My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
Today, I started reading Mercury: A Novel about a roofing family. The family's bond of loyalty is tested when they uncover a long-hidden secret at the heart of their blue-collar town. The book is written by Amy Jo Burns, the author of the critically acclaimed novel Shiner, which I read and enjoyed in 2022. I highly recommend it.
Help Me Step Up to Take Cancer Down on April 20!
Last year, I conquered twenty-six stories to fight against cancer, and this year, I am thrilled to participate again in The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society‘s Big Climb on April 20, 2024. This time, I am determined to climb the same 26 stairs to reach the top of One Gateway Center in Newark with more passion and energy to raise greater awareness and funds for blood cancer patients and their families.
I Completed LLS’s Big Climb NJ 2023!
Every ounce of my body and soul wanted Jan to climb with me as a survivor.
Being Earth Day made the climb more critical. If we are going to cure cancer, we need a healthy environment.
I climbed both for Jan to celebrate her seventy-third birthday and to step up to take down cancer by helping to find a cure for blood diseases.
I could not have climbed to the top without Jan's love, support, and encouragement!
In addition, my family and overlapping community networks, faith, neighbors, fellow widows, friends, and more helped me during my grief journey. Without their support, I could not have climbed even one step.
The Jewish New Year of the Trees
Tu Bishvat is a significant occasion in the Jewish faith as it marks the New Year of the Trees. It is a time when we are all reminded of our collective responsibility to serve as stewards of the Earth, irrespective of our religious beliefs. As I took my morning walk in the gray drizzle today, the dramatic impact of climate change was evident all around. There were tell-tale signs of environmental degradation everywhere. It made me ponder the legacy we will leave behind for future generations. Unless we act together now to ensure that everyone has access to clean and healthy communities, the consequences could be grave. We must take urgent steps towards a greener, more sustainable planet, and that starts with each one of us assuming responsibility for our actions and making conscious choices that are in harmony with nature.
In my backyard, Lisa M. Collins, on July 24, 2020, wrote “Sultry Nights and Magnolia Trees: New York City Is Now Subtropical” in The New York Times. Ms. Collins noted, “New York City, after years of being considered a humid continental climate, now sits within the humid subtropical climate zone. The classification requires that summers average above 72 degrees Fahrenheit — which New York’s have had since 1927 — and for winter months to stay above 27 degrees Fahrenheit, on average. Despite the occasional cold snap, the city has met that requirement for five years (as of 2020). And the winters are only getting warmer.
Decades ago, when I first moved to Brooklyn, today would have been colder, and instead of rain, we might have had snow. As my feet slipped on mud, I thought about the urgent need to protect our environment. The future is at stake, and we must act before it’s too late. Today, I took one small but essential step by sending a letter to our elected officials, urging them to support The A. Donald McEachin, Environmental Justice Act, sponsored by Senator Cory Booker and others. Together, we can combat climate change and create a better world for all, where marginalized communities have the legal tools to reduce environmental inequities.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
2023 Was Very Hot – 1.48°C (2.66°F) Warmer!
An analysis by the Copernicus European Centre for Medium-Range Weather Forecasts recently concluded that 2023 recorded the highest global average temperature in the temperature data records from 1850.
Today, I recommended reading "Remarkably Bright Creatures" by Shelby Van Pelt. It's a charming, witty, and compulsively readable exploration of friendship, reckoning, and hope. The novel traces the unlikely connection of a widow with a giant Pacific octopus, making it perfect for fans of "A Man Called Ove." Shelby Van Pelt's debut novel is a gentle reminder that sometimes, looking at the past can help uncover a future that once felt impossible.
Still Marching for Peace, Justice, and Freedom
My wife, Jan, and I stood in the parking lot, shivering in the cold, waiting for the replacement bus to arrive. We had been up since before dawn, eager to participate in the Women’s March in Washington, DC. But our excitement had been dampened when we discovered the bus we were supposed to take had broken down.
