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Jan Clears the Deck!

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes, 33 seconds
Jan Lilien and Richard W. Brown

Jan Lilien and Richard W. Brown.

Jan Makes First Commitment
Despite Her Friends’ Concerns

“Yes, I knew Richard was the one the moment we met,” Jan said in response to a question from our dinner guests about how we fell in love. We had explained the basic details of how we met at a party at her apartment in Inwood. “When I got home on Monday, the first thing I did was make two phone calls. I had been dating two guys, and I did not see any reason to continue to see them after I met Richard.” 

Jan paused for a second before continuing. Jan’s revelation was almost forty years after we had met, and the information she had just shared was new to me. I wondered what more she was thinking about sharing. 

It was not easy making those calls, but they both understood,” Jan said. “It was my girlfriends who did not understand why I would break up with two guys a day after meeting Richard.”

Although I suspected she had a boyfriend when we met, I never knew for sure. Indeed I did not realize that there were two and that she had broken up with them. I learned about the opposition of her girlfriends at the time as Jan and I had spoken about it. Richard is too laid back. Why are you settling? True love is a fairy tale. Don’t you want to have fun?

Why didn’t your friends understand,” the other woman said.

They found it hard to believe after only being together for a day that I would break up with two very nice guys,” Jan explained. “Plus, we had not….”

Both women giggled, and my face turned red. Jan smiled at me as she leaned over and kissed me. “I love you, honey.”

Fortunately, the conversation shifted to how the other couple’s meeting story. 

The waiter asked if we wanted the second wine bottle opened. I was not drinking, but the two women nodded yes.

The balance of dinner and dessert proceeded smoothly. 

As we were leaving, we all agreed we should meet again soon.

Driving home on the Parkway

On the drive home, Jan and I chatted about dinner. I wanted to ask more about her revelation about the two boyfriends but decided to wait until we got home. The music on the radio was from the sixties and seventies. Jan started to sing along. She not only knew the lyrics but also knew which song it was after less than a few seconds. 

Goodnight, you moonlight ladies
Rockabye sweet baby James
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose
Won’t you let me go down in my dreams
And rockabye sweet baby James

James Taylor

My mind started to process the two boyfriends and her quick decision to drop them. I would never have asked her to break up with them. But, if she had not, would we still be together?

In reality, Jan and I had never dated. We met, fell in love, and were a couple instantly. 

That question was at the forefront of my mind as we drove home. Playing three-dimensional chess, every option I could imagine resulted in our not being together now. My blood pressure, usually very-low, rose as we merged onto the Parkway. I could not imagine my life without Jan.

Would we be together now if I had been one of three people dating her?

I only made $75 a week before taxes and lived in an apartment without heat.

If I were third in line waiting for the Queen of England to die, I would be a spare part.

I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumblin’ down
I feel my heart start to tremblin’
Whenever you’re around
Whenever you’re around
Oh darlin’, when you’re near me
And you tenderly call my name
I know that my emotions
Are somethin’ I just can’t tame
I just got to have ya, baby
I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumblin’ down

Carole King
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I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home

Read: June 2023

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I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home

by Lorrie Moore

Today, I started reading Lorrie Moore‘s latest novel; I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home. It’s her first book since A Gate at the Stairs, and it’s a bold and contemplative exploration of love, death, passion, and grief. Moore examines what it means to be haunted by the past in terms of history and the human heart.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Read: September 2024

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Salvage the Bones: A Novel

by Jesmyn Ward

I’ve started reading “Salvage the Bones: A Novel” by Jesmyn Ward, a two-time National Book Award winner and author of “Sing, Unburied, Sing.” The book delivers a gritty yet tender story about family and poverty in the days leading up to Hurricane Katrina. Hurricane Helene’s devastation makes it the perfect time to read this book. The novel is among The New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the 21st Century.

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The School for Good Mothers

Read: February 2023

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The School for Good Mothers

by Jessamine Chan

The School for Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan is a searing page-turner that is also a transgressive novel of ideas about the perils of “perfect” upper-middle-class parenting; the violence enacted upon women by both the state and, at times, one another; the systems that separate families; and the boundlessness of love, The School for Good Mothers introduces, in Frida, an everywoman for the ages.

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The School for Good Mothers had been on my book list since the middle of last year. I recommend it without reservations! Jan would have already read it, and we would be debating its fine points.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

In this taut and explosive debut novel, one lapse in judgement lands a young mother in a government reform program where custody of her child hangs in the balance.

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The state has its eyes on mothers like Frida. The ones who check their phones, letting their children get injured on the playground; who let their children walk home alone. Because of one moment of poor judgment, a host of government officials will now determine if Frida is a candidate for a Big Brother-like institution that measures the success or failure of a mother’s devotion.

Faced with the possibility of losing Harriet, Frida must prove that a bad mother can be redeemed. That she can learn to be good.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Read: August 2025

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When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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