Richard W. shared a stream on July 27, 2022
Empathy for Those Who Are Suffering

Empathy for Those Who Are Suffering

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 52 seconds

Jon, Jan, and MikeEmpathy has always been a word used to describe me since childhood.

Since Jan died, this ability has helped me help others and, by doing so, help myself.

As depressed and anxious as I might be, I have come to realize that being able to understand the suffering of other widows is crucial for the management of my grief.

Could I have been an active member of two Zoom support groups without empathy?

As Audrey Hepburn said,

Nothing is more important than empathy for another human being’s suffering. Nothing. Not a career, not wealth, not intelligence, certainly not status. We have to feel for one another if we’re going to survive with dignity.

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Jan and Rich

Helping Others Helps Me!

No one reads my words, and few, if any, comment on my bookshelf.

But I find myself asked to facilitate more groups and thanked for only doing what any of us would do to help each other manage our grief.

Yet, I hear more people say they listen to my words because I speak with clarity and transparency. Is there any other way that any of us should talk?

Richard W. Brown January 12, 2022

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Richard W. Brown

A short lesson in empathy taken from the film 'Funny Face'

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 52 seconds

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Empathy for Those Who Are Suffering
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A Seperation

Read: January 2022

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A Separation: A Novel

by Katie Kitamura

A Separation by Katie Kitamura is about a young woman who has agreed with her faithless husband: it’s time for them to separate. All I could think about from the opening page until I finished the book was how Jan and I, despite one messy period, never dealt with infidelity or separation. Our love was pure as the driven snow. The subject matter would typically not have interested me enough to read the book. However, it is written in a hypnotic manner that mesmerizes the reader into turning the next page.

I highly recommend this book.

Goodreads provides an overview.

As she begins her new life, she gets word that Christopher has gone missing in a remote region in the rugged south of Greece; she reluctantly agrees to look for him, still keeping their split to herself. As her search comes to a shocking breaking point, she discovers she understands less than she thought she did about her relationship and the man she used to love. In her heart, she’s not even sure if she wants to find him.  For the moment, it’s a private matter, a secret between the two of them.

Adrift in the wild landscape, she traces the disintegration of their relationship and discovers she understands less than she thought about the man she used to love.

A story of intimacy and infidelity, A Separation is about the gulf that divides us from the lives of others and the narratives we create for ourselves. As the narrator reflects upon her love for a man who may never have been what he appeared, Kitamura propels us into the experience of a woman on the brink of catastrophe. A Separation is a riveting stylistic masterpiece of absence and presence that will leave the reader astonished and transfixed.

In closing, I highly recommend this book.

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Self-Portrait with Ghost: Short Stories

Read: December 2022

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Self-Portrait with Ghost: Short Stories

by Meng Jin

Self-Portrait with Ghost: Short Stories by Meng Jin was written during the turbulent years of the Trump administration and the first year of the pandemic, these stories explore intimacy and isolation, coming of age, and coming to terms with the repercussions of past mistakes, fraying relationships, and surprising moments of connection. I highly recommend Self-Portrait with Ghost: Short Stories!

Each story speaks so clearly to the loneliness epidemic that confronts our world. I would read one short story and promise to stop and wait until another day to read the next one. Instead

One phrase that will always remain with me is: “The hallucinatory quality of grief.” As a widow, the phrase struck a chord that will forever resonate in my soul.

This is the seventy-third book I have read this year.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Meng Jin’s critically acclaimed debut novel, Little Gods, was praised as “spectacular and emotionally polyphonic (Omar El-Akkad, BookPage), “powerful” (Washington Post), and “meticulously observed, daringly imagined” (Claire Messud). Jin turns her considerable talents into short fiction in ten thematically linked stories.

Moving between San Francisco and China, and from unsparing realism to genre-bending delight, Self-Portrait with Ghost considers what it means to live in an age of heightened self-consciousness, seemingly unlimited access to knowledge, and little actual power.

Page-turning, thought-provoking, and wholly unique, Self-Portrait with Ghost further establishes Meng Jin as a writer who “reminds us that possible explanations in our universe are as varied as the beings who populate it” (Paris Review).

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Flashlight

Read: August 2025

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Flashlight: A Novel

by Susan Choi

A monumental new novel by National Book Award winner Susan Choi, Flashlight spans decades and continents in a captivating and emotional exploration of family, loss, memory, and the ways we are influenced by what remains hidden. Longlisted for the 2025 Booker Prize, the novel follows the journey of a father’s disappearance over time, across nations, and within the realm of memory. This work comes from the author of Trust Exercise.

On a summer night, Louisa and her father take a walk along the breakwater. Her father is carrying a flashlight, but he cannot swim. Later, Louisa is found on the beach, soaked to the skin and barely alive. Her father is missing. She is only ten years old.

Louisa is the only child of parents who have distanced themselves from their pasts. Her father, Serk, is Korean but was born and raised in Japan. He lost touch with his family after they embraced the promises of postwar Pyongyang and relocated to North Korea. Her American mother, Anne, is estranged from her Midwestern family due to a reckless adventure in her youth. Then there’s Tobias, Anne’s illegitimate son, whose unexpected return will have profound consequences.

For now, it is just Anne and Louisa—Louisa and Anne—adrift and facing the challenges of everyday life in the aftermath of their immense loss. Bound together yet estranged, they struggle to cope with their shared grief and attempt to move forward. However, they cannot escape the haunting memories of that fateful night. What happened to Louisa’s father?

