My Midnight Lifeline Call

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes, 7 seconds

Flat Tire Deflates My Life
A Friend Supports Me!

As I drove out of the parking deck, I noticed the tire pressure warning light glaring on the dashboard of my trusty fourteen-year-old Toyota Prius. I briefly dismissed it, attributing it to the unusually high temperatures and humidity. Yet, as I navigated the transition from I-287 to Route 24 after a delightful dinner with friends, my car began to tremble and emit a foreboding noise that drowned out the radio. Feeling utterly vulnerable and uncertain, I grappled with the fear of losing control of the vehicle. Could this spell the end for me?

After pulling over on the side of the highway, I immersed myself in introspection, reminiscing about the beautiful evening spent in the company of my fellow widows. As Jan’s husband, I often felt like an outsider at social gatherings. However, following my loss, I felt a profound sense of belonging and equality among the five of us, all of whom were widows, including the gracious host. Our gathering had taken place at Becca’s retirement community, where she had kindly invited us to dine at one of the complex’s elegant restaurants. This group of widows, including myself, found solace and understanding in each other’s company, a particularly comforting bond in times of need.

Roadside Assistance

I carefully pulled off the road onto the shoulder of Route 24 East. Some road debris had deflated the tire of my trusty Prius, causing the car to lean at a precarious 45-degree angle. I activated the emergency flashers and kept a safe distance from the vehicle in the dim light of the busy and dark stretch of road, mindful of the potential dangers of roadside emergencies.

Leaning against the roadside railing, I reached for my iPhone and dialed AAA for assistance. At first, I thought no one had answered, so I repeated “hello” several times. Then, I heard a faint metallic voice on the Bluetooth connection inside the car. Realizing I had not turned off the engine, I opened the door, turned off the engine, and switched the audio to the iPhone to communicate with the AAA operator.

When the AAA repair truck arrived, I eagerly offered to retrieve the spare tire from the car, only to discover my vehicle did not have one. The shocking realization hit me, and I exclaimed, “OMG, there is no spare tire!” The AAA driver, Ron, explained that car manufacturers had stopped providing spare tires over a decade ago. Unfortunately, as there was no spare tire, Ron couldn’t help, and I had to call AAA again to request a tow truck instead of being able to drive home.

My Lifeline Call

The night was moonless as I stood on the lonely roadside, filled with regret for not using the restroom at Becca’s apartment earlier. The urge to relieve myself had become unbearable. A chilling realization struck me as I peered over the railing – I was standing on the brink of a cliff. The thought of finding a discreet spot to urinate filled me with apprehension, knowing a misstep could lead to a fatal plunge. Terrifying thoughts of potential headlines flashed through my mind: “Bridges Board Chair Dies in a Dark Ravine!”

Feeling the gravity of the situation, I decided to contact a friend for help. I hastily texted her, “I just had dinner with the widows, but now I’m stuck with a flat tire on my way home. I am currently waiting on the roadside for AAA.” Despite the confusion regarding whether we were or were not in a relationship, I had no other option but to make my lifeline call as I needed her support with the approaching midnight.

Her response, ‘I’ll be leaving in about 15 minutes, and I’ll call you,’ was like a ray of hope in the darkness of the night. A surge of relief and gratitude engulfed me at that moment. In times of solitary struggle, having a friend to lean on can make all the difference. The weight of the situation lifted as I knew I wasn’t alone on the side of the road.

As I was engrossed in texting my friend, I almost missed the arrival of the AAA truck. Robert, the kind-hearted tow truck driver, listened as I explained my predicament and kindly recommended towing my car to the nearby Mavis Tire Store. His kindness was a soothing balm to my frayed nerves. Seated in the truck’s cab, I experienced slight dizziness from the unfamiliar height as I watched as the road stretched before me and we merged into traffic. The relief of the tow truck’s arrival and the driver’s kindness reassured me my difficult night was almost over.

