Pedicure with Hugo

My Pampered Pinkies

My Feet Float Like Butterflies After My First Pedicure

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 14 seconds

I lifted my right leg and began carefully cutting my toenails. Despite my caution, I ended up with unevenly cut toes, including my pinkies, but at least they were no longer sharp claws. In the early days after my wife passed away, I neglected this task, and my toenails tore a six-inch hole in the bedsheet as if slashed by one of my butcher knives, which left me frustrated and helpless. As soon as I started cutting my other foot, a sudden sharp pain shot through my lower back as I crossed my legs. Despite the discomfort, I managed to finish the task, although my attempt to declaw my foot was ineffective.

Applying the lidocaine patches to my back has been quite a challenge, especially since I live alone. As I carefully maneuvered them into place, the awkwardness of unpeeling and placing them on my back was one of the daily frustrations of my life. After I found the spot where I wanted to put the patch and unrolled it, my hands would become stuck as if it were a sticky bug strip. I would always manage to get the patch into place, but some wrinkles would cause discomfort and be unpleasant.

Although I noticed improvement over the following week, it was a stark reminder of the challenges of living alone. Despite the eventual decrease in pain, it served as a poignant reminder of the hurdles of living independently. As I read in Atul Gawande‘s “Being Mortal,” the inability to perform simple tasks like trimming toenails can indicate struggles with daily activities, particularly for older individuals.

Last Saturday, I had breakfast with my good friends Ana and Hugo. I sought their advice on where to get a pedicure and hoped they could recommend a nail salon. Instead, they suggested that we all go together, which wasn’t surprising given our close friendship. The following day, at 5:30 in the evening, I strolled the short, mostly level distance of 450 feet from my residence to Elegance Nails IV, located in Cleveland Plaza in Cranford. Upon arrival, I first encountered Hugo, then Ana. At that moment, I paused to consider whether I wanted to proceed with our plan.

As I settled into the chair and felt the soothing pressure of the vibrating, rolling backrest, any lingering doubts about my decision dissipated. Without hesitation, I opted for a more luxurious, comprehensive pedicure, reassured by Marta’s exceptional skill and attention to detail. Although it took her a few moments to position my feet correctly, as I had no idea where they should be, her expertise was evident as she carefully washed my feet, exfoliated the calluses, massaged my calves, and expertly trimmed my nails. With each gentle touch, I couldn’t help but let out a few giggles, much to the playful admonishment of Hugo. Despite my efforts to stifle my laughter, Marta’s nurturing, skilled hands created an atmosphere of relaxation and delight, turning a simple nail care session into a truly indulgent, joyful experience. The transformation of my feet, the care and attention I received, and the laughter shared with friends all contributed to a deeply emotional journey I will always cherish.

The Vaster Wilds: A NovelDespite setting my iPhone to Do Not Disturb, a good friend called me, and I informed her I was having my first pedicure. I answered and explained that I was having my first pedicure. She then told me that her Rabbi liked the project we had worked on, but I had to ask her to hold while I chose a color for my toes. Hugo and Ana suggested light blue. When I returned to the call, my friend informed me that her Rabbi had recommended Green to show support for Israel. “Next time,” I said, adding, “No one will see my toes.” The joy I felt from the pedicure wilted slightly; knowing I would return to living alone reminded me of Lauren Groff‘s comment in The Vaster Wilds: A Novel, “To be alone and surviving is not the same as being alive.” But the warmth of my friends’ support wrapped around me, a comforting reminder that I was not truly alone.

Whose feet are mine?

Which Toes Are Mine?

Hugo inquired about the frequency of pedicures as his toes dried under ultraviolet light. The response was “every three weeks.” Knowing that I couldn’t take care of my toenails alone, I accepted that monthly pampering might be essential despite my tight budget. Any doubts that lingered in my mind vanished as my feet floated like butterflies during my morning walk. Despite walking faster and covering more miles, my calorie burn was lower than on previous walks. I blamed Siri for a defective algorithm failing to measure my calorie burn. I almost asked Siri whether I would forever live alone, but I didn’t, because I didn’t want a deflating answer. The pedicure, with its physical and emotional benefits, profoundly impacted my well-being, reminding me of the importance of self-care and the joy I found in a simple yet crucial indulgence.

A Journey Worth Taking

We have been blessed with the incredible gifts of hearing, embracing, and walking into the future. I am dedicated to fearlessly approaching the future with determination, cherishing every moment, and striving to become the best version of myself.