As we stood outside in the cold, waiting for the replacement bus, my wife turned to me, her concern etched on her face. “Honey, you don’t have to come with us,” she said. It’s freezing out here, and we don’t even know if the replacement bus will be any better.”
But I wasn’t about to back down. I put my arms around Jan and pulled her close. “We’ve been in this fight together since we met,” I said, my voice firm. And I won’t let you go to DC alone.”
Jan smiled, relieved and grateful that I was still willing to journey with her. Together, we stood there, shivering in the icy wind, but determined to be a part of history and stand up for our beliefs.
Finally, a new bus arrived, and we climbed aboard. Sitting next to my wife, I couldn’t help but think of all the people who had fought before us for the self-evident freedoms we were still battling to achieve today. Would we ever have a day when we no longer had to march?
Jan, sensing my thoughts, took off her pink “Pussy Hat” and set it aside now that the sun was up and the heat was on. I couldn’t even knit a good hat,” she joked, and we laughed. I leaned over and kissed her, grateful for her strength and resilience in adversity.
Upon our return home seven years ago from the Women’s March, I had high hopes for real change. We must continue to march until everyone is entitled to the same inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Even though we may face challenges, I draw inspiration from my wife, who was diagnosed with lymphoma three years and seven months after that warm day in January. Although she can’t physically march with me, I carry her in my heart and will keep marching until we live in a beloved community.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. For gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Peace, Love, and Tranquility for All
Liza Donnelly's simple but elegant Peace Animation that she created for Cartooning for Peace defines the dreams that inspire us to be the best we can be, not only for ourselves but for our friends, neighbors, and loved ones.
However, there are days when the world crumbles before our eyes.
Yet because of our collective astigmatism, our vision is blurred, and we cannot connect, work together and create a world where we can all find peace, love, and happiness.
My astigmatism blinded me when Jan died and kept me from understanding the magnitude of the gift that Jan's love provided me.
With the clarity of reaching the bottom of my life's journey, I can now see more clearly but have the motivation to change.
It is Icy Cold, But the Sunshine Lasts Longer!
The cold weather has penetrated my bones as I walk towards an uncleared part of my daily route. The snow beneath my boots is crystalized and makes a crunching sound as I turn left from North Avenue onto the trail alongside the Rahway River. A year before my marriage, Jan and I had walked in Ft. Greene Park, which felt like a moment reminiscent of the novel Dr. Zhivago. However, as much as I wish this moment was more like the novel, the only sound is the crunching echo of my boots. As I stroll through the icy terrain, I keep my balance and move forward. Some path sections have cleared halfway to North Union, but the shadows make it difficult for me to navigate.
The long winter month of January has plunged me into the depths of seasonal affective disorder (SAD) once again. The pervasive cold lingers despite the sun’s valiant attempts to brighten the day. As I go about my daily routine, I must tread carefully along the icy paths, determined to fulfill my fitness goals by closing the exercise and calorie rings.
As I climb the stairs towards the third floor, I unwrap The New York Times from its blue plastic cover. It’s January 20, 2024, a year from the next presidential inauguration. The uncertain future of who will be sworn in makes me feel anxious. However, a piece of information suddenly pops up in my mind, giving me a glimmer of hope. Today is the day when the sun will set below the horizon at 5 pm in my backyard. It may not instantly become warmer, but it’s a positive sign that encourages me to believe in a future of warmer weather and longer, dancing shadows in the evening.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
"You earned a double ribbon today," my friend Cindy said as she slowed down to walk with her dog Henry next to me.
"Why, two ribbons," I asked as the brutal winds chopped my words into tiny ice pellets.
"One for walking daily and the second for walking in frigid weather."
I nodded and reminded myself I was walking for physical and mental health, not ribbons.
"The lake isn't frozen."
"Climate change," she responded.
