The Day Jan and I Married!

Estimated reading time: 15 minutes, 58 seconds

To Love, Honor, and Cherish For All the Days of Our Lives!

The sun was sinking into NJ as I looked west on 86th street and saw Jan for the first time in her wedding dress. After months of roadblocks and uncertainty, we were about to be married by a Rabbi and Fr. John among a handful of family and friends. From the day we met, this was the moment that I wanted more than anything. 

“It is supposed to be bad luck if you see your fiancee in her bridal dress before the wedding,” Jan exclaimed. 

The smile on my face turned slightly downward.

I thought that was for weddings where you would have entered the sanctuary, and that is when I would have seen you the first time,” I responded. 

We both laughed as we realized how different our wedding would be.

I decided to greet her again. Jan, you look so beautiful today! What brought you to 86th Street and Central Park West in such a gorgeous dress?”

“To marry the man I love!”

I hugged and kissed her as we entered the building. 

The elevator was tiny, and only three people could fit in simultaneously

Jan and I entered the elevator with one of her friends

“Penthouse, please,” I requested, even though the elevator was self-operated. 

Jan’s Wedding Dress

As I entered Jan’s apartment, she said firmly, “You cannot open the closet.” My face must have looked puzzled. “My wedding dress is in the closet,” Jan answered my unasked question. I pretended to move toward the closet. Jan responded with a mixed frown and smile on her face. 

We laughed and hugged. 

Jan's Wedding Dress
Jan’s Wedding Dress

Two months earlier, Jan had said, “Saturday, I am going shopping for my wedding dress.”

It was one more reminder that we would be married soon

“I have nothing on my calendar and am happy to join you.

As soon as I spoke, I saw Jan’s smile become a frown.

“I always like to be with you, but shopping for my wedding dress is not an activity we can do together.”

I am sure you will like the dress,” Jan’s voice brought me to reality.

“I like every dress I have ever seen you in, especially when I can help you into and out of the dress.”

On our wedding night, you will have a chance to help me undress.

We embraced and held each other so tightly that I was unsure how we could breathe. 

Deciding Who Can Attend

“We have to make difficult choices on who can attend our wedding,” Jan stated as she looked up from the list we had started to make when we had expected we would have a larger wedding. The Rabbi had said twenty-two was the maximum on his terrace, and the Monastery Restaurant had agreed that that would be enough for us to reserve the space for the reception.

“We have six already, the two of us, Fr. John and Sharon, The Rabbi and his guest.”

“Your parents, grandmother, sister, and her son said they wanted to attend,” Jan said as she started a new list. 

I knew her parents had stated they were not attending, but I asked about her sister. 

“Yes, she and Jerry will attend.”

Thirteen committed, nine open slots,” I announced. 

I added two couples we both knew from Williamsburg and one close friend, allowing her the option to invite four of her friends. 

“It is not what we would have liked for our wedding….”

“Jan, it is what it is, and our wedding day will still be the best day of our lives!”

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29 comments add your comment

  1. What a great story as well as funny…You described the wedding as if it happened yesterday!!

    • Hugo, thank you very much for commenting on The Day Jan and I Married.

      In my mind, the day Jan and I married was, in fact, yesterday. It was an essential public statement to family and friends that the love Jan and I shared was not an infatuation but a long-term commitment. Jan’s love transformed me and made me a better person.

      Like life itself, love can be fragile. When I write about our early days, I must accept that our love and marriage might not have happened.

        My commitment to my imaginary girlfriend kept me from pursuing Jan even though I felt a strong and unique attraction to Jan when I met her at the December 1972 VISTA Training.

        Jan could have decided that her parent’s opposition was enough to convince her not to marry me.

        Jan might have had a boyfriend when I went to her party, and I would have only a casual friend.

      If any of those had occurred, I might have been a lifelong bachelor, or perhaps the imaginary girlfriend would not have left me.

      As I wrote, the highest honor of my life was and always will be being Jan’s husband. Love never dies, and my passion for Jan will never end.

      The amateur writing I do comes from my heart and soul and flows thru my fingers like the tides in the Bay of Fundy.

      Hugo, I would write more often if I had more readers like you.

      I appreciate your friendship and support during the most challenging chapter of my life.

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The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store

Read: November 2023

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The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store

by James McBride

I started reading The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store: A Novel by James McBride today. It’s the seventy-first book I’ve read this year and the two hundredth since January 1, 2019. The novel’s narrative begins in 1972 when workers in Pottstown, Pennsylvania, were digging the foundations for a new development. They were surprised to find a skeleton at the bottom of the well. The identity of the skeleton and how it ended up there were long-held secrets that the residents of Chicken Hill kept.

Jewish immigrants and African Americans lived together in this run-down neighborhood and shared their aspirations and hardships. Moshe and Chona Ludlow resided in Chicken Hill when Moshe integrated his theatre, and Chona ran the Heaven & Earth Grocery Store. When the state officials searched for a deaf boy to institutionalize him, it was Chona and Nate Timblin, the Black janitor at Moshe’s theatre and the unofficial leader of the Black community on Chicken Hill, who collaborated to keep the boy safe.

