Today I read The Weddings by Alexander Chee. It is the fifth and last book in Inheritance, a collection of five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones. For Jack Cho, a fortysomething gay man, being able to marry someone he loves is so unfamiliar it's terrifying. Then a wedding invitation from a college friend brings about a collision with those fears—and his secret history.
Choosing to Participate Fully in Life!
“Living alone is difficult,” she stated with conviction. “Since my husband died, my life has been empty.”
Not sure how to respond, I said, “I remember what Teddy Roosevelt said on Valentine’s Day 1884 when he lost his wife and mother. ‘The light has gone out of my life.'”
“Yes, that is how I feel.”
But he grieved and then chose to grow…
As I approach two years without Jan, I often consider how I have managed grief.
On my morning walks, I read the following message on the marquee at the First Presbyterian Church in Cranford,
LIFE IS CHANGE. GROWTH IS OPTIONAL. CHOOSE WISELY!
Unlike Roosevelt, I did not have a ranch in the Dakota Territory, so my grieving turned me into a bobblehead tossed, turned, and swallowed by the Rhaway River.
Afraid grief would destroy me, I chose to grow and actively participate in my life.
I celebrated Jan’s life and helped build a memorial garden in Hanson Park.
Each of those baby steps helped me thru the darkest days of my grief.
By accepting that grief has been an outstanding teacher, I have learned to live life fully.
It is also why I focus on mensch-in-training activities.
By living fully, I know I am not only doing what Jan wanted me to do, but if we were to meet now, she would see someone she could love, not someone so drained by a loss that they are an empty shell.
Have I chosen wisely?
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
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