Three Birthday Blessings

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes, 33 seconds

I Live in the Present and
Embrace the Future!

Today, March 30, 2024, on my 75th birthday, I wrote as I do daily in my journal. As I put pen to paper, I paused to contemplate my life’s journey. Looking back, I am grateful for all the experiences – both joyful and gloomy – that have shaped me into the person I am today. I’ve experienced moments of pure joy and also times of deep sorrow. One of the most heart-wrenching moments was when I lost Jan, my dear wife, in May 2021. It was a challenging time that left an indelible mark on my soul. Although the loss has been painful, I choose to live in the present and embrace the future.

I am celebrating my third birthday without my loved one, and I still miss her dearly. However, I find comfort that her spirit and love continue to live on within me. Over the last three years, I have made progress by following the teachings of the Torah, which remind us that we were given ears to listen, arms to embrace, and feet to move forward into the future. Today, I have reached another milestone in my life, and I am grateful for three blessings on this birthday.

The First Blessing – Life!

The gift of life is truly the most precious and magnificent blessing one can receive. However, after the loss of my beloved wife, I found myself lost in the tumultuous sea of grief, struggling to find a way to navigate the darkness on my own. Despite the overwhelming pain and sorrow, I eventually realized there were still so many things to be grateful for. The unwavering support of my loving family, the comfort of dear friends, and the kindness of a compassionate community all helped me to find my way through those darkest moments.

As time passed, I strongly desired to honor my wife’s memory meaningfully. So, I poured my heart and soul into creating Jan’s Memorial Garden in Hanson Park and organizing a “Celebrate Jan Day” on her birthday. Even though some of my friends thought it was a bit excessive, it gave me a sense of purpose and helped keep my wife’s memory alive.

Every morning, I walk in Hanson Park, one of our favorite places to go together. There, I feel her love and presence more strongly than ever before. I’ve learned to cherish every day as a precious gift, and instead of grieving for my wife, I now carry her love and spirit within me, which brings me comfort and strength.

The Second Blessing – A Healthier Life!

The second blessing in my life has been a significant change in my lifestyle, which has improved my health and self-confidence, and this journey has empowered me to become a better person. Since burying my wife, I have walked every day for 1,061 days, which has helped me lose 36 pounds, making me feel more active and better equipped to take care of my well-being. My daily walks not only allow me to stay physically fit but also help me stay mentally calm. I wake up every day at 5:30 with unwavering commitment and a clear sense of purpose. I feel energized and ready to seize the day as I leave my apartment. My daily walk is not just about the number of miles I cover but about the journey of perseverance and self-discipline.

I’ve developed a newfound appreciation for reading, which has expanded my knowledge and broadened my perspective. In the last two years, I have dedicated much time to reading, surpassing my previous record by completing seventy-four books in 2022. However, I was amazed when I read seventy-eight books, bringing my total to an impressive one hundred and fifty-two books over two years. Yesterday, I started reading Great Expectations by Vinson Cunningham, my twenty-fifth book of 2024.

Reading has become an integral part of my life. Through each book, I have broadened my perspectives, gained a deeper understanding of myself, and obtained valuable insights into how I can improve. While I love to read, sustaining this pace may be challenging in the future.

Writing about my life experiences in my journal has been therapeutic for me. It has helped me to focus on becoming the best version of myself. As Najwa Zebian once wrote, “We often seek positive change in times of loss. To make it happen, we must be willing to become the change we desire.”

Being a part of the Temple Sha’arey Shalom community and attending weekly worship sessions has been integral to my life. It has provided unity and inclusion and helped me connect with others who share my values and beliefs. This community has been a constant source of support, giving me the strength and comfort I need during challenging times.

Through my journey of self-exploration, I have undergone a profound transformation for which I am genuinely grateful. While I may not have achieved the pinnacle of my potential, the personal growth and evolution I have experienced over the past three years have been remarkable. I now look back and barely recognize the person I used to be. Nevertheless, I know in my soul that Jan, my wife, would be proud of the man I have become today.

The Third Blessing – Meaning and Purpose

As a person who values purpose and service, I have found a profound sense of meaning in the third blessing. It fills me with great pride to serve as the Chair of the Bridges Board of Trustees, where I am fully committed to the noble cause of eradicating homelessness from our society. I recently attended the NLIHC Hill Day event in Washington, DC, which was a significant occasion since I had not participated in this event in five years since I stopped working full-time. During the event, I spoke passionately about various issues. I took the opportunity to highlight Bridges‘ remarkable achievements in reducing street homelessness in Newark by 57.6% in 2023, which is a testament to our team’s hard work and dedication.

