Sharing Jan’s Love

What I am doing is sharing her love. The love they receive increases as they share it with others.

I Have Survived Grief,
and I Am OK!

Upon returning to Forsgate Country Club after a five-year absence, I immediately felt a sense of familiarity. As I entered the venue, I noticed two disoriented women standing in the foyer, trying to find their way to the Housing and Community Development Network of NJ‘s 35th-anniversary event. Despite clear signage and staff assistance, the women needed guidance on where to go. I greeted them and offered to lead them to the event. During my previous visit five years ago, I attended the organization’s 30th-anniversary event at the same venue. However, I felt disoriented and neglected at that time.

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From One Rose to a
Home Full of Flowers

My beloved wife, Jan, was arriving home for the last time on April 10, 2021. I asked her how I could make her last trip home more comfortable, and she replied that she wanted to be surrounded by flowers upon her arrival. However, two days before her release from the hospital, Rabbi Renee, my sons, and Dr. Saksena delivered the heartbreaking news that hospice care was the only option left. Dr. Strair, her other oncologist, had explained that they couldn’t effectively treat Jan’s Lymphoma due to COVID-19, and the Lymphoma prevented them from treating COVID-19. He stated that her Lymphoma was very aggressive, and they had tried three treatments, but the efficacy of each new treatment had declined. Dr. Strair said there was little they could do even without COVID-19.

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The 2017 Solar Eclipse Was a Spiritual and Romantic Day

Experiencing a total solar eclipse is an unforgettable event that can make us feel as if we’re in the presence of a divine power or transport us to a different world. I’ve been fortunate enough to witness this incredible phenomenon twice. The second time was with my family in Molalla, Oregon, on August 21, 2017, and it’s a memory I’ll cherish for the rest of my life.

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Knowing What Needs to be Done and Doing It Are Not the Same

I held the cold cup of milkshake from Cranford Vanilla Bean Creamery, looking over at my wife, Jan, who sat beside me in the hospital room. The milkshake tasted terrific, but Jan had already expressed that she couldn’t drink. Trying to conceal my emotions, I observed her closely, knowing what would happen at 3 pm today. We were sitting in the familiar Overlook Hospital, a place I knew so well that I could navigate without asking for directions. Visitors even came to me for help. It was a reality I never imagined that my beloved wife would fall ill and that we would spend so much time in hospitals. Due to the COVID-19 restrictions, I couldn’t leave the room, so I offered to call the nurses’ station. Waiting was the only option, forcing me to chat with Jan as if everything would be OK. Despite the hard truth I knew, she did not.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

American Bulk

Read: February 2026

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American Bulk: Essays on Excess

by Emily Mester

In a series of deeply personal essays, Emily Mester‘s “American Bulk” examines how the things we buy, eat, accumulate, and discard become integral parts of our lives. We often guiltily watch Amazon boxes pile up on the porch, sift through countless reviews to find the perfect product, and crave the familiar comfort of a chain restaurant. With humor and sharp insight, Mester reflects on the joys and anxieties of Costco trips, how a seasonal job at Ulta Beauty taught her the subtle art of sales, and what it means to feel “mall sad.”

In a nuanced exploration of diet culture and body image, Mester shares her experience at a fat camp during her teenage summer and the unexpected sense of liberation she discovered there. Finally, she travels to Storm Lake, Iowa, to confront her grandmother’s abandoned hoard, unraveling the dysfunction at the heart of her family’s obsession with material possessions. American Bulk introduces readers to an impressive new literary voice from the American heartland, urging us to view consumption not with guilt, but with grace and empathy.


Emily Mester is a writer from the suburban Midwest, where her family shopped at Costco every Sunday. She earned an MFA in nonfiction from the University of Iowa, where she received the Prairie Lights Nonfiction Prize. Currently, she resides in New York.



