Three Birthday Blessings

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes, 33 seconds

I Live in the Present and
Embrace the Future!

Today, March 30, 2024, on my 75th birthday, I wrote as I do daily in my journal. As I put pen to paper, I paused to contemplate my life’s journey. Looking back, I am grateful for all the experiences – both joyful and gloomy – that have shaped me into the person I am today. I’ve experienced moments of pure joy and also times of deep sorrow. One of the most heart-wrenching moments was when I lost Jan, my dear wife, in May 2021. It was a challenging time that left an indelible mark on my soul. Although the loss has been painful, I choose to live in the present and embrace the future.

I am celebrating my third birthday without my loved one, and I still miss her dearly. However, I find comfort that her spirit and love continue to live on within me. Over the last three years, I have made progress by following the teachings of the Torah, which remind us that we were given ears to listen, arms to embrace, and feet to move forward into the future. Today, I have reached another milestone in my life, and I am grateful for three blessings on this birthday.

The First Blessing – Life!

The gift of life is truly the most precious and magnificent blessing one can receive. However, after the loss of my beloved wife, I found myself lost in the tumultuous sea of grief, struggling to find a way to navigate the darkness on my own. Despite the overwhelming pain and sorrow, I eventually realized there were still so many things to be grateful for. The unwavering support of my loving family, the comfort of dear friends, and the kindness of a compassionate community all helped me to find my way through those darkest moments.

As time passed, I strongly desired to honor my wife’s memory meaningfully. So, I poured my heart and soul into creating Jan’s Memorial Garden in Hanson Park and organizing a “Celebrate Jan Day” on her birthday. Even though some of my friends thought it was a bit excessive, it gave me a sense of purpose and helped keep my wife’s memory alive.

Every morning, I walk in Hanson Park, one of our favorite places to go together. There, I feel her love and presence more strongly than ever before. I’ve learned to cherish every day as a precious gift, and instead of grieving for my wife, I now carry her love and spirit within me, which brings me comfort and strength.

The Second Blessing – A Healthier Life!

The second blessing in my life has been a significant change in my lifestyle, which has improved my health and self-confidence, and this journey has empowered me to become a better person. Since burying my wife, I have walked every day for 1,061 days, which has helped me lose 36 pounds, making me feel more active and better equipped to take care of my well-being. My daily walks not only allow me to stay physically fit but also help me stay mentally calm. I wake up every day at 5:30 with unwavering commitment and a clear sense of purpose. I feel energized and ready to seize the day as I leave my apartment. My daily walk is not just about the number of miles I cover but about the journey of perseverance and self-discipline.

I’ve developed a newfound appreciation for reading, which has expanded my knowledge and broadened my perspective. In the last two years, I have dedicated much time to reading, surpassing my previous record by completing seventy-four books in 2022. However, I was amazed when I read seventy-eight books, bringing my total to an impressive one hundred and fifty-two books over two years. Yesterday, I started reading Great Expectations by Vinson Cunningham, my twenty-fifth book of 2024.

Reading has become an integral part of my life. Through each book, I have broadened my perspectives, gained a deeper understanding of myself, and obtained valuable insights into how I can improve. While I love to read, sustaining this pace may be challenging in the future.

Writing about my life experiences in my journal has been therapeutic for me. It has helped me to focus on becoming the best version of myself. As Najwa Zebian once wrote, “We often seek positive change in times of loss. To make it happen, we must be willing to become the change we desire.”

Being a part of the Temple Sha’arey Shalom community and attending weekly worship sessions has been integral to my life. It has provided unity and inclusion and helped me connect with others who share my values and beliefs. This community has been a constant source of support, giving me the strength and comfort I need during challenging times.

Through my journey of self-exploration, I have undergone a profound transformation for which I am genuinely grateful. While I may not have achieved the pinnacle of my potential, the personal growth and evolution I have experienced over the past three years have been remarkable. I now look back and barely recognize the person I used to be. Nevertheless, I know in my soul that Jan, my wife, would be proud of the man I have become today.

