We Are Getting Married!
Estimated reading time: 8 minutes, 50 seconds
An Unusual Start to
Our Wedding Year
“You have ruined my birthday,” Jan’s mother responded to Jan’s announcement that she and I were going to marry this year. I was shocked by the response, but Jan was upset and left the table in tears as she ran to the ladies’ room. Marcia, her sister, left the table and joined her.
I was left sitting across the table from her father. Next to him was her mother and her grandmother on the other side. Jan’s brother-in-law, Jerry, was two chairs away from me on my side.
The ERA was a topic of much debate in the seventies. One of the incorrect critiques was that it would require unisex bathrooms. Sitting in the diner in Verona, I wished they had unisex crying rooms. I so very much wanted to be with Jan and not her family.
Jan’s father stared directly at me.
“Do you think this is a good idea?”
I started to speak, but words seemed lost in my throat.
“Are your parents happy about this?”
“Yes,” I said now that words could not only form in my mind but spoke, “they met her and welcomed her into the family when we visited them last week.”
I felt like a fly on the wall as I heard them talking about Jan and me. I was not happy about what they were saying about me, but what they said about Jan bothered me more. I wanted to find Jan, take her home, and help her heal.
Florida Sunshine
“Jan, I am about to call my parents,” I called out to her. We had reservations to fly to visit them on December 26, 1974, for four days to let them know we were getting married in August.
Jan had finished preparing a dessert to take to her parents for Thanksgiving and wrapped it up so we could safely carry it on the subway and bus to NJ.
“I’m ready if you are, my love.”
We kissed and smiled at each other. It had been just over a year since we had met, and this was a momentous step for us to take together.
I dialed and held the phone in front of me as it did not have a speaker option.
My mother answered, and we wished each other a happy Thanksgiving.
We then chatted in the mundane way all of us do to fill the space until we could talk about the fundamental reason we had called.
“Is Dad there? There is something I would like to share with both of you.”
As my Mom asked my Dad to pick up the extension, I smiled at Jan and was ecstatic. Before meeting Jan, I had never thought a moment like this would ever happen to me. I was sure I would be a lifelong bachelor.
“Hi Dad, how are you?”
After he answered, we chatted for a few minutes.
I knew it was time for the announcement.
“I am going to fly down for a visit at the end of the year.”
They were both happy to hear that I would visit them for the first time since September 1973.
“That is wonderful news,” my parents said.
“I have a very close friend, and she will be joining me.”
“What is her name?” my mother said.
“Jan!”
We talked some more and went over the details of the trip.
After I finished the call, Jan and I embraced and kissed.
“They sounded so nice, just like you,” Jan smiled. “They were so happy to hear I was joining you.”
“Why wouldn’t they be happy to meet you,” I said with a smile and then, after waiting a few seconds to finish the sentence, “my future wife!”
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
