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50th Wedding Anniversary

Estimated reading time: 11 minutes, 59 seconds
Jan Lilien and Richard Brown, Wedding Day, August 9, 1975

Jan Lilien and Richard Brown, Wedding Day, August 9, 1975

Love Letter to Jan!

When I was younger, I loved the idea of writing a letter to my future self. Imagine if I had penned one on our wedding day! It would have arrived today, inviting me to pause and celebrate our amazing first fifty years together. Love truly is a beautiful journey, unfolding at its own pace—just like an anniversary that beautifully surprises us when the moment comes. Here’s to all the wonderful memories we’ve created along the way!

If I could write a letter on our fiftieth anniversary, I would like it to reach Jan before she began hospice care. In it, I would express my heartfelt gratitude for her love, which has guided me through both life and grief. Her spirit continues to uplift me, and I want her to know that I’m doing well, carrying her love with me every day.

August 9, 2025

My dearest Jan,

Today would have been our fiftieth wedding anniversary! My heart is overflowing with happiness, and I can’t help but wish you were here to bask in this special occasion. Yet, as we’ve discovered through our journey together, life often takes unexpected turns. Even though you are only with me in spirit, I treasure the countless memories we’ve woven together and the profound love that binds us—true love is indeed everlasting.

Elyssa and Mike's Wedding
Elyssa and Mike’s Wedding

I’m also over the moon to share some remarkable news: both Jon and Mike have found their soulmates and are now married, embarking on their journeys of love! It brings me so much happiness to think about the time you spent with Karen and Elyssa; you would be so proud to see that you’ve become a grandmother to three beautiful grandchildren!

Lilah is flourishing in high school, shining just as you did in your younger days! She’s been eagerly joining me at the Shakespeare Theatre of NJ, where we both revel in the captivating plays and cherish our wonderful moments together.

Wes, our first grandson, arrived just fourteen months after your passing, and Mike and Elyssa chose Jude as his middle name to cherish your memory. Little Jack, our youngest, brings back such fond memories of Mike in his toddler days! I’m dedicated to ensuring they both feel your enduring love and warmth every single day.

I’m thrilled to share that I’ve moved to a cozy little apartment right next door! It’s the right size for me now, even though it’s too small for both of us. Downsizing again has helped me prioritize what matters most. While I miss you, I’m excited for this new chapter in my life.

Contrary to your worries, I’ve found a strong network of relationships that have filled my life with comfort and strength. Some are familiar faces, while others are new friends and neighbors. Their support has made this transition a much brighter experience, and for that, I am incredibly grateful!

Reflecting on our last heartfelt conversation about your concerns about my happiness and companionship. You might find it surprising, but living independently has become an exciting adventure of self-discovery, rather than a feeling of loneliness. For fifty-one months and six days, I have cherished the incredible gift of your love, which inspires me to share joy with everyone I meet. Each new day greets me with enthusiasm, and I find delight in the small things, like saying, “Good morning!” and marveling at how beautiful today is. I still tell everyone that “You are my only friend.”

I can almost hear your laughter as you playfully tease me about my quirky ways! It’s true, my love. By connecting with others and fully embracing life’s moments, I’ve discovered a fantastic way to experience both joy and grief.

Embracing life through walking, reading, volunteering, and worshiping feels like a beautiful tribute to you and the only path to living fully. Walking can often be a solo journey; some refer to me as the infamous walker, but your spirit walks beside me. I want you to know that each book I delve into sparks a desire to share insights with you. We’ve welcomed a new rabbi, Rav Uri, whose message truly resonates with me and has been instrumental in reigniting my faith. It’s such an exciting time of growth and connection for me, a testament to the enduring impact of our love, shared life purpose, and community involvement!

In heartfelt remembrance of you, I worked with family, friends, and neighbors to create a beautiful memory garden. I can envision us walking hand in hand through Hanson Park, and I can almost hear your curious voice asking about this special tribute. This garden truly means the world to me! The wind sculpture represents peace, solitude, and reflection, while the plaques on the two benches ensure that those who visit the garden remember and say your name. This vibrant garden stands as a joyful testament to our love, celebrating all the wonderful moments we’ve shared and filling my heart with hope and positivity as we honor the beautiful legacy we created together.

Love Never Dies

Every year, I make a meaningful journey to the top of the twenty-six-story Gateway Center in Newark to honor your memory. This year’s Big Climb, on April 26, held extra significance as it would have been your seventy-fifth birthday. While I understand I can’t bring you back, I find solace in this endeavor and uniting support for the fight against cancer. This year, I proudly raised nearly $11,000!

