My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
Today, I started reading Mercury: A Novel about a roofing family. The family's bond of loyalty is tested when they uncover a long-hidden secret at the heart of their blue-collar town. The book is written by Amy Jo Burns, the author of the critically acclaimed novel Shiner, which I read and enjoyed in 2022. I highly recommend it.
Help Me Step Up to Take Cancer Down on April 20!
Last year, I conquered twenty-six stories to fight against cancer, and this year, I am thrilled to participate again in The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society‘s Big Climb on April 20, 2024. This time, I am determined to climb the same 26 stairs to reach the top of One Gateway Center in Newark with more passion and energy to raise greater awareness and funds for blood cancer patients and their families.
I Completed LLS’s Big Climb NJ 2023!
Every ounce of my body and soul wanted Jan to climb with me as a survivor.
Being Earth Day made the climb more critical. If we are going to cure cancer, we need a healthy environment.
I climbed both for Jan to celebrate her seventy-third birthday and to step up to take down cancer by helping to find a cure for blood diseases.
I could not have climbed to the top without Jan's love, support, and encouragement!
In addition, my family and overlapping community networks, faith, neighbors, fellow widows, friends, and more helped me during my grief journey. Without their support, I could not have climbed even one step.
The Jewish New Year of the Trees
Tu Bishvat is a significant occasion in the Jewish faith as it marks the New Year of the Trees. It is a time when we are all reminded of our collective responsibility to serve as stewards of the Earth, irrespective of our religious beliefs. As I took my morning walk in the gray drizzle today, the dramatic impact of climate change was evident all around. There were tell-tale signs of environmental degradation everywhere. It made me ponder the legacy we will leave behind for future generations. Unless we act together now to ensure that everyone has access to clean and healthy communities, the consequences could be grave. We must take urgent steps towards a greener, more sustainable planet, and that starts with each one of us assuming responsibility for our actions and making conscious choices that are in harmony with nature.
In my backyard, Lisa M. Collins, on July 24, 2020, wrote “Sultry Nights and Magnolia Trees: New York City Is Now Subtropical” in The New York Times. Ms. Collins noted, “New York City, after years of being considered a humid continental climate, now sits within the humid subtropical climate zone. The classification requires that summers average above 72 degrees Fahrenheit — which New York’s have had since 1927 — and for winter months to stay above 27 degrees Fahrenheit, on average. Despite the occasional cold snap, the city has met that requirement for five years (as of 2020). And the winters are only getting warmer.
Decades ago, when I first moved to Brooklyn, today would have been colder, and instead of rain, we might have had snow. As my feet slipped on mud, I thought about the urgent need to protect our environment. The future is at stake, and we must act before it’s too late. Today, I took one small but essential step by sending a letter to our elected officials, urging them to support The A. Donald McEachin, Environmental Justice Act, sponsored by Senator Cory Booker and others. Together, we can combat climate change and create a better world for all, where marginalized communities have the legal tools to reduce environmental inequities.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
2023 Was Very Hot – 1.48°C (2.66°F) Warmer!
An analysis by the Copernicus European Centre for Medium-Range Weather Forecasts recently concluded that 2023 recorded the highest global average temperature in the temperature data records from 1850.
Today, I recommended reading "Remarkably Bright Creatures" by Shelby Van Pelt. It's a charming, witty, and compulsively readable exploration of friendship, reckoning, and hope. The novel traces the unlikely connection of a widow with a giant Pacific octopus, making it perfect for fans of "A Man Called Ove." Shelby Van Pelt's debut novel is a gentle reminder that sometimes, looking at the past can help uncover a future that once felt impossible.
Still Marching for Peace, Justice, and Freedom
My wife, Jan, and I stood in the parking lot, shivering in the cold, waiting for the replacement bus to arrive. We had been up since before dawn, eager to participate in the Women’s March in Washington, DC. But our excitement had been dampened when we discovered the bus we were supposed to take had broken down.