While seated in the tow truck, I was engrossed in texting my friend when she suddenly gave me a call. I told her I would call her back. I inquired about Mavis’ operating hours for the upcoming Sunday, and Robert shook his head, chuckling softly. They’re likely closed until Tuesday due to the holiday,” he said. My mind buzzed with thoughts of managing Sunday grocery shopping without a car. As I pondered this, I thought of moving into a retirement community, where I could eat in the many restaurants instead of doing grocery shopping.

Arriving at the Mavis Tire store’s parking lot, I hurriedly approached Robert and inquired about the nearest restroom. He kindly pointed across the street, indicating that the only one he knew of was at QuickCheck. Before I could determine where the crosswalk was, my Lyft arrived, and my iPhone buzzed.

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Old Babes in the Wood: Stories

Read: March 2023

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Old Babes in the Wood: Stories

by Margaret Atwood

Old Babes in the Wood: Stories by Margaret Atwood is a collection of remarkable tales, which delight, illuminate, and are quietly devastating. I especially found the stories about Nell and Tig compelling and engaging. Widow describes a letter Nell almost wrote to a friend after Tig is gone. Nell sounded like me when she said, “the warping or folding of time. In some parts of this refolded time, Tig still exists, as much as he ever did.”

The letter Nell is writing to a friend she will never be sent because it speaks to the harsh reality that grief imposes upon us.

Margaret Atwood writes as Nell,

Have I gone into the dark tunnel, dressed in mourning black with gloves and a veil, and come out the other end, all cheery and wearing bright colors and loaded for bear?

No. Because it’s not a tunnel. There isn’t any other end. Time has ceased to be linear, with life events and memories in a chronological row, like beads on a string. It’s the strangest feeling, or experience, or rearrangement. I’m not sure I can explain it to you.

As much as it might have appeared that I was in a dark tunnel after Jan died, I was not and am not now. There is indeed no defined end to the grief journey.

We all must learn how to live without our loved ones. The pathway I have chosen may not work for anyone else.

The earlier Nell and Tig stories are memories about their lives, reminding me of how I wrote about how Jan and I met and eventually married.

I have always enjoyed reading Atwood‘s writing, including The Handmaid’s Tale and The Testaments. I highly recommend Old Babes in the Wood: Stories by Margaret Atwood!

Old Babes in the Wood was my twenty-third book of the year and fulfilled my Goodreads 2023 Reading Challenge, but it will not end my reading this year. 

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Margaret Atwood has established herself as one of the world’s most visionary and canonical authors. This collection of fifteen extraordinary stories–some of which have appeared in The New Yorker and The New York Times Magazine–explores the full warp and weft of experience, speaking to our unique times with Atwood’s characteristic insight, wit, and intellect.

The two brave sisters of the title story grapple with loss and memory on a perfect summer evening; “Impatient Griselda” explores alienation and miscommunication with a fresh twist on a folkloric classic; and “My Evil Mother” touches on the unbelievable, examining a mother-daughter relationship in which the mother purports to be a witch. At the heart of the collection are seven extraordinary stories that follow a married couple across the decades, the moments big and small that make up a long life of uncommon love–and what comes after.


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Great Expectations: A Novel

Read: March 2024

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Great Expectations: A Novel

by Vinson Cunningham

Today, I began reading “Great Expectations: A Novel” by Vinson Cunningham, a staff writer and theatre critic at The New Yorker. David, the protagonist, had seen the Senator speak a few times before my life got caught up, however distantly, with his. Still, the first time I can remember paying real attention was when he delivered the speech announcing his run for the Presidency.

Upon hearing the Senator from Illinois speak, David experiences conflicting emotions. He is fascinated by the Senator’s idealistic language yet ponders the balance between maintaining solid beliefs and making the necessary compromises to become America’s first Black president.

The book Great Expectations narrates David’s experience working for eighteen months on a Senator’s presidential campaign. During his journey, David encounters diverse individuals who raise questions about history, art, race, religion, and fatherhood. These inquiries prompt David to introspect his life and identity as a young Black man and father living in America.

