Wes is Eighteen Months Old

Why Am I Still Defined as a Widow?

I Am More Than What I Lost on My Worst Day

Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 7 seconds

As I write this post, my youngest grandson Wes is eighteen months old. It has been thirty-two months since my wife Jan passed away. Although I miss her dearly, I choose to celebrate Wes during these milestones because, after a loss, our only choice is to choose life and live in the present moment. The memories that truly matter are the moments of love we share with our loved ones. In times of grief, these memories keep us going and help us find the strength to move forward. As I have described on several occasions, but most recently in my 2023 end-of-the-year message, I have made much progress in the nine hundred seventy-three days since her funeral.

“Don’t spend your final days grieving over me,” my wife frequently told me. And she was right. Despite losing my beloved Jan, I gained so much from our shared love. Among my wife’s last words were, ‘Richard, you are capable, you are strong, and I believe in you.’ These words have become my guiding light, and I want to share them with everyone. No matter what life throws at you, always remember you have the strength and ability to overcome it. Believe in yourself and keep choosing life! Let these words be your inspiration to rise above any challenge that comes your way.

I don’t understand why I am still referred to as a widow. Despite the loss of my spouse, I have chosen to live life to the fullest with meaning and purpose. I have discovered the transformative power of loving and being loved. I play many roles in life, including that of a father, grandfather, community activist, advocate, and observant Jew. I am a complex and multifaceted individual, and I ask the reader to consider me as such. Let’s not be defined by our worst days but rather by the strength and resilience we display in the face of adversity. I am working towards coining a new word to replace ‘widow‘ that better represents my identity. Until then, let’s embrace our complexity and live with purpose.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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A Repetitive Year Ends

Looking ahead to the future, I feel a sense of liberation as I break free from the walls that have held me back, knowing that I am becoming the best version of myself. As the board chair of Bridges, I am excited to play my part, Tikun Olam, in repairing the world and contributing to ending homelessness.

Show thread (1)

Happy Birthday, Wes Jude Nucero!

I Am More Than What I Lost on My Worst Day

Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 7 seconds

Happy Birthday, Wes Jude Nucero!

Jude, the middle name, honors Jan, the love of my life, Mike's mom, and Wes's grandmother. It also shows her love of music, especially The Beatles and Hey Jude.

God, in her infinite and divine wisdom, had Wes Jude born fourteen months after Jan died. Wes Jude's birth on this day is a true blessing for Jan, Jude, and our family.

2 comments add your comment

  1. I thought your quest for a new term was noble. So I shared your post with ChatGPT for some help. Here is what it came up with…

    [From ChatGPT] Certainly! Here are some alternative words to replace “widow” that emphasize a positive and forward-moving perspective:

    1. **Continuer**: Suggests someone who carries on, embodying the spirit of moving forward in life.
    2. **New Chapterist**: Implies someone who is starting a new chapter in their life following a significant change.
    3. **Life Adventurer**: Connotes a person who embraces life’s journey with enthusiasm and courage, despite challenges.
    4. **Legacy Keeper**: Emphasizes maintaining and cherishing the legacy of the loved one.
    5. **Love Forwarder**: Suggests a person who continues to spread the love they shared with their departed spouse.
    6. **Journeyer**: Indicates someone on a continuous journey, highlighting progress and personal growth.
    7. **Hope Bearer**: Implies a person who carries hope and optimism into their future.
    8. **Resilience Beacon**: Suggests a guiding light of resilience and strength in adversity.
    9. **Memory Guardian**: Focuses on guarding and honoring the memories of the loved one.
    10. **Renewal Seeker**: Conveys a sense of seeking new beginnings and rejuvenation.

    Each of these terms brings a unique perspective that aligns with Richard’s message of strength, resilience, and positive progression in life.

    • Mark, I want to thank you for your comment. ChatGPT has given me a list of words that express my message of strength, resilience, and positive progress in life. I can use these words individually or in combination as needed. I genuinely appreciate your friendship and support, as without it, I may not have reached where I am today.

