Embracing Life After Loss!

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 16 seconds

After 1,000 Days of Walking Solo, I Have Crossed Into The Future!

Over a thousand days, I have walked daily since I laid my wife to rest. It’s hard to believe, but if I had a penny for each day I walked, I would have $10, which would not even pay for the multiple walking shoes I purchase every six months. It all started on May 6, 2021, after the funeral. I remember waking up that morning with a profound sense of loss and no idea what to do with myself. Then, I saw my walking shoes on the walk-in closet floor.

Without a second thought, I put on my sweats and boots and stepped out of Apartment 3D. The soles of my shoes were like Swiss cheese, and I could feel the dampness and hard ground with every step. Initially, I thought I would walk only when I felt up to it, but slowly, it became a morning routine.

Even walking in snow, ice, and rain didn’t deter me. I remember waking up on the bathroom floor once, but every walk after that became more manageable. It’s been a daily ritual for me now, and it’s helped me cope with the loss of my wife.

As I look back on my journey of grief, I realize that it has not been an easy one. However, grief has been a great teacher and taught me things I never thought I would learn. Before my loss, I thought I understood the purpose of ears, arms, and feet – to listen, embrace, and move forward. However, it was only after I lost my loved one that I realized the true meaning behind these actions.

Throughout my life, I have always considered myself a good listener. Still, when I experienced the sounds of silence and the beauty of nature, I truly appreciated the power of listening. I found solace in the stillness and peace of the world around me, which helped me process my thoughts and emotions.

While I appreciate the support of my family and friends, I have only ever experienced the feeling of embracing my wife. Since her passing, I have focused on embracing the unknown future with each step I take. It is not always easy, but I have learned to walk confidently into the future, knowing that I am not alone in my journey of grief.

One particular reading during Friday night services has been very helpful in guiding me.

THIS IS AN HOUR of Change.
Within it we stand uncertain on the border of light.
Shall we draw back or cross over?
Where shall our hearts turn?
Shall we draw back, my brother, my sister, or cross over?

Baruch atah, Adonai, hamaariv aravim.
Day 1000 Walking Statistics

Reflecting on my journey, I realize I have chosen to embrace life and all its mysteries, even though I do not know what lies ahead. My commitment to living life to the fullest is reflected in my daily walking habit, which has led me to travel more than 8,000 miles, according to my trusty Apple Watch.

Despite the uncertainty of tomorrow, I remain steadfast in my resolve to keep moving forward. The future is like a beacon, shining brightly and beckoning me to choose life and all it offers.

Love is a mighty and enduring force that empowers us to overcome life’s adversities. It possesses the power to transform us forever and is capable of staying with us long after our loved ones have gone. Jan’s love transformed me entirely fifty years ago, and though she may no longer be with me, her spirit remains by my side every step of the way, reminding me that love is eternal and transcends all boundaries of time and space.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.


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15 comments add your comment

  1. Richard, such encouragement and inspiration in your writings and posts. May you continue to find the strength to write and share with others. Warm regards,

    • Diana, I am grateful for your kind words. My words come from deep within me as a reminder that love never dies. Even when faced with loss, we must choose to live life to the fullest. Although my heart still aches for my beloved wife, I decide to wake up each day with enthusiasm for the new opportunities it brings. I take time to appreciate the beauty of nature and listen to my heart, growing stronger and more resilient with each passing day. This journey has taught me that even in the darkest times, there is always light to find.

  2. Hello Richard:

    Walking is the best exercise to keep your brain and body healthy. The best part is that it has helped you to overcome your grieving. People should follow your steps. It may be time to write a book about grieving guidance.

    • Thanks, Hugo. Walking has helped me find peace and tranquility and allowed me to contemplate life, love, and the grieving process. When I tell people about my walks, they often ask me what I listen to. While I do listen to nature, I also listen to my soul. By paying attention to the innermost essence of my being, I can walk farther than my old body should allow. This practice also helps me clear my mind and envision a future.

      Some readers have focused on the number of days and miles as if that were the goal. While it’s true that I may not always be able to walk as long or as far, I can still embrace life fully and contribute to making the world a better place for everyone.

      I appreciate your suggestion and am touched that you think I could write a book. It’s something that I’ve always dreamed of, but I’m not sure if I have what it takes to be a writer. You see, I’m just an average man trying to manage the loss of the love of my life. It’s been a challenging road, but I’ve moved past the initial stages of grief. However, the emptiness and loneliness I feel daily are sometimes unbearable. It’s like a constant ache in my heart that never goes away, no matter how hard I try to distract myself. Writing a book would allow me to process my emotions and hopefully connect with others going through a similar experience. I know it won’t be easy, but I will try.

