The Day Jan and I Married!

Estimated reading time: 15 minutes, 58 seconds

Broken Wine Bottle

“Now Janice and Richard will break the glass wine bottle,” said the Rabbi. “This symbolically is confirmation that they are now husband and wife. I also want to say that it is a clear message that their lives before today are now broken, and they will spend their lives putting the shards of glass back together as they build a life together. Even as the glass shatters, so may their marriage never break.

I wanted to kiss Jan but knew we needed to break the glass. 

It had been wrapped and placed in front of us. I looked at Jan and whispered that she should go first. 

Jan smiled as she raised her right foot and came down firmly on the glass. Despite her best effort, the glass did not break. 

I stepped on the glass but not as firmly as I wanted Jan to be the one to break the bottle.

Jan tried again with the same result.  

I put my total weight on the glass, and it shattered. 

Cover of Announcement

“Mazel tov! Let us celebrate Jan and Richard!

I reached out for Jan, whose open arms greeted me. Our lips met, and we kissed for the first time as a married couple. When our lips separated, we whispered to each simultaneously, “I love you!”

Marriage Announcement
Marriage Announcement

Fr. John tapped my shoulder and reminded me we still needed to get the wedding license signed so the marriage could be legal. I signed and turned and asked Jan to sign.

You need two witnesses,” Fr. John reminded me. 

Mia and Stern, can you be witnesses for our marriage?

As they signed the document, it dawned on me that both witnesses would be women—another small sign of how our marriage was unique.

Reception at the Monastery

Where did you go?” Jan’s voice was slurring as I embraced her. I told you I was leaving to drive Becky and Steve back to the hotel.” We danced with abandon and hearts full of joy. Despite the small number of people at our marriage and reception, we had never been as happy as we were at that moment. 

We stopped dancing, walked around the room, and thanked everyone for joining us. We only had twenty people, as one couple did not show up.

My grandmother waltzed over to me. I held her in my arms.

They said I was too old to travel to New York for your wedding. I cannot remember having this much fun. I love you and Jan so much.

I held her as tight as possible and whispered to her, “I am so happy you are here with us. Jan and I love you as well.”

Our friends Earl and Mia joined us on the dance floor. 

“We have to leave soon,” said Mia. This was a beautiful wedding, and we both wish you years and years of joy and happiness!

I looked at my watch and noticed it was almost 1 am. Soon everyone was lining up to congratulate us and congratulate us.

“Sweetheart, I need your credit card to pay for the reception.”

Jan and my family
Jan with my family

While I waited for the restaurant to process the payment, I looked over, and Jan was standing with my parents and grandmother. The four looked so happy. They looked not like a family by marriage but a real family.

I brought the credit card slip to Jan to sign. Her handwriting was so sloppy that it did not look like her signature. 

“I may have had too much to drink.”

I kissed Jan, and as I did, I realized that I had never seen Jan as intoxicated as she was that night. 

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30 comments add your comment

  1. What a great story as well as funny…You described the wedding as if it happened yesterday!!

    • Hugo, thank you very much for commenting on The Day Jan and I Married.

      In my mind, the day Jan and I married was, in fact, yesterday. It was an essential public statement to family and friends that the love Jan and I shared was not an infatuation but a long-term commitment. Jan’s love transformed me and made me a better person.

      Like life itself, love can be fragile. When I write about our early days, I must accept that our love and marriage might not have happened.

        My commitment to my imaginary girlfriend kept me from pursuing Jan even though I felt a strong and unique attraction to Jan when I met her at the December 1972 VISTA Training.

        Jan could have decided that her parent’s opposition was enough to convince her not to marry me.

        Jan might have had a boyfriend when I went to her party, and I would have only a casual friend.

      If any of those had occurred, I might have been a lifelong bachelor, or perhaps the imaginary girlfriend would not have left me.

      As I wrote, the highest honor of my life was and always will be being Jan’s husband. Love never dies, and my passion for Jan will never end.

      The amateur writing I do comes from my heart and soul and flows thru my fingers like the tides in the Bay of Fundy.

      Hugo, I would write more often if I had more readers like you.

      I appreciate your friendship and support during the most challenging chapter of my life.

