Grief Journey

Richard’s Grief Journey from the Island of Grief back to the land of love.

Love Never Dies; It Lasts Forever

“I don’t want to die,” Jan said as tears flowed down her face. I reached out to hug her and kiss her. I struggled to find words that would reassure her and calm her nerves. Speech evaded me, so I hugged her more firmly and whispered, “I love you, Jan!” These were the only words I knew that might soothe her anxiety. 

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Who Proposed to Whom?

“Hello, my love! I just spoke with my Cousin Charlotte, and she will be in NY on July 17th,” I almost shouted into the phone. The phone rang six times before Jan answered. I was almost afraid she was not home. Finally, she picked up the receiver, and I could feel her smile radiate thru the phone line. “Charlotte wants to meet for dinner. I told her I would only go if you could come with me!”

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Jan Makes First Commitment
Despite Her Friends’ Concerns

“Yes, I knew Richard was the one the moment we met,” Jan said in response to a question from our dinner guests about how we fell in love. We had explained the basic details of how we met at a party at her apartment in Inwood. “When I got home on Monday, the first thing I did was make two phone calls. I had been dating two guys, and I did not see any reason to continue to see them after I met Richard.” 

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Jan and I Still Wear Our Wedding Rings Because Love Never Dies

“I want my wedding ring,” Jan said as tears poured down her face. Less than an hour before her heartfelt request, the doctors had told her that there was nothing left that they could do for her, and she would be coming home for hospice care. According to the medical team, she only had a few weeks to live. 

I took a deep breath and said, “I will make sure you have the ring before coming home.”

At that moment, I had no idea if that was possible, but I knew we only had three days to complete it.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

How to Commit a Postcolonial Murder

Read: January 2026

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How to Commit a Postcolonial Murder

by Nina McConigley

How to Commit a Postcolonial Murder” by Nina McConigley is a bold, inventive, and fiercely original debut novel. The story begins with the death of an uncle and features his tween niece’s private confession to the reader—she and her sister are responsible for his death, and they blame the British. The New York Times has listed it as one of “The Novels Everyone Will Be Talking About in 2026.”

Summer, 1986. The Creel sisters, Georgie Ayyar, and Agatha Krishna, welcome their aunt, uncle, and young cousin—newly arrived from India—into their house in rural Wyoming, where they’ll all live together. Because this is what families do, that is, until the sisters decide that it’s time for their uncle to die.

According to Georgie, the British are to blame. And to understand why, you need to hear her story. She details the violence hiding in their house and history, her once-unshakeable bond with Agatha Krishna, and her understanding of herself as an Indian-American in the heart of the West. Her account is, at every turn, cheeky, unflinching, and infectiously inflected with the trappings of teendom, including the magazine quizzes that help her make sense of her life. At its heart, the tale she weaves is:

a)    a vivid portrait of an extended family
b)    a moving story of sisterhood
c)    a playful ode to the 80s
d)    a murder mystery (of sorts)
e)    an unexpected and unwaveringly powerful meditation on history and language, trauma and healing, and the meaning of independence

Or maybe it’s really:

f)      all of the above.


Nina McConigley is the author of the story collection Cowboys and East Indians, which won the PEN Open Book Award and the High Plains Book Award. She has received grants and fellowships from the National Endowment for the Arts (NEA), the Radcliffe Institute, the Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference, the Vermont Studio Center, and the Sewanee Writers’ Conference.

McConigley was awarded the Wyoming Arts Council’s Frank Nelson Doubleday Memorial Writing Award and was a finalist for a National Magazine Award for her columns in High Country News. Her work has appeared in several prominent publications, including The New York Times, Orion, O: The Oprah Magazine, and The Virginia Quarterly Review.

Born in Singapore and raised in Wyoming, she currently resides in Colorado.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books I’ve personally vetted for quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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Prophet Song: A Novel

Read: January 2024

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Prophet Song: A Novel

by Paul Lynch

In 2024, I started my reading journey with the Booker Prize 2023 winner – Prophet Song, by Paul Lynch. The book presents a chilling and astonishing outlook of a nation sliding into authoritarianism while also painting a profoundly humane portrait of a mother’s struggle to keep her family together. I have not set a goal of the number of books to read in 2024, but this is an excellent first-day pageturner.

It all begins on a dark, rainy evening in Dublin when Eilish Stack, a scientist and mother of four, opens her front door to two officers from Ireland’s newly formed secret police. They are there to interrogate her husband, a trade unionist. Ireland is falling apart as the government is gradually turning towards tyranny. As her world crumbles and the people she loves disappear, Eilish faces the dystopian reality of her country. How far is Eilish willing to go to protect her family? And what, or who, is she ready to leave behind?


