The Day Jan and I Married!
Estimated reading time: 15 minutes, 59 secondsWe Have To!
Jan and I said good night to my parents and grandmother in the hallway outside their rooms. Jan was drunk, and with each step, I was afraid her lovely wedding dress would reveal more than we wanted in the hotel hallway.
The cleavage I had seen on 86th Street and during the wedding had expanded during the evening.
“It is our wedding night, and we have to do it,” insisted Jan as I opened the door to our room.
“Yes, we will, my love.”
Jan wobbled into the room, and I caught her before she slipped to the floor.
“Are you sure you want to make love tonight?”
Jan’s voice slurred as she said yes.
I helped her out of her shoes, and she went to the bathroom.
“I did drink too much,” she said as she made her way with my help to the bed.
She sat on the end of the mattress and almost immediately collapsed onto the bed.
I kissed her and said I was going to the bathroom.
As I was brushing my teeth, Jan spoke slowly.
“I am drunk. Not sure I can do more than lay here. I took my panties off. Please take me so we can say we did it on our wedding night.”
As I rinsed my mouth and undressed, I was sure she would sober up enough so we could make love and not do what she had requested.
Walking out of the bathroom, I stood in front of her on the bed with my thumbs in my underwear, ready to remove them.
“Honey, you are still wearing your dress.”
I reached over and kissed her but got no response.
I returned to the front of the bed and thought again about complying with her request. Jan had pulled the dress well above her knees enough so that I could confirm she had no panties.
If that is what she wants, why shouldn’t I?
My answer was no. I would not do that to Jan on any other night, so why would I do it now?
I would have said yes if she had asked me to make love and unite our souls. But to have solitary sexual intercourse with my drunken wife, the answer was no.
“Sweetheart, we need to get you out of your dress so you can go to sleep.”
Jan did not respond. I shook her lightly as I persisted in asking her to wake up enough so she could remove the dress.
She opened her eyes and looked at me. “Oh, yes! Thank you, my love! Was it good for you?”
I mumbled yes to avoid confirming we had done it.
As I helped her out of her dress, I had to keep talking to her to keep her awake.
“I am so happy we did it tonight. Did you enjoy it as much now that we are married?”
“Yes, I am delighted we are married.”
As I helped her remove her underclothes, Jan exclaimed, “I enjoyed it even if I was unresponsive.”
How could she enjoy something that did not happen? Would she have been as ecstatic if we had done it?
I lifted and rolled her over to pull the sheets and blanket down. As I rolled her beautiful naked body under the sheets, I wanted to make love to my lovely and sexy wife for the first time as a married couple.
After giving her a quick kiss, I raced to my side of the bed and hoped she would be awake when I climbed into the bed.
As I pulled the sheets over me, I turned and kissed her again.
“Do you want to make love, my sweetheart?”
Jan answered with a steady snore.
There is always the morning; I said to myself as I held her in my arms and fell asleep.
I woke before her as the first light of morning began to fill the room. Jan’s head was in the nook of my shoulder. I kissed her forehead and ran my hands lightly and seductively down her back.
“Good morning.”
Jan rolled out of my nook, and I kissed her lips and caressed her body.
“It looks like you are excited to wake up next to your wife.”
“Yes, I am.”
“What time is it?”
I told her it was 6:30.
“We must move quickly to meet your family for breakfast.”
“We have time….”
“Maybe, but I am hungover and have a pounding headache.”
There is always our honeymoon, especially the Promised Land. I said to myself as we got ready.
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
What a great story as well as funny…You described the wedding as if it happened yesterday!!
Hugo, thank you very much for commenting on The Day Jan and I Married.
In my mind, the day Jan and I married was, in fact, yesterday. It was an essential public statement to family and friends that the love Jan and I shared was not an infatuation but a long-term commitment. Jan’s love transformed me and made me a better person.
Like life itself, love can be fragile. When I write about our early days, I must accept that our love and marriage might not have happened.
My commitment to my imaginary girlfriend kept me from pursuing Jan even though I felt a strong and unique attraction to Jan when I met her at the December 1972 VISTA Training.
Jan could have decided that her parent’s opposition was enough to convince her not to marry me.
Jan might have had a boyfriend when I went to her party, and I would have only a casual friend.
If any of those had occurred, I might have been a lifelong bachelor, or perhaps the imaginary girlfriend would not have left me.
As I wrote, the highest honor of my life was and always will be being Jan’s husband. Love never dies, and my passion for Jan will never end.
The amateur writing I do comes from my heart and soul and flows thru my fingers like the tides in the Bay of Fundy.
Hugo, I would write more often if I had more readers like you.
I appreciate your friendship and support during the most challenging chapter of my life.