As we stood outside in the cold, waiting for the replacement bus, my wife turned to me, her concern etched on her face. “Honey, you don’t have to come with us,” she said. It’s freezing out here, and we don’t even know if the replacement bus will be any better.”
But I wasn’t about to back down. I put my arms around Jan and pulled her close. “We’ve been in this fight together since we met,” I said, my voice firm. And I won’t let you go to DC alone.”
Jan smiled, relieved and grateful that I was still willing to journey with her. Together, we stood there, shivering in the icy wind, but determined to be a part of history and stand up for our beliefs.
Finally, a new bus arrived, and we climbed aboard. Sitting next to my wife, I couldn’t help but think of all the people who had fought before us for the self-evident freedoms we were still battling to achieve today. Would we ever have a day when we no longer had to march?
Jan, sensing my thoughts, took off her pink “Pussy Hat” and set it aside now that the sun was up and the heat was on. I couldn’t even knit a good hat,” she joked, and we laughed. I leaned over and kissed her, grateful for her strength and resilience in adversity.
Upon our return home seven years ago from the Women’s March, I had high hopes for real change. We must continue to march until everyone is entitled to the same inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Even though we may face challenges, I draw inspiration from my wife, who was diagnosed with lymphoma three years and seven months after that warm day in January. Although she can’t physically march with me, I carry her in my heart and will keep marching until we live in a beloved community.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. For gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Peace, Love, and Tranquility for All
Liza Donnelly's simple but elegant Peace Animation that she created for Cartooning for Peace defines the dreams that inspire us to be the best we can be, not only for ourselves but for our friends, neighbors, and loved ones.
However, there are days when the world crumbles before our eyes.
Yet because of our collective astigmatism, our vision is blurred, and we cannot connect, work together and create a world where we can all find peace, love, and happiness.
My astigmatism blinded me when Jan died and kept me from understanding the magnitude of the gift that Jan's love provided me.
With the clarity of reaching the bottom of my life's journey, I can now see more clearly but have the motivation to change.
It is Icy Cold, But the Sunshine Lasts Longer!
The cold weather has penetrated my bones as I walk towards an uncleared part of my daily route. The snow beneath my boots is crystalized and makes a crunching sound as I turn left from North Avenue onto the trail alongside the Rahway River. A year before my marriage, Jan and I had walked in Ft. Greene Park, which felt like a moment reminiscent of the novel Dr. Zhivago. However, as much as I wish this moment was more like the novel, the only sound is the crunching echo of my boots. As I stroll through the icy terrain, I keep my balance and move forward. Some path sections have cleared halfway to North Union, but the shadows make it difficult for me to navigate.
The long winter month of January has plunged me into the depths of seasonal affective disorder (SAD) once again. The pervasive cold lingers despite the sun’s valiant attempts to brighten the day. As I go about my daily routine, I must tread carefully along the icy paths, determined to fulfill my fitness goals by closing the exercise and calorie rings.
As I climb the stairs towards the third floor, I unwrap The New York Times from its blue plastic cover. It’s January 20, 2024, a year from the next presidential inauguration. The uncertain future of who will be sworn in makes me feel anxious. However, a piece of information suddenly pops up in my mind, giving me a glimmer of hope. Today is the day when the sun will set below the horizon at 5 pm in my backyard. It may not instantly become warmer, but it’s a positive sign that encourages me to believe in a future of warmer weather and longer, dancing shadows in the evening.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
"You earned a double ribbon today," my friend Cindy said as she slowed down to walk with her dog Henry next to me.
"Why, two ribbons," I asked as the brutal winds chopped my words into tiny ice pellets.
"One for walking daily and the second for walking in frigid weather."
I nodded and reminded myself I was walking for physical and mental health, not ribbons.
"The lake isn't frozen."
"Climate change," she responded.