The Third Blessing – Meaning and Purpose

As a person who values purpose and service, I have found a profound sense of meaning in the third blessing. It fills me with great pride to serve as the Chair of the Bridges Board of Trustees, where I am fully committed to the noble cause of eradicating homelessness from our society. I recently attended the NLIHC Hill Day event in Washington, DC, which was a significant occasion since I had not participated in this event in five years since I stopped working full-time. During the event, I spoke passionately about various issues. I took the opportunity to highlight Bridges‘ remarkable achievements in reducing street homelessness in Newark by 57.6% in 2023, which is a testament to our team’s hard work and dedication.

My philanthropic activities are focused on positively impacting the world, and I strive to contribute daily to society. My lifelong pursuit of justice and fairness has given me unparalleled gratification, knowing that my efforts contribute to something greater than myself and that my work creates a more just and equitable society. This newfound sense of purpose and meaning has given my life a fulfillment and completeness I never thought possible.

The quote from Kahlil Gibran‘s “The Prophet” (1923) resonates deeply with me, reminding me to stay connected with the earth and the soul of the planet. Though I am not currently employed full-time, I still have a significant role to play in this world. Having a sense of purpose and meaning in life is vital, giving me direction and motivation each day. Without a clear purpose, everything can feel directionless and unsatisfying.

You work that you may keep pace with the earth and the soul of the earth. For to be idle is to become a stranger unto the seasons, and to step out of life’s procession, that marches in majesty and proud submission towards the infinite.

Kahlil Gibran, “The Prophet” (1923)

Pages: 1 2

6 comments add your comment

  1. You are an incredible person! You are a new person! A better person! Jan, although not here physically, has done so much for you!

    • Danny, I am writing to express my gratitude for your unwavering support and friendship throughout the past three years. Your presence in my life has been crucial, and I cannot thank you enough for being there for me during some of my darkest moments.

      While I do not believe that I am an incredible person, I have come a long way on my journey through grief. It has been a difficult and sometimes painful journey, but I have learned much about myself and the world around me. Each lesson has been valuable, and I have taken them to heart.

      As I move forward, I am still determining what the future holds. But I know Jan is with me, and I feel her presence guiding me every step. I am proud of the person I have become, and I know that Jan would be too.

      Thank you again for all that you have done for me.

  2. Richard, I feel that I have gotten to know the better you these past three years. While we do not get to spend time with each other all that often, the occasions on which we do have that opportunity have been meaningful for me.

    Jan is proud of the man you are just as I’m sure your family and friends are.

    And, a belated happy birthday.

    • Ali, I want to express my heartfelt gratitude for your kind words. These past three years have been an arduous journey, and grief has been my constant companion. Yet, it has been a great teacher, pushing me to strive for more and holding me to a higher standard.

      I know I still have miles to go before finding peace of mind, but I am committed to getting there. With every step I take, I am learning to listen with my ears, embrace with my arms, and step into the future with newfound strength.

      Your friendship and support have been light during these dark times. Every time we meet, our conversations are filled with meaning, inspiring me to keep moving forward. I feel blessed to have someone like you in my life.

      Once again, thank you for your unwavering support and kind words. They mean more to me than you can ever imagine.

Leave a Reply to Richard W. BrownCancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous Post:

Next Post:

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Discover more from Sharing Jan’s Love

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading

Revolutionary Mothers

Read: February 2019

Get this book

Revolutionary Mothers

by Carol Berkin

Revolutionary Mothers by Carol Berkin, Presidential Professor of American Colonial and Revolutionary History; Women’s History Professor at Baruch College, is one of four books I purchased after my first One Day University Class on February 9, 2019. It should be required reading!

The book explains how women of the Revolution were most active at home, organizing boycotts of British goods, raising funds for the fledgling nation, and managing the family business while struggling to maintain a modicum of normalcy as husbands, brothers, and fathers died.

It was not just the men who fought on the front lines, as in the story of Margaret Corbin, who was crippled for life when she took her husband’s place beside a cannon at Fort Monmouth. She explains the mystery of Molly Pitcher (she was not a person but a group of women), camp followers, women who spied for their country, Loyalist women, and the impact on African American and Native women.