My philanthropic activities are focused on positively impacting the world, and I strive to contribute daily to society. My lifelong pursuit of justice and fairness has given me unparalleled gratification, knowing that my efforts contribute to something greater than myself and that my work creates a more just and equitable society. This newfound sense of purpose and meaning has given my life a fulfillment and completeness I never thought possible.

The quote from Kahlil Gibran‘s “The Prophet” (1923) resonates deeply with me, reminding me to stay connected with the earth and the soul of the planet. Though I am not currently employed full-time, I still have a significant role to play in this world. Having a sense of purpose and meaning in life is vital, giving me direction and motivation each day. Without a clear purpose, everything can feel directionless and unsatisfying.

You work that you may keep pace with the earth and the soul of the earth. For to be idle is to become a stranger unto the seasons, and to step out of life’s procession, that marches in majesty and proud submission towards the infinite.

Kahlil Gibran, “The Prophet” (1923)

Pages: 1 2

6 comments add your comment

  1. You are an incredible person! You are a new person! A better person! Jan, although not here physically, has done so much for you!

    • Danny, I am writing to express my gratitude for your unwavering support and friendship throughout the past three years. Your presence in my life has been crucial, and I cannot thank you enough for being there for me during some of my darkest moments.

      While I do not believe that I am an incredible person, I have come a long way on my journey through grief. It has been a difficult and sometimes painful journey, but I have learned much about myself and the world around me. Each lesson has been valuable, and I have taken them to heart.

      As I move forward, I am still determining what the future holds. But I know Jan is with me, and I feel her presence guiding me every step. I am proud of the person I have become, and I know that Jan would be too.

      Thank you again for all that you have done for me.

  2. Richard, I feel that I have gotten to know the better you these past three years. While we do not get to spend time with each other all that often, the occasions on which we do have that opportunity have been meaningful for me.

    Jan is proud of the man you are just as I’m sure your family and friends are.

    And, a belated happy birthday.

    • Ali, I want to express my heartfelt gratitude for your kind words. These past three years have been an arduous journey, and grief has been my constant companion. Yet, it has been a great teacher, pushing me to strive for more and holding me to a higher standard.

      I know I still have miles to go before finding peace of mind, but I am committed to getting there. With every step I take, I am learning to listen with my ears, embrace with my arms, and step into the future with newfound strength.

      Your friendship and support have been light during these dark times. Every time we meet, our conversations are filled with meaning, inspiring me to keep moving forward. I feel blessed to have someone like you in my life.

      Once again, thank you for your unwavering support and kind words. They mean more to me than you can ever imagine.

Leave a Reply to Dan AltilioCancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous Post:

Next Post:

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Discover more from Sharing Jan’s Love

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading

Weather

Read: March 2022

Get this book

Weather: A Novel

by Jenny Offil

Weather: A Novel by Jenny Offil was a book that I was confused and uncertain if I wanted to finish for the first few pages. I am delighted that I did, and I highly recommend this book. Its brief diary-like dispatches about life in our time when we sense that we may all be doomed to a climate catastrophe made this a book I truly enjoyed reading. The subtext of the rise of right-wing strongmen in the USA and abroad adds to the crisis her dispatches describe.

Her Obligatory Note of Hope challenges all of us to engage in solutions instead of accepting doom.

How can we contribute to the common good? There are people all over the world trying to answer these questions. In big ways but also in small ways. In grand leaps but also in fits and starts.

I always thought it was ridiculous to try and fight for social change when I couldn’t even get my own house in order. How could a meat-eating, plane-flying, march-hating person like me ever find a place in the climate justice movement? But then I started to read about all the different ways ordinary people were refusing to give into fatalism and were exploring the possibilities of what they could do, what they might fight for in this half-ruined world of ours.

There were saints among these accidental activists, but also stone-cold hypocrites like me. Slowly, I began to see collective action as the antidote to my dithering and despair.

There’s a way in for everyone. Aren’t you tired of all this fear and dread?

Goodreads provides an overview of the book if you are not yet convinced to read it.