ChatGPT Created a Thesaurus of Options
On January 3rd, I wrote an article titled “Why Am I Still Defined as a Widow?“. In the article, I expressed my confusion and frustration over being referred to as a widow despite having moved on from the loss of my spouse. I explained how I have chosen to live life to the fullest with meaning and purpose and have discovered the transformative power of loving and being loved. I also mentioned that I play many roles in life, including that of a father, grandfather, community activist, advocate, and observant Jew. I am a complex and multifaceted individual. Therefore, I requested the reader to consider me as such.
My friend and reader of my blog, Mark Annett, read my blog post. He wrote, “Your quest for a new term for the widow was noble. So, I shared your post with ChatGPT for some help. Here is what it came up with…
[From ChatGPT] Certainly! Here are some alternative words to replace “widow“ that emphasize a positive and forward-moving perspective:
Each of these terms brings a unique perspective that aligns with Richard’s message of strength, resilience, and positive progression in life.”
Consider me a complex and multifaceted individual, and let’s not be defined by our worst days. Instead, let’s focus on the strength and resilience we display in the face of adversity. I am determined to find a new word that better represents my identity as a widow. Until then, let’s embrace our complexity and live with purpose.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match the dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Why Am I Still Defined as a Widow?
I don't understand why I am still referred to as a widow. Despite the loss of my spouse, I have chosen to live life to the fullest with meaning and purpose. I have discovered the transformative power of loving and being loved. I play many roles in life, including that of a father, grandfather, community activist, advocate, and observant Jew. I am a complex and multifaceted individual, and I ask the reader to consider me as such. Let's not be defined by our worst days but rather by the strength and resilience we display in the face of adversity. I am working towards coining a new word to replace 'widow' that better represents my identity. Until then, let's embrace our complexity and live with purpose.
by Amy Jo Burns
Today, I started reading Mercury: A Novel about a roofing family. The family’s bond of loyalty is tested when they uncover a long-hidden secret at the heart of their blue-collar town. The book is written by Amy Jo Burns, the author of the critically acclaimed novel Shiner, which I read and enjoyed in 2022. I highly recommend it.
The story is set in 1990, and it follows the journey of a seventeen-year-old girl named Marley West, who arrives in the river valley town of Mercury, Pennsylvania. She is a loner who is looking for a place to belong. The first thing she sees when she gets to town is three men standing on a rooftop, and they soon become her whole world.
Marley becomes a young wife to one of the Joseph brothers, The One Who Got Away to another, and an adopted mother to all of them. Marley guides these unruly men as their mother fades away and their roofing business crumbles under the weight of their unwieldy father’s inflated ego. Years later, an eerie discovery in the church attic causes old wounds to resurface, and suddenly, the family’s survival hangs in the balance.
With Marley as their guide, the Joseph brothers must decide whether they can save the family they’ve always known or build something more substantial in its place.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
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by Shelby Van Pelt
Today, I recommended reading “Remarkably Bright Creatures” by Shelby Van Pelt. It’s a charming, witty, and compulsively readable exploration of friendship, reckoning, and hope. The novel traces the unlikely connection of a widow with a giant Pacific octopus, making it perfect for fans of “A Man Called Ove.” Shelby Van Pelt’s debut novel is a gentle reminder that sometimes, looking at the past can help uncover a future that once felt impossible.
The story follows Tova Sullivan, who works the night shift at the Sowell Bay Aquarium after her husband dies. Tova has been coping with loss since her eighteen-year-old son, Erik, mysteriously vanished on a boat in Puget Sound over thirty years ago.
While at the aquarium, Tova becomes acquainted with Marcellus, a grumpy giant Pacific octopus who refuses to cooperate with his human captors. However, Marcellus forms a remarkable friendship with Tova and helps her uncover the truth about her son’s disappearance.
As a detective, Marcellus uses his invertebrate body to deduce what happened when Tova’s son disappeared. Together, they embark on a journey to unearth the truth before it’s too late.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Elizabeth Strout
Today, I dived into “Tell Me Everything: A Novel” by Elizabeth Strout, and I’m already captivated. This book made it onto NPR’s best books list for 2024 and caught the eye of Oprah’s Book Club—no small feat! Strout writes with such empathy and emotional depth that it reflects her incredible talent. Lucy beautifully captures this sentiment by stating, “Love comes in many different forms, but it is always love.”
