Solar Eclipse of My Soul
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes, 2 seconds
The 2017 Solar Eclipse Was a Spiritual and Romantic Day
Experiencing a total solar eclipse is an unforgettable event that can make us feel as if we’re in the presence of a divine power or transport us to a different world. I’ve been fortunate enough to witness this incredible phenomenon twice. The second time was with my family in Molalla, Oregon, on August 21, 2017, and it’s a memory I’ll cherish for the rest of my life.
On that day, my son Mike captured the entire event on camera, allowing us to relive the magic for years. We huddled together, eagerly anticipating the sun’s disappearance. My granddaughter, Lilaih-Rae, was thrilled and declared it the most exciting and unforgettable day of her life.
Getting to the solar eclipse was an adventure as we missed a flight connection and had to drive from Seattle to Portland. Once we arrived at Jon and Karen’s backyard, we hoped to stay home and watch about 96% of the eclipse’s totality. But those memories are a story for another post.
The memory of that day will remain etched in our minds forever. As the sun disappeared behind the moon, the world around us grew still, and we were all in awe of the breathtaking sight before us. For a moment, time seemed to stand still. Mike’s video perfectly captured the event’s beauty and grandeur, a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
In the video, all the couples hugged each other tightly, cherishing the moment. My wife exclaimed, “We have to do this again. When’s the next solar eclipse?” Fueled by excitement, we all promised to reunite and witness the next total solar eclipse on April 8, 2024. Unfortunately, we were unable to fulfill that promise due to life’s unpredictability and lymphoma.
Not Seeing But Experiencing an Eclipse
On my morning walk today, I met my friend June, who has a garden plot in Hanson Park. We caught up on old times and reminisced about the Mitzvah cleanup of Hanson Park. We chatted about the park and how June’s sister was adjusting to life in Cranford.
June expressed her excitement for the upcoming eclipse as we started to part. I corrected her, explaining that it was an experience, not just an event to watch. Instead, I shared my memories of the 2017 total eclipse and how it was a humbling experience that reminded us of how small we are in the grand scheme. During totality, I said, “We are reminded that we are minor players in the universe.” I described the video and how it had a spiritual and romantic nature.
“You are making me cry,” June said, “but in a good way.”
“At least you are young enough to experience the next one in 2044,” I added.
“I’ll be 92 by then and probably using a walker,” she replied.
“Even then, you, Paul, and I should plan to go together. It will be a trio of elderly people seeking God’s blessing,” I suggested.
“It’s a deal,” June said, and we parted ways.
Finally, I recommended that June read Ben Jealous‘s “Never Forget Our People Were Always Free: A Parable of American Healing” if she could. He convincingly argues that we are all cousins and should treat each other as we would our family.
“Wow, that is powerful,” June said, and we both walked away, lost in our thoughts.
“Cousin, I will talk to you soon!”
One Hundred Percent or Nothing
The sky over New Jersey darkened today as a partial solar eclipse occurred, with only 90% of the sun obscured. The sight was akin to the sky being covered by thick, dark clouds, creating an eerie and ominous feeling that it might rain at any moment. As I stepped outside into the mid-afternoon twilight, the world around me felt strange and unsettling, a stark contrast to the awe-inspiring experience of witnessing a total solar eclipse I had enjoyed in 2017.
As someone who has lost their spouse, I have come to understand that darkness is not just the absence of light. It’s a feeling that can linger and fester, akin to being alone with someone you love who doesn’t love you back. This loneliness can darken your soul and leave you feeling hollow and empty.
Last summer, I had tentative plans to watch the total solar eclipse with someone, but those plans fell through. Although I usually enjoy doing things independently, the thought of experiencing such a significant event without someone I loved and who loved me made me hesitate. I have no problem going to movies, dinner, or anything else alone, but the possibility of a total solar eclipse alone was a bridge I could not cross.
In hindsight, perhaps the 2017 total solar eclipse was a divine intervention that prepared me for life as a widow. I have never been the same since watching the moon cover the sun. Accepting with humility my insignificant role in the universe and feeling God’s presence may have been preparation for becoming a widow. Being calmer and healthier, perhaps I was better able to adjust to my wife’s death. Despite my best efforts, neither I nor any of the members of the medical team could save my wife’s life. But I can choose how I live the remainder of my days.
My Three Birthday Blessings have become the bumpers that protect me from falling into life’s gutters. With renewed faith, meaning, and purpose, I will seek to be the best version of myself. The memories of the last total solar eclipse I saw in Oregon were bittersweet. They reminded me of what I had lost and still have to cherish, and I will forever hold onto those memories as a reminder of the beauty and fragility of life.
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
