The Day Jan and I Married!

Estimated reading time: 15 minutes, 58 seconds

To Love, Honor, and Cherish For All the Days of Our Lives!

The sun was sinking into NJ as I looked west on 86th street and saw Jan for the first time in her wedding dress. After months of roadblocks and uncertainty, we were about to be married by a Rabbi and Fr. John among a handful of family and friends. From the day we met, this was the moment that I wanted more than anything. 

“It is supposed to be bad luck if you see your fiancee in her bridal dress before the wedding,” Jan exclaimed. 

The smile on my face turned slightly downward.

I thought that was for weddings where you would have entered the sanctuary, and that is when I would have seen you the first time,” I responded. 

We both laughed as we realized how different our wedding would be.

I decided to greet her again. Jan, you look so beautiful today! What brought you to 86th Street and Central Park West in such a gorgeous dress?”

“To marry the man I love!”

I hugged and kissed her as we entered the building. 

The elevator was tiny, and only three people could fit in simultaneously

Jan and I entered the elevator with one of her friends

Penthouse, please,” I requested, even though the elevator was self-operated. 

Jan’s Wedding Dress

As I entered Jan’s apartment, she said firmly, “You cannot open the closet.” My face must have looked puzzled. “My wedding dress is in the closet,” Jan answered my unasked question. I pretended to move toward the closet. Jan responded with a mixed frown and smile on her face. 

We laughed and hugged. 

Jan's Wedding Dress
Jan’s Wedding Dress

Two months earlier, Jan had said, “Saturday, I am going shopping for my wedding dress.”

It was one more reminder that we would be married soon

“I have nothing on my calendar and am happy to join you.

As soon as I spoke, I saw Jan’s smile become a frown.

“I always like to be with you, but shopping for my wedding dress is not an activity we can do together.”

I am sure you will like the dress,” Jan’s voice brought me to reality.

“I like every dress I have ever seen you in, especially when I can help you into and out of the dress.”

On our wedding night, you will have a chance to help me undress.

We embraced and held each other so tightly that I was unsure how we could breathe. 

Deciding Who Can Attend

“We have to make difficult choices on who can attend our wedding,” Jan stated as she looked up from the list we had started to make when we had expected we would have a larger wedding. The Rabbi had said twenty-two was the maximum on his terrace, and the Monastery Restaurant had agreed that that would be enough for us to reserve the space for the reception.

“We have six already, the two of us, Fr. John and Sharon, The Rabbi and his guest.”

“Your parents, grandmother, sister, and her son said they wanted to attend,” Jan said as she started a new list. 

I knew her parents had stated they were not attending, but I asked about her sister. 

“Yes, she and Jerry will attend.”

Thirteen committed, nine open slots,” I announced. 

I added two couples we both knew from Williamsburg and one close friend, allowing her the option to invite four of her friends. 

“It is not what we would have liked for our wedding….”

“Jan, it is what it is, and our wedding day will still be the best day of our lives!”

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30 comments add your comment

  1. What a great story as well as funny…You described the wedding as if it happened yesterday!!

    • Hugo, thank you very much for commenting on The Day Jan and I Married.

      In my mind, the day Jan and I married was, in fact, yesterday. It was an essential public statement to family and friends that the love Jan and I shared was not an infatuation but a long-term commitment. Jan’s love transformed me and made me a better person.

      Like life itself, love can be fragile. When I write about our early days, I must accept that our love and marriage might not have happened.

        My commitment to my imaginary girlfriend kept me from pursuing Jan even though I felt a strong and unique attraction to Jan when I met her at the December 1972 VISTA Training.

        Jan could have decided that her parent’s opposition was enough to convince her not to marry me.

        Jan might have had a boyfriend when I went to her party, and I would have only a casual friend.

      If any of those had occurred, I might have been a lifelong bachelor, or perhaps the imaginary girlfriend would not have left me.

      As I wrote, the highest honor of my life was and always will be being Jan’s husband. Love never dies, and my passion for Jan will never end.

      The amateur writing I do comes from my heart and soul and flows thru my fingers like the tides in the Bay of Fundy.

      Hugo, I would write more often if I had more readers like you.

      I appreciate your friendship and support during the most challenging chapter of my life.