ChatGPT Created a Thesaurus of Options
On January 3rd, I wrote an article titled “Why Am I Still Defined as a Widow?“. In the article, I expressed my confusion and frustration over being referred to as a widow despite having moved on from the loss of my spouse. I explained how I have chosen to live life to the fullest with meaning and purpose and have discovered the transformative power of loving and being loved. I also mentioned that I play many roles in life, including that of a father, grandfather, community activist, advocate, and observant Jew. I am a complex and multifaceted individual. Therefore, I requested the reader to consider me as such.
My friend and reader of my blog, Mark Annett, read my blog post. He wrote, “Your quest for a new term for the widow was noble. So, I shared your post with ChatGPT for some help. Here is what it came up with…
[From ChatGPT] Certainly! Here are some alternative words to replace “widow“ that emphasize a positive and forward-moving perspective:
Each of these terms brings a unique perspective that aligns with Richard’s message of strength, resilience, and positive progression in life.”
Consider me a complex and multifaceted individual, and let’s not be defined by our worst days. Instead, let’s focus on the strength and resilience we display in the face of adversity. I am determined to find a new word that better represents my identity as a widow. Until then, let’s embrace our complexity and live with purpose.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match the dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Why Am I Still Defined as a Widow?
I don't understand why I am still referred to as a widow. Despite the loss of my spouse, I have chosen to live life to the fullest with meaning and purpose. I have discovered the transformative power of loving and being loved. I play many roles in life, including that of a father, grandfather, community activist, advocate, and observant Jew. I am a complex and multifaceted individual, and I ask the reader to consider me as such. Let's not be defined by our worst days but rather by the strength and resilience we display in the face of adversity. I am working towards coining a new word to replace 'widow' that better represents my identity. Until then, let's embrace our complexity and live with purpose.
by Amy Jo Burns
Today, I started reading Mercury: A Novel about a roofing family. The family’s bond of loyalty is tested when they uncover a long-hidden secret at the heart of their blue-collar town. The book is written by Amy Jo Burns, the author of the critically acclaimed novel Shiner, which I read and enjoyed in 2022. I highly recommend it.
The story is set in 1990, and it follows the journey of a seventeen-year-old girl named Marley West, who arrives in the river valley town of Mercury, Pennsylvania. She is a loner who is looking for a place to belong. The first thing she sees when she gets to town is three men standing on a rooftop, and they soon become her whole world.
Marley becomes a young wife to one of the Joseph brothers, The One Who Got Away to another, and an adopted mother to all of them. Marley guides these unruly men as their mother fades away and their roofing business crumbles under the weight of their unwieldy father’s inflated ego. Years later, an eerie discovery in the church attic causes old wounds to resurface, and suddenly, the family’s survival hangs in the balance.
With Marley as their guide, the Joseph brothers must decide whether they can save the family they’ve always known or build something more substantial in its place.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
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by Shelby Van Pelt
Today, I recommended reading “Remarkably Bright Creatures” by Shelby Van Pelt. It’s a charming, witty, and compulsively readable exploration of friendship, reckoning, and hope. The novel traces the unlikely connection of a widow with a giant Pacific octopus, making it perfect for fans of “A Man Called Ove.” Shelby Van Pelt’s debut novel is a gentle reminder that sometimes, looking at the past can help uncover a future that once felt impossible.
The story follows Tova Sullivan, who works the night shift at the Sowell Bay Aquarium after her husband dies. Tova has been coping with loss since her eighteen-year-old son, Erik, mysteriously vanished on a boat in Puget Sound over thirty years ago.
While at the aquarium, Tova becomes acquainted with Marcellus, a grumpy giant Pacific octopus who refuses to cooperate with his human captors. However, Marcellus forms a remarkable friendship with Tova and helps her uncover the truth about her son’s disappearance.
As a detective, Marcellus uses his invertebrate body to deduce what happened when Tova’s son disappeared. Together, they embark on a journey to unearth the truth before it’s too late.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Lindsay Jayne Ashford
A Feather on the Water by Lindsay Jayne Ashford is an excellent historical fiction of the post-was era for displaced people. I highly recommend it. The tagline reads, “for three women in postwar Germany, 1945 is a time of hope—lost and found.” I have always enjoyed historical fiction, and A Feather on the Water seemed like a perfect choice.