With her profound understanding of the human condition and silences that convey deep emotions, Elizabeth Strout returns to the town of Crosby, Maine, reuniting with her beloved characters—Lucy Barton, Olive Kitteridge, Bob Burgess, and others—as they confront a shocking crime, navigate love while choosing to remain apart, and ponder the question, as Lucy Barton puts it, “What does anyone’s life mean?”
It’s autumn in Maine, and the town lawyer, Bob Burgess, finds himself entangled in a murder investigation, defending a lonely, isolated man accused of killing his mother. He has also developed a deep and abiding friendship with the acclaimed writer Lucy Barton, who lives nearby in a house by the sea with her ex-husband, William.
Lucy and Bob take walks and discuss their lives, fears, regrets, and what could have been. Meanwhile, Lucy is finally introduced to the iconic Olive Kitteridge, who now resides in a retirement community on the outskirts of town. They spend afternoons in Olive’s apartment, sharing stories about people they have known—what Olive calls “unrecorded lives,” which reanimate their experiences and imbue their lives with meaning.
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by Hila Blum
I started reading a novel called “How to Love Your Daughter,” written by Hila Blum and translated by Daniella Zamir today. The book explores a complicated relationship between a mother and her grown daughter. It raises the question of how much harm we can do to our loved ones when love blinds us.
The story takes place thousands of miles away from home, where a woman finds herself peeking through well-lit windows at her two granddaughters. She has never met them before, as they are the daughters of her estranged daughter, whom she hasn’t seen in years.
The book’s central theme revolves around the woman’s attempt to understand how a once-loving relationship between her and her daughter ended up in such a distant and unfathomable state. The story shifts past and present as the woman unravels her memories and long-buried emotions. She tries to make sense of the seemingly insignificant moments of parental care that, combined, may have undermined what she valued most.
The author, Blum, skillfully delves into the complexities of family life, where a parent can easily cross the line between protectiveness and possession without even realizing it. The story leaves us wondering whether it’s possible ever to find our way back from such a point.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Kiley Reid
I recently started reading “Come and Get It” by Kiley Reid, a celebrated New York Times bestselling author known for her book Such a Fun Age. The novel is about a senior resident assistant named Millie Cousins, who, in 2017, attended the University of Arkansas. Millie aspires to graduate, get a job, and buy a house.
She is offered an unusual opportunity by Agatha Paul, a visiting professor and writer, which she accepts. Unfortunately, Strange new friends, dorm pranks, and illicit behavior undermine Millie’s ambition.
Overall, “Come and Get It” is a gripping story about desire, consumption, and recklessness. It explores themes of money, indiscretion, and bad behavior through Millie’s eyes. The novel is highly anticipated, given that Kiley Reid is an acclaimed and award-winning author.
by Christine Nolfi
The Passing Storm by Christine Nolfi is a gripping, openhearted novel about family, reconciliation, and bringing closure to the secrets of the past. From the first chapter, it was a pageturner and a book that engaged me when I needed to focus on life’s challenges. I was looking for something different from my most recent books.
I very much enjoyed this novel. It is focused on losses, including one parent and a daughter. I had not anticipated that but found that Ms. Nolfi handled that in an empathic way that did not trigger my grief but helped me understand my grief. The primary characters Rae, Quinn, Connor, and Griffin are brought to life by the writer. It left me wanting to know what happens to them now that they have survived the early stages of grief.
The Goodreads summary provides a good overview.
Early into the turbulent decade of her thirties, Rae Langdon struggles to work through grief she never anticipated. With her father, Connor, she tends to their Ohio farm, a forty-acre spread that has enjoyed better days. As memories sweep through her, some too precious to bear, Rae gives shelter from a brutal winter to a teenager named Quinn Galecki.
