Jan in Washington January 2017

Together We Are Stronger!

My Interdependent Communities Helped Me Manage My Grief!

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 45 seconds
Jan in Washington January 2017

Jan in Washington January 2017

Belonging to various communities is essential for our overall well-being in countless ways. I am grateful to be part of a faith community, Temple Sha’arey Shalom, that provided immense support during a challenging time. When I lost Jan, my faith was my only solace, and the kindness and support of Rabbi Renee and my fellow congregants made a significant impact.

  • Despite my lack of formal training, I lead two grief support groups. Assisting others has helped me manage my grief and grow through it.
  • I am also proud to volunteer and will soon serve as a board member of Bridges Outreach, an organization dedicated to ending homelessness. The dedication and passion of the staff, board, volunteers, and homeless individuals are truly inspiring.
  • In addition to these endeavors, I helped create a beautiful memorial garden for Jan and have connected neighbors with various resources.
  • Recently, I represented Temple Sha’arey Shalom at the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism’s Day of Action on the climate emergency, advocating for climate action and recognizing that we only have one planet.

Losing Jan, my beloved partner, was a difficult challenge, but I found support in various communities that helped me move forward. This experience taught me the value of connecting with different communities, which has positively impacted my mental and physical health.

I am committed to staying involved in my community network and making positive changes in the world. I know Jan would have wanted me to live this way, and I am determined to honor her memory by embracing her life and carrying her spirit with me.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I Live in Community and Reside in My Home!

As Charlie Padavano says to Sylvie, one of his daughters, in Hello Beautiful, "We're separated from the world by our own edges. We're all interconnected, and when you see that, you see how beautiful life is."

As a widow, it is sometimes difficult for me to appreciate the beauty of life without my beloved partner, Jan. However, I am learning to take things one day at a time and embrace life to the fullest. Although Jan's loss can never be replaced, I feel fortunate to have a supportive network that allows me to keep her spirit alive and share her love with others.

We can face life alone in fear or unite and support one another. For me, living interdependently in multiple communities has helped manage my grief..

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Jan in Washington January 2017
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Kairos

Read: June 2023

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Kairos by Jenny Erpenbeck

by Jenny Erpenbeck

I’ve recently delved into the captivating novel Kairos by Jenny Erpenbeck, which has left a lasting impression on me. The book tells the story of a young woman named Katharina who falls in love with a married writer named Hans, whom she met in East Berlin during the late 1980s. The historical context of Germany’s reunification is already an intriguing topic, but the addition of a love story made this book a must-read.

As their intense and complicated relationship plays out against the backdrop of a declining GDR, the novel offers a unique perspective on the tumultuous period following the country’s dissolution in 1989. Erpenbeck’s writing style is unmistakable, and her sweeping portrayal of the two lovers’ journey is truly remarkable. We witness Katharina’s growth as she tries to reconcile the reality of her lousy romance with the disappearance of an entire world and its ideologies.

The Times Literary Supplement has praised Erpenbeck’s ability to capture the weight of history and the influence of cultural and subjective memory on individual identity. Her work acknowledges the complexity of the human experience and the nuances of historical events.

Jenny Erpenbeck is an epic storyteller and a highly respected voice in contemporary German literature. Her translator, Michael Hofmann, has described Kairos as a great post-Unification novel, and his translation has been praised for being both faithful to the original text and beautifully written. I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking a thought-provoking and engaging read.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The White Hot

Read: November 2025

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The White Hot: A Novel

by Quiara Alegría Hudes

“The White Hot” by Quiara Alegría Hudes is a letter from a mother to her daughter, reflecting on a moment of abandonment that stretches from ten days to ten years. It offers an explanation rather than an apology. Hudes tells April’s story—spiritual and sensual, fierce and humorous—using delicate lyricism and tough love. Through this narrative, Hudes transforms April’s struggle for self-discovery into an unforgettable short epic.

April is a young mother raising her daughter in a multigenerational home filled with unspoken secrets and loud arguments. Her only refuge is the locked bathroom, where she plugs her ears into an ambient soundscape and repeats a mantra: “dead inside.” This continues until one day, as she feels herself spiraling toward the volcanic rage she calls “the white hot,” an inner voice tells her to simply walk away.

She goes to a bus station and asks for a one-way ticket to the furthest destination. This ticket takes her from her Philadelphia home to the threshold of a wilderness, marking the start of a nameless quest—an accidental journey that awakens her, nearly kills her, and leads her to an impossible choice.

As April discovers the key to freeing herself and her family from a cycle of generational trauma through her painful and absurd journey,


Quiara Alegría Hudes is a Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright known for her plays “Water by the Spoonful” and “In the Heights,” the latter of which won the Tony Award for Best Musical. She also adapted this musical for the screen.