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Do You Remember Being Born?: A Novel

Read: September 2023

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Do You Remember Being Born?

by Sean Michaels

I started reading “Do You Remember Being Born?” by Sean Michaels, a writer who won the Scotiabank Giller Prize. The novel is about an aging poet named Marian Ffarmer, a legend in the world of poetry. However, despite her success, she struggles with financial issues and her son’s inability to buy a house. Marian has sacrificed her personal relationships and happiness to pursue her career but questions whether it is worth it.

One day, she receives an invitation from a Tech Company to travel to California and work with their poetry AI, Charlotte. The company wants her to co-author a poem with their bot in a historic partnership, which clashes with Marian’s beliefs about the individual pursuit of art. However, she decides to take this opportunity, even though it makes her feel like a sell-out and a skeptic. The encounter in California changes her life, work, and understanding of kinship.

The book explores the nature of language, art, labor, capital, family, and community. It’s a response to some of the most disquieting questions of our time. The author, Sean Michaels, is a winner of the Scotiabank Giller Prize, and his book is a love letter to and interrogation of the creative legacy. It’s a joyful recognition that belonging to one’s art must mean belonging to the world to survive meaningfully.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Demon Copperhead: A Novel

Read: December 2022

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Demon Copperhead: A Novel

by Barbara Kingsolver

Demon Copperhead: A Novel by Barbara Kingsolver is a must-read page-turner! Set in the mountains of southern Appalachia, this is the story of a boy born to a teenage single mother in a single-wide trailer, with no assets beyond his dead father’s good looks and copper-colored hair, a caustic wit, and a fierce talent for survival. Demon Copperhead speaks for a new generation of lost boys and all those born into beautiful, cursed places they can’t imagine leaving behind.

With more knowledge about the devastation of an economy that works for a few and the opioid crisis, I felt as if I was reading about people I knew. Although the book focuses on the impact on boys, it also details the devastation that girls experience.

If Jan had read Demon Copperhead, she would have encouraged me to read it. It reminds us of the work we must do to repair the world.

As a widow, it was a reminder of the long road that we must all take even after we have hit bottom.

WNYC’s All of it hosted an interview with Barbara Kingsolver in which she speaks about Demon Copperhead and her writing.

Demon Copperhead is one of the NYTimes’ top five fiction books of 2022. I have read three of them, The Candy House, The Furrows, and Checkout 19.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

In a plot that never pauses for breath, relayed in his unsparing voice, he braves the modern perils of foster care, child labor, derelict schools, athletic success, addiction, disastrous loves, and crushing losses. Through all of it, he reckons with his invisibility in a popular culture where even the superheroes have abandoned rural people in favor of cities.

Many generations ago, Charles Dickens wrote David Copperfield from his experience as a survivor of institutional poverty and its damage to children in his society. Those problems have yet to be solved in ours. Dickens is not a prerequisite for readers of this novel, but he provided its inspiration. In transposing a Victorian epic novel to the contemporary American South, Barbara Kingsolver enlists Dickens’ anger and compassion and, above all, his faith in the transformative powers of a good story. Demon Copperhead speaks for a new generation of lost boys and all those born into beautiful, cursed places they can’t imagine leaving behind.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Vanishing Half

Read: September 2021

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The Vanishing Half

by Brit Bennett

The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett was a true page-turner, and I did not want to stop reading it even when I got to the last page. I am not a fan of sequels, but if I was ever going to change my mind, this is the book I would want to read a sequel.

Ms. Bennett focuses on two twins who run away from home at age 16. They have grown up in Mallard, a fictional town in Louisiana. “In Mallard, nobody married dark,” Bennett writes starkly. Over time, its prejudices deepened as its population became lighter and lighter, “like a cup of coffee steadily diluted with cream.” The twins, with their “creamy skin, hazel eyes, wavy hair,” would have delighted the town’s founder. One of the women chooses to pass as white while the other does not.

The Vignes twin sisters will always be identical. But after growing up together in a small, southern black community and running away at age sixteen, it’s not just the shape of their daily lives that is different as adults, it’s everything: their families, their communities, their racial identities. Many years later, one sister lives with her black daughter in the same southern town she once tried to escape. The other passes for white, and her white husband knows nothing of her past. Still, even separated by so many miles and just as many lies, the fates of the twins remain intertwined. What will happen to the next generation, when their own daughters’ storylines intersect?

Weaving together multiple strands and generations of this family, from the Deep South to California, from the 1950s to the 1990s, Brit Bennett produces a story that is at once a riveting, emotional family story and a brilliant exploration of the American history of passing. Looking well beyond issues of race, The Vanishing Half considers the lasting influence of the past as it shapes a person’s decisions, desires, and expectations, and explores some of the multiple reasons and realms in which people sometimes feel pulled to live as something other than their origins.