This intelligent and comprehensive history brings these forgotten stories to their rightful place in the struggle for American independence. Dr. Birkin also highlights how their efforts set the stage for the continuing campaign for gender equality.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
The Quiet Tenant

Read: August 2023

Get this book

The Quiet Tenant

by Clémence Michallon

Today, I commenced reading The Quiet Tenant by Clémence Michallon. It is not my typical genre, as it is a pulse-pounding psychological thriller about a serial killer narrated by those closest to him: his 13-year-old daughter, his girlfriend—and the one victim he has spared.

Aidan Thomas is a hard-working family man and a somewhat beloved figure in the small upstate New York town where he lives. He’s the man who always lends a hand and has a good word for everyone. But Aidan has a dark secret he’s been keeping from everyone in town and those closest to him. He’s a kidnapper and serial killer. Aidan has murdered eight women, and there’s a ninth he has earmarked for death: Rachel, imprisoned in a backyard shed, fearing for her life.

When Aidan’s wife dies, he and his thirteen-year-old daughter Cecilia are forced to move. Aidan has no choice but to bring Rachel along, introducing her to Cecilia as a “family friend” who needs a place to stay. Aidan is betting on Rachel, after five years of captivity, being too brainwashed and fearful to attempt to escape. But Rachel is a fighter and survivor and recognizes Cecilia might be the lifeline she has waited for all these years. As Rachel tests the boundaries of her new living situation, she begins to form a tenuous connection with Cecilia. And when Emily, a local restaurant owner, develops a crush on the handsome widower, she finds herself drawn into Rachel and Cecilia’s orbit, dangerously close to discovering Aidan’s secret.

Told through the perspectives of Rachel, Cecilia, and Emily, The Quiet Tenant explores the psychological impact of Aidan’s crimes on the women in his life—and the bonds between those women that give them the strength to fight back. A searing thriller and an astute study of trauma, survival, and power dynamics, The Quiet Tenant is an electrifying debut thriller by a significant talent.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
Sarah's Key

Read: January 2022

Get this book

Sarah’s Key

by Tatiana de Rosnay

Sarah’s Key by Tatiana de Rosnay is the untold story of the roundup of the Jews in Paris in July 1942. The novel focuses on how the French were complicit in rounding up thousands of Jews in 1942. It is also a reminder that we can never allow another genocide. I finished this book the day before Holocaust Remembrance Day, January 27, the date on which the Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration and death camp complex was liberated in 1945.

Ten-year-old Sarah is brutally arrested with her family in the Vel’ d’Hiv’ roundup, the most notorious act of French collaboration with the Nazis. But before the police come to take them, Sarah locks her younger brother, Michel, in their favorite hiding place, a cupboard in the family’s apartment. She keeps the key, thinking she will be back within a few hours.

Paris, May 2002: On Vel’ d’Hiv’s sixtieth anniversary, Julia Jarmond, an American journalist, is asked by her Paris-based American magazine to write an article about this black day in France’s past. Julia has lived in Paris for nearly twenty-five years married a Frenchman, and she is shocked both by her ignorance about the event and the silence that still surrounds it.

The twin narratives of Sarah and Julia hold the first two-thirds of the book together and make it a page-turner. Sarah’s memory reminds us during the final third of the book and ensures that the complete story of the Vel’ d’Hiv’ roundup and its lasting impact are told.

As Goodreads describes the novel,

In the course of her investigation, she stumbles onto a trail of long-hidden family secrets that connects her to Sarah. Julia finds herself compelled to retrace the girl’s ordeal, from the terrible days spent shut in at the Vel’ d’Hiv’ to the camps and beyond. As she probes into Sarah’s past, she begins to question her own place in France and to reevaluate her marriage and her life.

Writing about the fate of her country with a pitiless clarity, Tatiana de Rosnay offers us a brilliantly subtle, compelling portrait of France under occupation and reveals the taboos and denial surrounding this painful episode in French history.

I highly recommend the book.