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Autocracy, Inc.: The Dictators Who Want to Run the World

Read: January 2025

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Autocracy, Inc.

by Anne Applebaum

Today, I plunged into the captivating world of “Autocracy, Inc.: The Dictators Who Want to Run the World” by Anne Applebaum. I listened to an engaging discussion between her and the Executive Director of the YIVO Institute for Jewish Research, Jonathan Brent. Their insights left me eager for more, and I couldn’t resist making this book my next read. I’m thrilled to dive deeper into her thought-provoking perspective!

This compelling New York Times bestseller by the Pulitzer Prize-winning author paints a chilling picture of how autocratic regimes join forces to erode democracy globally. Applebaum sheds light on this pressing issue and offers insights on how we can unite to fight back.

We think we know what an autocratic state looks like: An all-powerful leader is at the top. He controls the police. The police threaten the people with violence. There are evil collaborators and maybe some brave dissidents.

But in the 21st century, that bears little resemblance to reality. Nowadays, autocracies are underpinned not by one dictator but by sophisticated networks composed of kleptocratic financial structures, surveillance technologies, and professional propagandists, all of which operate across multiple regimes, from China to Russia to Iran. Corrupt companies in one country do business with corrupt companies in another. The police in one country can arm and train the police in another, and propagandists share resources and themes, pounding home the same messages about the weakness of democracy and the evil of America.

International condemnation and economic sanctions cannot move the autocrats. Even popular opposition movements, from Venezuela to Hong Kong to Moscow, don’t stand a chance. The members of Autocracy, Inc. aren’t linked by a unifying ideology, like communism, but rather by a common desire for power, wealth, and impunity. In this urgent treatise, which evokes George Kennan’s essay calling for “containment” of the Soviet Union, Anne Applebaum calls for the democracies to reorient their policies to fight a new threat fundamentally.

 

In the video, Jonathan Brent asks Anne Applebaum to read the last paragraph of “Autocracy, Inc.: The Dictators Who Want to Run the World.”

There is no liberal world order anymore, and the aspiration to create one no longer seems real. But there are liberal societies, open and free countries that offer a better chance for people to live useful lives than closed dictatorships do. They are hardly perfect. Those that exist have deep flaws, profound divisions, and terrible historical scars. But that’s all the more reason to defend and protect them. So few of them have existed across human history; so many have existed for a short time and then failed. They can be destroyed from the outside and from the inside, too, by division and demagogues. Or they can be saved. But only if those of us who live in them are willing to make the effort to save them.

After finishing Autocracy, Inc.: The Dictators Who Want to Run the World,” this closing paragraph should be a call to action. Failure to respond to the challenge will doom our future to an unacceptable one. I recommend this book and encourage people to read it, discuss its contents, and take action to save our collective future.



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Seascraper

Read: November 2025

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Seascraper: A Novel

by Benjamin Wood

Haunting, timeless, and stunningly atmospheric, Seascraper by Benjamin Wood explores the story of a young man whose quiet existence is dramatically altered in just one day. His circumstances confine him, yet he yearns for a sense of fulfillment that extends far beyond the world he knows. The novel has been longlisted for the 2025 Booker Prize.

Twenty-year-old Thomas Flett lives a slow, deliberate life with his mother in Longferry, Northern England, working his grandpa’s trade as a shanker. He rises early to take his horse and cart to the drizzly shore to scrape for shrimp, and spends the afternoon selling his wares, trying to wash away the salt and sea-scum, pining for his neighbor, Joan Wyeth, and playing songs on his guitar. At heart, he is a folk musician, but this remains a private dream.

Then a mysterious American arrives in town and enlists Thomas’s help in finding a perfect location for his next movie. Though skeptical at first, Thomas learns to trust the stranger, Edgar, and, shaken from the drudgery of his days by the promise of Hollywood glamour, begins to see a different future for himself. But how much of what Edgar claims is true, and how far can his inspiration carry Thomas?


Benjamin Wood was born in 1981 and grew up in Merseyside. Seascraper is his fifth novel. His previous works were shortlisted for the Costa First Novel Award, the Commonwealth Book Prize, the Sunday Times Young Writer of the Year Award, the RSL Encore Award, the CWA Gold Dagger Award, and the European Union Prize for Literature. In 2014, he won France’s Prix du Roman Fnac.

He is a senior lecturer in creative writing at King’s College, London, and lives in Surrey with his wife and sons.