His parents have thrown out Quinn, a couple too troubled to help steer the misunderstood boy through his losses. Now Quinn has found a temporary home with the Langdons—and an unexpected kinship because Rae, Quinn, and Connor share a past and understand one another’s pain. But its depths—and all its revelations and secrets—have yet to come to light. To finally move forward, Rae must confront them and fight for Quinn, whose parents have other plans for their son.
There might be hope for a new season with forgiveness, love, and the spring thaw—a second chance Rae believed in her heart was gone forever.
When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Naima Coster
What’s Mine and Yours by Naima Coster is one of the best books I have read in the last few years. At this moment in my life, family means more than ever. This book explores how families can collapse and find ways to reunite. Although my life circumstances are the polar opposite of the protagonists, the book’s central themes resonated with me.
The focus on integration in this Millenium is a subject that needs to be discussed openly and honestly. The racist response of some of the parents is told in a way that clarifies the pain that that can cause.
Even the parents who favor integration have their flaws, which are passed on to their children.
The children, especially Noelle and Gee, oppose their parent’s actions. The sins of their parents are sowed upon them as well.
I have placed this book on my list of novels for reading later this year or n 2023. Its themes are so strong that a second reading is required to engage with its multiple levels fully.
This is a Goodreads summary.
A community in the Piedmont of North Carolina rises in outrage as a county initiative draws students from the primarily Black east side of town into predominantly white high schools on the west. For two students, Gee and Noelle, the integration sets off a chain of events that will tie their two families together in unexpected ways over the next twenty years.
The debate is Jade, Gee’s steely, ambitious mother, on one side of the integration. In the aftermath of a severe loss, she is determined to give her son the tools he’ll need to survive in America as a sensitive, anxious, young Black man. On the other side is Noelle’s headstrong mother, Lacey May, a white woman who refuses to see her half-Latina daughters as anything but white. She strives to protect them as she couldn’t protect herself from the influence of their charming but unreliable father, Robbie.
When Gee and Noelle join the school play meant to bridge the divide between new and old students, their paths collide, and their two seemingly disconnected families begin to form deeply knotted, messy ties that will shape the trajectory of their adult lives. And their mothers-each determined to see her child inherit a better life-will make choices that will haunt them for decades to come.
As love is built and lost, and the past never too far behind, What’s Mine and Yours is an expansive, vibrant tapestry that moves between the years, from the foothills of North Carolina to Atlanta, Los Angeles, and Paris. It explores every family’s unique organism: what breaks them apart and how they come back together.
When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Leonie Swann
I began reading The Sunset Years of Agnes Sharp by Leonie Swann, translated by Amy Bojang. The book follows a unique group of senior citizens as they try to solve one murder while hiding another, all with the assistance of an innovative tortoise. The mystery is full of twists and turns and is cleverly written by the same author who wrote Three Bags Full, adding a darkly humorous touch to the plot.
It has been an eventful morning for Agnes Sharp and the other inhabitants of Sunset Hall, a house shared by the old and unruly in the sleepy English countryside. Although they have had some issues (misplaced reading glasses, conflicting culinary tastes, decreasing mobility, and gluttonous grandsons), nothing prepares them for an unexpected visit from a police officer with some shocking news. A body has been discovered next door. Everyone puts on a long face for show, but they are secretly relieved the body in question is not the one they’re currently hiding in the shed (sorry, Lillith).
The answer to their little problem with Lillith may have fallen right into their laps. All they have to do is find out who murdered their neighbor so they can pin Lillith’s death on them, thus killing two (old) birds with one stone (cold killer).
Agnes and her group of elderly friends are eager to begin their plan. They believe that creating a mystery will divert suspicion away from themselves. To investigate, they will venture out of their comfort zone and into the less-than-ideal village of Duck End. Along the way, they will encounter suspicious bakers, malfunctioning stairlifts, incompetent criminals, the local authorities, and their hidden secrets.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