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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My Friend, I Care

Read: August 2021

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My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience

by Barbara Karnes RN

My journey from the Island of Grief back to the Land of Love is long and arduous. Friends, especially those who have also lost a loved one, are the guideposts on this journey. One of these friends, Sue Gramacy, sent this book to me during the early phases of my grief journey.

My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience may be one of the shortest books I have ever read, but it is also one that has been most helpful. Barbara Karnes, RN, provides a concise understanding of grief, and she includes a list of dos and don’ts that are very helpful to someone who has recently lost the love of their life.

She provides a compelling explanation of the new life that we all must strive to achieve.

Our inability to further enjoy life does not measure our loss. The quality of our relationship with the person who has died is found in our strength, our resilience and our ability to create a new and meaningful life.

The endpoint of my journey is a new and meaningful life. This book has helped remind me that it is an achievable goal.

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The Searcher: A Novel

Read: March 2024

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The Searcher: A Novel

by Tana French

Today, I started reading Tana French‘s The Searcher: A Novel. Last week, I read The Hunter by the same author. I should have read The Searcher first, as it is the prequel to The Hunter, but reading in reverse order helped my enjoyment. Despite knowing some of the suspenseful twists and turns the story would take, I found it a page-turner.

The story follows Cal Hooper, a retired Chicago police officer who seeks a fresh start in a tranquil Irish village. However, when a local boy approaches him to investigate his missing brother, Cal discovers that the town has its share of dark secrets. The book raises thought-provoking questions about distinguishing right from wrong in a complicated world and what we risk when making that decision.

Tana French is a highly acclaimed crime novelist who skillfully creates a captivating and suspenseful atmosphere throughout the book.

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American Bulk

Read: February 2026

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American Bulk: Essays on Excess

by Emily Mester

In a series of deeply personal essays, Emily Mester‘s “American Bulk” examines how the things we buy, eat, accumulate, and discard become integral parts of our lives. We often guiltily watch Amazon boxes pile up on the porch, sift through countless reviews to find the perfect product, and crave the familiar comfort of a chain restaurant. With humor and sharp insight, Mester reflects on the joys and anxieties of Costco trips, how a seasonal job at Ulta Beauty taught her the subtle art of sales, and what it means to feel “mall sad.”

In a nuanced exploration of diet culture and body image, Mester shares her experience at a fat camp during her teenage summer and the unexpected sense of liberation she discovered there. Finally, she travels to Storm Lake, Iowa, to confront her grandmother’s abandoned hoard, unraveling the dysfunction at the heart of her family’s obsession with material possessions. American Bulk introduces readers to an impressive new literary voice from the American heartland, urging us to view consumption not with guilt, but with grace and empathy.


Emily Mester is a writer from the suburban Midwest, where her family shopped at Costco every Sunday. She earned an MFA in nonfiction from the University of Iowa, where she received the Prairie Lights Nonfiction Prize. Currently, she resides in New York.



Discover your next favorite book and dive into a world of curated, exciting reads by purchasing through my links. You’ll have access to a diverse selection of books that I’ve personally vetted to ensure quality and enjoyment. Additionally, by supporting these selections, you’ll help me continue to provide you with more personalized recommendations. I earn a small commission from your purchase, which allows me to buy and share even more books with you. Your support truly makes a difference!


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Dragony Rising: A Frank Nagler Novel

Read: September 2022

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Dragony Rising: A Frank Nagler Novel

Dragony Rising: A Frank Nagler Novel by Michael Stephen Daigle is the fifth and best Frank Nagler Novel.

Like many of us living in the Garden State, Detective Frank Nagler has seen his hometown of Ironton, NJ, undergo many changes over the past several years. Although I want to believe the level of scandal in Ironton is more fictional than typical. The author describes the scandals within the city’s government, the stench of its corruption embedded deep, rivaling the dank stagnant stench emanating from the old bog just outside town.

From the opening sentence, Dragony Rising was a page-turner. Every time I thought I could put the book down, it beckoned me to keep reading.

I highly recommend this book, especially if you like mysteries with a unique New Jersey focus. My only recommendation would be for the series to be named the Lauren Fox/Frank Nagler novels. Lauren is as much the brains of the operation as Frank.

I have read several Frank Nagler novels-A Game Called Dead, The Swamps of Jersey-and have been waiting for this one to be published.

The author’s summary provides a good overview.

Detective Frank Nagler is recalled from medical leave to lead an investigation into the bombing.

He finds a shadowy organization called The Dragony, whose roots go back to the early days of Ironton’s manufacturing and mining history, a history involving Nagler’s family in strange ways.

He also finds a decades-old conspiracy designed not just to enrich the Dragony leaders but to threaten the existence of Ironton itself.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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