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Jack: A Novel

Read: March 2022

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Jack: A Novel

by Marilynne Robinson

Jack: A Novel by Marilynne Robinson is the second book in this series I have read. Previously I read,  Home, and now I have read the fourth. Without Jan by my side, I read more but not always in order. Fortunately, Jack appears in Home at a later point than is covered in this novel. That provided an understanding of the next phase of Jack and Della’s relationship.

I very much enjoyed reading this novel. Although Jan and I fell in love without all of the complexities of this couple, there were enough similarities that reminded me of how special our love was and remains. For example, our long conversations, many of which were while we walked, are reminiscent of the novel.

I highly recommend this novel. One of the reviews suggested that the next volume should be about Della. I will read that book before the ink drys.

Goodreads provides an overview.

In this book, Robinson tells the story of John Ames Boughton, the prodigal son of Gilead’s Presbyterian minister, and his romance with Della Miles, a high school teacher who is also the child of a preacher. They’re deeply felt, tormented, star-crossed interracial romance resonates with all the paradoxes of American life, then and now.

Marilynne Robinson’s mythical world of Gilead, Iowa—the setting of her novels Gilead, Home, and Lila, and now Jack—and its beloved characters have illuminated and interrogated the complexities of American history, the power of our emotions, and the wonders of a sacred world.

Robinson’s Gilead novels, which have won one Pulitzer Prize and two National Book Critics Circle Awards, are vital to contemporary American literature and a revelation of our national character and humanity.

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A Marriage at Sea: A True Story of Love, Obsession, and Shipwreck

Read: December 2025

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A Marriage at Sea

by Sophie Elmhirst

Taut, propulsive, and dazzling, A Marriage at Sea: A True Story of Love, Obsession, and Shipwreck by Sophie Elmhirst combines an adrenaline-fueled high-seas adventure with a poignant love story. The book examines our fascination with challenging individuals and how we grow under extreme conditions. The book was one of Barack Obama’s favorite reads of 2025. Additionally, it has been featured in The New York Times’ Top 10 Books of 2025 and has received accolades as a Best Book of 2025 from NPR, Vogue, Time Magazine, and The New Yorker.

Maurice and Maralyn make an odd couple. He is a loner—awkward and obsessive—while she is charismatic and ambitious. Despite their differences, they share a dread of wasting their lives and, like many of us, dream of escaping it all. What if they quit their jobs, sold their house, bought a boat, and sailed away?

While most of us only daydream about such adventures, in June 1972, Maurice and Maralyn actually set sail. For nearly a year, everything went well until a breaching whale struck their boat, sinking it in the deep Pacific Ocean.

What follows is a jaw-dropping fight for survival in the wild ocean, with little hope of rescue. Alone together for months in a tiny rubber raft, starving and exhausted, Maurice and Maralyn must find ways to stay alive while also coping with each other as their inner demons emerge. Their marriage is put to the ultimate test as they realize that, although they can run away from the world, they cannot escape themselves. A Marriage at Sea is a mind-blowing tale of obsession, survival, and partnership.


Sophie Elmhirst is an award-winning journalist who writes regularly for The Guardian Long Read and The Economist; her work has also appeared in The New York Times Magazine, The New Yorker, and Harper’s Bazaar, among other places. She’s the winner of the British Press Award for Feature Writer of the Year and a Foreign Press Award. She lives in London and is the author of A Marriage at Sea.



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Trouble the Saints

Read: January 2022

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Trouble the Saints

by Alaya Dawn Johnson

Trouble the Saints by Alaya Dawn Johnson is one of NPR’s Books We Love from 2020. The dangerous magic of The Night Circus meets the powerful historical exploration of The Underground Railroad in this timely and unsettling novel, set against the darkly glamorous backdrop of New York City at the dawn of WWII. Amidst the whir of city life, a girl from Harlem is drawn into the glittering underworld of Manhattan, where she’s hired to use her knives to strike fear amongst its most dangerous denizens.

The book is written in three sections with different protagonists and voices. Phyllis, or Pea as her friends call her, is a black assassin for a white mob boss narrates the first section of the book. Her saint’s hands are the ability to use knives to commit murder. She can also pass as white as Phyllis, but she is a black woman from Harlem as Pea. The section she narrates is difficult at first to follow as she attempts to deal with the consequences of her actions. Can the past ever be the past?

Dev, Indian and Phyllis’s lover, narrates the second section. He is an undercover cop who protects her and helps her free herself from the mob boss. This section is located in the Hudson Valley and highlights the tensions before the war between whites and non-whites.

The third protagonist, Tamara, narrates this section. The war separates Phyllis and Dev. Phyllis is pregnant, and Dev and Tamara’s love interest are serving in the military. This section brings together the threads and reminds us that the past is never the past.

As Goodreads summarizes the book,

But the ghosts from her past are always by her side—and history has appeared on her doorstep to threaten the people she loves most.

Can one woman ever sacrifice enough to save an entire community?

Trouble the Saints is a dazzling, daring novel—a magical love story, a compelling chronicle of interracial tension, and an altogether brilliant and deeply American saga.