 Lizzie Benson is a very relatable woman who slid into her job as a librarian without a traditional degree. But this gives her a vantage point from which to practice her other calling: a fake shrink. She has tended to her God-haunted mother and her recovering addict brother for years. They have both stabilized for the moment, but Lizzie has little chance to spend her new free time with her husband and son before her old mentor, Sylvia Liller, proposes. She wants to hire Lizzie to answer the mail she receives: left-wingers worried about climate change and right-wingers concerned about the decline of western civilization. Sylvia has become famous for her prescient podcast, Hell and High Water, and wants to hire Lizzie to answer the mail she receives: from left-wingers worried about climate change and right wingers worried about the decline of western civilization.

As Lizzie dives into this polarized world, she begins to wonder what it means to keep tending your own garden once you’ve seen the flames beyond its walls. When her brother becomes a father and Sylvia a recluse, Lizzie is forced to address the limits of her own experience—but still she tries to save everyone, using everything she’s learned about empathy and despair, conscience and collusion, from her years of wandering the library stacks… And all the while the voices of the city keep floating in—funny, disturbing, and increasingly mad.

Register to Attend Celebrate Jan Day

Subscribe

Contact Us

When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
A Gentleman in Moscow

Read: November 2022

Get this book

A Gentleman in Moscow

by Amor Towles

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles is a transporting novel about a man sentenced by the government to spend the rest of his life inside a luxury hotel. In 1922, a Bolshevik tribunal deemed Count Alexander Rostov an unrepentant aristocrat. His house arrest in the Metropol, a grand hotel across the street from the Kremlin. Rostov, an indomitable man of erudition and wit, has never worked a day and must now live in an attic room while some of the most tumultuous decades in Russian history are unfolding outside the hotel’s doors.

During my grief journey, I have on occasion felt as if I was a prisoner in my apartment, so I found this novel to be one that provided me an alternative to understanding what it would have been like to be under house arrest as Count Rostov was.

A Gentleman in Moscow was a page-turner. The plot captures a unique historical time and how Count Rostov makes the best of a bad situation. I highly recommend this novel.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

With his breakout debut novel, Rules of Civility, Amor Towles established himself as a master of absorbing, sophisticated fiction, bringing late 1930s Manhattan to life with a splendid atmosphere and an excellent command of style. As NPR commented, readers and critics were enchanted, “Towles writes with grace and verve about the mores and manners of a society on the cusp of radical change.”

A Gentleman in Moscow immerses us in another elegantly drawn era with the story of Count Alexander Rostov. When, in 1922, he is deemed an unrepentant aristocrat by a Bolshevik tribunal, the count is sentenced to house arrest in the Metropol, a grand hotel across the street from the Kremlin. Rostov, an indomitable man of erudition and wit, has never worked a day. He must now live in an attic room while some of the most tumultuous decades in Russian history are unfolding outside the hotel’s doors. Unexpectedly, his reduced circumstances provide him a doorway into a much larger world of emotional discovery.

Brimming with humor, a glittering cast of characters, and one beautifully rendered scene after another, this singular novel casts a spell as it relates to the count’s endeavor to gain a deeper understanding of what it means to be a man of purpose.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
The Girl in His Shadow

Read: July 2022

Get this book

The Girl in His Shadow

by Audrey Blake

I completed the Big Library Read of 2022, The Girl in His Shadow, by Audrey Blake. I highly recommend it. The Girl in His Shadow is historical fiction about one woman who believed in scientific medicine before the world believed in her. Ms. Blake has a split personality— because she is the creative alter ego of writing duo Jaima Fixsen and Regina Sirois, two authors who met as finalists of a writing contest and have been writing together happily ever since.

The pen name – Audrey Blake – was in response to the publishers recommending a more straightforward author’s name. Regina’s daughter is named Audrey, and Jaima’s son is Blake.

I cannot praise this book enough. It was well written, and the characters, especially Nora Beady, jumped off the page. I recommend The Girl in His Shadow by Audrey Blake and encourage you to read the book and share your thoughts.

For more information and to start reading The Girl in His Shadow by Audrey Blake, visit: Big Library Read.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Raised by the eccentric surgeon Dr. Horace Croft after losing her parents to a deadly pandemic, the orphan Nora Beady knows little about conventional life. While other young ladies were raised to busy themselves with needlework and watercolors, Nora was trained to perfect her suturing and anatomical illustrations of dissections.

Women face dire consequences if caught practicing medicine, but in Croft’s private clinic Nora is his most trusted–and secret–assistant. That is until the new surgical resident Dr. Daniel Gibson arrives. Dr. Gibson has no idea that Horace’s bright and quiet young ward is a surgeon more qualified and ingenuitive than even himself. In order to protect Dr. Croft and his practice from scandal and collapse Nora must learn to play a new and uncomfortable role–that of a proper young lady.

