My Mother’s Loving Legacy

Living in the Present Filled with Memories

As I was leaving Apartment 3B for my regular morning walk, I noticed the World Wildlife Fund calendar on the door. The peaceful image of a smiling Giant Panda calmed me as I prepared to head out. I glanced at September 2, 2024, just before turning off the light. This day is unique; it would have been my mother‘s 109th birthday. Balancing my hands full of recyclables, I walked down the hallway, lost in thought. It struck me that my mother had almost reached the remarkable age of 100 – a feat I had once hoped for her and me – ninety-eight years and nearly a half year more make up a rich, meaningful life.

My mother’s teachings have been invaluable, even though I have sometimes forgotten them or not credited her for them at crucial moments. My parents were actively involved in charitable activities, such as delivering food to the Rescue Mission, volunteering for the Council on Aging Meals on Wheels, and supporting the refuge house for abused spouses. Their selfless dedication to these causes left a profound impact on me. I often reflect on their influence, feeling grateful for the values they instilled in me. Unsurprisingly, I have dedicated my career to making the world a better place, a decision that is a testament to their enduring influence on my life.

My mother endeared herself to friends and family with her gentle and sweet nature, reminiscent of a panda bear, and a charming Southern ladylike demeanor. While I’m not likely to be thought of in the same way, I carry the traits of both my parents within my DNA. I firmly believe in the equality of all individuals and the importance of mutual support. This belief, instilled in me by my mother, has fostered a sense of connection and value for others, making each feel integral and valued in our shared journey.

My mother had four grandsons—Kevin, Steve, Jon, and Mike—and one great-granddaughter, as well as my siblings, David and Becky. I vividly recall a particular moment captured in a photo when my mother, at the age of ninety-five, met Lilah-Rae for the first time. Frozen in Kodachrome, the image perfectly encapsulated the love and warmth that filled the room that day, a testament to the enduring bond of family that we all share and cherish. Unfortunately, neither my mother nor Jan lived to meet Wes and Jack.

As my mother’s eyes began to weaken with age, my wife, Jon, our oldest son, and I visited her. Occasionally, we would sit together and work on crossword puzzles, providing her with mental stimulation and companionship even when she could not read the clues or see the puzzle. It was a bittersweet reminder that life presents challenges. Still, we must always find ways to adapt and continue living to the fullest, empowering us to be resilient and face life’s challenges head-on.

I have developed a daily routine that involves solving the New York Times mini-crossword before heading out for my walk. This simple act is more than just a mental warm-up; it’s a way for me to connect with my mother’s love for puzzles and to keep her memory alive. It lets me kickstart my brain and prepare for the day ahead. It’s my way of staying mentally sharp and engaged, ensuring I approach each day with vigor and enthusiasm, just as my mother did.

As I ascend the long staircase to the train platform, I ponder my mother’s strength and perseverance. These are attributes I aim to embody, influenced by her example. After my dad‘s passing, my mother lived alone for twenty years and four months. When I last saw her two months before she passed away, she admitted that she thought about him every day. I couldn’t fathom missing someone for such a prolonged duration. Relying on old actuarial tables to predict life expectancy, I was sure Jan would outlive me.

Now, as I approach being a widow for three years, four months, and one day, I still bear the emotional wounds and scars from losing my wife. I wonder if I will find the strength to live alone for the next two decades as my mother did. Yet, each day, I strive to move forward, accepting and embracing the future as best as possible, carrying the hope and optimism that my mother’s example instilled in me, a beacon of light in the face of life’s challenges.

Birthdays and Holidays

Living in the Present Filled with Memories

Individuals born on specific holidays, such as July 4th or December 25th, often experience a sense of overshadowing, feeling as though the more significant holiday festivities diminish their birthday celebrations. In my early childhood years, I held a different perspective. I perceived my parents’ birthdays, on September 2nd and November 28th, as special holidays dedicated to honoring and celebrating them. I remember feeling a sense of pride and joy, knowing that everyone celebrated their birthdays. It’s fascinating how, during our formative years, dates, times, and calendars carry profound significance and shape our perceptions of events and celebrations.

Johnnie Caldwell Walker, My Grandmother

As a child, my grandmother taught me to associate my parent’s birthdays with the nearest holiday so I would remember their birthdays, and this connection became deeply ingrained in me at a young age, around 6 or 7 years old. In 1957, I vividly remember studying the wall calendars, eagerly checking when significant dates would occur—that year, my birthday coincided with a Saturday. As I flipped through the calendar, I noticed that the red color denoting Labor Day and Thanksgiving matched the hue of my hair at the time. I excitedly informed my teacher that my parents must be so significant that they had national holidays. She explained that Labor Day falls on the first Monday and Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday, with the actual date changing annually. Frustrated and embarrassed, I consulted the calendar, determined to prove my point.

With age, I have come to understand and appreciate the accuracy of my teacher’s perspective. Despite my parents’ birthdays aligning in some years with holidays, it’s clear now that the two hold distinct significance. It’s interesting to note that in 2024, my parents’ birthdays will once again coincide with the holidays. This journey of understanding the evolving importance of dates and holidays has been a reflective one, shaping my perceptions and experiences.