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Long Island

Read: May 2024

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Long Island – Eilis Lacey Series

by Colm Tóibín

Today, I embarked on a literary journey into the distinct world of Long Island, a novel by the acclaimed author Colm Toibin. This captivating narrative continues the life of Eilis Lacey, a beloved character from Toibin’s celebrated work Brooklyn, but two decades have passed. Eilis, now in her forties, is married to Tony Fiorello, an Italian-American plumber, and they are raising two teenagers.

The novel offers a fresh perspective on Eilis’s life, struggles, and journey of self-discovery. She lives with Tony’s large and loving extended family on a cul-de-sac in Lindenhurst, Long Island, which plays a significant role in the story. Though Eilis feels connected to her Irish roots, she has yet to return to Ireland in many years.

One fateful day, a visitor arrives unannounced at Eilis’s doorstep, bringing with him a life-altering revelation. He reveals that his wife is carrying Tony’s child and plans to leave the baby with Eilis once it’s born. This unexpected twist throws Eilis into a maelstrom of emotions and a labyrinthine decision-making process. As the emotional core of Toibin’s narrative, this journey of self-discovery and emotional upheaval is sure to hold readers spellbound.

Long Island‘ is a poignant exploration of unfulfilled desires and the enigmatic secrets that shape our lives. Eilis’s reticence speaks volumes, and Toibin masterfully gives voice to her concealed yearnings and profound connections. For instance, Eilis often finds herself lost in memories of her life in Ireland, particularly her relationship with her mother. Though unspoken, these recollections lay bare her profound yearning for her homeland and family. This evocative tale of love, longing, and the quest for self-discovery is bound to enthrall readers.

NPR’s Mary Louise Kelly speaks with author Colm Toibin about his new novel Long Island.



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Earth 7

Read: July 2026

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Earth 7: A Novel

by Deb Olin Unferth 

An end-of-the-world love story, Earth 7 is filled with both pathos and humor, exploring what aspects of our planet can still be cherished. Unfortunately, the tale of planet Earth is disheartening; it has been diminished to little more than a lump of burnt coal. However, as Deb Olin Unferth demonstrates in her latest electrifying novel, life and love can endure even in the most unexpected and inhospitable circumstances.

Two women meet on a beach of artificial sand. One was raised in a pod in the ocean, and the other may or may not be a robot. Their love—or any love—seems so unlikely. Earth is severely depopulated. Some people have given up, gone off to Mars. Others pursue eternal life as digital code. And yet others, like Dylan and Melanie, are holdouts—and some of those holdouts are constructing a vast molecular collection in hopes that a future person may be alive to make a new Earth. Foolhardy? Misguided? Quixotic? Probably. But what can a human (or a robot) do?

By the end of Unferth’s wild, poetic, revelatory, and slyly philosophical novel, the reader has traveled to the very edges of the cosmos as a “soul globule” and between grains of sand as a microscopic tardigrade. A slim book tackling big questions (is all matter conscious? will we tech ourselves into salvation, or out of existence?), Earth 7 is a poignant inquiry into death, mourning, and indefatigable life, the most exhilarating work to date by one of our most original and beloved writers.


Deb Olin Unferth is the author of six books, including Barn 8 and Wait Till You See Me Dance. She has received a Guggenheim Fellowship and three Pushcart Prizes and was a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award. Her work has appeared in Granta, Harper’s, McSweeney’s, and The Paris Review.



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Everything's Fine

Read: June 2023

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Everything’s Fine

by Cecilia Rabess

I started reading Everything’s Fine by Cecilia Rabess today, a stunning debut introducing a talented new author. However, I found it easier to decide to read it after reading in the New York Times that some reviewers on Goodreads criticized the book’s premise without reading it. It’s unfair to criticize something after experiencing it first-hand.

On Jess’s first day at Goldman Sachs, she’s disappointed to learn that she’ll be working with Josh, a white conservative she used to argue with in college. Josh enjoys playing devil’s advocate and can be challenging to deal with.

But when Jess realizes she’s the only Black woman on the team and is being overlooked, Josh offers his support in imperfect but meaningful ways. As they develop an unlikely friendship with undeniable chemistry, it eventually becomes an electrifying romance that shocks them both.