But pretense has its limits. Nora cannot turn away and ignore the suffering of patients even if it means giving Gibson the power to ruin everything she’s worked for. And when she makes a discovery that could change the field forever, Nora faces an impossible choice. Remain invisible and let the men around her take credit for her work, or let the world see her for what she is–even if it means being destroyed by her own legacy.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
Demon Copperhead: A Novel

Read: December 2022

Get this book

Demon Copperhead: A Novel

by Barbara Kingsolver

Demon Copperhead: A Novel by Barbara Kingsolver is a must-read page-turner! Set in the mountains of southern Appalachia, this is the story of a boy born to a teenage single mother in a single-wide trailer, with no assets beyond his dead father’s good looks and copper-colored hair, a caustic wit, and a fierce talent for survival. Demon Copperhead speaks for a new generation of lost boys and all those born into beautiful, cursed places they can’t imagine leaving behind.

With more knowledge about the devastation of an economy that works for a few and the opioid crisis, I felt as if I was reading about people I knew. Although the book focuses on the impact on boys, it also details the devastation that girls experience.

If Jan had read Demon Copperhead, she would have encouraged me to read it. It reminds us of the work we must do to repair the world.

As a widow, it was a reminder of the long road that we must all take even after we have hit bottom.

WNYC’s All of it hosted an interview with Barbara Kingsolver in which she speaks about Demon Copperhead and her writing.

Demon Copperhead is one of the NYTimes’ top five fiction books of 2022. I have read three of them, The Candy House, The Furrows, and Checkout 19.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

In a plot that never pauses for breath, relayed in his unsparing voice, he braves the modern perils of foster care, child labor, derelict schools, athletic success, addiction, disastrous loves, and crushing losses. Through all of it, he reckons with his invisibility in a popular culture where even the superheroes have abandoned rural people in favor of cities.

Many generations ago, Charles Dickens wrote David Copperfield from his experience as a survivor of institutional poverty and its damage to children in his society. Those problems have yet to be solved in ours. Dickens is not a prerequisite for readers of this novel, but he provided its inspiration. In transposing a Victorian epic novel to the contemporary American South, Barbara Kingsolver enlists Dickens’ anger and compassion and, above all, his faith in the transformative powers of a good story. Demon Copperhead speaks for a new generation of lost boys and all those born into beautiful, cursed places they can’t imagine leaving behind.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
Berlin- A Novel

Read: June 2023

Get this book

Berlin: A Novel by Bea Setton

by Bea Setton

I’ve begun reading Berlin: A Novel by Bea Setton. After finishing Kairos, a book set in a divided Berlin, Setton’s debut novel is witty and insightful, with a young woman battling a sense of emptiness who moves to Berlin for a fresh start. However, things go differently than planned.

Daphne, the protagonist, moves to Berlin hoping for a new beginning but deals with more drama than she left behind. She knows she needs to make friends, learn German, and navigate a new way of life. She even expects to spend long nights alone with Nutella and experience the difficulties of online dating in another language. But one night, something unexpected and unnerving happens in her apartment, and Daphne’s life suddenly turns dangerous.

Setton captures the modern female experience with sharp observations and wit, making Berlin a must-read for her generation.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
The Worst Hard Time

Read: September 2019

Get this book

The Worst Hard Time

by Timothy Egan

The Worst Hard Time: The Untold Story of Those Who Survived the Great American Dust Bowl by Timothy Egan was initially a book I selected from the e-library because nothing else I wanted to read was available. Once I started reading the book, I could not put it down.

Now that we have had the warmest summer since 1936 during the dust bowl, the book has even more meaning.

According to The New York Times,

The dust storms that terrorized the High Plains in the darkest years of the Depression were like nothing ever seen before or since. Timothy Egan’s critically acclaimed account rescues this iconic chapter of American history from the shadows in a tour de force of historical reportage. Following a dozen families and their communities through the rise and fall of the region, Egan tells of their desperate attempts to carry on through blinding black dust blizzards, crop failure, and the death of loved ones. Brilliantly capturing the terrifying drama of catastrophe, Egan does equal justice to the human characters who become his heroes, “the stoic, long-suffering men and women whose lives he opens up with urgency and respect.”

With the likelihood of more ecological catastrophes in the immediate future, this is a book I highly recommend.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×