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Happiness Falls: A Novel

Read: September 2023

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Happiness Falls: A Novel

by Angie Kim

I highly recommend reading Happiness Falls, a book authored by Angie Kim. The story is about a family’s search for their missing father, which leads them to question their beliefs and relationships. The award-winning author of Miracle Creek writes this thrilling and emotionally profound book.

We didn’t call the police right away.” These are the first words of an extraordinary novel about a biracial Korean-American family in Virginia whose lives are upended when their beloved father and husband go missing.

Mia, the irreverent, hyper-analytical twenty-year-old daughter, has an explanation for everything—which is why she isn’t initially concerned when her father and younger brother Eugene don’t return from a walk in a nearby park. They must have lost their phone and or stopped for an errand somewhere. But by the time Mia’s brother runs through the front door bloody and alone, it becomes clear that the father in this tight-knit family is missing, and the only witness is Eugene, who has the rare genetic condition Angelman syndrome and cannot speak.

Happiness Falls is a gripping investigation that centers around a father’s disappearance and the intricate dynamics of his family. As the clock ticks, the family’s deepest secrets come to light, raising questions about love, communication, and the human experience. This novel is a thrilling blend of mystery, drama, and philosophical exploration, showcasing Angie Kim’s remarkable storytelling skills that garnered her numerous accolades for her debut novel, Miracle Creek. Through the family’s journey, Kim offers a fresh perspective on the missing person story, creating a memorable tale of a family that goes to great lengths to understand each other.


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Hey, Zoey

Read: June 2024

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Hey, Zoey: A Novel

by Sarah Crossan

Today, I enjoyed immersing myself in the captivating and thought-provoking world of Sarah Crossan‘s novel ‘Hey, Zoey.’ As Sarah Dunn eloquently puts it, this book is a masterful blend of brilliance and dark humor. The story revolves around Dolores O’Shea, whose life turns surprising when she discovers her husband’s AI sex doll, Zoey, in the garage.

A profound and heartfelt journey of self-discovery unfolds for Dolores as she and ‘Zoey‘ develop an unconventional bond, unearthing deeply buried emotions and memories. Dolores O’Shea, a 43-year-old woman, is a beacon of strength, juggling her job, ailing mother, and social life with remarkable efficiency.

Her marriage with an anesthesiologist, David, is in turmoil, but she’s determined to confront the issues. Her world is completely upended when she uncovers Zoey, the $8,000 AI sex doll that David had been concealing in the garage. At first, Dolores’ response to Zoey is a whirlwind of anger and confusion, throwing her meticulously organized life into chaos.

As the narrative unfolds, Dolores and Zoey embark on a series of conversations that unearth unexpected emotions and memories, profoundly influencing all of Dolores’ relationships, particularly her relationship with herself. Dolores’ journey is a rollercoaster of events and emotions that resonates with us all. ‘Hey, Zoey‘ is a novel that enthralls and challenges our perception of modern-day connections and the diverse forms that love can assume in a lifetime.

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Remarkably Bright Creatures

Read: January 2024

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Remarkably Bright Creatures

by Shelby Van Pelt

Today, I recommended reading “Remarkably Bright Creatures” by Shelby Van Pelt. It’s a charming, witty, and compulsively readable exploration of friendship, reckoning, and hope. The novel traces the unlikely connection of a widow with a giant Pacific octopus, making it perfect for fans of “A Man Called Ove.” Shelby Van Pelt’s debut novel is a gentle reminder that sometimes, looking at the past can help uncover a future that once felt impossible.

The story follows Tova Sullivan, who works the night shift at the Sowell Bay Aquarium after her husband dies. Tova has been coping with loss since her eighteen-year-old son, Erik, mysteriously vanished on a boat in Puget Sound over thirty years ago.

While at the aquarium, Tova becomes acquainted with Marcellus, a grumpy giant Pacific octopus who refuses to cooperate with his human captors. However, Marcellus forms a remarkable friendship with Tova and helps her uncover the truth about her son’s disappearance.

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Prophet Song: A Novel

Read: January 2024

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Prophet Song: A Novel

by Paul Lynch

In 2024, I started my reading journey with the Booker Prize 2023 winner – Prophet Song, by Paul Lynch. The book presents a chilling and astonishing outlook of a nation sliding into authoritarianism while also painting a profoundly humane portrait of a mother’s struggle to keep her family together. I have not set a goal of the number of books to read in 2024, but this is an excellent first-day pageturner.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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