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Wes is Eighteen Months Old
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One of Us

Read: March 2026

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One of Us: A Novel

by Elizabeth Day

“One of Us,” written by Elizabeth Day, delivers sharp commentary on the hypocrisies of the elite. This engaging ensemble drama explores the dynamics among old friends entangled in dazzling wealth, highlighting the delicate balance between personal ambition and collective responsibility. With its gripping narrative and insightful themes, “One of Us” is a page-turner that combines elements of “The Wedding People” and “Succession.” It’s darkly comic and incisive, yet it also carries an unexpected sense of hope.

When Fliss, the eccentric adult daughter of the powerful Fitzmaurice clan, is found dead on a beach in Bali, what appears to be a tragic accident raises more suspicions than it resolves for those who have long engaged in a web of favors within her family.

Ben, Fliss’s brother, is eager to downplay his sister’s death, as it becomes evident he is the next in line to become Prime Minister. Meanwhile, Martin—Ben’s former best friend—sees Fliss’s memorial as an opportunity to reinsert himself into the Fitzmaurice circle, motivated by a desire for both revenge and acceptance. He also observes that Ben’s wife, Serena, has come to realize in middle age that her privileged life resembles more of a gilded cage. Additionally, Ben and Serena’s daughter, Cosima, has become an environmental activist, opposing everything her parents represent—a change her late aunt would have wholeheartedly supported.

Richard Take, Ben’s disgraced colleague who is determined to make a comeback, adds another layer of complexity to the situation. Lastly, Andrew Jarvis, a figure entwined with the family, raises questions about his role: has he been their loyal supporter, or has he manipulated his influence to keep them all in line?


Elizabeth Day is the author of “The Party” “The Vaster Wilds“, and several other books, and one of the most influential podcasters today. Her show, “How to Fail“, has become a major success, helping authors like Meg Mason and Glennon Doyle reach the UK bestseller list. She splits her time between London and Los Angeles.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Supporting these selections not only helps me continue providing you with personalized recommendations but also ensures you get access to meaningful stories that enrich your life. Your support truly makes a difference in helping me share more books and insights with you!


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Read: June 2024

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Hey, Zoey: A Novel

by Sarah Crossan

Today, I enjoyed immersing myself in the captivating and thought-provoking world of Sarah Crossan‘s novel ‘Hey, Zoey.’ As Sarah Dunn eloquently puts it, this book is a masterful blend of brilliance and dark humor. The story revolves around Dolores O’Shea, whose life turns surprising when she discovers her husband’s AI sex doll, Zoey, in the garage.

A profound and heartfelt journey of self-discovery unfolds for Dolores as she and ‘Zoey‘ develop an unconventional bond, unearthing deeply buried emotions and memories. Dolores O’Shea, a 43-year-old woman, is a beacon of strength, juggling her job, ailing mother, and social life with remarkable efficiency.

Her marriage with an anesthesiologist, David, is in turmoil, but she’s determined to confront the issues. Her world is completely upended when she uncovers Zoey, the $8,000 AI sex doll that David had been concealing in the garage. At first, Dolores’ response to Zoey is a whirlwind of anger and confusion, throwing her meticulously organized life into chaos.

As the narrative unfolds, Dolores and Zoey embark on a series of conversations that unearth unexpected emotions and memories, profoundly influencing all of Dolores’ relationships, particularly her relationship with herself. Dolores’ journey is a rollercoaster of events and emotions that resonates with us all. ‘Hey, Zoey‘ is a novel that enthralls and challenges our perception of modern-day connections and the diverse forms that love can assume in a lifetime.

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Jaded: A Novel

Read: April 2024

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Jaded: A Novel

by Ela Lee

Today, I started reading “Jaded: A Novel” by Ela Lee. The main character’s name is Jade, which isn’t even her real name. Jade began using it as her Starbucks name because all children of immigrants have a Starbucks name. “Jaded” is a must-read book for fans of “Queenie” and “I May Destroy You.” It offers a blistering—and sometimes darkly funny—account of consent, power, race, sexism, and identity in a broken society.

Jade has accomplished everything she ever wanted.

She’s a successful lawyer, a dutiful daughter, a beloved girlfriend, and a loyal friend. However, everything starts to crumble when she wakes up the morning after a work event, naked and alone, with no idea how she got home. Jade is caught between her parents, who can’t understand, her boyfriend, who feels betrayed, and her job, which expects silence.