Subscribe

Contact Us

When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel

Read: October 2023

Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel

by Jonathan Lethem

I recently recommended reading “Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel” by Jonathan Lethem. The story is set in 1970s Brooklyn, where a daily ritual occurs on the streets. This ritual involves exchanging money, surrendering belongings, and asserting power. Violence is promised everywhere and becomes a currency itself.

Regardless of race, the street is like a stage in the shadows for the children. In the background, other players hide, including parents, cops, renovators, landlords, those who write the headlines, histories, and laws, and those who award this neighborhood its name.

Although the rules seem apparent initially, in memory’s prism, the roles of criminals and victims may appear to trade places. The voices of the past rise and gather as if in harmony, then war with one another. A street may seem to crack open and reveal what lies behind its shimmering facade. None who lived through it are ever permitted to forget.

Jonathan Lethem has written this story with kaleidoscopic verve and delirious wit, making it a breathtaking tour de force by a writer at the top of his powers. He has crafted an epic interrogation of how we fashion stories to contain the uncontainable: our remorse at the world we’ve made. He is known as “one of America’s greatest storytellers” by the Washington Post.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
The Little Prince

Read: May 2021

Get this book

The Little Prince

by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry is often referred to as a children’s book. I read it as a child and later read it to my children. After Jan died, I picked it up again and read it more than once.

I have found quotes from the book very helpful during my grief journey. These are three that I often use in my writing and my conversations with friends and family.

“The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.”

“It is such a mysterious place, the land of tears.”

“You see, one loves the sunset when one is so sad.”

The first quote about beautiful things only felt in the heart summarizes how I knew Jan was the one for me within seconds of meeting her.

For those who have not read the book, this overview might help convince you to read it today!

The Little Prince describes his journey from planet to planet, each tiny world populated by a single adult. It’s a wonderfully inventive sequence that evokes the great fairy tales and monuments of postmodern whimsy. The author pokes similar fun at a business person, a geographer, and a lamplighter, all of whom signify some futile aspect of adult existence.

The Little Prince will be by my bedside as long as I live!

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
Long Bright River

Read: December 2021

Get this book

Long Bright River

by Liz Moore

Long Bright River by Liz Moore was a 2020 NPR Books We Love Selection. It’s a contemporary novel about the opioid epidemic, it’s a novel about sisters and families, it’s a book about the police and how they fall short of the communities they serve, and it’s a well-plotted crime novel. Its main story revolves around Mickey, a patrol officer raising a young son in a working-class neighborhood in Northeast Philadelphia, and her missing sister, who’s addicted to drugs. Both women are the children of addicts, raised by a strict grandmother.

Despite Long Bright River being selected by NPR and others as one of the best books, I was not sure what to expect. My doubts evaporated on page one. Mickey’s narration, including her description of Kensignton, made this a page-turner.

Mickey and Kacey’s lives became so realistic that I could not put the book down. One night, I stayed up to finish reading for the first time in almost a decade.

As much as it focuses on the opioid epidemic and the shortcomings of policing, its proper focus is on sisters and families. My love of family has become more important to me than ever since the loss of Jan, the love of my life.

Ms. Moore brings it all together in the ending but leaves enough doubt as to the future relationship of the sisters that we can feel the harsh reality of life itself. Long Bright River is the first but not the last book by this author that I will read.

Goodreads has an overview if you need more convincing.

In a Philadelphia neighborhood rocked by the opioid crisis, two once-inseparable sisters find themselves at odds. One, Kacey, lives on the streets in the vise of addiction. The other, Mickey, walks those same blocks on her police beat. They don’t speak anymore, but Mickey never stops worrying about her sibling.

Then Kacey disappears, suddenly, at the same time that a mysterious string of murders begins in Mickey’s district, and Mickey becomes dangerously obsessed with finding the culprit–and her sister–before it’s too late.

Alternating its present-day mystery with the story of the sisters’ childhood and adolescence, Long Bright River is at once heart-pounding and heart-wrenching: a gripping suspense novel that is also a moving story of sisters, addiction, and the formidable ties that persist between place, family, and fate.

I highly recommend this book.

×