The opening paragraphs confirmed my decision, as Martha, one of the three women, escapes from her abusive husband in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Martha and the two other characters, Delphine and Kitty, come to life with Ms. Ashford’s gifted pen.
Like a feather in the water, our lives continue despite the trials and tribulations we must confront.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview.
Just weeks after World War II ends, three women from different corners of the world arrive in Germany to run a displaced-persons camp. They long to help rebuild shattered lives—including their own.
For Martha, going to Germany provides an opportunity to escape Brooklyn and a violent marriage. Arriving from England is orphaned Kitty. She hopes working at the camp will bring her closer to her parents, last seen before the war began. For Delphine, Paris has been a city of ghosts after her husband and son died in Dachau. Working at the camp is her chance to find meaning again by helping other victims of Hitler’s regime.
Charged with the care of more than two thousand camp residents, Martha, Delphine, and Kitty draw on each other’s strength to endure and to give hope when all seems lost. Among these strangers and survivors, they might find the love and closure they need to heal their hearts and leave their troubled pasts behind.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Ben Markovits
The Rest of Our Lives by Ben Markovits is a beautifully crafted, tender, and insightful story that depicts the journey of starting anew. Tom Layward, the protagonist, chooses not to return home after dropping his daughter off at college. This life-affirming road trip novel explores themes of marriage, middle age, and a man confronting a pivotal moment. It was a finalist for the 2025 Booker Prize.
When Tom Layward’s wife had an affair twelve years ago, he resolved to leave her as soon as his youngest child left the nest. Now, while driving his college-bound daughter to Pittsburgh, he remembers his promise to himself. He is also on the run from his own health issues and a forced leave from work.
So, rather than returning to his wife in Westchester, Tom keeps driving west, with the vague plan of visiting people from his past—an old college friend, his ex-girlfriend, his brother, his son—en route, maybe, to California. He’s moving towards a future he hasn’t even envisioned, while he considers his past and the choices he’s made that have brought him to this moment.
Ben Markovits was born and raised in Texas, and later lived in London and Berlin. He studied at Yale University and the University of Oxford. After graduating, he became a professional basketball player in Landshut, Germany, where he played against a young Dirk Nowitzki.
Markovits has authored eleven novels, including Fathers and Daughters, You Don’t Have to Live Like This, and The Sidekick. In addition to his books, he has published essays, stories, poetry, and reviews in notable publications such as The Guardian, Granta, The Paris Review, and The New York Times.
In 2013, Granta recognized him as one of their Best of Young British Novelists. He received the Eccles British Library Writer in Residence Award and the James Tait Black Memorial Prize in 2015. Currently, he lives in London and teaches creative writing at Royal Holloway, University of London.
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by Anne Tyler
Celestial Navigation by Anne Tyler is a book I found on our bookshelf about a month after my wife passed away. The title and a mental note that my wife had recommended it made it an easy choice.
One of the main characters, thirty-eight-year-old Jeremy Pauling, had never left home. In the early stages of grief, I was nowhere near making a similar choice and remaining housebound. However, if I had been, this book would have caused me to reject that idea immediately.
After the death of his mother, he takes in Mary Tell and her daughter as boarders. The other boarders quickly realize that Jeremy is falling in love with Mary despite his fragility and inexperience with women.
To share more about the book would reveal details that might be spoilers.
For me, the book was a good read and one that reminded me that love is both beautiful and complicated. Although Jan and I shared passion was nothing like theirs, it was helpful to compare their love and ours when my loss seemed impossible.
by Yiyun Li
The Book of Goose: A Novel by Yiyun Li; is a gripping, heartbreaking new novel about female friendship, art, and memory by the award-winning author of Where Reasons End. The Book of Goose: A Novel is a story of disturbing intimacy, obsession, exploitation, and strength of will. I highly recommend this book as it was not only a page-turner but a novel that helped me on my grief journey.