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Sing, Unburied, Sing

Read: October 2024

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Sing, Unburied, Sing

by Jesmyn Ward

I started reading Jesmyn Ward‘s novel Sing, Unburied, Sing today. The New York Times selected it as one of the best books of the 21st century and awarded it the National Book Award. According to The New York Times, Jesmyn Ward‘s historic second National Book Award winner is “perfectly poised for the moment.” It’s an intimate portrait of three generations of a family and an epic tale of hope and struggle.

Jojo is thirteen years old and is trying to understand what it means to be a man. He has several father figures to learn from, including his Black grandfather, Pop. However, Jojo’s understanding is complicated by other men in his life: his absent White father, Michael, who is being released from prison; his absent White grandfather, Big Joseph, who refuses to acknowledge him; and the memories of his deceased uncle, Given, who died as a teenager.

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Anxious People

Read: June 2022

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Anxious People

by Fredrik Backman

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman, a poignant comedy about a crime that never occurred. A would-be bank robber disappears into thin air, and eight highly anxious strangers find they have more in common than they ever imagined. Anxious People is a novel that Jan and I would have both enjoyed reading. It jumped off the e-book shelf while looking for a new book to read.

Although Anxious People is a humorous comedy, it is really about the enduring power of friendship, forgiveness and hope, which are the key to our survival as individuals, couples and communities. It is the core of what made the love that Jan and I shared special and unique, but it is also what I gain from my participation in my various grief groups as well as Friday night Shabbat services.

I highly recommend this book.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Viewing an apartment usually doesn’t turn into a life-or-death situation. Still, this particular open house becomes just that when a failed bank robber bursts in and takes everyone in the apartment hostage. As the pressure mounts, the eight strangers slowly open up to one another and reveal long-hidden truths.

First is Zara, a wealthy bank director who has been too busy to care about anyone else until tragedy changed her life. Now, she’s obsessed with visiting open houses to see how ordinary people live—perhaps, setting an old wrong to the right. Then there’s Roger and Anna-Lena, an Ikea-addicted retired couple who are on a never-ending hunt for fixer-uppers to hide the fact that they don’t know how to fix their failing marriage. Julia and Ro are a young lesbian couple and soon-to-be parents who are nervous about their chances for a successful life together since they can’t agree on anything. And there’s Estelle, an eighty-year-old woman who has lived long enough to be unimpressed by a masked bank robber waving a gun. And despite the story she tells them all, Estelle hasn’t come to the apartment to view it for her daughter, and her husband isn’t outside parking the car.

As police surround the premises and television channels broadcast the hostage situation live, the tension mounts, and even deeper secrets are slowly revealed. Before long, the robber must decide which is the terrifying prospect: going out to face the police or staying in the apartment with this group of impossible people.

Rich with Fredrik Backman’s “pitch-perfect dialogue and an unparalleled understanding of human nature” (Shelf Awareness), Anxious People’s whimsical plot serves up unforgettable insights into the human condition and a gentle reminder to be compassionate to all the anxious people we encounter every day.


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The Vegetarian: A Novel

Read: October 2024

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The Vegetarian: A Novel

by Han Kang

Today, I started reading The Vegetarian: A Novel by Han Kang, Winner of the 2024 Nobel Prize in Literature. The novel also won The International Booker Prize and is one of The New York Times’s 100 Best Books of the 21st Century. Celebrated by critics worldwide, The Vegetarian is a darkly allegorical, Kafka-esque tale of power, obsession, and one woman’s struggle to break free from the violence both without and within her.

Before the nightmares began, Yeong-hye and her husband lived an ordinary, controlled life. But the dreams—invasive images of blood and brutality—torture her, driving Yeong-hye to purge her mind and renounce eating meat altogether. It’s a small act of independence, but it interrupts her marriage and sets into motion an increasingly grotesque chain of events at home.

As her husband, her brother-in-law, and her sister each fight to reassert their control, Yeong-hye obsessively defends the choice that’s become sacred to her. Soon, their attempts turn desperate, subjecting first her mind and then her body to ever more intrusive and perverse violations, sending Yeong-hye spiraling into a dangerous, bizarre estrangement, not only from those closest to her but also from herself.


Han Kang was born in 1970 in South Korea. She is the author of The Vegetarian, which I have read, and winner of the International Booker Prize,  Human Acts, The White Book, Greek Lessons, and We Do Not Part. In 2024, she received the Nobel Prize in Literature.



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