The question of why people choose to live differently than their origins is one that I often ponder. Growing up in a small town and living in a metropolis raises questions for me as to what my life is now and what was once.

I strongly recommend this book.

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The Keeper

Read: April 2026

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The Keeper: A Novel

by Tana French

Before I finished the last page of The Keeper by Tana French, I found myself missing Cal, Lena, and Trey, along with the other characters from the Irish village of Ardnakelty. Tana French is a renowned crime writer who has inspired a devoted following among readers and has been described as “incandescent” by Stephen King. She is releasing the third and final book in the million-copy bestselling Cal Hooper trilogy.

On a cold night in the remote Irish village of Ardnakelty, a girl goes missing. Sweet, loving Rachel Holohan was about to be engaged to the son of the local big shot. Instead, she’s dead in the river.

In a close-knit small town, a death like this isn’t simple. It comes wrapped in generations-old grudges and power struggles, splitting the townland in two. Retired Chicago detective Cal Hooper has friends here now, and he owes them loyalty, but his fiancée Lena wants nothing to do with Ardnakelty’s tangles. As the feud becomes more vicious, their settled peace begins to crack. And when they uncover a scheme that casts a new light on Rachel’s death and threatens the whole village, they find themselves in the firing line.

“One of the greatest crime novelists writing today,” according to Vox, crafts a masterwork of atmospheric suspense that brings the story of one of her most beloved characters to a spellbinding conclusion.


Tana French is the New York Times–bestselling author of nine previous books, including In the Woods, The Searcher, and The Hunter. Her novels have sold over eight million copies worldwide and won numerous awards, including the Edgar, Anthony, Macavity, and Barry Awards, the Los Angeles Times Book Prize for Best Mystery/Thriller, and the Irish Book Award for Crime Fiction. She lives in Dublin with her family.



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Kala: A Novel

Read: June 2024

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Kala: A Novel

by Colin Walsh

Today, I started reading “Kala: A Novel” by Colin Walsh, a gripping literary page-turner from a rising Irish talent. Former friends, estranged for twenty years, reckon with the terrifying events of the summer that changed their lives. Three old friends are reunited in the seaside town of Kinlough, on Ireland’s west coast, for the first time in years.

Helen, Joe, and Mush were part of an original group of six inseparable teenagers in the summer of 2003, with motherless, reckless Kala Lanann as their group’s white-hot center. Soon after that summer’s peak, Kala disappeared without a trace.

Now it’s fifteen years later:

  • Helen has reluctantly returned to Ireland for her father’s wedding.
  • Joe is a world-famous musician who is newly back in town.
  • Mush has never left, too scared to venture beyond the counter of his mother’s café.

But human remains are discovered in the woods. Two more girls have gone missing. As past and present begin to collide, the estranged friends are forced to confront their involvement in the events that led to Kala’s disappearance.

Against the backdrop of a town suffocating on its secrets, in a story that builds from a smolder to a stunning climax, Kala brilliantly examines the sometimes brutal costs of belonging and the battle in the human heart between vengeance and forgiveness, despair and redemption.

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All the Sinners Bleed- A Novel

Read: June 2023

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All the Sinners Bleed: A Novel

by S. A. Cosby

Today, I delved into the gripping pages of “All the Sinners Bleed” by S. A. Cosby. This enthralling novel centers around Titus Crown, the first African American sheriff in Charon County, Virginia. Despite the county’s reputation for traditional customs such as moonshine, cornbread, and honeysuckle, Titus, with his FBI expertise, knows that the peace won’t last forever.

On the first anniversary of Titus’s election, a schoolteacher is murdered by an ex-student, and Titus’s deputies take down the perpetrator. As Titus delves deeper into the case, he uncovers a web of horrendous crimes and finds a serial killer lurking in plain sight, haunting Charon’s dirt roads and woodland clearings.

Titus is determined to solve the case, despite its connection to a nearby church, and he harbors a personal secret that haunts him. However, he faces opposition from a far-right group that wants to hold a parade to honor the town’s Confederate past while he tries to solve the issue.

Despite the challenges, Titus remains resolute in his love for Charon and his commitment to finding justice. The collision of religion and hatred cannot deter him from his duty.


S. A. Cosby is a New York Times bestselling writer from southeastern Virginia. He is the author of All the Sinners Bleed, which was on more than forty Best of the Year lists, including Barack Obama’s, as well as Edgar Award finalist Razorblade Tears and Los Angeles Times Book Prize winner Blacktop Wasteland. He has also won the Anthony Award, ITW Thriller Award, Barry Award, Macavity Award, BCALA Award, and Audie Award. He has been longlisted for the ALA Andrew Carnegie Medal for Excellence.



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