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Conjure Women

Read: November 2021

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Conjure Women: A Novel

by Afia Atakora

Conjure Women by Afia Atakora is about a mother and her daughter with a shared talent for healing—and for the conjuring of curses — at the heart of this dazzling first novel. Conjure Women takes place before, during, and after the Civil War. The book is structured around three-time frames; Slaverytime, Freddomtime, and Wartime.

Having grown up in the South and heard far too many stories about the Lost Cause, it was a joy to read a book narrated by two African-American women. The third leading character is the daughter o the owner of the plantation. At the end of the war, she was hidden away for six years and was unaware the South had surrendered.

Conjure Women is a sweeping story that brings the world of the South before and after the Civil War vividly to life. Spanning eras and generations, it tells of the lives of three unforgettable women: Miss May Belle, a wise healing woman; her precocious and observant daughter Rue, who is reluctant to follow in her mother’s footsteps as a midwife; and their master’s daughter Varina. The secrets and bonds among these women and their community come to a head at the beginning of a war and at the birth of an accursed child, who sets the townspeople alight with fear and a spreading superstition that threatens their newly won, tenuous freedom.

Magnificently written, brilliantly researched, and richly imagined, Conjure Women moves back and forth in time to tell the haunting story of Rue, Varina, and May Belle, their passions and friendships, and the lengths they will go to save themselves and those they love.

Since Jan died, I have read many books that I know she enjoyed. We both enjoyed Call the Midwife, and this book focused on birthing and mothering. Although conjuring was their medical care and not the type practiced in poplar by the Midwives, we would both have enjoyed the book.

Conjure Women also raises questions about the meaning of freedom. For example, Rue chooses not to leave the former plantation after the Klan attacks despite being free.

I recommend this book and look forward to reading more from Afia Atakora.

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Foster

Read: April 2026

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Foster: A Novella

by Claire Keegan

Claire Keegan‘s acclaimed novella, Foster, is now available in the US as a standalone book for the first time. Recognized as one of The NY Times’ Top 50 Novels Published in the 21st Century, it invites you to explore a powerful story of childhood, loss, and love that many readers have found moving and thought-provoking.

Set during a hot summer in rural Ireland, the story follows a child who is brought by her father to live with relatives on a farm, where she discovers warmth and affection she has never known. This tender portrayal of family bonds aims to evoke empathy and a desire to understand complex relationships.

Foster is a winner of the prestigious Davy Byrnes Award and was published in an abridged version in the New Yorker. This internationally acclaimed contemporary classic showcases Claire Keegan’s extraordinary talent and solidifies her as one of our most significant storytellers.


Claire Keegan‘s works of fiction are internationally acclaimed and have been translated into thirty languages. Her collection Antarctica won the Rooney Prize for Irish Literature. At the same time, Walk the Blue Fields received the Edge Hill Prize for the finest collection of stories published in the British Isles. The novella Foster was honored with the Davy Byrnes Award, the world’s richest prize for a short story. Small Things Like These was shortlisted for both the Booker Prize and the Rathbones Folio Prize. Additionally, it won the Orwell Prize for Political Fiction and the Kerry Prize for Irish Novel of the Year. Keegan was recognized as Woman of the Year for Literature in Ireland in 2022 and was named Author of the Year in 2023.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Supporting these selections not only helps me continue to provide you with personalized recommendations but also ensures you have access to meaningful stories that enrich your life. Your support truly makes a difference in helping me share more books and insights with you!


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Read: October 2023

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Move Like Water: My Story of the Sea

by Hannah Stowe

I recently started reading a book called “Move Like Water: My Story of the Sea” by Hannah Stowe. It’s a captivating book that immerses you in a world of water, whales, storms, and starlight, allowing you to experience what it’s like to sail for weeks and live life to a new rhythm.

Hannah Stowe, a marine biologist and sailor in her mid-twenties, grew up on the Pembrokeshire coast of Wales, where she fell asleep to the sound of the lighthouse beam. Drawing upon her experiences sailing tens of thousands of miles in various seas, including the North Sea, North Atlantic, Mediterranean, Celtic Sea, and the Caribbean, she explores the human connection to the wild waters. Stowe ponders why she and others are drawn to life at sea and what we can learn from the water around us.

Stowe intertwines her narrative and illustrations with stories of six keystone marine creatures: the fire crow, sperm whale, wandering albatross, humpback whale, shearwater, and barnacle. Through these stories, she invites readers to fall in love with the sea and its inhabitants and to discover the majesty, wonder, and fragility of the underwater world.