Her memoir, “My Broken Language,” was longlisted for the Andrew Carnegie Medal. Hudes has written essays published in prominent outlets, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Cut, The Nation, and American Theater Magazine. Additionally, she co-founded the prison writing program Emancipated Stories with her cousin Sean.



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Station Eleven: A Novel

Read: August 2024

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Station Eleven: A Novel

by Emily St. John Mandel

Station Eleven: A Novel by Emily St. John Mandel, one of The New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the Century, is set in the unsettling days of civilization’s collapse and tells the captivating story of a Hollywood star, his potential savior, and a nomadic group of actors traveling through the scattered outposts of the Great Lakes region. They risk everything for art and humanity, reminding us of the enduring power of culture even in the most dire circumstances.

Kirsten Raymonde will never forget the night Arthur Leander, the famous Hollywood actor, had a heart attack on stage during a production of King Lear. That night, a devastating flu pandemic arrived in the city, and within weeks, civilization as we know it came to an end. Little did she know that this event would set events to shape the world’s future.

Twenty years later, Kirsten, a key figure in the story, traverses the settlements of the altered world with a small troupe of actors and musicians. They are The Traveling Symphony, a group that has made it their mission to keep the remnants of art and humanity alive. Their encounters, particularly in St. Deborah by the Water, with a violent prophet threatening their existence, form a crucial part of the narrative. The story’s unique structure, moving back and forth in time, vividly depicts life before and after the pandemic, and the strange twist of fate that connects them all will keep you on the edge of your seat.

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The Invisible Hour: A Novel

Read: August 2023

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The Invisible Hour: A Novel

by Alice Hoffman

Today I started reading The Invisible Hour by Alice Hoffman. It’s a story about love, heartbreak, self-discovery, and the magic of books. The Invisible Hour is the story of one woman’s dream. For a little while, it came true. Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote: “A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities.

Mia Jacob finds hope in the power of words on a brilliant June day. She reads The Scarlet Letter, a novel written almost two hundred years earlier, which mirrors her life. Mia and her mother, Ivy, live inside an oppressive cult in western Massachusetts called the Community, where contact with the outside world is forbidden, and books are considered evil. Nathaniel Hawthorne’s words perfectly capture the pain and loss that Mia carries inside her.

As Mia journeys through heartbreak and time, she breaks free from the rules of her Community. Along the way, she discovers the power of reading to transport and connect people, the fluidity of time, and the strength of love to overcome any obstacle.

As a young girl, Mia fell in love with a book. Now as a woman, she falls for a writer as she travels back in time. But what if Nathaniel Hawthorne never wrote “The Scarlet Letter”? What if Mia never found the book on the day she planned to end her life?


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Remarkably Bright Creatures

Read: January 2024

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Remarkably Bright Creatures

by Shelby Van Pelt

Today, I recommended reading “Remarkably Bright Creatures” by Shelby Van Pelt. It’s a charming, witty, and compulsively readable exploration of friendship, reckoning, and hope. The novel traces the unlikely connection of a widow with a giant Pacific octopus, making it perfect for fans of “A Man Called Ove.” Shelby Van Pelt’s debut novel is a gentle reminder that sometimes, looking at the past can help uncover a future that once felt impossible.

The story follows Tova Sullivan, who works the night shift at the Sowell Bay Aquarium after her husband dies. Tova has been coping with loss since her eighteen-year-old son, Erik, mysteriously vanished on a boat in Puget Sound over thirty years ago.

While at the aquarium, Tova becomes acquainted with Marcellus, a grumpy giant Pacific octopus who refuses to cooperate with his human captors. However, Marcellus forms a remarkable friendship with Tova and helps her uncover the truth about her son’s disappearance.

As a detective, Marcellus uses his invertebrate body to deduce what happened when Tova’s son disappeared. Together, they embark on a journey to unearth the truth before it’s too late.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Prophet Song: A Novel

Read: January 2024

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Prophet Song: A Novel

by Paul Lynch

In 2024, I started my reading journey with the Booker Prize 2023 winner – Prophet Song, by Paul Lynch. The book presents a chilling and astonishing outlook of a nation sliding into authoritarianism while also painting a profoundly humane portrait of a mother’s struggle to keep her family together. I have not set a goal of the number of books to read in 2024, but this is an excellent first-day pageturner.

It all begins on a dark, rainy evening in Dublin when Eilish Stack, a scientist and mother of four, opens her front door to two officers from Ireland’s newly formed secret police. They are there to interrogate her husband, a trade unionist. Ireland is falling apart as the government is gradually turning towards tyranny. As her world crumbles and the people she loves disappear, Eilish faces the dystopian reality of her country. How far is Eilish willing to go to protect her family? And what, or who, is she ready to leave behind?


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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