Meditating on politics, religion, family, and coming-of-age, Great Expectations is a novel of ideas and emotional resonance, introducing a prominent new writer.

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Chess Story

Read: April 2026

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Chess Story: A Novella

by Stefan Zweig

Chess Story,” also known as “The Royal Game,” is the final work of Austrian author Stefan Zweig. He completed it while in exile in Brazil and sent it to his American publisher just days before his suicide in 1942. This story is unique as it is the only one in which Zweig directly examines Nazism, portraying it through his characteristic focus on psychological themes.

The narrative follows travelers aboard a ship bound for Buenos Aires, where they encounter an arrogant, unfriendly world chess champion. Attempting to challenge him, they find themselves thoroughly defeated. However, a mysterious passenger steps forward to offer them advice, dramatically shifting their fortunes. The story delves into how this enigmatic figure acquired his extraordinary chess skills and the personal toll that it entailed.

This new translation of “Chess Story” highlights the work’s distinctive blend of high suspense and poignant reflection.


Stefan Zweig (1881–1942), novelist, biographer, poet, and translator, was born in Vienna into a wealthy Austrian Jewish family. During the 1930s, he was one of the best-selling writers in Europe and was among the most translated German-language writers before the Second World War. With the rise of Nazism, he moved from Salzburg to London (taking British citizenship), to New York, and finally to Brazil, where he committed suicide with his wife. New York Review Books has published Zweig’s novels The Post-Office Girl and Beware of Pity, as well as the novella Chess Story.

Peter Gay was Director of the Center for Scholars and Writers at the New York Public Library. He wrote Schnitzler’s Century: The Making of Middle-Class Culture, 1815–1914.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Supporting these selections not only helps me continue to provide you with personalized recommendations but also ensures you have access to meaningful stories that enrich your life. Your support truly makes a difference in helping me share more books and insights with you!


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Killing Stella

Read: July 2025

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Killing Stella

by Marlen Haushofer

Yesterday, I read “Killing Stella,” written by Marlen Haushofer and translated by Shaun Whiteside, which is a domestic horror story that culminates in an apocalyptic ending. This novella captures many of the themes present in Haushofer’s acclaimed novel, “The Wall,” presenting them within a claustrophobic, gothic, and striking narrative. It offers a gripping and incisive exploration of a fractured marriage, highlighting the remarkable talent of the author of “The Wall,” now available in English for the first time.

Main description: Left alone for the weekend while her husband and two children visit her in-laws, the narrator of “Killing Stella” recounts the addition of her friend’s daughter, Stella, to their already tense and tumultuous household. As she stares out the window at her garden, she worries about a baby bird in the linden tree, her husband Richard, who flits from one adulterous affair to another, her son’s gloomy demeanor, and her daughter’s obliviousness to everything. Most of all, she worries about Stella, a confused teenager who has met a sudden and disastrous end.


Marlen Haushofer (1920–1970) was an Austrian author known for her short stories, novels, radio plays, and children’s books. Her work has significantly influenced many German-speaking writers, including Nobel Prize winner Elfriede Jelinek, who dedicated one of her plays to Haushofer. One of her most notable works, “The Wall“, was adapted into a film in 2012, directed by Julian Pölsler and starring Martina Gedeck.

Shaun Whiteside is known for his translations of classic works from German, including those by Freud, Musil, and Nietzsche.



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Autocracy, Inc.: The Dictators Who Want to Run the World

Read: January 2025

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Autocracy, Inc.

by Anne Applebaum

Today, I plunged into the captivating world of “Autocracy, Inc.: The Dictators Who Want to Run the World” by Anne Applebaum. I listened to an engaging discussion between her and the Executive Director of the YIVO Institute for Jewish Research, Jonathan Brent. Their insights left me eager for more, and I couldn’t resist making this book my next read. I’m thrilled to dive deeper into her thought-provoking perspective!