Your battle with blood diseases has profoundly inspired me, fueling my commitment to advance the search for cures. I embrace the powerful mantra: CLIMB, CONQUER,CURE CANCER! As long as I am able, I will participate in the Big Climb.

I have continued our work to repair the world! Serving as the board chair for Bridges fills me with purpose and enthusiasm, and I cherish the connections I’ve formed with our temple and community organizations—they feel like family to me. Together, we engage in impactful social initiatives that align with our values. Receiving the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Distinguished Service Award from the Cranford Clergy Council earlier this year was an incredibly touching moment, and it inspires me to continue our meaningful work!

You know, I never chased after wealth, but the love we shared has proven to be the richest treasure of all. Love is timeless and profoundly transformative.

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A Gentleman in Moscow

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A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles is a transporting novel about a man sentenced by the government to spend the rest of his life inside a luxury hotel. In 1922, a Bolshevik tribunal deemed Count Alexander Rostov an unrepentant aristocrat. His house arrest in the Metropol, a grand hotel across the street from the Kremlin. Rostov, an indomitable man of erudition and wit, has never worked a day and must now live in an attic room while some of the most tumultuous decades in Russian history are unfolding outside the hotel’s doors.

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The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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What Kind of Paradise: A Novel

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What Kind of Paradise is a captivating and suspenseful novel by bestselling author Janelle Brown. It follows a young woman on her quest to understand self-identity. The story boldly explores complex themes, including the relationships between parents and children, the balance between nature and technology, the tension between innocence and knowledge, the losses we experience in our past, and our aspirations for the future.

This unforgettable narrative delves into what shapes us as individuals. The first thing you have to understand is that my father was my entire world, says Jane, the narrator.

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Janelle Brown is the New York Times bestselling author of I’ll Be You, Pretty Things, Watch Me Disappear, All We Ever Wanted Was Everything, and This Is Where We Live. An essayist and journalist, she has written for Vogue, The New York Times, Elle, Wired, Self, Los Angeles Times, Salon, and more. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and their two children.

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The God of the Woods: A Novel

Read: July 2024

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The God of the Woods: A Novel

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I started reading “The God of the Woods: A Novel” by Liz Moore today. Several reviews recommended it as a great summer read. The story is set in August 1975, the same month and year my spouse Jan and I married. Liz Moore weaves a multi-threaded story, inviting readers into a rich and gripping dynasty of secrets and second chances.

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Invisible Child: Poverty, Survival & Hope in an American City

by Andrea Elliott

Invisible Child: Poverty, Survival & Hope in an American City by Andrea Elliott was a gift from my son Jon. The New York Times selected “Invisible Child” as one of the best books published this year. It is indeed one of the top books on my all-time list.

GoodReads summary provides a good overview,

The riveting, unforgettable story of a girl whose indomitable spirit is tested by homelessness, poverty, and racism in an unequal America—from Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Andrea Elliott of The New York Times

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Jan and I were involved and knew that child poverty and homelessness needed repair. In addition, Jan lived on Washington Park across from Ft. Greene Park in 1974-75. We knew the neighborhood where much of the book’s story takes place. 

Before meeting Jan in 1973, I was both a community/tenant organizer and a youth worker. In the latter role, I made weekly hostel trips for eight to ten young boys from East Williamsburg during 1973. The trips were the first the boys had ever been outside of their neighborhood.

Many of them had imaginations like Dasani. They also had her instinct to fight. One of my first tasks was to check for any weapons.

Decades later, when I would see any of them, now adults, they would ask when we were going on another trip. I wish I had met Jan when I made those trips. She would have helped me improve them and document the impact. If I could re-write history, I would have her join me as the second adult on the hostel trips.

After that summer, it was clear my primary skills were as a community/tenant organizer. Over the next few years, my work focused on creating affordable and supportive housing.

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The current debate in Washington over the Build Back Better legislation needs to focus not on how much we spend but on its impact on children and families. 

David Brooks, a conservative commentator, has supported these expenditures for what they can do to address this country’s cultural and economic crisis. 

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This is how you fortify a compelling moral identity, which is what all of us need if we’re going to be able to look in the mirror with self-respect. This is the cultural transformation that good policy can sometimes achieve. Statecraft is soulcraft.

If you can only read one book this year, this is the one to read. Child poverty, homelessness, and inequality impact all of us. Ending child poverty and homelessness will make us a healthier and more inclusive nation. It is time for a compelling moral call to action!

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’sJan’s Love blog.

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