As the stories of these characters intertwine and develop, it becomes evident how much the individuals living on the outskirts of white, Christian America struggle to survive and what they must do to make it through. As the truth is ultimately disclosed regarding the events that occurred on Chicken Hill, including the involvement of the town’s white establishment, McBride illustrates to us that, even in the darkest of times, love and community – the very essence of heaven and earth – help us endure.

Bringing his masterly storytelling skills and deep faith in humanity to The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store, James McBride has written a novel as compassionate as Deacon King Kong and as inventive as The Good Lord Bird.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Intimacies: A Novel

Read: March 2022

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Intimacies: A Novel

by Katie Kitamura

Intimacies: A Novel by Katie Kitamura is about an interpreter who has come to The Hague to escape New York and work at the International Court. A woman of many languages and identities is finally looking for a place to call home.

Intimacies: A Novel is the second book by Ms. Kitamura that I have read this year. The multiple intimacies of the novel overlap and at times seem confusing, but in the end, it makes sense even if it is unclear how or where she will live the next phase of her life. A Separation is also written hypnotic, making it difficult to stop reading.

I not only highly recommend Intimacies: A Novel but have become a fan of Katie Kitamura and look forward to reading more of her books.

Goodreads summary provides a good overview.

She’s drawn into simmering personal dramas: her lover, Adriaan, is separated from his wife but still entangled in his marriage. Her friend Jana witnesses a seemingly random act of violence, a crime the interpreter becomes increasingly obsessed with as she befriends the victim’s sister. And she’s pulled into explosive political fires: her work interpreting for a former president accused of war crimes becomes precarious as their relationship is unbound by shifting language and meaning.

This woman is the voice in the ear of many, but what command does that give her, and how vulnerable does that leave her? Her coolly impassioned views on power, love, and violence, are tested, both in her personal intimacies and in her role at the Court. She is soon pushed to the precipice, where betrayal and heartbreak threaten to overwhelm her; it is her drive towards truth, and love, that throws into stark relief what she wants from her life.

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Civil War by Other Means: America’s Long and Unfinished Fight for Democracy

Read: November 2022

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Civil War by Other Means

by Jeremi Suri

Civil War by Other Means: America’s Long and Unfinished Fight for Democracy by Jeremi Suri is the perfect book to help us understand our failures at creating a multi-racial democracy in the nineteenth century and how this has weakened and divided our nation. Jeremi Suri chronicles the events after the civil war, from Lincoln’s assassination to Garfield’s, and how they were a continuation of the war by other means.

I purchased a signed copy and watched a video presentation by Dr. Suri due to my membership at One Day University. Civil War by Other Means is a vivid and unsettling portrait of a country striving to rebuild itself but unable to compromise on or adhere to the most basic democratic tenets. 

I highly recommend Civil War by Other Means: America’s Long and Unfinished Fight for Democracy by Jeremi Suri.

In addition, the documentary, on Apple TV+, Lowndes County and the Road to Black Power is a companion piece that illustrates the continued failure to create a multi-racial democracy. Jeremi Suri makes a convincing case that the eternal struggle for democracy continues in our time.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

In 1865, the Confederacy was comprehensively defeated, its economy shattered, its leaders in exile or in jail. Yet in the years that followed, Lincoln’s vision of a genuinely united country never took root. Apart from a few brief months, when the presence of the Union army in the South proved liberating for newly freed Black Americans, the military victory was squandered. Old white supremacist efforts returned, more ferocious than before.

In Civil War by Other Means, Jeremi Suri shows how resistance to a more equal Union began immediately. From the first postwar riots to the return of Confederate exiles, to the impeachment of Andrew Johnson, to the highly contested and consequential election of 1876, Suri explores the conflicts and questions Americans wrestled with as competing visions of democracy, race, and freedom came to a vicious breaking point.

What emerges is a vivid and, at times, unsettling portrait of a country striving to rebuild itself but unable to compromise on or adhere to the most basic democratic tenets. What should have been a moment of national renewal was ultimately wasted, with reverberations still felt today. The recent shocks to American democracy are rooted in this forgotten, urgent history.


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Read: December 2024

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Playground: A Novel

by Richard Powers

I started reading “Playground: A Novel” by Richard Powers today. This remarkable new novel comes from the Pulitzer Prize-winning and New York Times best-selling author of “The Overstory” and “Bewilderment.” Even more astonishing is that this marks my three hundredth book since I embarked on this reading journey on January 1, 2019! I’m also enjoying “Judaism Is About Love,” which means “Playground: A Novel” will be my 98th or 99th book in 2024.

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Working

Read: October 2019

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Working

by Robert A. Caro

Working by Robert A. Caro is a book of evocatively written essays on his life and work. Among the many valuable words of wisdom is his case that one needs to look at every piece of information, not just what we know when we begin. Far too often, people jump to conclusions without having learned all of the facts.

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Read: October 2023

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Bright Young Women: A Novel

by Jessica Knoll

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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