This compelling New York Times bestseller by the Pulitzer Prize-winning author paints a chilling picture of how autocratic regimes join forces to erode democracy globally. Applebaum sheds light on this pressing issue and offers insights on how we can unite to fight back.

We think we know what an autocratic state looks like: An all-powerful leader is at the top. He controls the police. The police threaten the people with violence. There are evil collaborators and maybe some brave dissidents.

But in the 21st century, that bears little resemblance to reality. Nowadays, autocracies are underpinned not by one dictator but by sophisticated networks composed of kleptocratic financial structures, surveillance technologies, and professional propagandists, all of which operate across multiple regimes, from China to Russia to Iran. Corrupt companies in one country do business with corrupt companies in another. The police in one country can arm and train the police in another, and propagandists share resources and themes, pounding home the same messages about the weakness of democracy and the evil of America.

International condemnation and economic sanctions cannot move the autocrats. Even popular opposition movements, from Venezuela to Hong Kong to Moscow, don’t stand a chance. The members of Autocracy, Inc. aren’t linked by a unifying ideology, like communism, but rather by a common desire for power, wealth, and impunity. In this urgent treatise, which evokes George Kennan’s essay calling for “containment” of the Soviet Union, Anne Applebaum calls for the democracies to reorient their policies to fight a new threat fundamentally.

 

In the video, Jonathan Brent asks Anne Applebaum to read the last paragraph of “Autocracy, Inc.: The Dictators Who Want to Run the World.”

There is no liberal world order anymore, and the aspiration to create one no longer seems real. But there are liberal societies, open and free countries that offer a better chance for people to live useful lives than closed dictatorships do. They are hardly perfect. Those that exist have deep flaws, profound divisions, and terrible historical scars. But that’s all the more reason to defend and protect them. So few of them have existed across human history; so many have existed for a short time and then failed. They can be destroyed from the outside and from the inside, too, by division and demagogues. Or they can be saved. But only if those of us who live in them are willing to make the effort to save them.

After finishing Autocracy, Inc.: The Dictators Who Want to Run the World,” this closing paragraph should be a call to action. Failure to respond to the challenge will doom our future to an unacceptable one. I recommend this book and encourage people to read it, discuss its contents, and take action to save our collective future.



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Worry: A Novel

Read: May 2024

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Worry: A Novel

by Alexandra Tanner

Today, I began reading Alexandra Tanner‘s debut novel, Worry: A Novel. The New Yorker praised it as “dryly witty,” The New York Times Book Review called it “fabulously revealing.” The story follows two siblings-turned-roommates who try to navigate an absurd world on the verge of calamity. It explores existentialism and sisterhood in a Seinfeldian style.

In March 2019, Jules Gold, a 28-year-old woman, felt anxious, frustrated with her art, and addicted to the internet. She lives alone in the apartment she used to share with her ex-fiancé. Her younger sister Poppy unexpectedly comes to stay with her indefinitely. Poppy, who attempted suicide a year and a half ago, is looking for work and purpose in Brooklyn. Meanwhile, Jules spends her days scrolling through the feeds of Mormon mommy bloggers and waiting for something to happen in her life.

Poppy’s hives, which she has had since childhood, flare up again. Jules has health problems with her uterus. Poppy adopts a poorly behaved-rescue dog named Amy Klobuchar. Poppy’s mother, who recently became a devout Messianic Jew, starts believing in the same deep-state conspiracy theories as Jules’ online mommies. Jules half-heartedly tries to find the source of her ennui and cruelly blames Poppy for not being a good enough friend, writer, or sister. As the year progresses and a new decade approaches, a disastrous trip back to Florida forces Jules and Poppy to question their futures and whether they want to spend them together or apart.

Worry is a darkly funny and deadpan portrayal of two sisters struggling through anxiety and uncertainty in America. A bold new voice in contemporary fiction writes it.

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