With shifting perspectives across time and character, and repeatedly revisiting that night by the sea, Flashlight explores the shockwaves of one family’s tragedy while also engaging with the invisible currents of history.

Susan Choi is the author of Trust Exercise, which won the National Book Award for fiction. She has also written the novels The Foreign Student, American Woman, A Person of Interest, and My Education.

Choi has received several prestigious awards, including the Asian American Literary Award for fiction, the PEN/W. G. Sebald Award, a Lambda Literary Award, and the Sunday Times Audible Short Story Award. Additionally, she has been awarded fellowships from the National Endowment for the Arts and the Guggenheim Foundation.

Currently, she teaches in the Writing Seminars at Johns Hopkins University and resides in Brooklyn, New York.

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Happiness Falls: A Novel

Read: September 2023

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Happiness Falls: A Novel

by Angie Kim

I highly recommend reading Happiness Falls, a book authored by Angie Kim. The story is about a family’s search for their missing father, which leads them to question their beliefs and relationships. The award-winning author of Miracle Creek writes this thrilling and emotionally profound book.

We didn’t call the police right away.” These are the first words of an extraordinary novel about a biracial Korean-American family in Virginia whose lives are upended when their beloved father and husband go missing.

Mia, the irreverent, hyper-analytical twenty-year-old daughter, has an explanation for everything—which is why she isn’t initially concerned when her father and younger brother Eugene don’t return from a walk in a nearby park. They must have lost their phone and or stopped for an errand somewhere. But by the time Mia’s brother runs through the front door bloody and alone, it becomes clear that the father in this tight-knit family is missing, and the only witness is Eugene, who has the rare genetic condition Angelman syndrome and cannot speak.

Happiness Falls is a gripping investigation that centers around a father’s disappearance and the intricate dynamics of his family. As the clock ticks, the family’s deepest secrets come to light, raising questions about love, communication, and the human experience. This novel is a thrilling blend of mystery, drama, and philosophical exploration, showcasing Angie Kim’s remarkable storytelling skills that garnered her numerous accolades for her debut novel, Miracle Creek. Through the family’s journey, Kim offers a fresh perspective on the missing person story, creating a memorable tale of a family that goes to great lengths to understand each other.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The White Hot

Read: November 2025

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The White Hot: A Novel

by Quiara Alegría Hudes

“The White Hot” by Quiara Alegría Hudes is a letter from a mother to her daughter, reflecting on a moment of abandonment that stretches from ten days to ten years. It offers an explanation rather than an apology. Hudes tells April’s story—spiritual and sensual, fierce and humorous—using delicate lyricism and tough love. Through this narrative, Hudes transforms April’s struggle for self-discovery into an unforgettable short epic.

April is a young mother raising her daughter in a multigenerational home filled with unspoken secrets and loud arguments. Her only refuge is the locked bathroom, where she plugs her ears into an ambient soundscape and repeats a mantra: “dead inside.” This continues until one day, as she feels herself spiraling toward the volcanic rage she calls “the white hot,” an inner voice tells her to simply walk away.

She goes to a bus station and asks for a one-way ticket to the furthest destination. This ticket takes her from her Philadelphia home to the threshold of a wilderness, marking the start of a nameless quest—an accidental journey that awakens her, nearly kills her, and leads her to an impossible choice.

As April discovers the key to freeing herself and her family from a cycle of generational trauma through her painful and absurd journey,

Quiara Alegría Hudes is a Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright known for her plays “Water by the Spoonful” and “In the Heights,” the latter of which won the Tony Award for Best Musical. She also adapted this musical for the screen.

Her memoir, “My Broken Language,” was longlisted for the Andrew Carnegie Medal. Hudes has written essays published in prominent outlets, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Cut, The Nation, and American Theater Magazine. Additionally, she co-founded the prison writing program Emancipated Stories with her cousin Sean.

Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!

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Misinterpretation

Read: August 2025

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Misinterpretation: A Novel

by Ledia Xhoga

Ledia Xhoga‘s debut novel, Misinterpretation, is a reflective and engaging work longlisted for the 2025 Booker Prize. The novel delves into the darker legacies of family and country, exploring the tension between compassion and self-preservation. Additionally, it won the 2024 New York City Book Award for a first book, a prestigious recognition in the literary world. It was a finalist for the 2024 Center for Fiction First Novel Prize.

Set in present-day New York City, the story follows an Albanian interpreter who reluctantly agrees to work with Alfred, a Kosovar torture survivor, during his therapy sessions. Despite her husband’s warnings, she becomes increasingly entangled in her clients’ struggles. Alfred’s nightmares unearth her own buried memories, and an impulsive attempt to help a Kurdish poet leads to a risky encounter and a reckless plan. The emotional journey of the protagonist will surely resonate with you.

As a series of ill-fated decisions jeopardize the narrator’s marriage and mental health, she takes a spontaneous trip to reunite with her mother in Albania. This trip is a fascinating exploration of the contrast between her life in the United States and her roots back home. Upon returning, she must confront the consequences of her actions and question what is real and what is not.

Ledia Xhoga, the author of Misinterpretation, is an Albanian-American fiction writer and playwright. Her personal experiences and cultural background have deeply influenced her writing. Before earning an MFA in fiction from Texas State University, she worked in publishing in New York City. Her writing, which often explores themes of identity and belonging, has been featured in various journals, including Intrepid Times, Hobart, and KGB Magazine. Originally from Tirana, Albania, she now lives with her family in Brooklyn and the Catskills.

When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

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