Despite their differences, their attraction brings them together, and Jess starts to question whether happiness is more important than being right. However, as the cultural and political landscape shifts in 2016, Jess, who is just discovering herself, must decide what she’s willing to compromise for love and if everything is excellent. This poignant and sharp novel by Cecilia Rabess asks if they will and if they should.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The City We Became

Read: October 2021

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The City We Became: A Novel

by N. K. Jemisin

The City We Became: A Novel by N. K. Jemisin is my first science fiction and urban fantasy novel in quite some time. It is a story of culture, identity, magic, and myths in contemporary New York City. Jan and I had lived in New York City, and the book brought back fond memories.

Every great city has a soul. Some are ancient as myths, and others are as new and destructive as children.

But every City also has a dark side. A roiling, ancient evil stirs beneath the earth, threatening to destroy the City and her five protectors unless they can come together and stop it once and for all.

As Jemisin writes:

A city is never alone, not really — and this city seems less solitary than most. More like a family: many parts, frequently squabbling … but in the end, against enemies, they come together to protect one another. They must, or die.

The challenge is when evil forces threaten the City; the entire community needs to unite, and the City’s avatars for each of the five boroughs.

Initially, this is supposed to be one for each borough and one for the entire City. In the end, one of the avatars for the five boroughs chooses not to unite with the others. Without all six, they stand no chance to defeat the forces of evil.

How do they solve this? By adding the sixth borough – Jersey City.

I recommend this book without reservation.

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Old Babes in the Wood: Stories

Read: March 2023

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Old Babes in the Wood: Stories

by Margaret Atwood

Old Babes in the Wood: Stories by Margaret Atwood is a collection of remarkable tales, which delight, illuminate, and are quietly devastating. I especially found the stories about Nell and Tig compelling and engaging. Widow describes a letter Nell almost wrote to a friend after Tig is gone. Nell sounded like me when she said, “the warping or folding of time. In some parts of this refolded time, Tig still exists, as much as he ever did.”

The letter Nell is writing to a friend she will never be sent because it speaks to the harsh reality that grief imposes upon us.

Margaret Atwood writes as Nell,

Have I gone into the dark tunnel, dressed in mourning black with gloves and a veil, and come out the other end, all cheery and wearing bright colors and loaded for bear?

No. Because it’s not a tunnel. There isn’t any other end. Time has ceased to be linear, with life events and memories in a chronological row, like beads on a string. It’s the strangest feeling, or experience, or rearrangement. I’m not sure I can explain it to you.

As much as it might have appeared that I was in a dark tunnel after Jan died, I was not and am not now. There is indeed no defined end to the grief journey.

We all must learn how to live without our loved ones. The pathway I have chosen may not work for anyone else.

The earlier Nell and Tig stories are memories about their lives, reminding me of how I wrote about how Jan and I met and eventually married.

I have always enjoyed reading Atwood‘s writing, including The Handmaid’s Tale and The Testaments. I highly recommend Old Babes in the Wood: Stories by Margaret Atwood!

Old Babes in the Wood was my twenty-third book of the year and fulfilled my Goodreads 2023 Reading Challenge, but it will not end my reading this year. 

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Margaret Atwood has established herself as one of the world’s most visionary and canonical authors. This collection of fifteen extraordinary stories–some of which have appeared in The New Yorker and The New York Times Magazine–explores the full warp and weft of experience, speaking to our unique times with Atwood’s characteristic insight, wit, and intellect.

The two brave sisters of the title story grapple with loss and memory on a perfect summer evening; “Impatient Griselda” explores alienation and miscommunication with a fresh twist on a folkloric classic; and “My Evil Mother” touches on the unbelievable, examining a mother-daughter relationship in which the mother purports to be a witch. At the heart of the collection are seven extraordinary stories that follow a married couple across the decades, the moments big and small that make up a long life of uncommon love–and what comes after.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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