I recommend this book and encourage all readers to read it to the end.

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Cloud Atlas: A Novel

Read: September 2024

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Cloud Atlas: A Novel

by David Mitchell

Today, I started reading Cloud Atlas: A Novel by David Mitchell, one of The New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the 21st Century. Cloud Atlas begins in 1850 with Adam Ewing, an American notary, voyaging from the Chatham Isles to his home in California. Ewing is befriended by a physician, Dr. Goose, who begins treating him for a rare species of brain parasite.

The novel careens, with dazzling virtuosity, to Belgium in 1931, the West Coast in the 1970s, an inglorious present-day England, a Korean superstate of the near future where neo-capitalism has run amok, and, finally, a postapocalyptic Iron Age Hawaii in the last days of history. But the story doesn’t end even there. What sets Cloud Atlas apart is its unique narrative structure, which boomerangs back through centuries and space, returning by the same route, in reverse, to its starting point. This journey reveals how the disparate characters connect, how their fates intertwine, and how their souls drift across time like clouds across the sky.

As wild as a video game, as mysterious as a Zen koan, Cloud Atlas is an unforgettable tour de force that, like its incomparable author, has transcended its cult classic status to become a worldwide phenomenon. The novel’s diverse settings and cultures, from 1850 Chatham Isles to a postapocalyptic Iron Age Hawaii, appeal to readers across the globe, offering a rich and varied reading experience.

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Don't Be a Stranger: A Novel

Read: October 2024

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Don’t Be a Stranger: A Novel

by Susan Minot

Today, I began reading “Don’t Be a Stranger: A Novel” by Susan Minot, a captivating new work by the author of ‘Evening.’ Known for her lyrical prose and exploration of complex human relationships, Minot’s latest novel revolves around a woman involved in a love affair during midlife. It is a radiant tale that explores themes of erotic obsession, the desire for intimacy, communication, and oblivion, which will resonate with fans of Miranda July‘s ‘All Fours,’ a book I have also read.

Ivy Cooper is 52 years old when Ansel Fleming first enters her life. Twenty years her junior, a musician newly released from prison on a minor drug charge, Ansel’s beguiling good looks and quiet intensity instantly seduce her. Despite the gulf between their ages and experience, their physical chemistry is overpowering. Over the heady weeks and months that follow, Ivy finds her life bifurcated by his presence: On the surface, she is a responsible mother, managing the demands of friends, an ex-husband, and home, but emotionally, psychologically, sexually, she is consumed by desire and increasingly alive only in the stolen moments-out-of-time, with Ansel in her bed.

Don’t Be a Stranger is a gripping, sensual, and provocative work from one of the most remarkable voices in contemporary fiction.

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On the Rooftop: A Novel

Read: November 2022

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On the Rooftop: A Novel

by Margaret Wilkerson Sexton

On the Rooftop: A Novel by Margaret Wilkerson Sexton, is a stunning novel about a mother whose dream of musical stardom for her three daughters collides with the daughters’ ambitions for their own lives—set against the backdrop of gentrifying 1950s San Francisco. The first few pages moved glacially and then the story unfolded fully and became a page-turner that I highly recommend.

After hearing Ms. Sexton’s interview on Get Lit with All Of It, a monthly on-air, social media, in-person, and live-stream book club hosted by Alison Stewart of WNYC’s All Of It, I picked up the book. The novel had been on my to-read list.

The novel was loosely based on Fiddler on the Roof and it worked exceedingly well. Vivian is the overbearing mother and the daughters who have their own dreams and goals. With urban renewal, AKA Urban Renewal, as the backdrop, the novel was one that I could not put down.

The small section of the song that Esther writes so she can sing for her people, was a song I wish I could hear in its entirety. That Chole choose to sing it for final audition made it even more powerful.

You put words to the music inside my heart You showed me the world could be its own art I’d never felt myself so whole before I’d never known how much I could reach for.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

At home they are just sisters, but on stage, they are The Salvations. Ruth, Esther, and Chloe have been singing and dancing in harmony since they could speak. Thanks to the rigorous direction of their mother, Vivian, they’ve become a bona fide girl group whose shows are the talk of the Jazz-era Fillmore.

Now Vivian has scored a once-in-a-lifetime offer from a talent manager, who promises to catapult The Salvations into the national spotlight. Vivian knows this is the big break she’s been praying for. But sometime between the hours of rehearsal on their rooftop and the weekly gigs at the Champagne Supper Club, the girls have become women, women with dreams that their mother cannot imagine.

The neighborhood is changing, too: all around the Fillmore, white men in suits are approaching Black property owners with offers. One sister finds herself called to fight back, one falls into the comfort of an old relationship, and another yearns to make her voice heard. And Vivian, who has always maintained control, will have to confront the parts of her life that threaten to splinter: the community, The Salvations, and even her family.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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