The novel focuses on many issues that interest me and intrigue me during my grief journey. Jan was anxious that she was not as successful in her work or personal life. I always reassured her not to be concerned.
After Jan died, I had similar feelings. Over time, I have heard words of wisdom and regained my self-confidence.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
Fabienne is dead. Her childhood best friend, Agnès, receives the news in America, far from the French countryside where the two girls were raised–the place that Fabienne helped Agnès escape ten years ago. Now, Agnès is free to tell her story.
As children in a war-ravaged, backwater town, they’d built a private world, invisible to everyone but themselves–until Fabienne hatched the plan that would change everything, launching Agnès on an epic trajectory through fame, fortune, and terrible loss.
A magnificent, beguiling tale winding from the postwar rural provinces to Paris, from an English boarding school to the quiet Pennsylvania home where Agnès can live without her past, The Book of Goose is a haunting story of friendship, art, exploitation, and memory by the celebrated author Yiyun Li.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Janelle Brown
What Kind of Paradise is a captivating and suspenseful novel by bestselling author Janelle Brown. It follows a young woman on her quest to understand self-identity. The story boldly explores complex themes, including the relationships between parents and children, the balance between nature and technology, the tension between innocence and knowledge, the losses we experience in our past, and our aspirations for the future.
This unforgettable narrative delves into what shapes us as individuals. The first thing you have to understand is that my father was my entire world, says Jane, the narrator.
Growing up in an isolated cabin in Montana in the mid-1990s, Jane knows only the world that she and her father live in: the woodstove that heats their home, the vegetable garden where they try to eke out a subsistence, the books of nineteenth-century philosophy that her father gives her to read instead of going to school. Her father is elusive about their pasts, giving Jane little beyond the fact that they once lived in the Bay Area and that her mother died in a car accident, the crash propelling him to move Jane off the grid to raise her in a Walden-esque utopia.
As Jane becomes a teenager, she begins to push against the boundaries of her restricted world. She begs to accompany her father on his occasional trips away from the cabin. But when Jane realizes that her devotion to her father has made her an accomplice to a horrific crime, she flees Montana to the only place she knows to look for answers about her mysterious past and her mother’s death: San Francisco. It is a city amid a seismic change, where her quest to understand herself will force her to reckon with both the possibilities and the perils of the fledgling internet, and where she will come to question everything she values.
Janelle Brown is the New York Times bestselling author of I’ll Be You, Pretty Things, Watch Me Disappear, All We Ever Wanted Was Everything, and This Is Where We Live. An essayist and journalist, she has written for Vogue, The New York Times, Elle, Wired, Self, Los Angeles Times, Salon, and more. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and their two children.
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by Emma Cline
The Guest by Emma Cline is a highly recommended book, recognized as one of the top releases for May by The New York Times. At first, I assumed it was just another typical summer romance novel I usually don’t enjoy. However, I was surprised that it was unlike any other beach read I had encountered.
The protagonist, Alex, finds herself in a difficult situation after making a mistake at a dinner party in the East End of Long Island towards the end of summer. The man she’s been staying with dismisses her and sends her back to the city. With limited resources and a waterlogged phone, Alex decides to stay on Long Island and explore her surroundings. She wanders through exclusive neighborhoods and beaches, leaving a trail of destruction behind her.
According to The New York Times, Alex’s days and nights waiting for Labor Day might be “an entertaining series of misguided shenanigans interrupting the upper class’s summer vacation. However, under Cline’s command, every sentence is as sharp as a scalpel, portraying a woman who toes the line between welcome and unwelcome guest and becomes a fully destabilizing force for her hosts and the novel itself.
Although the book has no experience with themes, such as using sex to secure what she desires, as soon as I started reading it, I could not stop. Regardless of my unfamiliarity with the topics, I highly recommend The Guest.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
