in his marriage. Her friend Jana witnesses a seemingly random act of violence, a crime the interpreter becomes increasingly obsessed with as she befriends the victim’s sister. And she’s pulled into explosive political fires: her work interpreting for a former president accused of war crimes becomes precarious as their relationship is unbound by shifting language and meaning.

This woman is the voice in the ear of many, but what command does that give her, and how vulnerable does that leave her? Her coolly impassioned views on power, love, and violence, are tested, both in her personal intimacies and in her role at the Court. She is soon pushed to the precipice, where betrayal and heartbreak threaten to overwhelm her; it is her drive towards truth, and love, that throws into stark relief what she wants from her life.

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