If you enjoy the works of Rachel Carson and Annie Dillard, then “Move Like Water: My Story of the Sea” is a must-read. It’s an inspiring and heartfelt tribute to the sea, a testimony to pursuing and achieving a dream, and an unforgettable introduction to a talented new nature writer.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Being Mortal

Read: August 2019

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Being Mortal

by Atul Gawande

Before departing for Toronto to celebrate our 44th Wedding Anniversary, I went through the e-library. Everything on my list that I wanted to read was not available except for this book. Being Mortal by Atul Gawande is the book I read on our vacation before Jan’s diagnosis of non-Hodgkin Large B-cell Lymphoma.

Selecting Being Mortal might seem an accidental choice to some, and I believe it was a divine intervention. It prepared me to be a caregiver to my wife over the nineteen months of her fight with cancer. It helped me focus on the good life that my wife lived and not the pain and suffering.

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When I read the book, I wondered what I could have done to help my mother in her final years. The book offers an excellent overview of how nursing homes and assisted living facilities have struggled to meet the needs of their residents.

Dr. Gawande provides an in-depth overview of the benefits of hospice care. Although I knew of this option, reading this book helped me understand that I was ready for hospice when my wife came home for the last time.

He reminds us that “when it comes to the inescapable realities of aging and death, what medicine can do often runs counter to what it should.” As he writes in the book, the current system does not work and, in many cases, actually shortens life.

This book has had a lasting impact on my life. It allowed me to be a loving caregiver to my wife when she needed it more than anything else. I read it when it would be most beneficial to me.

I highly recommend this book.


Atul Gawande is the author of several bestselling books: Complications, a finalist for the National Book Award; Better; The Checklist Manifesto; and Being Mortal. He is also a surgeon at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, a staff writer for The New Yorker, and a professor at Harvard Medical School and the Harvard School of Public Health. He has won the Lewis Thomas Prize for Writing about Science, a MacArthur Fellowship, and two National Magazine Awards. In his work in public health, he is the Founder and Chair of Ariadne Labs, a joint center for health systems innovation, and Lifebox, a nonprofit organization dedicated to making surgery safer globally. He is also the chair of Haven, where he served as CEO from 2018 to 2020. He and his wife have three children and live in Newton, Massachusetts.



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Read: March 2023

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Birnam Wood: A Novel

by Eleanor Catton

Birnam Wood: A Novel by Eleanor Catton is a gripping psychological thriller from the Booker Prize-winning author of The Luminaries. Birnam Wood is Shakespearean in its wit, drama, and immersion in character. A brilliantly constructed consideration of intentions, actions, and consequences is an unflinching examination of the human impulse to ensure our survival. I highly recommend this novel.

The review in The New Yorker and a personal recommendation made this novel my next read.

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The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Five years ago, Mira Bunting founded a guerrilla gardening group: Birnam Wood. An undeclared, unregulated, sometimes-criminal, sometimes-philanthropic gathering of friends, this activist collective plants crops wherever no one will notice: on the sides of roads, in forgotten parks, and in neglected backyards. For years, the group has struggled to break even. Then Mira stumbles on an answer, a way to finally set the group up for the long term: a landslide has closed the Korowai Pass, cutting off the town of Thorndike. A natural disaster has created an opportunity, a sizable farm seemingly abandoned.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Read: November 2025

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Thirst Trap: A Novel

by Gráinne O'Hare

Filled with heart and humor, Thirst Trap by Gráinne O’Hare is a lively celebration of friendship, embracing uncertainty, and indulging in “just one more round” before heading home. This sharply funny novel explores the challenges of being in your late 20s as you approach 30, questioning when you will tire of morning hangovers, dead-end entry-level jobs, and late nights at bars. This friend group is about to discover the answer.

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Gráinne O’Hare is a writer from Belfast based in Newcastle upon Tyne. She received a Northern Debut Award for Fiction from New Writing North and was awarded funding by the Arts Council for the development and completion of her first novel. She has also been shortlisted for the Francis MacManus Short Story Competition and the Bridport Prize, and came in the top three of the Benedict Kiely Short Story Competition.

She is a media sub-editor for Criticks reviews of the British Society for Eighteenth-Century Studies and holds a PhD in eighteenth-century women’s life-writing from Newcastle University.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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